“My heart only ever had one thought, one want and one need. Despite all and in spite of all, all my heart ever wanted is you.” – Stephanie Laurens

Music. What was it to you? To some people, it was an inspiration while to some it was their passion and their life. Music made by single or different unique instruments was an art itself. An art of uniting sounds into melody and melody into songs, a wonderful art indeed.

What was music to me? It was my heart.

Music had what my heart had, feelings. Every soft and deep tune was like my heartbeat, it resonates within me. Music speaks the silent words my mouth can’t and it tells the secret my heart keeps.

It fills me and it also empties me.

I succumbed on the comfort of my seat as I watched a man, a little older than me, played a harp instrument on the theater stage with his fingers dancing tenderly on the dozens of strings.

“It’s beautiful.” I stared in daze until a hand held mine.

“I know but you are a lot better, Julian, so don’t be antsy.” I heard Lucas said beside me, my eyes still glued on the harper’s long fingers.

“I’m not. It just... enchanting that’s why.” I mumbled in reply, trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid distracting the concentration of the musician.

The pleasant sounds bounced on the thick wall of the auditorium and it echoed across the dark room with the only lights left open centered on the stage. People seated in front of me remained static up to the end of the harper’s incredible performance and applause followed soon after.

Lucas let go of my hand to give the man applause too. “I can’t wait to see you perform on that stage also.” he said excitedly and that made me stifle a laughter.

The employer then called on for the next performer which was a man in his late thirties and judging by the instrument he’s holding, he was a guitarist no doubt. The man climbed up the platform and took the center of the stage with confidence.

He began to play his music piece and I watched again attentively.

This theater audition was going to take a while because I was not the only one who wished to perform.

I inhaled a deep breath, doing everything I can to keep my courage intact since this was the second time I’ll play in front of people although it was not about it that I was nervous of rather because this was the first time I came to a demo like this.

“Is it a must for me to do this?” I asked to no one, still unsure whether I want to do this or should I say something I never once thought of doing in this lifetime.

Sure I perform on orphanages of my own accord to please orphans who lost their families or those unfortunate children that were left and abandoned by their loved ones but that was all it was, therefore to use my talent for something else was strange for me.

It felt odd because I was already content of what I do for my profession.

Even if I don’t earn an income out of it, I was still satisfied. After all I was an optimistic kind of man and I can find happiness on the simplest beauty from the things I like and affections from the people I love. To put it simply, I was a man with only simple dreams and ambitions.

“Such a rare opportunity like this? Of course it is a must.” Lucas murmured, he probably heard me and realized my uncertainty.

I turned to look at him. “I am content of who I am. To be a famous musician is not something I dream for myself. Indeed it is nice to be one but I don’t want to be.” I said in stern expression.

“It is not about becoming famous, Julian.” he crossed his legs before leaning closer to me.

“Content? I know you are however, don’t you think that there could be more good things for you other than the simple ones? Besides you are not only helping yourself but you can help the orphanage too because you’ll be able to donate more than what you can manage. Becoming famous is not the only option here.” he explained to me in persuasion.

He sighed later on before leaning back on his seat again. “If he was here, I bet he’ll say the same thing to you too.” he added in monotone.

I furrowed my eyebrows, somehow wondering if he only said it in hope to persuade me.

“I do want to understand what you are trying to tell me but still... I don’t feel like doing it.” I tore my eyes from him and proceeded to resume watching the guitarist only to see that he was already done performing.

Nonetheless despite not feeling in the mood, I still stayed on my seat and I guess I didn’t feel like leaving too.

―

The next performer was a young woman, about the same age as me, dressed in her best attire for the audition. She held a violin in her hands and a pretty smile in her face, it seemed as if I saw a little of myself in her. She stood there like this was the happiest moment in her life.

She reminded me of the time I stood like that when I first played in front of the man I love – it was indeed the happiest moment in my life too.

There was a background pianist behind her and not before long, the music piece started to come into life. The pianist played the short introduction which was only a couple of notes but in spite of that, it piqued most of my curiosity that I hardly remember the uncertainty in me.

The woman brought the instrument in position, settling her chin on the violin’s chinrest before aligning her stringed bow in place.

On the second she glided her arm, the fiddle played its part.

I studied her instrument in amazement. It was like every time she slide the bow, my broken heart felt whole like what it used to.

The feelings of love was deeply rooted in the stunning melody that it captured my heart in synchronicity. The lenient but high rhythm healed me from the sadness and misery. It was splendid as if there was a romance on the violin.

Romance on violin. It’ll be perfect if that was the name of the song.

