《Being Human》15. Steven and the Stevens
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Y/n was with the Crystal Gems exploring a place know as the Sea Shrine, The group were looking around a series of hourglasses.
Y/n and Steven were looking at hourglasses on a nearby shelf. Y/n wasn't exactly sure what they were supposed to be looking for but he liked all the intricate designs of the hourglasses.
"Hey, how about this one here?" Steven asks.
Pearl walks over to where Steven and Y/n were. "What one?" She asks.
"This little one." Steven says as he looks at the smallest hourglass with starry eyes. "It's ad-orb-able."
"Steven, the legendary glass of time won't be nearly so small and insignificant. It'll be beautiful and grand." Pearl says as she now looks at an big hourglass with an elegant design in excitement. "Like this one!"
"I think it's this one." Garnet's voice calls out and Steven rushes over to her and looks up at a large hourglass taller than them all while Y/n and Pearl follow behind him.
"Whoa!" Steven says in awe.
"You mean the biggest one?" Pear asks as Garnet, as Steven and Y/n look up at the giant hourglass. "How are we even supposed to get that back to the Warp Pad?"
"I can carry it." Garnet says before she cracks her knuckles.
"Wait!" Pearl calls and stops her. "We need to be careful which one we touch, you remember what happened last time we were here."
"What happened last time?" Y/n asks.
"Hey, guys, I'm making the call." Amethyst calls out as she picks up an oddly-shaped hourglass. "And it's this janky one here!"
"Amethyst?!" Pearl shouts and the Sea Shrine begins to rumble.
"Uhhhh... Nope, it wasn't." Amethyst says.
The ceiling of the shrine disappears and water begins to rush in, beginning flooding the place.
"Look out!" Garnet shouts as she grabs Y/n and Steven dodging the water alongside with Pearl before setting Y/n and Steven down. "We don't have much time." She says now.
"Amethyst, come on!" Pearl calls out.
Steven however runs away from Garnet and Pearl, back towards the hourglasses.
"Steven?" Garnet calls out.
"Wh-Where do you think you're going?!" Pearl asks.
"Amethyst gets to keep hers!" Steven says.
Amethyst walks past, carrying her chosen hourglass. "Darn tootin'!"
"I'm gonna get the one I picked out."
"Steven!" Pearl and Garnet call out.
Steven reaches the shelf he and Y/n had been at and picks up the tiny hourglass. "My name's Steven! You're gonna live with me." He puts it in his pocket.
"Steven, come on!" Pearl calls out to him.
Steven starts to run towards the Warp Pad now. "Imma comin'! Imma comin'!"
More water gushes into the shrine, forming a huge wave behind Steven. Pearl starts to panic and Garnet quickly shapeshifts her arm stretching it forward
"Hang on!" She cries and grabs Steven and pulls him in.
"Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!" Amethyst calls as the water rushes towards them.
Garnet brings Steven back to the warp pad. "Gotcha!"
"Well done, Garnet!" Pearl says but the huge wave engulfs the Crystal Gems as they warp away.
The Crystal Gems make it back to the Beach House's warp pad, bringing along a huge amount of water from the wave with them. The water soaks the whole room and washes Y/n and Steven away from the Warp Pad, while the Gems have sea creatures clinging onto them.
"Ha-ha-ha-ha! Hot potato! We're doing that again, right?" Steven asks.
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Pearl removes a piece of seaweed from her hair. "Unfortunately... we'll have to wait another hundred years for the sea shrine to reform because somebody couldn't keep their hands to themselves." She says giving glares at Amethyst
Garnet removes an octopus from her head and turns to Pearl. "You have a lobster on your butt."
"Huh?" Pearl looks down at her backside to see a lobster holding onto the sash of her ribbon. "EEEEEEEE!" She cries.
Amethyst laughs at Pearl as she screams in shock. A Cookie Cat alarm clock starts to ring and Steven gets excited.
"Beach-a-Palooza!" He cheers.
"Beach-a-wah-whooza?" Amethyst asks.
"Palooza." Garnet corrects her.
"That was a lot of fun you guys." Steven says as he grabs a scooter and puts on a safety helmet. "You'll be taking part in the Palooza right Y/n?" Steven asks Y/n who for once looks a little reluctant.
"Do I really have to Steven?" He asks.
"But it's the Beach-a Palooza, the whole town will there and dad said you've gotten really good with the guitar now." Steven says looking up at Y/n excitedly and Y/n lets out a sigh.
