"It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight." - Vladimir Nabokov

The tangerine color of maple leaves waltzing in the wind was the scenery that continued to play in my vision as I rode inside the horse carriage. It was already the beginning of autumn season and it will not be long before my family will go for an out-of-town retreat which will start from mid-autumn until the end of winter season. Just the mere thought of it was making me unhappy.

I don't know if I should be celebrating like I usually do because I knew that I will be obliged to go with my parents as per custom and because I knew too that I can't possibly bring Julian with me.

It brought me with a solemn feeling that was making me want to stay behind. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Headache perhaps?" a male voice snapped me from my daze and I glanced to Lucas who was sitting in front of me and facing my direction.

I shrugged his presence especially my thoughts also and decided to focus my attention to the card catalogs in my grasp. These catalogs contain the name and address of various restaurants around the town.

I decided to bring Julian to a dinner later but then I still couldn't decide as to what place we will spend our first date. No doubt I must look pathetic right now since I was nervous about this evening dinner idea. Although it was not my first time since I've done it a lot with Amelia.

It just that, knowing I'll be doing it with him makes me frantic to no end.

What if he didn't like any of these restaurants? What if our first date turns horrible? What if he becomes disappointed of me tonight? I groaned again to cease this anxiety in me.

Seriously why was I so anxious?

"You've been groaning for quite a while." I glanced back to my footman again. He was looking at me with a blank expression and arms crossed in his chest.

"None of your business." I replied bluntly as I put the catalogs inside my coat pocket.

The scenery outside the window was still that of tall maple trees with their fallen leaves dancing along the cool breeze.

It'll take another couple of minutes before we reach the Ashworth estate. It was my dear mother's request to me that I visit my fiancée and start courting her for real because our wedding was just a few hundred days away.

And the mere thought of it brought me with this solemn feeling again that makes me want to cancel our wedding. Something in my heart screamed to me to not marry my long time fiancée and be together with my other lover instead.

This feeling was so confusing and it did nothing but send my mind in turmoil.

I groaned for the third time. "I heard that your family will have an out-of-town vacation. Is this reason why you're not in a good mood?" his voice rang to my ears again however his statement was what trapped my attention.

"How did you know that?" I asked with a forlorn face albeit he simply raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of course I know about it. I am one of your household servants and it's not hard to know what goes on around the house especially about personal matters. Like yours if I might add." he explained and I narrowed my eyes upon mentioning my secret like it was not big of a deal.

"And what of it?" I immediately replied and I noticed his blank expression turning into a serious one.

"Then tell me, are you going to tell him that or are you simply leaving him behind?" he asked and I felt my shoulder stiffened hard. Well I haven't thought about telling Julian about that but surely I won't even think of doing the latter. Not a single chance.

"None of your business." I repeated and I heard him made a snort.

"What a fool." he murmured under his breath and I glared at him.

His attitude was something I can't bring myself to tolerate every time. In a brief moment, he was insensible and the next moment he loathes my gut especially when it concerns Julian. Nevertheless I didn't like it.

"You know I can't really understand you. Why do you hate me so much?" I inquired of him and he narrowed his eyes to me in return.

"I don't hate you. It's what you do to him that I hate about you." he stated in a calm tone which means that he wasn't lying to me in one bit. I felt the jealousy slowly rising in my chest.

"Why does it matter to you anyway?" I asked abruptly.

Lucas looked at me straight in the eyes for a long minute like he was thinking carefully on his words although it only made me uneasy for unknown reason.

Why does it bother me so much about his deep concern for my lover?

He let out a sigh. "Let just say I care about him... much more than you do." he claimed without a hint of dishonest in him which only fueled my jealousy in me.

He cares? It couldn't possibly mean he cared for Julian in a romantic way right?

Before I could think further on such thoughts, I felt the horse carriage stopped and I instantly peaked through the window next to me. Then I casted my sight upon the familiar mansion I had visited for a countless times. I decided to dismiss the topic between us.

