This can't be happening. This is not happening.

Not again......

Ant had never wanted to see the inside of the Royal London Intensive Care Unit ever again; but here they were once again. Watching a horrifyingly familiar scene play out in front of them, all of them feeling the same sickening fear in the pit of their stomachs at what the outcome of this might be.

He'd never wanted to be in this situation ever again.

Yet here they were.

And Dec was - once again - fighting for his life.

*****

"Temp's not stabilising: we need more cool fluids, now!"

"Get that oxygen going!"

"Where are those towels?"

"Okay, try now."

"Hang on, he's seizing again!"

Ali could hear all of this going on inside the room they had taken her husband into, and she sincerely wished she couldn't. It might have been easier to stay out in the waiting area - hearing exactly what was being said was just pure torture.

"Hold up: stand back folks, and just let him go" Karen's voice suddenly rang out over all the others in the resus bay.

Barely ten seconds later, she told them to move back in - the latest seizure must have stopped.

"This isn't going to happen - his temp's just too high" one of the other doctors was saying - and Ali could almost picture him shaking his head in defeat.

Ant's head snapped up when he heard that. No, this wasn't happening again - this wasn't going to go like last time, it just WASN'T.

He was about to storm into the room and tell the doctors exactly what he thought when he heard one of the last voices he expected to hear speak up.

"No. We can still get him through this - Carl, go and get that other antibiotic IV from the desk over there" Karen ordered, seemingly to one of the nurses in the room.

The first voice spoke up again - sounding infuriatingly close to giving up.

"Karen, look: his temp's just too high, we're starting to look at multiple organ failure here. There's not much chance-"

Once again, Karen cut the voice off before Ant could go in there and punch the guy right in the face.

"Frank, trust me on this: I've made the mistake of giving up on this kid too soon once before, I'm not making it again. And I'm not letting any of you make it either."

Ant reeled back from the door in shock; he'd never expected to hear that come out of Karen's mouth. He felt a shimmer of admiration for the doctor, and the tiniest edge of his long-standing grudge started to crumble away.

Inside the resus bay, Karen was blissfully unaware of Ant's slightly changing attitude: all she was focused on was her patient.

"Could he have an infection that's resistant to the last lot of antibiotics we gave?" Felicity - a student nurse - questioned, glancing up at her mentor curiously.

Karen nodded in reply.

"That's why I'm going to try this new antibiotic drip - what I'm hoping is that these stronger and different antibiotics will kill the microbes that are causing the infection and will help to reduce the fever" she explained, rubbing her forehead against her upper arm.

Felicity pondered this for a moment, watching the drip being adjusted by Carl as the new bag of antibiotics and fluids was attached.

Nodding in approval, Karen gestured for the team to stand back.

"Alright folks, let's get back to what we were doing - I'll stay here and keep an eye on things, and I'll give you a buzz if anything starts going pear-shaped."

The rest of the team nodded, filing out of the bay one by one; all whispering worriedly as they went.

Karen sighed - now left alone in the room - and stepped over to stand next to the motionless figure lying so frighteningly still on the gurney.

"Don't worry, Dec: I'm not going to let anyone - least of all me - give up on you this time" she murmured determinedly, patting the limp arm comfortingly.

She wasn't surprised when she got no response.

*****

Ant paused outside the door to the resus bay, hand raised as if about to knock. Lisa had taken Ali away for a hot drink to help calm them both down, and had left him in the ICU to await news.

Not that he would have gone with them anyway - there was no way he was shifting now.

The other doctors had left the bay about five minutes ago, and Karen still hadn't come out. Ant had decided he needed to have a talk with the doctor, to settle things and put his grudge to rest.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked a few times on the door.

"Come in, Ant" Karen's voice rang out from inside.

Slightly surprised that she had known it was him, Ant pushed open the door and smiled a little at the doctor.

"I....uh.....just wanted to-" he started, fumbling a little on his words and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

Karen gave him a genuine smile, standing up to offer him her seat.

"I figured you'd be in sooner or later" she replied as he sat down in the hard plastic chair.

Ant hummed in response, now not quite sure what to say.

An awkward silence echoed between them for a few minutes, before Karen started to shuffle on her feet - looking rather nervous.

"Um, listen Ant: I have to say-"

Ant put up a hand to silence her.

"Don't, doc. I'm the one who should be apologising."

Karen's head snapped up - clearly she hadn't been expecting him to say that.

Ant had to chuckle a little at the young doctor's reaction.

"I heard you earlier, you know: saying you'd made the mistake of giving up too soon before, and that you weren't going to make it again. And you didn't - even when that other bastard was talking about organ failure (he shuddered at that, Karen winced sympathetically), but you still stuck with it."

Karen shrugged modestly, biting her lip.

"It still might not be enough: believing someone will get better is one thing, but when everything is against them-" she couldn't finish her sentence, and she had to glance away.

A little more of Ant's grudge started to chip away.

"They tell you in medical school that if you do everything in your power, then people can get better. But it's not like that in the real world - and it hurts. It gnaws and tears at you until you're so convinced that everyone outside the textbook norm is going to die - you get so disillusioned you forget about the human strength and how not everything follows the lectures or the textbooks" she continued, voice slowly getting thicker as she spoke.