"Alright...I can't say no when you're that excited about it." Y/n says but he still remained unsure.
"I'll see you later!" Steven calls out as he moves to the beach house front door that has a crab in front of it. "After you sir." Steven says and he opens the front door for the crab and it crawls out. "Bye-bye!"
Steven takes off now and Y/n sighs now as he sits down on the couch now and removes his shoes letting water out of him.
"Is everything alright Y/n?" Pearl asks now holding the lobster in hands that been attached to her ribbon.
"It's nothing really." Y/n says wanting to forget about it for now. "While I'm here we might as well do some sword training."
Pearl's mood immediately brightens at these words. "What an excellent idea Y/n.
Steven is humming to himself as he makes his way to It's a Wash. Greg and Yellowtail are seen talking to each other.
"Yep." Greg says seemingly looking up at something.
A man in a Yellow raincoat and hat nods. "Mmhmm."
Steven approaches the two now. "Dad! Dad, you're ready to rehearse? Whoa!" Steven then notices Yellowtail's fishing boat, stuck in the car wash.
"Uhhh, we're having a bit of a day." Greg says.
"Is it stuck?" Steven asks.
"Yeah." Greg replies.
"Why does a boat need a car wash?" Steven asks,
"Hah! Huhuhhuh" The man in the raincoat speaks in murmurs and walks towards the boat.
"Sorry, buddy, I don't think I can play in the concert tonight. I gotta deal with this." Greg tells Steven.
"You're bailing on Beach-a-Palooza?" Steven cries. "But the whole town's gonna be there!"
"Steven, that's like 15 people." Greg says before he ruffles Steven's head* Next time, bud. I promise." Greg then walks off and starts talking to the man on his boat, as Steven turns away.
"Stupid boat getting all stuck. Nobody likes you, boat!" Steven cries. "I wish I could've been there to tell my dad you were too fat!" Steven suddenly disappears. He then reappears back at It's a Wash, at the very moment when Greg is about to put the boat in the truck wash.
"That's it. Just back her in. She'll definitely fit." Greg calls.
"What the-?" Steven says confused but then he gasps. "Dad! Dad!"
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Greg notices Steven. "Hey, schtu-ball! You excited for Beach-a-Palooza?" He asks.
"Dad, Dad, fat, it's fat! Fat, fat fat!" Steven shouts.
Greg looks at his own stomach. "Rude."
"Not you! The boat! The boat!" Steven points and Greg looks back.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!" Greg shouts and the man in the raincoat stops his truck.
"Nice catch, Steven." Greg says and he runs off to talk to man in the truck.
Steven pulls the hourglass out of his pocket and gasps. "The thing! You took me back in time, didn't you? Oh, man! Pearl's gonna flip when she finds out you're the real one!"
"Look, I'm sorry, but the boat's fat." Greg says to the man by the truck now.
The man in the raincoat gets off his truck and starts arguing in murmurs, when the truck starts rolling away.
"Oh no, your truck!" Greg cries and the truck crashes into an electric pole, knocking it over and it slams onto the truck. The electric wire then sparks and lights on fire. The fire travels along the wire to the roof of It's a Wash, causing an explosion and setting the whole roof on fire. Everyone screams in panic.
"Gotta save the van!" Greg cries running away.
Steven looks at all horrified. "I wish I could go back and stop myself from stopping my dad."
Steven gets warped away, back to the point when he is about to tell his dad that the boat is too fat.
"That's it. Just back her in. She'll definitely fit." Greg is saying.
Steven 2 appears from his first wish. "What the-?" he gasps. "Dad! Dad!" Steven then suddenly appears and tackles Steven 2 before he could say anything.
"Wha.." Steven 2 begins to say but Steven shushes him. "Future Steven?"
"Listen, two-minutes-ago-Steven, we can't go around trying to change time stuff. It just makes things worse." Steven tells him.
The boat gets stuck in the car wash once more.
"Oh, no! How did this happen?" Greg could be heard crying out.
"Aw, man! I really wanted to play in Beach-a-Palooza. Too bad you and I can't be in a band." Steven 2 says but the two Steven's come to a conclusion. "Wait a minute!"
Steven and Steven 2 warp back to a point where he is on his way to see his dad and tackle Steven 3 to the ground. "Steven!"
Steven 3 groans and looks at his assailants. "Mmm... Steven? ... Steven? What's going on?"
"No time to explain!" The original Steven says.
"Wanna join our band?!" Steven 2 asks.
Steven 3 stares at them blankly for a moment. "Yes! But didn't Dad say he would play with us?"
