I'd been upset with Draco before. I'd been annoyed with Draco before. I'd been pissed off with Draco before. I'd wanted to punch the daylights out of Draco before.

Not once had I been as overwhelmingly furious with Draco as I was in the art room.

And not once had I ever had such self restraint to not rip him to pieces while he stood in front of me. Dressed in his usual black suit attire, I fought the urge to claw at him until he spilled whatever he needed to say.

He had urged our mothers out of the room finally for some privacy between the two of us. Part of me was glad that they were gone and the peanut gallery couldn't give any input, but another part of me wanted them there. Maybe they could hold me off if I eventually did decide to kill him.

I was sat at the loveseat against the wall, waiting for Draco to come up with some answers.

I sat with my legs and arms crossed, clearly upset and closed off from him. The pale blonde in front of me paced up and down, as if he was formulating a response. He looked distressed, but given how annoyed and ready for a discussion I was, he should have been a hundred times more worried than he was.

"Well?" I finally spoke up. The boy almost jumped back at the harshness of my voice, but just halted in his tracks and looked at me.

He straightened his black tie, loosening it like it was restricting his ventilation. With how red his neck and face were, you might think that it was.

He cleared his throat.

"I, uh... don't know how to tell you what I'm meant to tell you, y/n."

I rolled my eyes. "You have to do better than that."

"Merlin, give me a minute," he stammered. I could practically see the sweat dripping off his features.

"From the sound of it, you've had much longer than a minute."

His eyes widened eerily bright, like he was scared. Considering how anxious I sat there, I was glad he was scared of the situation. He deserved whatever he was feeling.

"What my mother said wasn't exactly correct," he breathed out.

"Then explain yourself."

"Y/n, it's not that simple—"

"Malfoy, I am giving you one chance to explain yourself and I suggest you do so wisely."

His adam's apple bobbed up and down in what I figured was nervousness as he gulped furiously. Part of me wanted to feel bad for him; he looked terrified. The rest and more domineering part of me was glad that he was suffering.

"I understand," he nodded breathlessly. "Where would you... like me to start?"

I feigned pondering for a moment. "Let's start with where your mother seemed to give a time estimate. Does 'years' ago sound familiar to you?"

"She... wasn't completely correct in speaking. She made it sound much worse than it was, I can promise you that."

"But she wasn't completely incorrect," I clarified. His breath hitched, confirming my suspicions. "Now, what did she mean by you've finally gotten what you want?"

"Y/n, maybe we should slow—"

"I'd appreciate it if you referred to me by 'Vitelli' for now."

His eyes seemed to soften, like a wave of emotion hit him. "But... that hasn't been your name for months now. You signed the papers for a name change."

"I know."

He gulped again, realizing what I was implying. I didn't want to be linked to him right now.

"If that's what you wish... Vitelli," he sighed. "My mother exaggerates a lot, you know she does."

"But she's no liar."

"That, she isn't. Y/n— sorry, Vitelli... when she said that I... I don't know what she was saying. It must have just slipped out—"

"Cut the bullshit, Draco. I gave you a chance to explain, and you're walking on thin ice with these responses."

"Please understand, love, that all I've ever wanted is you."

"That unfortunately is not the answer to my question."

"In a way... it is."

I cocked my head to the side, silently prompting him to continue on. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He looked down at his feet before looking back up at me, nervousness flooding his eyes.

"This is something I've wanted to tell you for a while now, but especially since we got here. I've dropped little hints referencing to it but I don't know if you've picked up on it."

"Evidently not. Now, get to talking."

Draco sighed heavily before his eyes softened.

"Would you believe me if I told you that I've been in love with you since the day I saw you?"

I almost stumbled back at that question. My features twisted together in an uncomfortable way, displaying my distress and clear confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

He scoffed, not out of annoyance but more like frustration, as if he was mentally deliberating something.

"Can you think back all the way to when we were children? It was my eighth birthday when we met. I had a party with the children of some other pureblood families, it was all set up by my parents so I could make friends of my own caliber."

I reflected back for a second. "Yes, I remember that. What's that got to do with anything?"

"You're not going to believe me if I say this," he sighed, "but I feel like I've wanted you since then. I know, we were just kids and I couldn't possibly comprehend anything like love, but I do remember not being able to get you out of my head."

