"Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." - Rafael Ortiz

I tied the long piece of black cloth around my neck as I stood still in front of the mirror, seeing and making sure it was tied into perfection.

Professional tailors circled me all at once, my overall appearance reflecting in their observing eyes and soon disappointment flaunted in their faces - even I found discontent on the cloth I sampled. Usually I would never bother to dress in my best but now I will.

"How about a silver necktie instead?" I heard my mother asked to one of the tailors.

"Of course, Madame!"

The said tailor granted her request before ordering his employees to undo the tie from my neck and to bring another one in which they all did in eagerness. I remained motionless in front of the mirror as the tailors did their deed on me - then I spotted a smooth silver cloth being strapped under my collar and I sighed in relief at the splendid contrast of the color on the black suit of my choice.

"Perfect!" both she and the tailor beamed behind me in delight.

I brushed my hand on the surface of my hair doused in pomade, feeling the cream substance sliding against my skin. I nodded, finally satisfied of my groomed self.

"I'll take these." I said.

Turning on my heels, I was greeted by a charming sight of the woman who gave birth to me.

Her simple pearl white gown appeared grand in her, after all her natural prettiness can transform a plain dress into that of noble attires. Helena smiled at me ruefully, "Is there really no chance for me to change your mind, dear? I know I'm being selfish but I rather be instead of seeing the boy I raised and loved fall apart more than he already did... is it really too late to stop you?"

"I promised to be there for him." I replied.

"But Julian will surely understand if you can't-" she started.

However, she cut off her words when I decided to look away. I didn't need to hear the rest of it because I'll still hold onto the promise no matter the consequences that will come to me after.

She sighed, "I'll see you in the carriage outside."

Thus with that said, she left me behind inside the clothing store and I took it as a cue to continue on preparing myself.

Each tailor and stranger admired me from their places, all of them had the same thing in their mind and it was apparent to the way they looked at me, and so I fought myself to pretend that I didn't see it or else I might start believing that I was the groom they thought I'll be.

―

The sound of wedding bells resonating throughout the cathedral, along with the chattering and giggling noises were all filled with excitement. The blinding sunlight was peeking through the huge stained glass window of the cathedral and was planting warmness on the altar below. The sight was so unfathomable and perfect. There were silver white roses decorated in every pillar of the cathedral hall, giving purity and innocence ambiance around us with a long traditional but alluring red carpet welcoming everyone attending.

Countless important guests arrived in the cathedral dressed in their own decent and formal attires which were specifically reserved for this precious day. The cathedral benches were now crowded with familiar people seen seated in the wooden pew in front whereas they would look at me with cheerful smiles in them as if they were silently congratulating me but I knew better so I looked away.

Black English suit was my chosen attire as I stood nearby the altar all ready and prepared. I committed glances on my gold wristwatch now and then to release the nervousness in me or perchance something else. Then, palpably, all my discomfort disappeared the moment the cathedral organ played.

Everyone seemed to fathom the time as they all went silent on their seats before eagerly waiting to behold the wonderful ceremony in front of their impatient eyes. And soon the long awaited ceremony began.

The stunning melody of the piano organ failed to distract me from staring intensely on the solid surface of the wooden entrance door. I couldn't ease the fast beating heart inside me knowing that he was now on the other side of that door. My mind briefly took note of my appearance and hastily searched for some inappropriateness in it but gladly I found none. My ocean blue eyes immediately darted back on the entrance door upon hearing it slowly creaking open.

A lump then suddenly was trap in my throat but I instantly swallowed it back with an inaudible groan slipping out of my dry mouth, with my hands remaining restrained behind me in a balled fist as I purposely ignored the increasing sweats building inside them. However, all my uneasiness instantly dwindled once I lay my eyes on the bridegroom.

He was the most beautiful person I had ever cast my eyes upon. He was dressed in a pure white suit which was shimmering against the chasm of sunlit from the open door as he stepped inside the hall, holding a bouquet of white roses in his hands. His enticing blonde hair continued to dance along the wind smoothly, thus showing the world how soft it was. He was walking graciously on the red carpet as if he was an angel sent to bless this place and just by staring at him made the world around me disappear.

I felt my breath ceased from the bewitching handsomeness before me but I can't help it. This was the man my heart was beating for and the man I will continue to love forever. There was an amiable smile drawn in his pink petal lips so kissable that I was always helplessly tempted to kiss it. His bright silver eyes never failed to always pierce my soul and they were clouded with tears of joy in it. He was so happy that he couldn't contain his tears at bay that it ended up escaping his eyes no matter how much he tried to hold it back.

I'm happy too. I'm happy because he is happy. His happiness is all that matters to me, I promised.

After what it seemed like an eternity, he already came in front of me with a priceless smile in his lips despite the tears that continued to flow down his face.

"Dante," he called to me, not knowing else what to say, to which I smiled back at. I needed no words to hear but my name only and it was enough. I proceeded to wipe the tears off his face with my thumb, caressing the skin with so much love and tender.

"Julian," I replied.