"He had an emergency at the car wash." Steven 2 says.
"We should go help him!" Steven 3 cries as he tries to run off and help.
"No!" The original Steven cries and stops Steven 3. "There's nothing we can do! The boat's fat, trust us."
"Okay. So who's our fourth? We need a drummer." Steven 3 asks.
"Not a problem, Steven!" Steven 2 declares.
Steven and Steven 2 pull out their respective Hourglass from their pockets.
"Hey, it's the time thing!" Steven 3 comments as the three Stevens warp away.
Y/n and Pearl were currently at the Sky arena as they sparred with swords in hand. Y/n had worked up a sweat as he focused on his footwork to avoid Pearl's assault.
Pearl proved relentless as she pushed Y/n back and soon she had disarmed him causing him to hold up his hands in surrender.
"Very good Y/n." Pearl says lowering her sword now. "While you still haven't won any of our duels yet you've almost mastered the basic footwork." Pearl says impressed. "Although, It's been several weeks and we still haven't found a sword that suits your style." Pearl ponders.
"Could I maybe try a longer sword?" Y/n suddenly asks.
"A longer sword?" Pearl repeats.
"Whenever I swing with this sword we use for practice I feel like I can't get close enough to land a hit. I think I need a sword that has better reach while letting me stay the extra distance back." Y/n says.
"Hmm." Pearl hums as she starts to think bring a hand to her chin. "Something that give you the reach of what my spear does but remains a sword..." She says to herself as she continues to think. "Oh. I have just the thing!"
She then strikes a pose. "Twooooh!" She cries as she begins doing a dance.
"Huh, I guess you really do that every time." Y/n quietly says to himself.
"Haaaaaah!" Pearl continues as her gem starts to glow and out of it appears a long and narrow sword. "Why don't we try this. It's called a Rapier." Pearl tells him as she hands the sword to Y/n.
"It's beautiful." Y/n says.
"I believe it's called a Rapier. The long narrow blade will allow you to have extra reach while still retaining the weight of a normal sword." Pearl informs him.
Y/n moves the sword in his hand now slightly. "You're right. Despite how it looks it feels about the same weight as the other sword." He says.
"Well then." Pearl says as she raises her sword. "Now we will have to see how you fare in combat with it."
Y/n just smiles and nods as he raises the rapier now and the pair prepare for another duel.
Back inside the Beach House, Steven begins to sing "Steven and the Stevens" with three other Stevens in a band.
♫ Can't you see it in my eyes
I'm the one, I'm the... One!♫
♫ Two! ♫
♫ Three! ♫
♫ Four!♫
♫ I'm not like the other guys. ♫ The Original Steven sings.
♫ He's not like anybody, well. ♫ Steven 4 on drums back up sings.
♫ That's not completely right, There's a few that I'm just like, Steven and the Stevens ,We're gonna make you smile, Me, myself, and I, and him
♫ Are all the same guy.♫ The Four Steven's sing.
♫ Steven and the Stevens, Come on, now, don't be shy Me, myself-
♫ And I...♫
♫ And him ♫
♫ That's me! ♫
♫ Are all the same guy...♫
A card reading "Steven and the Stevens" then appears after all the Stevens finish the song.
"Hey! Great singing, Steven!" Steven 2 says.
"Thanks, Steven!" The original Steven says.
"Can I sing lead this time?" Steven 2 asks.
"Well I usually sing lead vocals when I play with Dad." The original Steven replies.
"So do I!"
"Me too!"
"Me too, too! We all do! We're all Steven!"
"Well, one of us has got to be the band leader..." The original Steven says and all the Stevens ponder and "hmmms" at the same time.
"Oh! The leader should be the original Steven!" Steven 4 says
"The one that's been around the longest!" The then all say together and points towards the original Steven. "Yeah, alright, that's a good idea."
A card reading "Steven and the Stevens" then appears again. Steven proceeds to label the other 3 Stevens by writing numbers on their cheeks with a marker.
"Done and done! Steven 2, you're the smart one, Steven 3, you're the funny one and Steven 4, you're the sensitive one and I'm..." Steven styles his hair into a pompadour. "...the handsome one! Okay?"
"Okay!" Steven 2 and 3 reply.
"Okie-dokie artichoke-y!" Steven 4 says.
"Steven 4, what are you doing? You're not the funny one, Steven 3 is." Handsome Steven says.
"Well, we are all the same person, so we are equally prone to being hilarious." Steven 3 points out.
