Ant awoke first the next morning.He hadn't really slept that much throughout the night,and evidently neither had Dec.

His deep sleep had lasted no more than a couple of hours at most.Ant knew this from the amount of time Dec had spent tossing and turning restlessly,not to mention the several times he'd got out of bed to go to the toilet,the generous amount of alcohol he'd consumed the previous day obviously having that unfortunate effect on him.

He glanced over at Dec,just glad he was currently asleep!He was about to quietly make his way to his own room to have a shower and get dressed when he paused for a moment.He had no idea what mood Dec would be in when he awoke or how he would be feeling.

Would he be happier now the funeral was out of the way or still desperately sad?Ant genuinely had no idea but he was slightly worried that Dec would wake up and be upset that he wasn't there like he would be expecting,so he took the pen and notepad from the desk and wrote a quick note

"Decky,gone to my room for a shower,back soon,Ant x"

He placed it on Decs bedside table where he would hopefully see it the minute he woke up.

Sure enough,a few minutes after Ant left Dec began to stir,stretching and yawning wearily.

He immediately glanced at the place where Ant had last been laying and sighed before rolling over and spotting the note.He smiled to himself at Ants consideration,such a simple but deeply appreciated gesture,Dec knew exactly what Ant would have been worrying about and loved him all the more for it.

'He needn't worry about me' Dec thought to himself although he knew and totally understood why Ant had every reason to worry.

Twenty minutes later,Ant reappeared in Decs room,fully dressed with hair still wet.

"Hey buddy,you're awake" Ant smiled

"How did you sleep?"

Ant obviously already knew the answer to that question.

"Not so great" Dec sighed

"Yeah I'm not surprised" Ant sympathised "you've really been put through the wringer lately.It'll get better Decky,I promise it will,just hang in there.Now do you want some breakfast?could order room service?a full English always goes down well eh?"

Ant had also noticed Dec hadn't been eating well either which was extremely unlike him,the only time he was ever off his food was when he was ill.All he'd done since they'd been in Newcastle was pick at any food placed in front of him and it hadn't gone unnoticed by Ant that he had lied to Anne on more than one occasion when she'd asked him if he wanted something to eat,telling her he'd already eaten which Ant knew just wasn't true.Dec adored his Mams home cooking so this worried Ant considerably.All he could do was hope that now the funeral was over with, Dec would start getting back to normal.

"Not really hungry" Dec sighed

"Come on Decky,you've got to eat something.I tell ya what,I'll order breakfast and you can just have what you want"

Half an hour later Dec was still in bed when there was a knock on the door.

"Room service" a cheerful voice loudly announced.

Ant opened the door and pulled the trolley into the room,thanking the staff member.

"Hmmm smells great doesn't it?" Ant peered hungrily at the generous plates of sausages,bacon,mushrooms,fried eggs,baked beans and toast as well as jugs of freshly squeezed orange juice and pots of steaming hot coffee.

"Can't wait to get stuck in,looks almost as good as me Mams"

He placed a tray on the bed in front of Dec then sat down next to him.

"come on,tuck in" he encouraged

Dec picked up the fork and sluggishly stabbed it into a sausage before reluctantly taking a bite.He immediately shook his head and placed the fork back down onto the plate.

"I'm sorry Ant,I just can't"

Ant was getting increasingly frustrated.

"Dec you hardly ate anything all day yesterday,in fact you've hardly eaten anything since your dad died,you can't carry on like this"

"Yes I have" Dec snapped "I've eaten when I've been with my family"

"Dec,please don't lie to me,I know you and I know when you're lying.I'm just worried about you that's all" Ant replied concerned.

"I can't force myself to eat" Dec sadly announced

"Well yes you can actually" Ant said "even if you don't feel like it,just try a bit more,please,for me?"

Dec sighed and looked down at the huge meal,usually he would have absolutely no trouble polishing the lot off in record time but today it seemed overwhelming.

Ant picked up Decs fork and stabbed it into a mushroom and guided it towards Decs mouth "come on little man,open the tunnel,here comes the choo choo train,toot toot"

"Shut up you idiot" Dec giggled and snatched the fork out of Ants hand and ate the mushroom.

"Ha made you laugh though didn't I?" Ant asked gleefully.

"Such an idiot" Dec repeated rolling his eyes but still with a smile on his face.

He continued to eat a decent amount of the food before announcing

"I'm full,I'm done"

"Good lad" Ant smiled,delighted that Dec now at least had some fuel inside him to keep him going!