I wanted to compliment him and tell him how he means the world to me but somehow the words didn't build. Hence without further words to say, I took his hand in mine and sparks ran through my entire body at the warmth I felt in them. But, unfortunately, the sparks didn't ease the slowly breaking sensation in my chest. The broken thing that had been bleeding endlessly inside me.

I turned around with his hand still in mine and that was when an immense pang of pain struck me like a knife deep into my core and right through my heart.

"Thank you, Dante," my beloved whispered to me before I gave his hand to the man standing next to the priest. I died again for the thousandth time inside as I saw him take Julian's hand away from me.

The hand that was meant for me to hold, he took it away.

I couldn't muster even congratulatory words because of the aching heartbreak that hurt me whole so ruthlessly. A disguised smile was all I could make as I watched them walked in front of the cathedral reredos. I simply returned back to my seat among the male attendants in the front row knowing I didn't have a place with him in the same altar.

After all, I was not the groom my beloved chose.

―

The mass proceeded as soon as the music faded against the concrete wall of the Cathedral and the priest chose the maturing silence from the audience to introduce the couple in front of us, and not too long did I stop listening to the introduction itself.

It was hard.

To look at the man I still love standing afar from me with another man right beside him, and holding his hand, it was simply hard to sit here doing nothing and watch him getting married to someone else - time drained away and it was the most painful torture to me.

But I smiled.

I smiled in spite of the hurt, because deep inside, I wanted to be happy for him. I wanted to be because he was happy and will be happy more than anyone else in the world even though I will never be the person who'll give it to him. I wanted to be so I could hide my own pain far off where he couldn't see a single bit of it - I smiled not for me but for him.

Still it hurt.

"I can see tears in your eyes, child." a masculine accent called me from my depression.

I turned to my side to see his adopted father sitting on my left. I blinked repeatedly in failed attempt to erase the tears he was talking about however he was far from beguiled.

"You can fool him but you can't fool an old man like me." Samuel shook his head.

"I'm not fooling anyone." I denied.

He raised an eyebrow, "Really? Then tell me, what are you doing here?" he began, "It couldn't be for the promise you made to him because that thing is just a little phrase of words bound to be broken like how you did in the past so I wonder now... why didn't you? Perhaps, is there something you're trying to prove in front of us and most of all in front of him?"

I stared at him for the longest time before looking back at Julian.

But then I lowered my head down soon after the moment I did, unable to look anymore longer and listen to them telling their sincerest promises to each other - promises I'll never take part of.

"Nothing," I answered.

"I just wanted to be the one who'll give his hand to his waiting groom. I guess it's simply my way of letting him go." I lifted my head up and sent one last unseen smile to Julian before I stood up.

Samuel caught sight of the odd smile, "I'll take it that you're leaving?"

"I promised to be here but I didn't promise to stay until the end."

True to the words, I nodded a silent farewell to the man and soon started to walk out of the place. Almost a hundred pair of eyes noticed me leaving but none dared to stop me - not that I was hoping for anyone or especially from Julian himself either, after all he didn't have a reason to do so.

I dragged both my feet and my heart against the red carpet, the burden of losing him starting to weigh on me.

However, it left me as soon as gentle hands fell on my shoulders.

I glanced to each side to see my parents smiling at me altogether. Their smiles carried endless silent words of comfort for me and I smiled back to them.

I smiled simply because despite the immense pain and sadness, I held no regret this time.

―

Blossoming happiness and hope radiated right before me, and it shone in the figure of the man who'll soon be my lifetime husband in the face of this world.

His soft hands embraced kindness against mine, his smile hailed infatuation and his chestnut orbs lit up a promise of passionate love for me - and I deserved all of him. Lucas stood in front of me, offering his life and future to me and that I found earnest of him.

So then, why?

Why did I turned away from him and looked among the audience? Also why did it feel so strange to see the man I once loved, his back to me for the second time and walking away?

Dante set me free.

Free from the memories of our affair, from the pain and sadness of our unsuccessful romance. Of course I was happy to be standing here in the altar, to be someone's betrothed. But then somewhere deep within me, I wasn't.

"Julian?" Lucas called to me.

I looked at him confused and asked, "What?" He seemed a little bit taken aback of my question but nonetheless he didn't insist to know the reason behind the odd reaction from me and simply beamed at me more, "I said that I love you with all of my heart and there's nothing more I could promise than share my forever with you." he said and it dawned on me that he had already pledged a matrimonial oath to me, his partner.

And I heard none of it.

I was about to say something of apology when the sound of a carriage taking off echoed from the entrance door and it tugged something in my heart - it tugged the heartache I had long forgotten.

I didn't understand why though.

I was supposed to feel complete for the happiest moment of my life was happening to me and there was nothing I could ask for more, I shouldn't be thinking of someone else. I was happy earlier but now I was beginning to doubt it. For some reason, emptiness was mounting inside me.

Emptiness I didn't know I had.

Lucas stared at me for a long time as if he was waiting for me to confess, and there I realized it was already my turn to pledge my part of the oath - oath I couldn't tell him.

