“Some things a heart won’t listen to, I’m still holding out for you.” – Shedaisy

Tonight was the night. The most anticipated Musical Concerto will be held later after sunset in one of the famous theatres in the country. Tonight I’ll be able to see the man I love unravel his notable talent in front of the world and tonight he’ll also open a door to a great future ahead of him – tonight was his fateful night.

I smiled eloquently as I stared at the theatre ticket in my hand, how funny it was that something like this happened before except it wasn’t a theatre ticket I was holding but rather it was a train ticket pass.

However it was a lot different because I am not leaving him again and I am not breaking an important promise this time.

“The director is here to see us, dear.” my mother called to me, I placed the ticket back in my pocket and I looked up to meet a middle-aged man walking dauntlessly along the museum hall towards us, adorned in his best attire, and his head held up high with pride – this man was a noble Count.

He greeted us with a stern expression. “It’s nice to meet you.”

He took my mother’s hand and kissed it for a courtesy before turning to me for a handshake, “I assume you must be Dante if I remember. I heard splendid rumors about you, well it’s hard to believe it since your appearance is telling an opposite impression.” he asserted me with an amused stare.

“I guess so, that is rather a nice compliment, sir.” I replied in sarcasm as I shook his hand.

“I am amazed actually, because it is surprising to learn that the young prominent painter and an only son of a viscount such as you would be that kind of a man. I mean, to shout something so bold... is it really true that you chose a male for a bride?” he laughed as if he found it hilarious but I said nothing since I hardly find it the same like he did.

But I gave him a droll stare anyway, “Indeed I chose a groom instead of a bride.”

I said another sarcastic remark to keep myself from getting offended by his words and he laughed again, engrossed by his own humor though my mother decided to be blunt of the real reason for our visit.

“Then I suppose I don’t need to tell you why we are here to see you, am I right?” Helena cleared her throat and it made the man cease from his laughter.

“If it’s about his profession, I am afraid to say that the rumors caused a huge effect on his reputation as a well-known painter so suffice to say, his paintings lost its influence on the public.” he stated like it was just a matter of fact and not even considering my feelings in the least, that I admit however.

He put both his hands in his pocket, his mustache coiling in a smirk. “It’s not too late to deny the rumors and clear the misunderstandings but that is if you want to clean your name.”

I was so close to hitting him with my fist if it wasn’t for him being the one who administered my previous works before in this art museum. He spoke such opinion as if the rumors bear no significance to me. Sure rumors are rumors however this one was about the truth that I was in love with Julian.

So to tell me to deny and clear it, it was like telling me to be ashamed of it and it insulted me.

“I did not come here to deny something dear to me just so I could regain my career’s standing, my feelings aren’t that cheap.” I replied with seriousness reflecting in my eyes.

Helena interrupted, “I disagree with you director so I think it’s best if you could give us another option to keep my son from losing his profession. I know it is because of his own actions why he is losing it in the first place but it is his decision and it already happened, the only thing I am asking is for you to respect it and tell us if there is something we can do to retain his career.”

The man stared at us, nonchalant before crossing his arms in his chest.

“Fine. There will be a dinner gathering at my mansion estate later on and I have few acquaintances from overseas whom I can introduce him and his artworks to since the rumors don’t stretch to other countries after all, this is the only thing I can do for him.” he sighed.

Both my mother and I were pleased by his statement.

“What time will it be?” she asked.

He pulled out his pocket watch, “It will start at seven o’clock in the evening.”

Then my smile disappeared. The musical concerto will start at the same time too. I thought to myself. It was impossible for me to be in two different places at the same time unless I choose which place I want to be at but which one must I choose?

I grimaced, “Is it really tonight or, perhaps, there could be another day? There is something important I must attend this night too.” I sent a silent prayer to the angels to give another chance other than this.

However my luck just turned on an unfortunate path.

“Tonight is your only opportunity, because likewise this is the only thing I can do for you since I’ll be leaving for another country soon. It won’t be my loss if you can’t attend the dinner gathering so it’s up to you, take this chance or let all of your success be in vain?” the man shook his head in refusal.

“Farewell, see you later maybe.” he put his watch inside his coat before bidding his goodbye.

I observed his retreating back fade from my line of sight while thinking the words he just said to me. Indeed this was my only chance to continue my passion for art but then, I will lose my only chance to prove my love for someone if I chose to take this rare opportunity.

I love my profession and I love my beloved Julian too. Both of them were precious in my life but it seemed the unfair circumstances were making me choose from between them.

This opportunity or my promise, which one should I give up?

―

I stood static in front of a painting here in the museum, my eyes studying the art that hanged on the wall for everyone to see. People would passed by now and then to look at the picture but no one stayed longer than I was – no one understood the image but only me.

It was a painting of Venus and Adonis by Pierre-Paul Prud’hon.

The painting depicted the meaning of lust and it reminded me of what I first felt when I met Julian. I was indeed attracted and tempted to him however I took advantage of that and then I deluded myself into thinking that it was just sexual desire.

I didn’t know I was starting to fall in love with him.