"So are we going to your Mams?" Ant enquired

"Yeah I guess,I told her we would,is that ok? Dec asked

"Of course it is,that's what we're here for,for family" Ant smiled "you want to get ready then we can get going,maybe pop in on my Mam afterwards too or I can drop you off and go by myself"

"No" Dec snapped "please don't do that,I need you with me,please stay then we can go to your Mams after"

"Hey,of course we'll do that" he pulled Dec in for a sideways hug "go on,go and get ready"

They were soon sitting in Annes living room surrounded by various family members.As ever Anne was playing the perfect host but Dec could see through her facade,he wondered why he hadn't inherited her knack of being able to plough on bravely no matter what the situation.He always went to pieces at any sad situation How was she staying so strong?or at least pretending to be strong?Dec couldn't even pretend!

As he sat quietly sipping tea in his dads favourite armchair with Ant perched on the arm,he began to wish they'd waited till later to visit as his family fired question after question at him about his career and love life or lack of it as it stood at the present time.Ant stepped in and answered several of the career questions where he could which Dec was incredibly grateful for.They both knew all these extended family members were travelling home today so Dec did his best to be sociable and friendly,but he wasn't finding it very easy.

Ant was keeping a close eye on him though and didn't like what he saw.Dec was obviously struggling with just being amongst so many people when he obviously just needed a comforting motherly hug.Ant would make sure he got his wish before the day was over.

Ant had never seen Dec look so exhausted.For the first time in his life Dec actually looked older than his years,his eyes were still red and puffy from crying,worry lines had formed around his eyes and the way he was slouching in the chair and peering down at the floor reminded Ant of his grandad when he was alive except his grandad was in his eighties at the time Ant was thinking of before he passed away,Dec was only in his thirties.Ant hated himself for making that ridiculous comparison!

"Decs,I'm going to get some fresh air,fancy a little walk?" Ant asked

Dec peered up at him and nodded gratefully.

"Come on then lad" Ant smiled "back soon" he said to no one in particular

"Uncle Dec,can we come" one of the kids Megan beamed,obviously too young to read the signs that Dec just wasn't himself!She was actually a distant cousin and didn't see her 'uncle' Dec very often but she did remember what good fun he always was when they were together.

"Now listen here" Patricia gently said to the child "I thought you were going to help me make some lunch for everybody?how will I manage without my chief sandwich maker?"

"Oh yeah,ok then" Megan excitedly replied at being given such grown up responsibilities.

Patricia winked at Dec as he mouthed "thank you" in her direction as he and Ant left the claustrophobic living room!

The two men walked silently down the road with Ant seemingly taken the lead,but Dec soon realised where he was being taken.

They were soon sat on a cold bench in a nearby park,even though it was August,the weather wasn't that great that particular day in Newcastle.Ant was grateful for that as the park was practically deserted except for a couple of dog walkers who took absolutely no notice of the two sad looking celebrities in their midst.

"I'm sorry" Dec mumbled

"What?sorry for what?" Ant asked stunned

"For this,for being like this,I don't know what's wrong with me?why can't I snap out of it?" Dec replied apologetically.

Ant turned towards Dec,slightly exasperated "now you look at me Declan"

Dec carried on staring straight ahead,his eyeline only following the older lady walking her golden labrador in the distance.

"Cute dog" he mumbled

"I said look at me Declan" Ant demanded.

Dec reluctantly turned towards Ant and stared into the caring eyes of his beloved best friend.

"Now then" Ant sternly announced "you absolutely don't need to snap out of anything,it makes me angry that you think like that.You are grieving Declan and there is no timeline on grief.However long it takes for you to deal with this is ok,you've lost someone very important and close to you,your father,I would be amazed if you weren't struggling.I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling,all I know is these feelings are ok,none of them are wrong.Trying to put on a brave face isn't really working out for you is it pal?I know you cried alot yesterday but I know you and I know you were also trying to hold back whenever you could.I don't know why you were doing that?but I'm assuming that it was for your Mams benefit,but I know that means there's more to come,you're holding it in Dec and that worries me.Do you think Anne would want that for you?she knows how much you're hurting as she is too.Just remember Decky,I'll always be here for you but I'm not the only one,not by a long way,you've got a large family who care about you and your siblings have lost their dad too so they know exactly how you're feeling,let them in Dec,I know it's still early days yet,but please let them in as you have with me,we can all be here for you"

With that the floodgates opened.Dec fell sobbing into Ants arms,painful,desperate cries of despair filling the thankfully now empty park.

"I'm sorry,I'm sorry,I'm sorry" Dec wept over and over again as Ant engulfed him with his arms and love.

"Decky,please stop saying that,you haven't done anything to be sorry for" Ants empathetic tears were now also streaming down his cheeks.He just didn't know what to do to make this better anymore,all he could do was hope that the old saying that "time is a great healer" was true and his emotional best friend would come out the other side sooner rather than later.He just couldn't bear to see him suffering like this.

He was soon pulled out of his thoughts by a small,desperate,sobbing voice

"Help me Ant,please help me!"