I pulled my sight from him, unable to see through the candidness of his smile.

Silence bore a hole in me and it was upsetting, it upset me to feel this incomplete. It didn't disappear even when the moment a finger brushed against the supple skin under my eyes, smearing away the tears I didn't know I shed. I glanced up to him to see the same candid smile he had, but it was no longer the same candidness of a man who was marrying me.

It was the candidness of a man who was losing his heart.

"It has been him all along isn't it? It always has." he muttered to me. I didn't fathom the meaning at first but I don't think I need to after I saw him dug out the ring from my finger.

"He will always be the one who you love the most."

"Lucas..." I tried to reason out something but nothing came because after all he nailed the truth, hitting me straight in between the eyes.

He sighed, "It's alright, it's alright to be selfish for once. It's alright to hurt me."

He left me no room for argument as he grabbed me and pulled me into one last kiss, pouring all of his feelings to me, and his kiss uttered the most silent heartbreak I had ever heard.

He parted our lips and smiled, "I love you, Julian."

Lucas let go of my hand. I wanted to tell him that I did loved him and I didn't mean to break the promise, although I figured it'll hurt him more if I did and thus I turned around without a word and began to step down, leaving him behind in the altar alone. People started to mouth something under their breath but I paid no heed.

I spotted Sam among the men on the front seats and he just looked at me. He nodded, not caring about the unfairness I did because I can't help it.

I can't help that I was still in love with Dante all this time.

I dropped the bouquet of roses before dashing out of the church.

The dust outside began to taint the cleanliness of my suit as I ran to the streets. The sun cascaded sunlight against me, searing my eyes for more tears and I conceded to it. The gust of spring wind encased all of me, bracing me of nothing but the feeling of regret.

Finally, I understood the reason why I couldn't write a letter of goodbye to him last time. I didn't want to because I still loved him.

And now I was losing him and I regretted ignoring that fact for a long time ago.

It had to be this freedom from him for me to see that he will always be important to me, and that he still worth so much. It had to be this wedding for me to see it was he who I can't live without.

Why did I have to learn the truth the hard way?

I ran as fast as I can and the numbing sensation in my legs brought nostalgia to me, and somehow it pained me at the thought of me failing to chase him again just like that one rainy day before.

I ached at the mere thought of me unable to tell him that he was the one I love the most.

That I loved him more than I did in the past, I wanted to tell him that I can't live without him beside me and that I chose him this time. I needed to tell him those because I don't think I'll handle the pain of losing him for the second time.

―

"It's such a pleasant tune, Dante."

Helena complimented after listening to the song I hummed. But I said none and just leaned further to the glass window beside me, reminiscing more on the romantic music I found ironic to remember at a time like this - and I chose to remember it as part of the memories of him.

"Historia de Amor and it means Love Story."

I replied through jaded attention. The melodies sang itself inside my head, still and all captivating me like how it did before. It painted me a picture of Julian playing the piano that night.

The animated things outside the glass rolled like a motion film near me and it flaunted me nothing but images of him and only him. I closed my eyes and resumed on humming the song, refusing to see more because I didn't want to go down in tears and break my heart to pieces - since I had no more tears to shed and I had no more pieces to shatter. I simply had no more other than this painful love of mine.

In the midst of the song, I heard someone calling my name.

I blinked my eyes open, assuming that it was either my mother or my father who was calling me however they both didn't. Thinking that I might be imagining things, I closed my eyes for a short sleep.

But then I heard it again and I heard it loud and clear this time.

I lurched from my light sleep and glanced up to my parents to see the two of them both sharing a look of surprise at me. I narrowed my eyes, unsure of the meaning behind their expressions.

Though I understood it after I heard it again, almost familiar.

"Dante!" I gaped to no one as I came to realize the person who was calling me.

"Dante!"

Helena turned to smile at me, she said nothing other than ushering me to open the door. It was as if she already knew what I would do hence I didn't idle on about for a question nor a response but instead I hurriedly shouted at the horseman for a stop, and soon the carriage came to a halt.

I pushed the door open and jumped out in haste.

I spun around and was met with the sight of the man I loved running to me from the distance and I could feel something inside me hauling my feet for a run too in which I did soon after.

I race towards him, my heart chasing the same frantic speed. Of course, it started to rush a mile as the distance between him and I began to close.

The grief and all the pain, I left them behind one after another as I continued to run to Julian.

Time slowed but my heart sped at the scene.

It seemed unreal to see him here, his suit far out of place and his once groomed hair tousled. It felt unreal to see him running to me of all people.

The space that separated us apart soon closed and something in me pounded upon the touch of his hands on my shoulder, pulling me immediately in a desperate embrace. He pushed his chest to me, his strong heartbeats resonating through me, and it erased the ache I had for a long time.

"Dante... Dante..." he still called to me with silent cries escaping him.

I shushed him, still unsure and in disbelief. It had to be a dream to see him again in my arms, it really had to be a dream in a dream to feel him this close - it had to be a dream and nothing more.

He pulled back before pressing his lips to mine much to my surprise.