I've fucked up. Majorly. A fucked up fuck up of epic proportions. I don't know what happened. My brain completely and utterly shut down and what drove me... my actions was... fuck I don't know why it bothered me so much. I mean... I have no claim on him. None. Never have. Even less now that I'm a married man. Fuck. I need to find him. And Jimmy. I can't make sense of anything... I just had a complete meltdown after I'd overheard...stuff.

Oh fuck, this is bad...

***

It's been a long day, I can't wait to get the music started and get partying. I'm so wasted but happy. Honestly my wedding day is one of the best days of my life, right up there with the day I met Lexy in that bar... the day that changed my life... the day I met the one night stand who would become my best friend... the most important man in my life in so many ways...

So when I was doing my rounds and chatting with the guests, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard Mikey (Lexy's employee nonetheless), bragging to Pete, his date, that he had been there from the start of the big Lexy and Jimmy romance. How the boy had put up a decent fight and kept coming into the shop every day until Lex finally agreed to go on a date. And how the boy was in for a real treat once they got under the sheets, he knew that first-hand after all. Who the hell says that to their date? But more importantly...

Huh?! MY Lexy?! With... Jimmy? As in... my little brother's best friend, Jimmy?

My lungs constrict. My heart thumps wildly and is threatening to fly right out of my chest... I run outside... my head is spinning... and then I see him... standing alone by the outdoor dance floor. My brain goes on lockdown as I walk up behind him.

"Well, well, well, if this isn't Sexy Lexy's shiny new toy".

I don't even give him time to respond before dragging him to the side building and slamming him into the wall.

"I couldn't believe it when I overheard my buddy Pete's little twink raving about his boss, who he fucked a while back by the way, and his little loverboy who's been visiting them at the shop for months. The biker and the model athlete." And then it hits me... of course... it was him on the phone last night when I caught Lex... and at my stag party... I'd heard that Lexy had scored but he hadn't said anything to me, so I'd assumed it was just rumours. "I almost didn't believe it but it all makes sense now... it was you Lexy was on the phone with last night, wasn't it? And it was you Lexy was seen kissing at my party last weekend?"

"Jeff, listen, I'm not sure wh-" oh no you don't. You're going to let me finish, kid. If I couldn't have him, no one fucking will. Who does this kid think he is?

"No, you listen to me, kid. Don't think for a single second that you're special. You're just a toy to him, a fun way to pass the time, got that?"

"Lexy isn't like th-". Christ, kid, will you fucking stop interrupting me?!

"Honey, you don't know him like I do. I've known him for over 6 years now. We're best friends. We know one another inside out. We've fucked each other's brains out. He's the fucking lo-"... ve of my life... fuck... I nearly said it out loud. "Listen, pretty boy, you're just a kid, you don't know shit about how to make him feel good. I mean, look at you... You're nothing but a pathetic little virgin schoolboy, what makes you think you have what it takes to keep up with a real man? And that is exactly what Lex is, a real man, through and through, every beautiful inch of him". Oh hell, now he's crying...

"Awww, come on crybaby. You don't actually think he loves you or something, right? As I said, you're his newest toy, that's all. He doesn't do boyfriends... or girlfriends. You are nothing to him. He'll play with you and drop you when the novelty wears off." Trust me, I would know. First-hand experience right here. Lexy, the man who came home with me, offered me the most incredible mind-blowing orgasms of my entire life and then turned down all my attempts at ever becoming more. I'd fallen for him hard and fast and got friend-zoned without a fighting chance.

"Awww, kiddo, did I strike a nerve?" He knows I'm right. I can see it in his eyes. I move closer to him and almost trip, my hand landing on the top of his pants as I struggle to keep myself upright. But ooooh, nice package."Nice package though. Maybe you do have some redeeming qualities after all. If you're lucky, he might actually fuck you before he loses inter-"

