so... someone requested that i do a thing where i show what y/n would look like and stuff. but i have way more stuff to list other then just what she looks like. if you don't want to hear about this you can skip. it won't affect what you read already or any other chapters after this if you decide that you didn't want to stay, that's okay.

no hard feelings man.

so the person that requested was

@plummking

they are really sweet, and they were so nice when asking about it. so i wanted to be nice back and actually give them what they wanted!

of course i always thought about y/n as her own character and not just you guys, the readers.

she can't be all like you, you are all different.

but she's definitely someone i want to be friends with! so here you go, lists, pictures from pinterest, shit, and just some more shit!

(pictures at the end. will be titled and captioned)

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y/n to me was always just a little masculine lesbian.

because, why not.

and some out there have pointed out that they are actually fem, which sucks because i kinda made my own character more then letting the reader choose.

but like i said, i can't get it 100% right all the time, or any time that is.

so, she is kinda like her own character to me. she even has her own name and everything.

i gave her the name Jordan.

because again,

why not.

actually Jordan Foster is her like, her full name, but just Jordan is all you really need to know about this bitch.

and her nickname is Jo because i'm not that creative!

but Jordan was just all i really had, and nameberry.com wouldn't give me shit! so Jordan just kinda stuck because like i just said, that's all i had, and it's kinda sick in my opinion.

also if y'all ever really cared,

here is some of the other characters names that doesn't really add to this other then me wanting you to know them.

—

• Richard Danville (Rich) - her best friend

• Elijah Flores (Eli) - her other best friend

• Juliette Wicks (Jetta) - one of her love interests

• Sarah Foster - her sister

—

BOOM! NAMES!

And grayson doesn't deserve a full name so he's just pig to us from now on.

•

jordan's hair was short in the beginning and just got long. then billie dyed it pink. by the time the current heartbreak happened jordan's hair was really showing she had whatever color hair before. so she decided to cut her hair off and dye it herself a different shade of pink so she doesn't get reminded of billie every time she looks at her own goddamn hair!

was that clear enough? her hair went through some shit because billie dyed it. i know, i'm dramatic.

•

her style was just kinda basic streetwear before billie came in and kinda showed jordan what her style was. like opening a new window of new and better choices. jordan was just like, "copy and paste" really. but still kinda mixed it up a little because she liked billie and her style. so like when you do homework and just copy the whole google website answers and switch up the words to make it sound good.

yeah, kinda what happened. but no one cared enough to be pressed about the style change.

• •

the ring that jordan and billie share that came back recently is something i never really described.

i just let the characters describe it with words you can basically use for anything.

but the ring is just a black ring with a neon green letter "J" on the front. so if anyone looked at it, it would just be a black band with the letter "J" facing them.

but, ya know. the first letter of your name if you really want. it's really supposed to be you after all, so i'm not judging if you want to do dat one.

and billies ring obviously was the same only with the letter "B"

do you see where i'm going with this?

they had matching ones but jordan didn't give billie the one with the letter "J" because at the time they had some beef going on. like always.

but yeah, it looks sick in my head as i'm imagining it. do what you want with the words i'm giving you.

but no judging, i won't judge you if you dont judge me. respecting each other over here

also also. i heard somewhere that if you where a ring on your middle finger your gay. idk i read it somewhere on insta so i was just like,

"I'm gonna do that from now on."

and that's why i pointed out it was on her middle finger!

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grayson was a H U G E cock.

we all know that one. but i never really explained why he just was all of a sudden like "fuck gays,"

so that's what i'm doing now.

like i mentioned richard and him used to date for like a little bit.

but ended up breaking rich's heart by calling him mean stuff and denying he had feelings and all of that.

internalized homophobia everyone.

and also a not so supportive household, just like jordan's.

grayson just hated that he was into boys too so he just went off on jordan for being happy with billie and stuff.

also not to mention that he liked jordan as well at the time. because he liked both but didn't want to.

so he tried with rich, realization hit, and he said "oh hell no" and just said "not to speak of this to anyone" to rich because he didn't want anyone to know he liked dick up the butt.

so when billie trusted grayson with her being bi, he used that for manipulation. Q did the same, just with billie liking a girl before too and also jordan.

and when it was time grayson blew up and dipped on them and said a big fuck you to the whole gang and did some shit to mess with them.

—

Branden. oh what a boy he is in this story.

not going to lie, i always didn't like him that much.

but, never hated on him, just made him evil in the story so billie would go running to jordan from the bad men and be happily ever after that shit.

he was just a bitch who whines and hoes around basically. he used billie for clout and really liked the fans attention when it came to them "dating" and stuff. which is what i personally think happened irl.

they weren't dating. they never were dating. they just had casual hookups and would hangout at parties.

but he was SUPER abusive towards billie. keeping her little crushes and secrets to keep her hooking up with him.

he's just a sleaze bag who sucked on billies dong for some followers and attention.

—

how the hell does grayson and Q know each other?

well, grayson knew a lot of people everywhere.

he got a lot of friends in cali so him knowing Q wasn't so hard. they weren't friends or anything, just talked a few times and talked shit.

and also do y'all remember when grayson went out with that girl and came back drunk, then in the morning became a real homophobe? yeah, he met a girl on the street and hung out with her til who knows how long. they just wanted him to be safe, but damn, he got mean quick.

—

and that's really it for clearing anything up. if you want to know more comment it so i can make another explaining shit because i suck at explaining in the story!

• •

so, obviously, billie eilish in gay panic isn't the little billie o'connell in real life that we all know and love.

i used billie as a character here, i for sure don't know how she acts all the time in real life, or know any of her moves that she would make to get around in this story.

so i did some stuff just to make her the billie she is in this story. (but of course adding just a hint of the real her in here because then that just wouldn't be billie)

and billie was going through a hard time and went to a lot of parties during the first shit show.

do i know she would do this in real life? no.

but did i say this was 100% down to the mother fucking tttttttt accurate???? noooo.

so billie is billie in here, because like i have been saying....

i am not going to be correct on a lot of things most of the time.

these people i'm making up on the other hand, yes they are accurate because they are my creations.

boom logic ✨

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• jordan in the beginning, just without that much hair, mostly because of the face and style of things:

• jordan the first time billie colors her hair!!! and also not the face! the hhaaaiuirrrr:

• jorden before the cut of the hair and then after:

•her style before all of the billie shit!!!:

yeah so that's pretty much it for pics. if you have any questions i can answer them in the comments or in another one of these which won't happen for a little bit since i haven't been posting or really been active for this story!!!

sorry about that btw i know i have a "schedule" but sometimes i just really don't have that much motivation when i have other stories going on.

but i hope you all stick with me for the very final chapters of this story. i wrote it such a loooong time ago and i'm so happy to finally put an end to this to see it grow more! love you all, hope you all are safe and healthy. go out and sign petitions or even attend protests but still be super safe! use your voice! and if you got privilege!!!! USE IT TO HELP!!!

love you. you matter so much

- 💚