When I walked inside the bedroom, I found Livie lying on her side, fast asleep.

I walked closer towards her.

Her hand was tucked under her cheek.

I was struck by how beautiful, young, and innocent she looked. I realized that she never did look like the kind who would anyone in anyways. I guess that's why her betrayal came as a shocking and unexpected surprise.

I shook my thoughts out of my head. We both promised to work hard at getting beyond the past. It's just difficult sometimes. The dark thoughts always crept in.

I just really don't understand. What did I do that caused Livie to turn to my best friend?

Nick was not just my best friend, he was like a brother to me. Not just to me but to my brothers as well. We've known each other since we were kids. I never thought that anything could come between us. Especially not a woman. But one had... Livie.

It destroyed my relationship with Nick and Livie. And now here I am, trying to rebuild my relationship with Livie, but how can I, when I keep wondering about why she did it?

Maybe Livie was right, there's too much history between us, and to be able to move forward, we need to address the past. Even though we promised we'd forget about it and never speak of it again. We can't just keep on pretending it never happened.

But I also need to show and reassure Livie that the past won't get between us again. That I won't change my mind about us. That I still want to marry her.

A plan formed in my head.

I pulled out my phone and made some calls.

***

"Are the twins down for their nap?" I asked when Livie sat down beside him in the garden.

"Yeah. They were asleep the minute I put them down."

I smiled. "Listen, I wanted to tell you that I organized a get together with family and friends."

She frowned. "Who?"

"Me, you, Ethan, Jason and Zarah, Mass and Ara, Marco and Ellie, and Anthony and Elize."

"When?"

"This Saturday," I said.

It sounded like a torturous evening for me.

Mass and Marco may have kept quiet about what really went on between Lucas and I to their wives, but they know. I bet they all hate me. I won't even get started on Anthony. He's always been aloof around me. I guess this Elize girl and him are together.

I clenched my teeth so hard, trying to stop myself from saying no. I can't imagine anything worse than being around all of Lucas' friends, who all believed I cheated on Lucas with Nick. Thankfully Zarah, Ellie, and Ara will be there. They know the truth. I can just focus on them.

"I hope that's okay, Livie," he said when I didn't say anything.

"Of course. It would be nice to see your friends again," I lied. They're important to Lucas and Lucas is important to me. Besides we're together now and sooner or later I'm going to have to face them.

He smiled. "I won't let anyone disrespect you in anyway, Livie. We'll get through this together."

"I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared, because I am. I'm a different person now, Lucas. I'm not the same girl you met a couple years ago. The one who always had an easy a smile on her face. That's not me anymore," I pointed out. "Aside from the twins, nothing matters to me anymore."

"We both changed. We're both different people now," he said and took my hands in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Marry me."

"What?" I gasped in shock.

"Marry me," he said again.

"You said we'll wait a month before ..."

"Does it really matter that we wait a month Livie? I know for sure that I want to marry you."

He reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small ring box.

"I didn't have the heart to throw this ring away. I had it made for you. This ring was meant for you. It still does."

I was rendered speechless. I stood there looking back at him as my whole body trembled.

"I know that this is not the most romantic proposal, and I know I said I'd wait a month before I ask you to marry me, but this feels like the right time to me. I want my friends and family to know that you're mine and I'm yours. That we're together. That you are the woman I want to marry. That you're the woman my heart desires."

Tears filled my eyes.

I was choked up with so much emotion.

He opened the ring box and went down on his knee.

"I know you're scared. I also know that we still have a lot to talk about and work out. That's exactly why I want to do this now. I want to reassure you that no matter what comes our way, I still want to marry you, and the past won't change that. I want you to know that I will never let the past get between us. I won't let it, Livie. I swear it. Please marry me, Livie."

My visions as blurred with tears.

I wiped them furiously. "You're sure?" I asked.

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"You won't change your mind?"

He shook his head. "No."

"You won't leave me?" Where did that come from?

He shook his head furiously. "Never."

"You trust me?"

He nodded. "I do."

I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but the truth.

"Then, I'll marry you," I whispered tearfully.

Lucas smiled. His face brightened with so much joy and happiness.

He removed the ring from the box and slid it on my finger.

I never noticed the ring before. I was too shock to look past Lucas.

I looked down at the ring and fresh tears formed in my eyes.

"It's beautiful... So beautiful and perfect, Lucas," I said.

"Just like you," he said before capturing my lips in a kiss.

***

After Lucas' proposal things did improve between us. We spent a lot of time together with the twins. He's always home in time for dinner and has been helping with the twins' bath time at night. He also reads bedtime stories for them, which I let him do by himself. It was their time together.

