The Slug Club had its ups and downs. Mostly downs.

Seeing as there were lots of different students from houses or areas of interest I never indulged in, it was almost nice hearing the backgrounds of different students or their accomplishments to earn them places at the table.

Funnily enough, I was actually most intrigued to hear about Harry. He and Slughorn made good conversation, and I was impressed by how he managed to juggle so many of his activities. Granger was more tolerable than usual, but her muggle jokes didn't quite land and I didn't find them overly funny or interesting for that matter. Actually, she in general wasn't too funny or interesting. At least Harry made up for the fascinating features she lacked.

Cedric and Slughorn made excellent chat, as well. Sluggy, a known socialite type who always was looking for connections, was interested in asking about the Diggory Minister of Magic from some years ago. His family's kept a large role in the ministry for a long time and it was safe to say that Cedric was on the path to make the Diggory name proud. It sounded like Slughorn was banking on Cedric being someone he could call on for a social or business link someday.

Despite a few snide comments from Blaise and Theo who seemed determined to bash Cedric, even they couldn't downplay his accomplishments with a "half-blood" insult slyly thrown about. They certainly tried, though. More than once they caught themselves almost slipping in "mudblood", but stopped before it went too far. I know Cedric noticed, too.

I'd heard some rumors about Slughorn being a bit of a pureblood supremacist, but I couldn't quite tell over the course of the conversation. Sure, he invited Granger, a muggle-born, and seemed to tolerate her chat enough, but he didn't make any effort to stop or even disapprove of the obvious anti-muggle born rhetoric thrown about by Blaise or Theo. He didn't even bat a lash when Blaise suggested Cedric might be unworthy of a Ministry position with a mother coming from a muggle background.

Other students spoke with Slughorn as well, all with some famous ancestry or academic notoriety. It was like some high society gathering where everyone rubbing elbows was trying to see who could show off the most. That's not to say it was a boring evening, but being in such luxurious company got tiresome. I could only hear that someone's grandfather invented a potion or uncle was a ministry politician so many times.

"And your family, Miss Vitelli?" Slughorn finally turned his attention to me, notably last. "I'm ashamed to say I haven't been making many of your functions since the passing of your grandfather."

"If you've met them once, you've met them a thousand times," I tried to joke, earning a smile from Slughorn. "They all send their best."

"You've seen them recently?"

"Yes; I've just gotten back from a ball hosted by my parents a couple weeks back."

"How lovely," he sipped his drink. "I remember how well your family could throw a party. Hours and hours into the night and early morning of fine wine, dancing... such sophistication."

As much as I appreciated the compliment, I wasn't interested in flaunting my family's fortune in front of the group, despite the fact many of them were more than well-off themselves. I could leave that to Blaise and Cormac, if they so wished.

"I'm sure you're welcome back anytime for another," I plastered on a smile. "My parents and I would love to have you."

He cocked an eyebrow. "I might take you up on that offer, Miss Vitelli. Oh, how I miss a good Italian festival. When might the next shin-dig be?"

"Christmas Eve, I'd presume," I took a bite of my food. I felt the eyes of Theo and presumably Blaise on me.

"Ah, yes! I've been to a few of your grandfather's Christmas Eve parties many years ago. Always a great show, you put on for the holiday. I'll be sure to be in attendance this year."

"Won't it be a joint party this year?" Theo asked from across the table, interrupting our conversation.

I craned my neck to look at him. Merlin, he was lucky he had his good looks, otherwise he'd be nothing more than a massive pain tonight.

"Is it really?" Slughorn asked, turning his attention to the pureblood boy. "What might you be referring to, Mr. Nott?"

Theo stared me dead in the eyes. "The Vitelli's and the Malfoy's have... how shall I say it? Joined forces recently."

Slughorn burst out into some jolly laughter, contrasting from the stares we were giving each other. "Good grief, son, you make it sound like some war alliance. Miss Vitelli, is Mr. Nott here correct?"

I was forced to look back at Slughorn, awkwardly smiling to alleviate some tension I had building up inside me.

