I went straight to Cayden's, not even bothering to turn back to really grab anything. I'd deal with it all tomorrow. I still had keys to the house, so if I planned it right, I could get in without running into Jaci, and even Jade if she ends up coming home earlier than planned too. I had a feeling word would spread quickly between the two of them. It always did—I just had never been on the brunt end of it.

I thought about our entire dynamic. I'd always considered us good friends. If anything, I considered us closer than they were with Sebastian. But then again, Jade and Jaci didn't invite me out anymore. I always thought it was to avoid the discomfort of seeing Sebastian, but maybe it was just because they didn't miss me. The thought made me a little nauseous. I'd never felt so oblivious in my entire life.

This was somehow even worse than friends just becoming friends because of a boyfriend. My friends had gone on to like my boyfriend more than me and then leave me for him. What kind of people did that? And why was I not madder about it until now? Why had it taken Jaci starting something with me to realize how lonely I was and how much I'd needed friends around through all of this?

The ride to Cayden's place had never felt so long. I felt a little bit like I was in a dream state the entire way, with my entire life having blown up so quickly—almost impressively quickly. And suddenly, I had nothing.

Except maybe Cayden? But there was still the chance she would pick Sebastian over me. I was sure Jaci was in the act of texting him right then, and I was sure Sebastian would read it and immediately be furious. I wouldn't be surprised if Cayden didn't even want me coming over.

I didn't even know where I'd go at this point, well, except for Griffin's. My heart tightened at the thought of Griffin. At least I had him, someone, who had stuck with me through it all, and accepted me for who I was. He was better than J&J combined.

I considered going home. Maybe even transferring. What was a girl supposed to do after all of this?

I couldn't believe Jaci had pieced everything with me and Cayden together. I was so mad at myself for all of the times I'd slipped up, all of the times I could've involved Griffin more in everything but didn't. I could've at least been more convincing.

But it was too late now. Jaci knew about Cayden, and not just knew I was friends with Cayden, but knew we were into each other. There was no use in acting like we weren't. I was a terrible liar, anyway.

I knocked on Cayden's door and she opened it almost immediately. "How did it go?" she asked.

The second she asked, I burst into tears. Her tone and face were so kind and familiar. I'd been bracing myself and working myself up for no one—it was such a relief to realize that.

"Ryder is going to know soon."

"Fuck him," Cayden said. "And fuck your friends, too. Come in. I have sweatpants for you."

Cayden didn't ask too many questions. She offered up her shower, which I happily accepted. I took a long, hot one—the kind where it felt like I was going to burn all of my skin off if I wasn't careful. It felt genuinely good, it made me remember that I could feel things.

After showering, I got dressed in clothes that Cayden laid out for me. She gave me my space, closing her bedroom door while she was out working on some work-related matters in the living area. She really was so perfect. I'd never met anyone who'd taken care of me like this. Sometimes, it didn't even feel real, or it felt like something someone would rip out from under me any second. When we had days like this, all I could think about was that the other shoe had to eventually drop.

But maybe this time, it wouldn't. Cayden and I had finally talked. We'd really connected. We both agreed to really give this a shot this time. So, as far as I knew, this was it for us. We'd most likely have some fights here and there, maybe some not-so-great patches. But we were going to get through them together, and keep going either forever or until something pulled us apart.

I couldn't help but be more than a little afraid that it would be Sebastian that would do it.

I slowly got dressed, wrapping my hair in a towel to dry out. I felt empty and totally emotionally wrecked. Anyone who said romantic break-ups were worse than friend break-ups had clearly been lying. I suddenly didn't know which of my memories I could even trust. All of the times we'd gone out together, the times we spent at each other's families' houses, our nights in. Jade and Jaci agreeing to be my roommates. How much of it was fake? How much of it had been them just tolerating me? It was like my worst nightmare.

What hurts worse is that Jade and Jaci never noticed how unhappy I was with Sebastian, and for Jaci to try and deny me that happiness with Cayden... it really stung.

"Hey," Cayden greeted me when I made it to the end of the short hall that led to her bedroom. She smiled warmly at me as she sat on the couch. I walked over to her and she opened her arms, giving me space on her lap.

"I'm... so sad," I said, unsure of what else there was to say. It felt like the most vulnerable sentence in the entire world.

"We can talk about it when you're ready," Cayden said. "I was thinking we could just order something to eat and then hangout. Maybe we can watch a movie or something."

"I don't know if I'll be able to have sex today," I said, looking at her, knowing Sebastian's previous behavior whenever we were sexually active. It was like a value exchange. Him tolerating my emotions for sex.

"Vina, what?" Cayden asked, looking back at me, her expression gentle. "Who said anything about having sex? Don't worry about that right now. You're here because I care about you, not because I think I'm going to get anything in return. And you can sleep here for as long as you want. I can handle sleeping in the same bed and keeping my hands to myself."

I felt tears building up again. "You're so nice to me."

Cayden shook her head. "Sebastian set the bar so low for you."

Even though it was a serious statement, I let out an airy laugh. And then it continued on, getting harder and deeper, feeling like a total cathartic release. Cayden looked at me like I'd lost my mind and I tried to catch my breath to explain. "I just... you're right. He really did. I can't believe I'm the kind of girl who gets amazed when someone is kind to me. That's so fucked up," I said, still laughing. None of it was really funny—not even a little bit. But it was like I didn't know how to handle what I was going through. It felt like the only reasonable response was to react in any way I could, and laughing felt like a better release than crying.

"Vina," Cayden said, fighting off a smile.

"I'm sorry," I said, taking a deep breath. "Jaci figured us out. She's pissed. She said it's either you or them."

"Them?"

"Jaci, Jade, I guess Sebastian and our old friends," I said.

"What are you going to do?"

I gestured around me. "Isn't it obvious?"