Or maybe not, I am not certain but I do know that meeting him that night changed my entire life.

“It’s a beautiful painting.” my mother appeared to my side after asking the director again to reconsider his option but I think it was a futile attempt, just from seeing my mother’s forlorn expression.

“If I didn’t made love to him on the first night and if I didn’t asked him to be my affair on that dinner, would things be the same for us... would I still fall in love with him?” I asked out of the blue.

Helena hummed, “Does it matter?”

“Perhaps no. I guess I just want myself to believe that we could be happy together if I wasn’t such a coward. I want myself to believe that he could be mine right now if only I chose him in the beginning.” a ghost smile formed in my lips, fisting both my hands. I was regretting things all over again, again and again.

“Everything happens for a reason, dear.” my mother tried to lift up my mood with her cheerful voice.

I frowned, “What reason then? Is it so I could learn how to love someone truly and so I could learn how painful it is to lose someone you love? Right I learned them perfectly well... I learned them too late. It’s unfair how I learned them when I don’t know how to move on. It’s unfair, mother.” I let out a mocking laughter to myself.

Looking back at the painting, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to love Julian from the start, to make him happy and most of all – I’ll tell the man I was before to not let him go.

If only I could.

“I don’t know what reason.” my mother held my fisted hand, “But I do know it can’t be that unfair. It’ll be unfair and it’ll be too late only if you stop trying, only if you give up, Dante.” I turned to her and I met her tender smile, a smile of a mother supporting her child.

I smiled too, “I suppose you are right. I won’t give up on him no matter how unfair it would be.”

―

The dark clouds encompassed the entire heaven and the humid in the air was starting to become dense, it will rain soon I was sure. Sunlight receded from the ground before hiding behind the clouds on the horizon since it was almost Sunset when we walked out of the museum.

I glanced at my gold wristwatch and I realized that it was close to six o’clock.

One hour left. I thought to myself.

“Our carriage is here, dear.” I heard her heels stomping on the stone pavement of the staircase outside the museum building however my mind was wandering aimlessly; it still hadn’t made a decision.

My father Arthur was already waiting for us at the horse carriage that was settled on the side of the road.

“It took you long.” he smiled.

He smiled and kissed my mother on the lips upon closing the distance between them, and of course I envied their love for each other. I can still kiss Julian if I wanted too although he won’t feel the same because after all, I am not the man he is in love with.

I can kiss him but it won’t be meaningful for him and it saddened me.

“The director will be hosting a dinner party at his estate tonight, it’ll be best if we leave now so we can reach the place on time.” she informed him and it confused me, was she choosing things for me now? I thought she only wish to support me.

“Sure! It’s been a while since we’ve been at his house.” he opened the door before assisting my mother on climbing the quarters and he soon turned to gesture me to climb inside.

Helena peeked to me, “Is something the matter, dear?”

I stared at the glass window on the door and haze was starting to blur the crystal clear surface of the glass, my mind was in turmoil but my feelings wasn’t – in fact my heart already chose which one I was holding onto the most, it already made a choice from the start.

“I’m sorry but I will go the theatre instead.” I pulled out the ticket from my pocket and stared at it for the longest time.

Going to the musical concerto tonight, keeping my promise and proving my love for him – I understood that by doing so then I will lose my opportunity, I’ll lose all of the success of my hard works in a heartbeat and it will be one of my greatest downfall in life.

But it wasn’t painful compare to losing the man I love forever.

Then I heard her stifled a giggle, “I know and it took you long to finally say that. Fine just be sure not to give up on him no matter how unfair it would be.” she repeated my words earlier as her encouragement for me and I stared at her dumbfounded.

I may not understand what she did or what she meant either however I know that whatever it was, it was to support me.

I put the ticket back in my pocket, “Thank you, mother.” I smiled before turning on my heels and calling for another horse carriage to take me to the theatre.

―

The clouds were even more darkening across the sky and I could feel the chilling humid blending inside the quarters, somehow it really reminded me of the time when I broke my last promise to him because it was raining that day. But likewise, I am not breaking my promise again.

It was going well when I felt the carriage halt. “Is something wrong?” I inquired the horseman through the small window.

“I’m sorry but it seems there is an accident on the end of the road, Sir.” he replied and I grimaced at his statement, then I glanced again on my wristwatch only to see that I have half an hour left.

I must hurry nevertheless.

“If I go to the theatre by foot, how much time will it take for me before I made it there?” I asked an apparent question, not wanting to waste any more time especially when the musical concerto will soon start its performance.

The man hesitated, “I am not definite but it will, probably, take another hour, Sir.” I turned to look at the window behind me and I could see more horse carriages trapped in the road just like us and more carriages will come so it was, pretty much, impossible to turn our carriage around.

Hence that left me no choice but to run.

I retired from the quarters without a second thought and soon after, heavy rain poured all of the sudden and I was soaked wet right away.

Nonetheless I ran in haste as soon as I paid the fare, countless of raindrops hitting me from head down to my legs like it was trying to impede me from reaching my destination but I still ran even though I was not used on running quite a distance – I endured the discomfort in my feet.