"I, uh... my parents and the Malfoy's are... close, these days. I wouldn't be surprised if they came, as well."

Slughorn bobbed his head up and down in acknowledgement. "Hopefully Lucius doesn't find it offensive that young Draco isn't here, then. A good student, he is, but... something of a troublemaker. Regardless, it'll be a lovely evening, I'm sure."

"I'll be happy to see you there, professor. My father and I always drop by for the party," Theo smirked.

"How splendid! No wonder you and Miss Vitelli are such good workmates in class. It's no doubt that close families make close friends."

As Slughorn babbled on something about the Malfoy family, Theo had a smug smirk playing on his lips. His eyes occasionally raked down to my neck and landed on the moon and stars charms I had, which only made him smirk more.

I could rule out that Theo sent the necklace, then. He seemed full-on supporting this marriage with Draco, which surprised me since months ago he seemed to be quite the opposite.

It was like my feelings didn't matter anymore to him. What had gotten into him? I know that first and foremost, he was Draco's friend, and I accepted that. However, that didn't mean he stopped being my friend. He always said I could confide in him, but that was out of the question now that he's been so unsupportive of my feelings or wants.

Like hell I'd be speaking to him anytime soon.

Juxtaposing Nott's attitude, Cedric beside me seemed... unnerved. He gave me an awkward smile that didn't meet his eyes, lips thinly pressed together and his cheeks lightly pink with a blush. His shoulders were tense, which was a good representation of how he looked overall.

Tense.

———

"Galleon for your thoughts?" I asked Cedric as we ended the slow walk back to the dungeons. He was nice enough to walk me back to my room, which I was lucky enough that again we weren't spotted heading to the girl's dormitories.

"Keep your galleon," he shrugged dismissively.

"If it's any consolation, I thought you were fantastic tonight. More so than usual," I tried to put a smile on his face, like he had done for me earlier.

"The same to you."

"Cedric, it's unlike you to be so quiet. You have been since dessert was served. You hardly spoke even when Slughorn gave out drinks after dinner."

"I'm not much of a drinker."

"You know what I mean," I shook my head. Although our pace was slow as it was, I stopped in my tracks and grabbed his forearm, causing him to turn back and look at me. "Shall we sit and talk?"

His eyes sheepishly looked up to meet mine. He didn't respond, but nodded slowly.

I hadn't planned on him coming in tonight, but it looked like he needed it. Daphne was out with some friends anyway despite her jokes from earlier, so the room was empty. I brought him to the edge of my bed and sat down a few inches from him.

"You started out the night so confident... you told me yourself, not to let those 'snakes' get you down. What changed?"

He ran a hand through his perfect hair, tousling it so that even when messy, it still looked attractive. I didn't know how that was possible.

"Do as I say, not as I do," he lamely forced a chuckle. It was obviously insincere.

"Still, you're not one to let those guys... Theo Nott or Blaise Zabini of all people upset you. You had everything going for you tonight."

"Y/n, we both know the only thing I had going for me tonight was you."

I knitted my eyebrows instinctively, not necessarily uncomfortable, but it was a suggestion I didn't want to realize tonight.

"That's not true, Ced. You got invited to the Slug Club on your own merit. I had nothing to do with it."

"But they were only harassing me because you were there with me. Any other night, any other girl I would've gone with, they would've left me alone. They said so themselves."

"That still doesn't explain your shift in behavior. You were so confident in yourself for so long... what changed? I actually... liked how you weren't paying them any attention."

His eyes met mine. They held a sort of sorrow that I didn't quite place till now.

"Them being jealous, I can handle. I know Nott must have a thing for you, and that's fine, really. What I can't handle is him suggesting I'm not good enough for you. I know my pockets aren't nearly as deep as theirs, but I thought I could... make you happy, still. Even if I'm not some wealthy pureblood bloke like either of them."

What? Had Cedric gone mad? Everything he just said was factually incorrect. There was no way Theo was interested in me, but there was also no way he wasn't, in theory, good enough for me. Especially since I didn't care about his blood status or how rich his family was... the reality was, it was just my family that cared about that.

