ave you felt that feeling? The one where you are all fluttery and nervous, all because that one guy walks past you? The one where it feels like your heart is going to burst out of your chest, just because his eyes met with yours? The one where you just feel like dying every time because that special smile he has...is meant for her, and not you?

round January last year, I started feeling like what. Why? Don't ask me. Did I want to like you? Did I beg and ask to make you the only one I think about all day all night? Did I pray that you will be the one tormenting my heart 24/7? Nope.

retending that I wasn't bothered when your fingers brushed with mine, when you laughed at my jokes, when you looked at me, is hard. It's, to put it simply, plain hard.

retending to not care when I see you smiling at her, caring for her, touching her, is harder. Why won't you act the same with me?

our eyes only see her, she is your everything. But did you know, you are my everything? Did you know, you're all I think about everyday, every second?

ery soon, you will graduate. Very soon, you will leave. Very soon, you will probably confess your love. But I'll be left behind. A junior, younger than you, still in school while you're out in the real world. A quiet girl, afraid to confess her love, watching as you confessed your love to someone else.

lot of times, I told myself it was time to give up. I told myself, no more, you're not worth my time. But my heart, it just didn't listen. And once again, you fill my head.

et me tell you, I just wished, that one time, just once, you and me could hang out, just the two of us. Go on a date, spend time together, just like a real couple.

ither we could go for a romantic dinner under the candlelight, or we could go to the amusement park. We could be a perfect couple dressed in a beautiful dress and tuxedo, or we could meet in comfortable clothing, spending the whole day together.

ever leaving each other's sight, we could end the dinner date with a walk through the nearby park, or we could be playing around the whole day in the fun amusement park, your protective arm around me always as I clung nervously on your sleeve.

hen, to end of the wonderful time spent together, you would suddenly pull me towards you and lower your lips to mine, kissing me soft and gently, like I was something fragile. You would bite my lips ever so gently, just to tease me, and I'd fall for it, gasping. Licking my lips, you would pull away, our foreheads would meet, as would our eyes.

"love you" you'd whisper, giving me the smile you used to give her.

ot waiting for my reply, you would intertwine our fingers before pulling me along, to somewhere I have no clue.

very once in a while, I'd glance at you, admiring your face, wishing this moment would last forever. I wouldn't know, but whenever I looked away, you would look at me, wishing that exact same thing.

urprising me, you would bring me to the park where we first met, when I fell down. There, many candles were lined up, forming a perfect heart. Yeap it's a surprise alright.

o you know, I dream of things like this every time. Dreaming about being together with you, spending time with you, having fun with you.

nd every time I think about things like this, a small part of me remembers..that this will never become reality. That this will forever always be a dream only.

ou may not know it, but I love you. But I know, I've known, that you will never love me as much as I love you. I know, I've known, that you will only love her instead.

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Yes. We haven't updated in god knows how long. And some of you probably don't care. But for those who do, Happy Valentine's Day! We hope you like this latest update! We tried:)

Btw, read the first letter of each paragraph haha