I cursed myself for not bringing an umbrella.

The strong gust of wind was pushing my body back but I pushed forward more, I ran more and I endured more for the sake of my promise for Julian.

I am promising you because I am keeping it this time.

Time trailed behind me and despite the exhaustion I felt, still I ran with all my might just so I could keep my promise this time.

After running an endless course, I finally made it to the theatre much to my delight. I found no one and I knew by then that I was, indeed, late however it pleased me that I was able to keep my words at least – I was able to prove the sincerity of my love for him.

But it seemed my luck turned upside down for the worst before I know it.

I proceeded to take my ticket out of my pocket when I realized that it was torn in half because of the rain.

The ticket collector man approached me, “No ticket no entry, do you have one, Sir?” I stood tensed beside the ticket booth with a sign displaying Ticket Sold Out, as I stared at the ruined paper sheet of my only ticket pass. Why does it feel like the already unfair circumstances were becoming even more unfair for me?

“Can I still use this?” I asked, anxious. The man shook his head in denial after casting his eyes on the ruined paper on my hands.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but that won’t do.”

“But I need to get inside please.” I pleaded desperately.

The man still shook his head. “I’m deeply sorry, Sir, but you can’t go inside. I suggest you take your leave and...” his firm refusal cut my self-restraint loose that I trashed the ticket and abruptly broke past him, I was pushing the entrance door open when more staff men blocked my path.

“Please I must go inside! I promise to see him!” I pleaded again while trying to get past the staffs but my weakened body just couldn’t do more and I cursed at myself again.

“Please... please I promise him!” they pushed me further away from the door before closing it and securing it with a lock.

Just one minute or even just a second, please I want to see the man I love play in the stage. I want to see him play a beautiful music. I want to be there for him even if I am not the man he wanted to see the most.

I want to be there even if I am not his lover anymore.

―

I could feel the immense coldness biting in my skin beneath my clothes, the rainwater enveloping both my whole body and my soul as I stood in the middle of the intense rainfall. I could feel the bitter storm fondling my breaking composure with its freezing touch.

I stood cold and heartbroken outside the theatre.

Everything happens for a reason, dear. I remembered my mother’s words and I wanted to laugh to my heart’s content. Indeed, everything happens for a reason and I was suffering more than anyone else for one reason – I am in love with a committed man.

Tears were melding together with the rain that I forgot how long I had been crying hard, all I could tell was that I was crying because I was here outside.

I was here outside while knowing that there was someone else inside, someone was there for Julian and it pained me to always know that I was not that person – I was not his lover.

I looked up to see the same gleaming lights that decorated the theatre building, it continued to shine in front of me as I stood here across the street.

People with umbrellas were passing by me now and then, ignoring my presence every time. Of course no one would even give care to a drenched miserable man like me because I deserve this, I deserve to be tormented like this for being a disgraceful man.

I simply deserve it for being a heartless man to my beloved.

I won’t give up on him no matter how unfair it would be. Was pure courage enough? Was love enough to make him fall for me again when he no longer trusts me and when he no longer wishes to give me a chance to prove myself?

Was my promise enough to prove my worth when things were unfair for me?

More tears burned my eyes. “I wonder what song you are playing tonight, Julian. I wonder as to whom you are dedicating it to. I wonder...” I tried to listen if his music will reach me but sadly and unfortunately, I can’t hear anything apart from the unending echo of raindrops hitting the solid ground.

“I wonder if you remember my promise.” I mumbled in grief.

The night remained unkind to me since it gave me nothing but a downpour to shelter me and a coldness to hide my body – fatigue indulged my muscles into its numbness.

I can feel my bones trembling, my teeth shuddering however I endured them despite knowing that I cannot last long.

“I’m not leaving. I’ll stay... I’ll be here to smile for you.” I murmured.

Time prolonged itself that a single minute felt like an hour for me and the rain lingered also much to my dismay, but it didn’t matter to me because I love him and that alone was enough for me to go on in this hardships.

Then I noticed a gathering number of people walking out of the theatre.

Happiness kindled in my heart after I realized that the musical concerto had ended. Gentlemen bidding their friends goodbye and ladies bringing out their own umbrellas huddled together on the entrance, all of them held a satisfied smile – a kind of smile that I envied.

I strode towards them without hesitation.

Some of them stared at me bemused while others disregarded me as if I was some idiot. I could care less about them while I searched for my beloved among the group of people coming out of the door.

Joy aroused in my heart when I found him.

Julian looked beautiful the most that my heart began to beat profoundly inside my chest, he held a bouquet of white roses which contrasted the deep black color of his suit and his complete change in appearance just made me fall even more deeper in love with him.

He was smiling to an old nobleman when he turned to meet my blue eyes and he looked back at me stunned, his silver orbs widening in disbelief.

I smiled at him, the smile that I was waiting for him to see. “Congratulations, Julian.”

He opened his mouth to say something however not one word was said though I didn’t mind because being in front of him, being close to him like this was enough for me.

“So are we ready to go, Julian?” a deep voice said and someone came behind him, it was his lover.