The piano tunes were almost impossible to notice because the harmony of the violin was powerful and captivating in its own way. It cascaded me with passion and confidence I lost because of the pain. The gentle music sang beautiful emotions in me indeed.

“It reminds me of the time I first saw you.” Lucas stated all of a sudden, was he perhaps talking about the time we met during the birthday celebration before?

“There is love in your eyes and I fell in love from it.” he added and I turned to him confused since I know I was crying when he first met me but I dismissed the thought right away.

“And what of it?” I squinted my eyes at him, trying to understand the meaning behind his words. He met my stare and it robbed the last of my breath in me.

“I want to see it again. I want to see that kind of love in your eyes when you look at me.” he let out a hopeful smile and it made my heart skip a beat.

“That’s the reason why I hope that you’ll take this opportunity. I don’t mind picking up the pieces for you if it means healing you of all your pain. But Julian, I can’t do it if you keep on going back in the past. I’m not telling you to forget him however it doesn’t mean you should forget the things you deserve so much to have.” his hand reached to caress my face in an alluring touch that made heat aroused up in my head.

“Sometimes you just need to put the past behind and move on with your life.” he said in complicated words but the meaning was there, clear as pure water.

Finally I understand what my adopted father Sam was trying to tell me last time and I understood it through this man’s comforting words.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear it from you, Lucas. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. I am grateful that you’re always here for me.” I returned a blissful smile.

“No need to thank me.” he chuckled before crossing his arm in his chest.

Then I reverted my silver eyes back on the stage and the young woman was still playing her violin. The soft descant embraced me of mellowness until the moment the last vibrato faded into the air and the fantastic song finally waned.

The same applause earlier followed soon after.

She took a silent bow before retiring from the platform stage and the employer eventually looked into my direction. He sent me a nod that it was my turn to perform hence I stood up from my seat but then a familiar warm hand grabbed mine again.

“I’ll cheer for you so don’t be tense.” Lucas eased me with a kiss on the back of my hand.

I bit my lower lip in embarrassment before ambling from the row of seat and to the theater stage. There were some musical instruments here so it wasn’t much of problem for me. Well I can’t bring a large piano here right?

Standing in the middle of the stage, I could feel their stares directed straight at me however it didn’t falter the courage I succeeded to muster.

I paced closer to the brown grand piano and upon reaching it, I immediately claimed the seat with a decent posture. The fallboard was already lifted and my eyes were casted on the neat surface of the piano keyboard. Typical white and black design was the pattern I fancied.

My free hand cruised on the smooth white keys, letting me and my body feel them so I can play it in luxury.

I looked back among the empty and occupied seats before scanning around in search for Lucas and my heart beamed when I found him giving me a thumb up. Just the mere presence of him was already boosting me with so much confidence that my chest seemed like bursting anytime soon.

Just the mere presence of him made me complete as if I couldn’t ask for anything or anyone anymore. It was truly strange since he only bear half of my heart – love was really strange.

I stole my attention from him before inhaling a deep calm breath and soon I pressed a note.

―

“I can’t believe I got chosen too!” I said ecstatic as I strode on the snow like a pleased little child. It couldn’t be help since this was the first time I achieved such a big accomplishment. I’ll be given a chance to be in an orchestra or maybe a solo performance.

There were so many things I can look forward to now.

“I told you so. I also can’t believe you are so hesitant an hour ago. If I hadn’t persuaded you then you could have missed such an opportunity. Good thing I did.” Lucas laughed to himself, probably amused in the idea that he was the cause of my success or something like that.

He walked beside me here on the main street and on our way back to the tavern. The weather was fine and that made me more enthusiastic.

“I know that’s why I am thankful.” I paused on my track and stared at him for the longest time, not minding the cold gust of wind or the noise of countless horseshoes stomping on the road – I simply stared at the man I came to love aside from Dante.

“No I am beyond thankful, Lucas. I can’t imagine what I am right now if I hadn’t met you. I can’t imagine what could happen to me if you didn’t approach me on the middle of the rain that day. It’s hard to imagine what my life would be without you.” I told him in pure honesty.

His facial features remained stoically normal though his chestnut eyes expressed the opposite because those orbs gazed at me in dearest.

He closed the distance between us before planting a chaste kiss on my forehead. “I feel the same.” his hot breath sent tingles on my skin that I blushed deep scarlet in front of him much to my self-humiliation.

“What would you do if he returned?” he asked out of the blue and it caught me off guard.

Why was he asking me this? Then I remembered that he told me an odd thing too during the theater audition. I looked straight in his eyes and I saw nothing but this faint emotion I can’t describe.

What would I do if my lover returned? I thought to myself.