If it weren't for my marriage, he and I'd still be together.

Fuck, this is my fault. If I told him months ago why we had to break up... he wouldn't feel this way.

"Cedric... I mean this with total sincerity: you're good enough for me. If anything, you're too good for me. Never think for a second that you aren't, just because of some superficial reason like blood status or inheritance."

He shook his head. "No, no, you're just saying that. I didn't want to tell you, because I didn't want your pity—"

"It's not pity!" I reached out to grab his arm, the sudden contact forcing him to look at me again. "I've been less than honest with you in the time we've spent together lately. That makes me the problem, not you."

He raised his eyebrows, looking at me quizzically. "What are you talking about?"

"I— it's a lot to explain... you'd be disappointed in me if you knew the truth."

"Y/n, I could never be disappointed in you. For Merlin's sake, I'm so bloody in love with you, it doesn't change a thing what you've done."

My breath hitched with an audible gasp. Don't say that. For the love of all that is good and holy, do not say that. We both know it, and we both know I felt the same way for him. Felt. Did I still? It was obvious I was still interested and attracted to him, but I hadn't really considered if I was still in love with him necessarily.

He reached out his hand to take mine in his, likely noticing how much I was trembling by that point. I couldn't choke out any words to say, or even string together words in my minds worthy enough of hearing. The poor boy had just re-confessed his love for me and I couldn't think of anything to respond.

We both knew he loved me, whether or not he said anything. It was obvious. Merlin, why did he have to say it? I was fine with avoiding it till now.

"Y/n?" he mused, rubbing his thumb over my hand in a soothing manner. His touch was warm, like always. Inviting.

I forced myself to snap back into reality with a harsh blink, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy. Not dizzy in the sense that I was faint or the room was spinning, but more so that I couldn't concentrate on what my own brain was thinking.

My eyes fixated back on his soft blue ones, looking at me wide with some of the most love and genuine adoration I'd seen in months from anyone.

"Cedric, I..." I managed to choke out, before feeling my throat go dry.

"Shh, shh, it's okay," he cooed, noticing my lack of a response. His thumb continued to trace patterns over my skin, now ripe with goosebumps. "You don't have to say anything."

"No, I do," I shook my head. "I can't just... leave you with nothing."

His eyes bore into mine. I could tell he was wanting something of substance, even if he didn't say it.

"No, let me apologize... I, shouldn't have said that. I feel it, I really do, but it slipped out of frustration. I genuinely didn't intend on making you uncomfortable... I never even planned on admitting that."

"You haven't made me uncomfortable or anything..."

"I haven't? Then what's the matter?"

He took my other hand in his free one so that he was now grasping onto both of mine. I'd admit, the contact was nice, I liked it, especially from him. It gave me the same butterflies I was so used to getting from him, ones that made me want to move closer and let him envelop me in his strong arms then kiss away all my anxieties.

But how could I let that happen?

To be fair, nothing between us was necessarily going on, but I couldn't let us go down the track we had so desperately started. If he already admitted his love for me, this could only definitively end in two ways: I tell him I want him too, or tell him I don't and we fall into the same cycle of him chasing me and not moving on. Or the necessary third option: cut off contact with him altogether.

"This... it won't work," I breathed out, my voice lowered to a hush.

"Look, y/n, I know we broke up over the summer, and if you want nothing to do with me, I can take it like a man. But if there's even a sliver of hope that you might still want me... I'll take whatever chance I can get."

"No, Cedric, it's not that—"

"Then what is it? I can tell the way you've been acting, it's obvious you still feel something. Maybe you don't love me like I love you, and that's fine, I can work with that. But you do feel something. I wouldn't be trying so hard if I didn't sense it."

He was right.

There was no denying the truth of the matter, that I had feelings for him, but I was always aware of that. The real question was whether or not I was willing to risk a secret relationship with him, or even just confess that I was married? I had to at least do the latter.

"You know that's true," I started, "but it's a little more complicated than that."

Cedric rolled his eyes, clearly frustrated. "How could it possibly be complicated?"