"Then you see something like what happened to you two last year, and everything like your experience and the textbook points towards - well, you know - and because you've forgotten that people can fight, you're just so ready to give up. You don't want to give yourself that false hope, because then that means that the crash is so much harsher" her voice broke at that point, and she turned herself fully away from Ant for a few seconds.

Ant sat in stunned silence - he had never considered what it was like for the doctors and nurses. Sure, it had been absolutely horrific for him, Lisa, and Ali last time - but they were lucky: they'd only had to deal with such horror once. These people dealt with it every single day, and they still managed to carry on.

At the doctor's emotional confession, the last of his lingering grudge crumbled to the floor, and he suddenly felt like a right royal twat.

He stood and put a hand on Karen's shoulder, forcing her to look up at him.

"Doc, listen: I want you to know that I am so grateful for everything you've done for the both of us. Last time I only saw you ready to give up, but now I see and hear just what that meant for you, and what our Decs making it through last time did for you, so I just want to say that I'm so sorry for making all that worse for you."

Not the most poetic or fluent of apologies - Ant was ready to admit that straight up - but it seemed to do the job.

Karen smiled wetly up at him, eyes glistening with emotion and tiredness as she held out a hand for him to shake.

Ignoring the hand, Ant pulled the young doctor into a hug.

"I'm so sorry" he repeated, feeling tremendously guilty for making her feel so horrid.

Karen pulled back after a second, wiping her cheeks as her smile grew and became more genuine.

"I forgave you long ago, Anthony" she replied, relieved to see a smile appear on his face.

"Right, look I'm sure you've got other patients to see: I can sit here and keep an eye on this one for you" he offered, glancing back over at his friend.

Karen considered it for a moment.

"Just let me get another temperature to make sure the things we're trying are actually working" she decided, taking the rectal thermometer out as she spoke.

A laugh cut through her lips at the disgusted look appearing on Ant's face.

"You should be glad I'm not about to stick a catheter in" she teased, laughing more as Ant's face paled and his legs twitched closer together - as if they would have crossed over had he not been standing.

Making short work of the procedure, Karen hummed in approval when she saw the numbers appearing on the monitor.

"It's come down quite a bit, which is exactly what we want" she observed, smiling happily.

"So, that's good yeah?"

Karen nodded, writing down Dec's latest temperature on his chart.

"Oh yes, it's good."

*****

Things continued to improve over the next hour or so. The new antibiotics were clearly working to kill off the infection, and by lunchtime Dec had been moved out of ICU and back into a private room.

At first Ant, Lisa and Ali had been worried that he still hadn't woken up, but Karen had assured them that the events of the past twenty four hours would have taken a considerable toll on his body and that he was just utterly exhausted.

He was still rouse-able to pain, and he appeared to recognise their voices whenever they spoke to him - expression relaxing or turning his head towards the sound of their voices. He still recognised Ali's touch - leaning into it with a weary sigh whenever she put a palm on his head.

Karen happily informed them that this was all very encouraging, and that it meant he was truly on the mend.

At around 2pm, Lisa had left to go to lunch with another friend of their's, and Ali had had to leave to take care of some important work meetings (Ant and Lisa had incredulously tried to get her to cancel, but Ali had shaken her head and told them that she had to go - since she wasn't the one who was sick).

Ant had also had to phone the BGT crew and explain that neither of them would be making it back in to the auditions that day. Unlike Ali, he had put his foot down when they had tried to suggest he come in.

Stephen later texted and told him - off the record, of course - that Simon wouldn't have let him come back anyway; he had said that he would drive him back to the hospital himself if he'd had to.

Touched, Ant couldn't help but grin to himself.

Mullers: So, you want to give me a clue as to why you two aren't gracing us with your delightful presence today?

Ant: Dec got admitted to ICU earlier this morning. He'd picked up an infection from some bacteria left over from his appendix bursting that hadn't responded to the antibiotics.

Mullers: Shit! Is he alright now? Oh mate, tell me you guys are alright!

Ant: Calm down Mullers, I'm fine. He's doing okay - they've got his temp stabilised now, and it's sitting at a much more acceptable level than it was, so that's good.

Mullers: Geez.....give a guy a heart attack why don't ya!

Ant: You're telling me, mate. It was so scary, he was seizing and everything, and his temp was up at 42.5!

Mullers: ...........O-o........Bloody hell......

Ant had to agree.

Ant: Yeah, well, everything's settling down now, and hopefully he should be awake soon. Poor kid's absolutely knackered!

Mullers: I can imagine. Aw, well give him a big hug for us, hey? And make sure you look after yourself too.

Ant: Yes mam......Will do Mullers, talk to you soon!

Mullers: Catch ya!

Ant switched off his phone with a smile on his face.

A smile which grew infinitely bigger when he heard a very familiar groan coming from the direction of the bed.

"Well hello there, you!" he greeted happily, shoulders sagging in sheer relief at the sight of one very sleepy Dec blinking up at him.

*****

TBC.....

*****