The horseman left his perch before opening the door for me, and I stepped outside the quarters with my footman following after me.

"Good day, Sir. I'm sad to say that Sir Marcus and Lady Amelia still haven't return from their trip. Do you wish to wait for them inside?" the head butler politely asked of me but I shook my head.

This was rather a good opportunity to be with my other lover again. I thought to myself.

"No I have something to do for the meantime. Could you bring those things in instead?" I replied as I pointed on the gift boxes inside the Coach.

Speaking if it, those were the gifts my darling mother bought just for Amelia. Likewise I had told you to expect it coming and the nearing wedding day was just one of the reasons.

The butler bowed to me in silent response as he started ordering the maids to unload the gift boxes. On the other hand, I ordered Lucas to do the same too as to keep him preoccupied so I can be alone with Julian this time.

―

The autumn leaves were scattered around the soil ground as I paced closer and closer to the wooden horse shed that I presumed was the only place where Julian could be. I heard someone humming a melody as I was slowly nearing the said stable.

I walked around to the back and there I saw him cleansing the white mare in a warm bath.

He had his shirt sleeves folded up to his elbow as he held a sponge and soap in his hands. He still hadn't notice my presence as he continued washing the horse which was fine by me since it was quite amusing watching him sway his waist.

Unfortunately as much as I want to watch him, I need to talk to him. I cleared my throat loud enough for him to hear.

Julian turned his head to my direction right away and he immediately beamed a smile upon seeing it was me.

"I didn't know you're coming, Dante." he claimed.

"Well it's just a surprise visit." I replied as I shifted much closer to him. "Can I talk to you for a moment." I asked in uneasy tone.

He cocked his head to the side as he tried to figure out what he will expect to hear from me although his curious look at me only made me more tense than necessary.

"Sure but only if you help me wash White Lily." he replied with a carefree tone. I didn't dare to refuse him since it might be a good idea to calm this anxiety in me.

"I would love to." I said and he didn't waste a second in handing me a sponge and a bucket of water.

The white mare was in her best behavior as I motioned closer to her. I was so cautious of the horse that I forgot to fold my sleeves. Hence when I dipped my hand in the bucket, it was too late to realize since my sleeve was already soaked.

And so does my brand new wristwatch much to my demise.

No need to say it out loud, because it was obviously my first time to wash a horse. I heard a laughter coming from my side and I saw my lover trying his best to hold his laughter.

"Why didn't you tell me this is your first time washing a horse?" he said in between his laugh and I glared at him.

No way will I say such thing. After all, was there even a man in my age out there who doesn't know how to do a single household chore? No but there was and that was me.

No need to mention it, because it was embarrassing for man to live like a princess if you may know.

"And you didn't even notice the bucket you're holding has a hole in it. Your trousers are also wet now." he added and by then I felt a liquid sensation around my inner thigh.

I looked down only to find that the water was leaking out of the bucket and dripping through my pants, and it pretty much looked like I wet myself.

I felt my face increased in heat. "You did this on purpose." I blamed him in hope to not shame myself further.

"I did not." he claimed and I caught a hint of a lie in his tone. So he really did.

He kept on laughing with his eyes closed which made it easier for me to scrub the wet sponge on his face and I did much to my enjoyment. I laughed.

I wrapped my free arm on him and I held him in a tight embrace as to restrain him while I continued scrubbing the sponge on his cheeks. He struggled only to fail but it didn't stop him from scrubbing his sponge to my face too.

My heart began to beat like a hammer pounding in my chest. Why does it feel different when I was with him?

Like I was transparent in front of him, no decent manners and no formalities, it was like I was me and not the perfect man everyone look up to - just the real me.

He snaked his hands to my sides after we stopped laughing. His face had soap in it but it didn't cease me from caressing him with my knuckles. I wiped his soft lips clean and like usual, something soar around my stomach.

