《ALL MINE (GxG)》48
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Back at home, I anxiously prepared for Cayden's arrival. I cleaned and recleaned my room even if it didn't need it in the first place. I argued with myself over what items I should keep in eye view and then realized how stupid it was to be embarrassed about my own room.
I needed to start putting my foot down more with her. I couldn't keep letting her walk over me and affecting my emotions. It was getting ridiculous. Cayden had hurt me, but I also owed it to myself to have people in my life outside of her. I needed more balance. I was too easily hurt by the things that she did, and it was embarrassing.
I definitely should've promised myself that I wouldn't get involved with anyone again so close to everything with Sebastian. I should've taken a month or two at least. I owed that much to myself. Clearly, I hadn't been ready to get with anyone.
But Cayden was so appealing in so many ways. She was so beautiful and so sexy. She made me feel electric and alive when I was with her. Having sex with her was life-changing in so many ways—it was a hard feeling to give up, even if I never really felt like I knew what was up with her
And despite my hesitations, I still had the feeling that—more than anything—I wanted her to be there for me. I wanted her to beg for me to stay. I wanted her to be warm and kind and to kiss me and tell me how much she cared about me. I knew that about myself, and I hated it. I hated that someone like Kori, who was perfectly nice, could come along and I'd rather wait out someone who's playing hot and cold with me.
I took a deep breath. I needed to calm down. Thinking myself in circles before Cayden even showed up was a dangerous game. If I wasn't careful, she'd walk in the door and I'd immediately just start yelling at her, which wasn't the approach I wanted to take.
I just wanted to be happy with her. I wanted a chance with her.
I felt like we could make things work. That was the worst part. I felt so certain that we were compatible and all I wanted was a chance to give it a fair shot. I wanted to see it through. If we weren't compatible, so be it—we'd end things. But if we were, it was worth figuring out and maybe trying to be together.
"Hey, I'm heading out for the night. I'm meeting Jaci," Jade said. "I think she's already at the club ordering our drinks and finding us guys to hook up with."
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"Okay," I said, smiling at her.
Jade looked at me, studying my face. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine. Just some dating drama."
"Ugh, men."
"You're so right," I said and Jade smiled playfully at me.
"Love you," Jade said.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," I said and Jade laughed, already knowing she has done a lot of things I haven't done.
As soon as the door closed, I started a countdown. If Jade didn't come back within twenty minutes, I could at least count on her and Cayden not showing up at the house at the same time.
After waiting it out, I texted Cayden to tell her to come.
And then I went right back to cleaning my room, messing around with things until I felt like it was perfect. I didn't know why I was such a perfectionist over my room and trying to make everything absolutely flawless. I mean it's not like Cayden would dump me over my pillows being a little crooked on my bed.
A little bit later, Cayden texted to say that she'd arrived. I thought my heart was going to actually beat out of my chest, I was so nervous. I didn't know why I was feeling that way around her still—we'd seen each other enough times for it to have reasonably faded.
But I also had a bad feeling about the conversation. Cayden had told me she wasn't planning on ending things, but I was skeptical. Something had clearly happened and I had a hard time thinking we'd just be able to bounce back from that like it was no big deal.
Or, at least, I had a hard time thinking I'd be able to bounce back from that like it was no big deal.
It was hard reconciling the image I had of her before—someone who deeply cared about me, a stranger... when Sebastian got physical with me and someone who stepped in to take care of me when I needed—with the image of her now. It was hard for me to shake the image that seemed unreliable and a little icy, if not straight-out mean. My feelings were hurt. There was no promise it'd be easy to get me back after something like that.
But, then again, some part of my brain was saying I shouldn't end things with Cayden.
It was all so confusing.
I got up and let Cayden in, taking her in immediately. I could smell her familiar spiced cologne mixed with her hair product. She was dressed in a light grey sweatshirt and tan sweatpants with her dark hair pulled up into a sleek high bun. She really was beautiful.
"Hey," Cayden whispered, not knowing the dynamic quite yet.