"So you had a little crush on me," I clarified. "That's not 'in love' by any means."

"At the time, maybe it was. But over time, it developed into something more intense, you could say."

"More intense?" I repeated.

"When I got older," he affirmed, "and we went to Hogwarts. It seemed like every year the feelings I had for you deepened. It got to a point where you were all I thought about, all hours of the day. I didn't know how to process those feelings since I didn't understand them."

"When we were younger, all you did was harass me relentlessly. Did you think that would win me over?"

"No, of course not. I just didn't have any idea how to let you know how I really felt, so I turned my affection for you into something else. It killed me to treat you like that, but it was the only thing I knew how to do."

"That's really stupid, Malfoy. You don't court a girl by making her feel like shit everyday for seven years straight."

"I'm aware, and I'll regret those decisions everyday for the rest of my life. I already do."

"That's touching, but not an apology," I sarcastically huffed.

"Wait," he sighed. "I'm afraid it gets worse."

"How?"

What could he possibly tell me that was worse than tormenting me my entire youth?

"Well... in fifth year, my father presented the idea of an arranged marriage to me. I knew that I'd have one at some point, there was no way around it. I was being assigned one and that was it. Some of my friends were talking about having the same done for them."

"Fifth year?" I asked. "My parents didn't bring it up to me until this past summer. I had no idea that I was..." I paused. "Wait."

Draco grimaced. His features contorted like they were shrinking up, his nose crinkling and eyebrows scrunching out of disgust. He knew what I had just come to the realization of.

"You didn't."

"Y/n, I can't apologize enough—"

"Don't call me that!" I harshly cut him off, standing up from my seat to emphasize my emotions. "How could you possibly do that to me?"

"Trust me, I didn't have any intention of hurting you—"

"Bullshit! I wasn't meant to be in an arranged marriage but because you wanted me, I was forced to be your wife!"

"It's not that simple!" he finally elevated his aggression levels, matching but not surpassing mine. "I'm telling you, it sounds worse than it is! Give me a chance to expl—"

"How could you have possibly taken my freedom away like that?! I didn't deserve to be thrown into this!"

"Of course you didn't! Merlin, I'm so fucking in love with you, don't you think it kills me to know how unhappy you were on the day of our wedding while I had to hide the fact that the girl I've always wanted was finally mine?"

"See! Even now, you're only thinking about how you felt. How fucking selfish! Poor little Draco had to pretend to be upset while he got what he wanted all along, whereas my independence had been ripped from me!"

Draco opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It was as if everything I'd been saying finally sunk in. Funny; all these years of wanting me and he didn't consider this with all that time he had to think.

"You act like my freedom wasn't taken from me too," he finally piped up, in a voice much smaller than it had been a moment ago.

"You picked me to be your wife," I added, "it sure sounds like you had some choice."

"I was going to have one anyway! If it wasn't you, it'd be some other pureblood girl that I don't want!"

"So that makes it okay for me to be forced to marry some boy I don't want?"

His features softened immediately, his lips slightly parting and breath escaping like it was being forced out. I could practically hear his lungs deflate.

"You... don't want me?"

I started to speak, but I forced myself to stop before I said something I'd regret. Was I angry with him? Of course. Was I close to throwing him out of the room and swearing I'd never see him again? Also yes. But could I lie and say that I didn't have feelings for him? I couldn't deny how I felt.

But none of that mattered in the moment.

All I could process was the fact that I'd been forced to marry him, but he wasn't forced to marry me.

"I wouldn't take your choice away from you."

More air escaped Draco's lips. I almost wanted to remind him to breathe, he looked so helpless.

"I never meant to do that to you, love."

His words came out like choppy, unsteady puffs than a sentence. He looked scared to say the wrong thing. He absolutely should have been.

"After everything I've done for you..." he shook his head, "do you really not want me?"

"Everything you've done for me?" I sounded offended, slowly raising my voice. "Tell me, Malfoy, what have you done for me besides break up my relationship, take away my freedom, fuck up my life? No romantic dinners or diamond necklaces can make up for that."

I didn't hear anything from Draco for a moment.

He just looked down, and I knew why. He felt shame. And I wanted him to feel shame. I wanted him to feel even an ounce of what I felt for months after we were married. Still, no matter how ashamed he felt in the moment, I doubted he would ever truly have an understanding of what he broke.