"I love you, Dante." he murmured and I took it as a cue to kiss him.

I gently pressed my lips to his and my heart soon raced in speed. It was like every touch and every movement of his lips against mine was enough to have my heart rise in the horizon. This feeling was getting stronger and stronger as time passes by.

He let go of my lips and I took the short moment to bring him to another embrace. No words were said but only the serene silence and the sound of our heartbeats.

He fit perfectly inside my arms and it made me feel complete.

I may not know this feelings for the meantime but there was only one thing I was sure of, and that was to always have him and this perfect sensation in me. Everything felt right and I didn't want to lose it.

Just the thought of it made my heart break for unknown reason.

"Me and my family will be gone for a long vacation this autumn season." I whispered to him and I felt him tensed upon my words. "I don't know when I'll be back." I added.

Julian tightened his embrace to me like he was silently pleading for me not to go. "But if you want me to stay then I'll stay." his tight embrace loosened and he looked at me in surprise.

"Are you sure? You'll do it for me?" he asked unsure but I only smiled.

"Yes. I promise to stay here." I replied and I saw a doubt spark in his silver eyes.

He was having a second thought whether to believe me this time or not although I can't blame him since he had a right to be because I broke my first promise after all. But this time I won't. I'll do my best to keep my promises and not hurt him anymore.

I do care for him.

"Thank you." he said with a tender smile and he kissed me before letting go. "Is that all you want to talk about, Dante?" he inquired and then I remembered our date later.

"No in fact there is something more important." I replied as I pulled out the card catalogs from my coat pocket before handing it to him.

"What's this?" he asked with confused eyes.

"Well..." I imparted in uptight tone. "...I don't know what restaurant you prefer so I thought it's better to ask you about it first." I continued while trying not to bite my lower lip. I heard him giggle.

"You need not concern for my preference, Dante. Besides it'll be a perfect date for me since I have you and I can't ask for anything better when I already have the best." he claimed in honesty.

I felt my heart swell on his sincere statement to me.

"I'm glad to hear that but still I want you to choose, Julian. I want this to be special for you." I stated and he blushed scarlet in front of me.

"Fine if you insist." he bit his lower lip as he looked over the catalogs. It didn't take long for him to decide and in just a minute, he already handed me something.

"I choose this one. Meet me there tonight promise?" he said and I gripped the card along with his hand.

"Of course, I promise to meet you there." I kissed the back of his hand and he blushed beet red much to my amusement.

Sadly our precious time alone was disturbed when someone cleared their throat. Both Julian and I looked at the person standing not far away from us and we recognized that it was my footman Lucas. Since how long had he been there?

"Sir Marcus and his daughter is back and they're looking for you, Sir." he said the reason of his disturbance and I sighed upon hearing the return of my fiancée.

"Thanks." I replied in a disinterested tone before turning my attention back to my lover.

"So see you later tonight." I smiled and I kissed him in the lips for the last time as I put the card inside my coat pocket.

I didn't know why I did it, it just that I had the need to let Lucas know that Julian belongs to me. This possessiveness in me can be annoying once in a while.

―

"Where have you been, Dante? And why are you wet?" my fiancée immediately inquired about my absence as soon as I got back to their mansion with my footman following behind.

"I'm with Mr. Hartwell because I helped him wash your horse, my Lady." I sighed in response.

"Is that so? I thought you're...." she replied with her voice fading at the end of her sentence although she dismissed it herself.

"My father invited you to our dinner tonight. The cooks are already preparing your favorite dish, Dante." she added while watching me dried my face with my handkerchief.

"I'm afraid to say I cannot attend it. I have an important matter to do." I replied as gentle as possible for her to understand however it doesn't seem to work because she had a frown in her face much to my chagrin.

"Is it more important than me?" Amelia asked and I felt my shoulder stiffened.