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"Hi," I said.
I led Cayden to my room and then closed the door, and Cayden began looking around at my room admiring the framed photos. She ran her hand over my grey comforter along with feeling the soft white furry throw blanket draped over it.
"Cute," Cayden said, and sounded like she genuinely meant it. She sat down on the edge of my bed.
"Okay, so," I said, gesturing to her. Cayden looked a little caught off guard. "Cayden, I need to just... do whatever this is. Just explain yourself and we'll figure it out from there. I really don't want to drag this out because I'm starting to lose my mind."
"I appreciate the honesty," Cayden said. She cleared her throat. "I'm not ending things with you, Vina. I'm sorry it came across that way."
"You ghosted me. There's no other way to interpret that."
"Well—"
"Is this ex-related? Is that why you've been so weird? Is that who called you?" I asked. "You've been acting weird since you got that call. Like, just completely fell off the face of the earth."
"Vina, what?" Cayden asked, looking at me. She furrowed her brows. "What are you talking about?"
"The phone call—"
"No, I know about the phone call and I'm about to explain that. But ex-related? Are you worried something is going on?" Cayden asked. "Because I'm being very honest when I say that you're the only person I'm seeing right now and the only person I have interest in seeing. There are no exes in the picture."
I felt my walls immediately start to crumble down before me. "What?"
Cayden reached out her hand and grabbed mine, getting me to sit down on the bed next to her. "It's only you, Vina. I promise. And I hate that I ever made you think there was anyone else in the picture. I know we're not like... official. And it's okay if you're seeing other people since we haven't had this conversation yet. But on my end, I'm absolutely crazy about you. There's not a single ex who would make me question or doubt that."
"Really?"
"Really," Cayden said, and I looked at her, trying to get a gauge on if I believed her or not. Everything Cayden said felt like it had a double meaning, even though Cayden hadn't given me any reason not to trust her.
"So what happened?"
Cayden took a deep breath. "It's uh... some stuff with family actually," Cayden said. "I don't really talk about them much because it's messy. There are a lot of... moving parts. And I don't really hear from my dad that often. But he called and was talking about moving and potentially changing jobs and things aren't going well with him and his current wife. I don't know. It's just a lot for me to hear from him. And it was all out of the blue, too. It was a total shock to the system."
"Cay," I said, my voice soft.
"I have a hard time communicating those feelings because the only thing I know is retreating. It's definitely a pattern of behavior and I'm trying to work on it. But it's hard. It always feels easier to isolate and deal with things on my own. But it ends up making it so much worse, especially because I know it can hurt the people I care about."
I wanted to hold firm and tell her that she couldn't just send me away when she wanted and that she needed to be at least present and nice, but I also felt bad. Cayden was clearly embarrassed, like I'd never seen her before. She didn't look intimidating or strong anymore. She looked like someone who had a weird relationship with her family and had a hard time with her feelings and was worried she'd really fucked up.
But, even with everything going on, she really wasn't allowed to just treat me any way she wanted.
"You need to be better about communicating your feelings to me," I said. "I won't play games like this. You have to tell me straight out how you're feeling okay? Whether that's asking for space or something. I don't know. We can figure it out. But this really... hurt me. I don't want to go through this again with you."
"Okay," Cayden said and nodded. She still looked a little embarrassed, but she was listening. "Got it."
"I just need consistency," I said, my voice barely over a whisper.
"Okay," Cayden said and then turned to me. Our eyes met and I felt a flutter through me. I really could look at her face, forever, it felt like. Even when I was a little upset with her or my feelings were hurt. I just loved to be with her.
And, as if knowing what I was thinking, Cayden leaned over and kissed me.
Hi guys:) Just checking in and seeing how you guys feel so far... What are your thoughts on Cayden coming back? Or her reason for distancing herself to begin with? How do you feel about Vina hearing Cayden out? Or about Vina and Kori? Would you accept Cayden's apology?
Can't wait to read your opinions,
Weekendlustt
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