He didn't say anything else. Instead, he let out a few sniffles, short ones that made his chest heave up and down.

I don't think I'd ever seen him cry before.

It wasn't in his nature. He was always the conqueror, the one wreaking havoc that everyone looked up to or focused their attention on.

In a way, he still was. He conquered what he wanted; he took what he desired, wreaked havoc on my life. It was at the expense of my happiness, my freedom, my independence, and he did it anyway. Why? Because he wanted to.

By that point, the tears streaming down his pale face were evident. They dripped off his pointed chin and stained his dark suit, leaving wet marks at the top of the lapels. He didn't care, material objects were of no issue to him, like everything else.

Then, he did something I hadn't expected him to do.

He lowered himself onto his knees.

He inched his way closer to me, reaching for my hands. I wanted to pull back, not giving him the satisfaction of being allowed to touch me, but I decided to entertain whatever he was doing. He'd never been so open about his emotions before, and I was going to take advantage of it. Not the other way around.

His skin was as cold as always, this time wettened by a few tears he'd wiped away with his fingers.

When he looked up at me, tears welling in his big blue eyes, I felt a twinge of temptation to give in, but I couldn't. The feeling left as quick as it came, as I reminded myself of why we were even in this position.

"Please forgive me," he cried into my hand, clutching it close to his face.

He peppered wet kisses to the back of my hand, the palm, any skin he could reach. Draco was never good with words; he was much more of a physical interactor.

"I can't explain how upset I am with myself for doing this to the girl I love," he choked out between fits of tears, "I can't live knowing you hate me."

"I... didn't say I hate you, Malfoy," I finally replied once he gave me the opportunity.

He looked up at me again, cheeks reddened with the flush of color that tinted his light skin.

"I can't live knowing you don't love me either."

As angry as I was with him, that struck a cord with me. No, no... I couldn't feel bad for him. This was his fault, he fucked things up. He could have been civil with me from the beginning, pursued a real relationship, and we still could have ended up married together properly like two loving adults.

But no, I kept reminding myself, he did this for his own selfish reasons.

No matter how desperate he may look on his knees begging for forgiveness, no matter how many tears he shed, no matter how much he may claim he loves me, this was his fault.

"How could I, knowing what I do?" I looked down at him, who clutched my hand tighter and cried harder. He almost made my hand cramp with how forceful his grip was, but I let it slide. I could at least give him that.

"I... I can't expect you to," he spoke. "I've taken so much from you already. I can't force your love."

"I could've loved you, Draco," he perked up at the sound of his first name, but then retreated back into his somber state, "I was even... really starting to like you. This changes everything."

"Does it?" he asked, still on his knees, inching closer so that his face was nearly pressed against me. "You're still my wife, I'm still... your husband."

"I don't care," I told him, trying to back up the slightest bit, which he responded to by just scooting closer to me. "On paper, that might be true, but I need time to process this."

"Time?" his features turned even more depressed, if that was possible. "We'll still be married even if you decide you want nothing to do with me."

"Right now, that looks plausible."

He cried harder into my hand, still peppering kisses to the soft skin that was now used to his freezing touch. His tears were even colder, like little drops of ice sliding down.

"I'll do anything you ask, y/n... for the rest of my life, I'll be making up for what I did."

"That's a long time, Draco," I shifted uncomfortably, looking at him nearly pressed against me.

"I waited years for you... I can wait however long it takes for you to forgive me, if ever."

"Why entertain this? How can we go back to building a relationship that's built on lies?"

He looked up at me once more, his eyes now red and bloodshot from crying.

On his knees in front of me, hair messy and suit stained with tears, I'd never seen him so utterly desperate.

"I'll always pick being miserable with you than to miserable and without you."

———

A/N: First order of business... THANK YOU GUYS FOR EVERYTHING!! "Learn to Love" just hit 10k reads AND hit #1 on #dracomalfoy... I was shaking when I saw that, I literally was so excited. It's been getting higher and higher on a lot of tags and I'm so grateful for all of you who read, vote, comment, and just are here in general!

I started writing this book at the request of some people on TikTok and I didn't expect for 1) myself to write and develop a more complex and longer plot or 2) for it to have such relative success. I love you guys.