I must admit though. It's still a little weird now that I have help with the twins. Before it was just me. I didn't have to consider any other opinions when it comes to making decisions about the twins. Now Lucas is around to help and share the parenting. It's definitely a new and challenging experience.

A couple days later, I came into the office and found Lucas staring down at some papers.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

He gave me a smile that didn't reach his eyes, and nodded. "Yeah. I have some papers for you to sign."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Yeah?"

He nodded. "It's just formality. I just want things in order and make sure that if something ever happens to me, you and the twins will be taken care of."

"Oh. Nothing will happen to you, Lucas. We'll have a lifetime together," I said with a smile.

"Yes we will, but I still want to be sure."

I smiled. "Okay. Can I borrow a pen?" I held out my hand.

He handed me one.

"Where do I sign?"

He pointed to a dotted line. "You don't want to read it?"

I shook my head. "No. I trust you," I said and signed the papers.

My doubts and fears still crept in sometimes, but I always push them aside. I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on those negative feelings.

Maybe I was being stupid for having so much faith in Lucas after everything. But hope and faith is all that I have to hold onto.

I want to be believe that this time will be different. That we'll make it this time... That we'll get things right.

I'd also like to believe that we've learned from our mistakes.

So many times I wanted to try again and tell Lucas the truth. But I've been burned so many times. Besides, what for? Whether he believes me or not won't changed what happened in the past.

Do I really want to let the monster out of the box and risk what we have now?

I guess that's what I'm really afraid of.

I'm scared that if I tell Lucas again and he doesn't believe me, I know that I would have to leave. That we'd have no chance at all. That we can never be together. And I want us to be together.

As cowardly and stupid as that may sound, it's the truth.

I went to our room and sank down on the bed as tears filled my eyes.

"I shouldn't love you this much," I whispered. "Most of all, love shouldn't hurt this much."

The days passed leading to what Lucas has planned as a get together with his family and friends. My feelings of doubt and fears just got stronger. And tonight, is the night when I will be truly tested.

Tonight is the dinner with his friends, and it will be held at the Henderson Hotel.

After finally entangling ourselves from bed, we headed to the bathroom and showered together.

After stepping out of the shower, Lucas headed to the other room to let me get ready.

I decided to leave my hair in soft waves. I put on some make up, but nothing too dramatic. Then I put some red lipstick on my lips, to finish the look.

I decided on an emerald green semi-backless laced dress to wear for tonight. And as for my shoes, I decided on a black, closed toe strap platform heels.

I looked at myself in the full body mirror one last time.

"Nothing else matters tonight. Just you and Lucas," I told myself.

Everyone who's going to be there tonight is important to Lucas, and Lucas is important to me.

"I can do this!"

I took a deep breath and forced myself to go back out into the bedroom where Lucas was waiting for me.

I stepped out and Lucas' back was facing me.

He must have heard me because he turned around the minute I stepped out of the walk-in closet.

He stared at me, with his mouth slightly agape.

"My god. You're beautiful," he whispered huskily.

I smiled. "Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself."

He grinned and walked towards me.

He took my hands in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I see the worry in your eyes," he said.

"I can't help it."

"The past is just what it is. The past. I don't want you to worry anymore, Livie. I guess I should have said this before, but I forgive you, Livie. I forgive you for everything. If I can forgive you, then they should be able to as well."

I stiffened at his words.

Pain squeezed my heart.

He forgives me... For everything...

How is it possible that when I thought that there is nothing more that Lucas can do to hurt me, he proves me wrong and hurts me even worse than the last.

I felt my heart shatter into pieces inside.

It took everything in me not to explode in anger.

I should be the one offering forgiveness!

I know that he didn't say it to hurt me and he said it to appease me, but he just broke another piece of me tonight.

He kissed me softly.

"The past no longer matters. Only us and the twins."

I didn't say anything. I simply stared back at him.

I realized then that I was wrong... He didn't just break a part of me tonight... He killed it.

I found my self saying the words I tried to say that night, when everything around me was a mess. I wasn't myself after what just happened to me and all I wanted was to go to Lucas so he could make it right. My mind was in circles trying to make sense of what happened to me. Before I knew it, I've made an even bigger mess of things and Lucas wouldn't listen to anything else I had to say.

"Lucas, I didn't sleep with him..." I finally whispered softly.

I felt his stiffen against me.

I've spent the last couple of years trying to erase what happened to me. It was easier that way. Pretending it never happened. But after hearing Lucas' words of forgiveness, something inside me snapped and I couldn't deny it any longer.

I was raped.

"You don't have to say that. I've already forgiven you."

"You can't forgive me for something I didn't do..." I muttered softly. I felt so numb, it might as well have been someone else saying the words.

"Livie. It's okay. It's in the past. You don't have to lie."

And right there and then, I felt the last of my soul die inside of me.