Ced... I want you but it's not right to have you...

I couldn't bring myself to verbalize the words my mind had articulated. I was sat like a dog, with my mouth open, nothing coming out. Just huffs of breath escaping my mouth.

When I failed to produce a response, Cedric stood up and paced around, running his hands through his hair and trying to calm down while I did the same. We weren't fighters; if anything, we were the opposite, even in a relationship. We got frustrated, upset, but never angry or yelling at each other. We just needed moments to cool down.

Our fights when we were dating always panned out like this. It was rare that we even fought, but on the off occasion that we did, it was always little frustrations that needed to be aired out. Nothing major, no toxicities, just mature conversation.

He paced up and down my room, until he stopped at my dresser. His eyes were fixated on something I couldn't tell from where I was sitting. His hand reached out for it until he wrapped his fingers around it and held it up to his eyes.

The golden snitch.

"I gave this to you after that game," he breathed out, his fingers running over the intricate designs of the ball. "After the party, I mean."

My eyes shifted between my lap and him holding the snitch. It was increasingly harder to stay focused on him. "It's very pretty. I keep it up by my jewelry for ambience."

His eyes followed back to its original spot before looking back down at it, rolling it from finger to finger.

"I remember how much you wanted one while we were dating. I should've given you one then but... I liked keeping them. Like trophies."

"You can have that one back. Add it to your collection."

He shook his head and placed it back on its holder I made for it. "It's yours. Doesn't look like you have much in here to remember me by anyway."

"Cedric, I could never forget you. I don't need souvenirs as a remembrance."

I gently stood up and took long, agonizingly slow strides over to him. I noticed his breathing change rates when I was close to him, close enough to feel his body heat radiating onto me. His much larger figure would appear domineering usually, but his neck was craned down, almost defeated. His shoulders were slumped, and eyes not willing to meet mine.

I reached a hand out to cup his face, which gently urged him to look at me. His eyes were glassy; not quite teary, but full of emotion. He instinctively nuzzled his cheek into my touch, like he always did, placing a soft, barely noticeable kiss to my palm.

"You know how I feel about you," I managed to breathe out, softer than I'd spoken to him all night.

"That's the thing, y/n," he enveloped my hand with his own larger one, still cupping his cheek, "I really don't. Merlin, how I wish I did... just let me in that pretty head of yours for a minute. Tell me whatever's on your mind so we can figure something out."

Of course, I knew what I had to tell him. Why did this have to be so difficult?

I ran my fingers from around his cheek to down his jaw and neck, softly caressing as much of him as I could take in. His contact was always a source of comfort, but now I noticed the slight tremble of his skin under my touch, the way it reacted with goosebumps or a quiver when my fingers traced little patterns up and down.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I shook my head, "but all I can say is that I think it's better if we go our separate ways."

With a quick, sharp turn of his neck, my hand was pulled from his face and he looked to the right, avoiding my gaze and back to the golden snitch resting on my dresser. He seemed to find solace in it.

"How could it be better?" he managed to choke out, his voice shaky like a young boy.

"I- I can't bring myself to say anymore," I looked down myself, not that it would matter, since our eye contact was broken already.

"Fine," he breathed out, straightening his posture so he appeared taller. Merlin, this would be easier if he weren't so handsome. "I'll leave you alone then. Maybe I can stop getting harassed by your other boyfriends then," he scoffed.

I was slightly taken back at that. Cedric was never one to shoot out snide comments, but I let it pass since I knew he was grieving a broken heart. I didn't need to rub salt in the wounds.

"This has nothing to do with Theo. Or Blaise, for that matter," I reached out to touch him again, but he moved back. I couldn't blame that.

"I'd like to believe that, y/n, but I don't know anymore." His eyes looked back up to meet mine, and I couldn't quite make out the feelings of them. Saddened and hurt, but with a twist of frustration that I hadn't noticed before.

"I swear this isn't because I don't have feelings for y—"

"Don't," he cut me off, understandably. "I apologize for my attitude right now, but the last thing I want is some half-hearted excuse."