"No, no, that was too smart an observation for you, 3! You're the funny one!" Handsome Steven says.
"Wait, which one am I again?" Steven 2 asks.
"Dang it, Number 2, you're the smart one!" Handsome Steven replies.
"Hey, if Steven is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good looking?" Steven 4 asks now.
"No way! We are all extremely attractive!" Steven 3 says to him.
"Let's go get jobs as models!" Steven 2 says now.
"Hey! None of you are the handsome one! I'm the handsome one!" Handsome Steven says annoyed and the three other Stevens look down in dejection. "Ah! No I didn't mean! We decided...! Urgh... Let's take five."
"There's a fifth Steven?!" The three other Steven's gasp.
Handsome Steven looks at them annoyed. "No, I mean a five-minute break!"
The other Stevens giggle. "We know!"
Handsome Steven leans over the rails of the porch and sighs. " I can't believe it, I'm so annoying. Maybe it's time for me to quit the music business."
An electric guitar is heard inside the house and Handsome Steven goes back inside the house to find the other Stevens playing and singing "Ste-Ste-Ste-Steven" in a metal rock music style.
♫ Steven! Ste-Ste-Ste Steven!♫
♫ Ste-Ste-Ste Steven! ♫
♫Ste-Ste-Ste Steven! ♫
♫Ste-Ste-Ste ♫
Handsome Steven covers his ears in annoyance. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's all this noise?" He cries and the other Stevens stop playing. "I thought we all agreed that Steven and the Stevens was going to be a light-hearted throwback to early rock-n-roll, not this mess of screaming into distortion."
"Look, Steven. Steven and I were talking, and Steven agrees. Your attitude: just isn't working for us." Steven 3 says now.
"We've been a lot more productive without you." Steven 2 adds.
"We already wrote an angsty song about the time you made us feel bad for not being handsome." Steven 4 says.
"You're kicking me out of the band?!" Handsome Steven cries. "Wait, who's playing drums?" He asks.
"Amethyst said she would do it." Steven 4 says pointing to Amethyst who was indeed sat at the drums.
"I'm down for whatever." Amethyst says as she twirls a drum stick in her hand.
"Oh, come on!" Handsome Steven cries.
The other Stevens proceed to play and sing "Big Fat Zucchini".
♫ Steven's a big fat meanie! ♫
♫A big fat meanie zucchini...♫
Handsome Steven unplugs the socket of their instruments in anger.
"Whoa, dude." Amethyst says.
"Listen up! You can't kick me out of the band! I'm the original Steven! I created you! Steven and the Stevens was my idea! Without me, you'd all be nothing!" Handsome Steven tells them before he gasps. "That's it!" He begins to laugh maniacally and uses the Hourglass.
"Steven, no!" The other Steven's cry as he disappears.
Handsome Steven warps back to the point when he is about to make his first wish.
"I wish I could've been there to tell my dad you were too..." The past Steven starts to say before he is ambushed by Handsome Steven. "Ah-gah!"
Handsome Steven covers Past Steven's mouth. "Don't start the band Steven! It will only tear us apart!"
All other Steven warp back as "Big Fat Zucchini" plays again.
"Ha-ha! We all have time things!" The other Steven's says.
"You'll never catch me, you turkeys! Ha!" Handsome Steven cires and he time-travels away.
"We gotta stop me!" The other Stevens cry.
The three Stevens time-travel away too, leaving Past Steven in shock.
Gem Glow Steven buries a Cookie Cat wrapper in the ground, Y/n and the Gems gather around him, when the four Stevens suddenly appear before them.
"I'm okay guys, I just... Wha-!?" Gem Glow Steven says but is shocked by the scene in front of them.
"Too far back!" The Handsome Steven cries.
The other Stevens try to tackle Steven but he warps away. Gem Glow Steven then pukes after witnessing the untimely scene.
The four Stevens appear in a room full of pink clouds and start fighting one another, when another group of four Stevens appear, as they tackle down their Handsome Steven. The original Steven warps away and the three Stevens pile onto the other group too, only to warp away too. Rose's Room Steven watches in confusion as he parachutes down from the slide he was on earlier.
Steven and the other Stevens, eight in total now, travel too far into the future and arrive what seems to be a sandy plains, with a cargo ship seen stuck on the ground in the background.
"Just take me back to the beginning!" Handsome Steven cries.
Steven warps back to the beginning, when he first retrieved the Hourglass from the Sea Shrine.
"Amethyst gets to keep hers!" The original Steven says.
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