Her brown eyes looked sharp than usual and I didn't like it since it means that she was being suspicious of me which I didn't expect to happen as of this moment of time. "Well?" she added.

"I think I should change my clothes first, my Lady. It's indecent of me to talk to you in this appearance." I used an excuse in endeavor to escape her inquisitive.

I didn't even wait for her permission as I strode up their elegant staircase and towards one of the guest bedroom since I knew that there will be spare clothes inside. It was part of their hospitality to let their guest feel a lot welcome.

It didn't take me a minute for me to reach a guest bedroom. I disrobed myself of my coat before tossing it to the bed, and then I went to pick a clean shirt and trousers of my size from a wardrobe.

However before I could even step inside the bathroom, I heard the door creaking open and I turned only see Amelia's presence.

She didn't bother intruding my privacy which could only mean that she didn't want to dismiss our conversation earlier. I can already feel a foreboding sensation building in my chest. She can be pretty scary at times.

Why was I even engaged to this woman?

"Are you having an affair behind my back, Dante?" she asked and I felt my heart tense. There was no way she could discover my secret right?

"Why do you say so?" I tried to avoid the topic while using my usual charade of being a faithful gentleman to her.

"It's because you're cold to me. You didn't visit me for a while now and when you're already here, you are refusing our invitation for a dinner, Dante. It's like you're refusing to spend time with me." she explained herself and I hid a grimace.

"You know that's absurd, my Lady. I'll never have another woman besides you." I replied with a sigh.

I turned my back to her and proceed to enter the bathroom to have a change of clothes.

As soon as I was done, I came back to the bedroom only to find Amelia staring at the catalog that Julian chose for our date half an hour ago. Then I remembered leaving my coat in the bed and forgetting the fact that I had the catalog inside its pocket.

What a fool I was!

"Is this perhaps the reason why you're refusing me?" she turned to look at me with disappointed eyes which further ignited the tension in me.

"I knew it! You're having an affair, Dante! You're going on a date with your woman right!? Shame on you!" she screamed at me as she threw the catalog to the marble floor before stomping on it like it was a trash.

I felt furious but I held back because it would only prove her doubt.

"It's not what you think." I grabbed her shoulders in attempt to calm her down albeit she only struggled. "I don't have another woman other than you okay? I'm telling the truth." I voiced out my reason.

"Then prove it to me! Prove it by staying here and have dinner with me instead. If not, I'm going to speak to your mother. I mean it." she hissed at me and I tried myself not to groan.

It will be a huge problem if she speaks to my dear mother about it. She wouldn't like it if she learned that I made her future daughter-in-law mad like this and if they became suspicious of me, then it wouldn't be a surprise if they decided to have an early vacation.

And I'll be forced to come along which I certainly did not like because I had promised Julian that I will stay. Nonetheless it doesn't solve my current problem.

I also had promised to meet him tonight.

I was torn between keeping my promise and breaking it so I could stay during vacation. Why does everything have to be so hard?

"So!?" her infuriated tone had me drifted away from my trance. I tried to think for a better solution but unfortunately I couldn't think of anything much to my dismay.

I lowered my head in hesitation before deciding to do what I thought would be the best choice and I could already feel the guilt eating me alive from the inside.

"Sure I'll stay for you, my Lady." I claimed with a disguise smile despite the heavy sensation inside my chest. I do hope Julian will forgive me again this time.

I do hope so.

"I'm happy to hear that." Amelia soon calmed down and returned to her usual kind demeanor. "Now come. It's not good to be late to our dinner yes?" she added and she began tugging on my arm as we walked out of the bedroom.

My footman was standing idle outside the room and my fiancée ordered him to pick up my dirty clothes which he did without question ask although he first looked at me with a glare that only I could notice.

He entered straight away after us before retrieving my clothes like he was asked to.

My fiancée then continued tugging me towards the corridor with her that I failed to see Lucas picking up the catalog from the floor and putting it inside his pocket.