Of course I’ll be happy but then I’ll ask him why he left me and see to it if he had enough reason to break my heart so cruelly on that rainy day. I want to know why he chose his fiancée over me after asking me to be his lover for real.

I want to know everything.

“Then I’ll ask him why he left in the first place.” I replied, with a slight hint of ache in my voice, before resuming on my tracks with Lucas trailing behind me later on.

I looked up to the winter clouds and I noticed that it was no longer snowing. “I am still in love with him but... I don’t think I can trust him again like before. I lost too many in my part and I just started putting myself back together.”

―

The cold winter had ended without me knowing. Time passed by in front of me and I lost count on how many days and weeks I had been here. It could be months or much longer than that. I just noticed it when the sky was already bright blue again.

Snow was melting all around the place and flowers were starting to bloom into charm.

I sat under the tree in leisure here outside and the landscape of the log mansion far in the distance was in front of me.

Tall pine trees surrounded me and sheltered me from the sunlight – this peaceful mood was what I need. Few droplets of liquid fell down on me from the melting snow on the countless of leaves right above me but I paid no care.

I had a journal with me and I decided to open it afterwards. Paragraphs and phrases were what you would expect to see most but not at all. Instead it contained pictures or depictions of the things I found interest in this mountain but then also, it was what you would expect in the least.

Because most of my drawings inside were pictures of him, pictures of Julian.

Flipping through the pages, pencil sketches of him covered most of the journal contents that someone else would probably see it strange.

I paused on the last page of the journal and I came to see it blank. “So this is the last one.” I muttered to myself as I pulled out a pencil from my coat chest pocket.

My painting equipment were all left behind back home since I didn’t bring them along with my personal things so I had no choice but to use a pencil and paper only. Moreover I left him behind too, the model where these pictures were copied from.

I held the pencil in place and soon I began to draw him again. Heartbeats rushed inside my chest as I drew the outline of his handsome face.

No matter how many times I draw him, never once did I found it tiring and boring. It was rather the most entertaining thing I had ever done in my life. Sure I created so many superb paintings and it was the reason of my success but it felt a lot different when I draw him.

It felt different because I miss him.

I miss him. I need him. I desire him. I want him. All part of me were screaming for him and it was eating my patience completely that I wanted nothing but to go back as soon as possible.

Well what would I do if I see him again? I thought deeply as I continued to draw him on the last page of my journal. This pencil couldn’t define the gorgeous silver color of his eyes and it only made my desire to see him intensified much more.

His eyebrows and lashes were the only thing I put into perfection. The gray shade of the pencil was unable to portray the adorable pink tint of his petal lips and I hated it.

I hated this static drawing.

I hated it because I can’t see how his lips form into smile. I hated it because I can’t see how his eyes lit up like a sun when he sees me. I hated it because I can’t touch his skin and feel his warmth. I hated it because I can’t kiss him like how I wanted to.

I hated it so much for reminding me that I can’t do it anymore because I left him.

―

After spending almost an hour in the forest, I decided to return to the log mansion. As soon as I came inside the entrance foyer, my parents’ luggage and things were already arranged in preparation on the floor.

“I didn’t touch any of your things since I might misplace something so I suggest that you go to your room and start packing right away.” my mother walked into the room while carrying another luggage with her.

“But isn’t it too early? I thought it will be a couple of days before our return. Not that I want to stay...” I undressed myself of my coat.

“I know but your father and I had a change of plan cause of your nearing birthday. It’d be great if we returned early because we can prepare a lot for celebration!” Helena exclaimed in thrill.

“We will leave tomorrow morning.” she finished before departing from the room.

Oh? I forgot my own birthday. I can’t believe that I forgot it as due to my endless thinking about him. But I forgot it again when the thought sank into me, the thought of us going back home. The long awaited return I had been anticipating for quite a while now.

What would I do if I see Julian again? I repeated that words to myself.

I don’t know if apology was what he wanted to hear so I decided to tell him the reason why I left him because at least he deserve to hear it. I know I should have told him before I left but fear and guilt held me back and I hated myself for it.

I will tell him everything and if possible, even the tiniest and slightest chance, this time I want to make everything alright for sure.

The long stay I had here made me realize that I really can’t bear being away from him. Sure the decision of taking responsibility for my mistake sounded so easy but it doesn’t. One day without him was like an eternity of agony.

It hurts so much to be here away from him for so long.

That was why I wanted to go back to him. I wanted to bring him in my arms again and I’ll do whatever it takes to mend our broken relationship. It’ll be difficult no doubt but I didn’t mind losing everything I have if it means getting us back together.

Julian. I’ll do whatever it takes to make him mine again before it was too late.

Romance On Violin from La Corda D’Oro