I can't find a word that fits

Tears

Angst

Anger

Sleep deprivation

Heartbreak

The sound of my god damn voice cracking as I'm saying 'I'm fine, it's okay'

The lump in my throat that continues to grow no matter how many times I swallow

The deafening silence that fills my veins as the last glass shatters into pieces on the kitchen floor and I swear I can see my reflection blink

The breathlessness before the fall and the air that suffocates you on the way

The tickling of their whispers behind your ear as you swallow one more pill one more pill

The hope that your fingers will never have to touch the end of the bottle but here you are buying another one

The deep red that you bleed and watch as it washes away and mixes with tap water and slowly it becomes less harsh less painful

The words that sit on the tip of your tongue waiting to be let out but you swallow swallow swallow little girl keep your mouth shut little girl filter your opinions to their preferences

The emotions that evolve within me when condemning men like Trump men that break into houses when condemning all the things in the world out of my control

The cluster of tears words angst anger heartbreak broken dreams and used bandaids

that sit in the bottom of your stomach

Take a deep breath.

I found the word in the cluster that had escaped through my mouth and down the toilet bowl I have found the word that makes everything look beautiful and ugly all at once and makes me numb makes me feel everything all at once I have found the word that seems to snatch the rug from under people's feet I have found the word I go to sleep on and wake up to I have found the word that is hidden within everything I have found the word that keeps the blood in my veins rushing won't you listen I have found the word that keeps me alive keeps me moving helps me find the beauty in everything I have found the word I bleed to - for I have found the word that takes my breath away

Sometimes I forget to breathe.

I have found poetry.

Or perhaps it has found me.

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A/N:

Hey guys! I just want to thank you for 11.8K. It means the world to me and I know I've said this a million times but I love each one of you so much i can never express it enough. Seriously, it's the best thing to come back to after a stressful week of midterms. One more week to go! (Please pray for me). I'm so sorry for not being to update as much but I'm trying my best and hopefully you like this one :)

Also so sorry I haven't been able to reply to all your comments, but know that I see you and appreciate every single one of you

Love you all