"What the fuck are you doing, Jeff? Get off him!" I roll my eyes at Kelly's annoying voice and before I know what's happening, I'm being pulled away from Jimmy and Kelly's right in my face, shouting at me. Ah yes, Kelly, Lexy's famous first. Yet another one night stand that got heartbroken and friend-zoned. She can totally back up my argument here."Well, dear Kelly, I was telling our young friend here exactly what to expect from our mutual friend, Sexy Lexy. Of course," I turn to address Jimmy next, "Kelly here knows all about it. Don't you, Kelly, sweetie? You know how it is too... to get your pretty little brains fucked out by Lex just to get thrown out into the cold once he's done using you". Jimmy has to understand that it's not going to end well with Lexy. It never does. Lexy doesn't do love. Doesn't do relationships. The sooner Jimmy realises, the better. It'll spare him the endless heartbreak. What happens next is a blur. Danny shows up. Jimmy runs off. Kelly punches me and the next thing I know is I'm screaming in pain, bleeding from somewhere on my face and being dragged to the washroom by Danny and, oh shit... my wife.

Jen cleans me up and Danny gets me a glass of water to help sober me up. Lost cause if you ask me. As is the Lexy situation. Oh fuck, I've probably ruined his little fuckfest with Jimmy. Meh, he'll get over it. I mean, it's not like he gets emotionally attached to, well, anybody... God I'm trashed... I just want to curl up and sleep for five days until my body has evacuated all the alcohol from my system. I look up at Danny who is leaning against the bathroom wall and glaring at me. Suddenly, he's on his phone and heads towards the door. Before walking out, he turns around and announces that he's taking Jimmy home and warns me that I'd better fix this shit or he's done with me. Jen follows him out the door.

***

So now I'm sitting on the sink unit of the bathroom, drunk, confused and fucking miserable. My brother is pissed off. My wife is pissed off. God knows how pissed Lex is right now...

Well, speak of the devil indeed. Lex comes storming into the bathroom, grabs me by the collar of my shirt and slams me into the wall - and not in the enjoyable kind of way.

"What the fuck did you say to him?", he bellows right in my face. Oh yeah, he's beyond pissed. "Jeff, I'm going to ask you one last time... what.the.fuck.did.you.say.to.Jimmy?" He slams me into the wall with every word.

I honestly don't know... I told him what to expect. Nothing more. Nothing less. "I told Jimmy the truth, Lex. Not to get his hopes up because you don't do boyfriends. You don't do relationships. And you sure as fuck don't do love. I just wanted to give him some insight into the Lexy Code of Conduct. He might as well know now rather than be brokenhearted later."

Ok... if Lex looked pissed off before... he now looks insanely furious. He lifts me up before slamming me into the wall again. "How dare you talk to him like that?! He's upset and confused and fucking hurt. He wouldn't let me talk to him, comfort him or take him home. He fucking pushed me away, Jeff. This gorgeous, sweet, amazing boy doesn't want anything to do with me because you engrained fucking lies in his head. Fuck you Jeff, I was finally getting through to him, breaking down those fucking high walls he keeps building up around himself and... fuck, Jeff, why would you even do something like that?" He has let go of me and is pacing back and forth, repeatedly running his hand through his hair. He's not just angry... he's anxious... worried... hurt...? Fuck... what have I done...

"Lex, I... look, I don't know what got into me. Blinded by jealousy, foolish actions fuelled by alcohol. It's not an excuse... but an attempt at an apology. I'm so sorry, Lex. I fucked up, majorly fucked the fuck up".

He just looks at me with a completely unreadable expression. "I'm not the one you need to be apologising to, Jeff".

"I'll do whatever you want to help fix this. Lexy, you really like this kid, don't you?"

He turns to me and just stares at me like I'm the stupidest person on the planet. "I don't like him, Jeff. I fucking love him. Call me crazy but even though I haven't known him for that long, he feels right, so right. I honestly believe he may be the one. The one I've been waiting for without even knowing it."

"Then be with him. If he feels about you the way you feel about him, then who cares what jealousy-driven shit I spewed this evening. I'll sure as hell apologise to him. I'll make this right. Be with him. Be happy. I love you Lexy and I want you to be happy. Go get your man". I mean it. It fucking hurts but I mean it.

Lex sighs as he heads to the door. "You fix this from your end, Jeff. But I need him to come to me when he's ready. Whatever you said to him obviously struck a nerve... doubts, fears or worries that were already there to begin with. I know for sure that I'm crazy about him... that I want him. Now he needs to work out what he wants for himself... if I am the answer to that question, I'll be right there waiting for him." And with that, Lex walks out the door.