"What about her?" Dec asked cautiously.

"I'm really sorry Decky" Anne sighed "but I'm afraid she's passed away"

"What?" Dec asked surprised.

"Cam found her in her cage" Anne replied while placing a motherly arm around her sons shoulder.

"When?" Was all Dec could manage to say as Fonsey sat down on the bed the other side of him.

Dec could feel the tears pricking the back of his eyes,but he was determined to keep them in,he was nearly seventeen years old,there was no way he was going to cry over a hamster,not even in front of his parents.

"The day after we arrived" Fonsey stated sadly.

"What?" Decs sadness was starting to turn to anger "but that was nearly two weeks ago,why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't want to spoil your holiday sweetheart" Anne replied "we thought it could wait"

"You should have told me" Dec shouted while wriggling away from his Mams hold "I had a right to know"

"Alright Dec" Fonsey smiled sympathetically "I know you're upset,but please don't shout at your Mam"

Dec sighed and looked straight at Fonsey "you should have told me"

"And then what?" Fonsey enquired "what could you have done about it?"

Dec shrugged his shoulders and repeated in a whispered voice "you still should have told me"

"Decky,it's ok to be upset you know" Anne comforted "we know she meant alot to you,but there was really nothing you or anyone else could have done,she was old,it was just her time"

"I know" Dec snapped,trying again to make out he was fine with this,except for those damn tears that were trying their best to force their way out.They kept trying their damned hardest to undermine him and give the game away about how he truly felt.

"I'm going to bed" Dec announced abruptly "early flight"

"Ok sweetheart" Anne replied,she knew there was no point in dragging this out any longer than necessary,it wasn't unusual for Dec to shut down where his feelings were concerned,he'd talk about it in his own good time if he wanted to.

Anne kissed him on the cheek "goodnight Decky" she smiled.

"See you in the morning" Fonsey patted his son on the back "got a taxi coming at 7am sharp,so make sure you're ready"

Fonsey and Anne had already done their last minute packing that morning and dropped the hire car off with the rental company,everyone knew it was Dec they would most likely be waiting around for the next day.

"Yeah" Dec mumbled before making his way back to the room he shared with Ant.

"Alright?" Ant asked curiously as Dec entered the room.

Ant was just finishing up packing his case,it hadn't taken long as it was pretty neat in the first place.

He looked up when Dec didn't answer,immediately noticing the sad look in his eyes.

"I'm fine" Dec replied unconvincingly.

Ant got up and plonked himself down next to Dec,who had kicked his shoes off and was now propped up on his bed,leaning against the headboard, staring blankly at the wall straight ahead of him.

"Are you sure?" Ant enquired gently "what did your Mam want to talk to you about?"

Dec shrugged his shoulders.

"Decs" Ant smiled "we're good friends now aren't we?"

Dec nodded his head gently.

"And good friends are there for each other aren't they?"

Dec nodded again.

"Well then" Ant continued "you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to,but just know this,if you do feel like talking,I'm a great listener"

"Chuckle's dead" Dec stated bluntly.

"Oh Dec" Ant replied "your hamster?I'm so sorry mate,poor little thing"

"She was just a hamster" Dec shrugged.

"Now stop that Dec" Ant scolded "she wasn't 'just a hamster' she was your pet and I know how much you loved her,I've seen you,you were very sweet with her"

"It's ok Dec" he continued "I get it ya know,I had my own pet hamster that died when I was nine,devastated I was.It's ok to have a good cry if you need to"

"Yeah,but you were nine,I'm almost seventeen" Dec pointed out.

"Doesn't matter" Ant replied "there's no age limit on grief and there's no law saying who you can and can't grieve for,doesn't matter how big or small they were"

"I'm fine" Dec stated.

"No you're not" Ant replied "you know it's ok to have a cry if you want to"

"Boys don't cry" Dec pointed out sternly.

"What?" Ant asked surprised "who put that idea into your head?and don't tell me it was your parents,because I know they're not those kind of people"

"It's a well known fact that boys don't cry" Dec replied "or they shouldn't"

"Well that's complete bullshit Dec and you know it" Ant smiled "it's the 1990s,it's ok for anyone to cry,boys or girls,men or women,no one needs permission.I cry sometimes and i don't mind admitting it"

"You do?" Dec asked surprised.

"Yeah of course I do" Ant whispered "cried like a baby when my Dad told me he was leaving.I remember clinging onto him with all the strength my ten year old body could muster up,Mam had to prize me off him,I just couldn't bear the thought of him going and do you know what?"

"What?" Dec asked curiously.

"I still cry for him sometimes" Ant said sadly "I miss him,I miss the relationship we could have had,should have had,I miss having my Dad there,to kick a ball with me,give me a pat on the back when I've done something good,to just sit around the dinner table with and to have a chat about things with.I still cry for what could have been and that's fine,you're allowed to cry too"

"You're Dad leaving is a bit different than a pet hamster dying" Dec pointed out.

"Doesn't matter" Ant smiled "it's not a competition,they're both things that make us sad,so we're allowed to grieve for the loss of those things,ok?"

Dec closed his eyes for a moment,but there they were again,those damn annoying tears that just wouldn't leave him alone,but this time he made no effort to keep them in and they gently trickled down his tired cheeks.

Ant observed this quietly for a few moments before gently nudging Dec.

"Hey Declan"

Dec opened his eyes slowly and looked at his best friend.

"Come" Ant smiled as he held his arms out.

Dec looked at him,he was still a bit reluctant to let his feelings show so unashamedly,he still wanted to put on a brave face,but he was wavering, mainly because of Ants little speech.

"Come" Ant repeated.

Dec immediately felt his barriers melting away as he shuffled closer to Ant.The floodgates soon opened as Ant took him in his arms,holding him tight and stroking his back soothingly.

"It's ok mate" Ant comforted "you have a good cry,it'll do you good"

Ant was right,Dec did feel slightly better after letting it all out,but he was still overwhelmed with sadness for the loss of his beloved pet.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Ant encouraged as he continued to hold and comfort Dec in his caring arms.

Dec sighed glumly "Cam found her dead in her cage the morning after we arrived in Ireland,I can't believe Mam and Dad didn't tell me,I had a right to know"

"Did they say why they didn't tell you?" Ant enquired.

"Didn't want to ruin my holiday" Dec replied bitterly.

"That was good of them though wasn't it?" Ant asked.

"What?" Dec snapped,surprised at Ants reaction "how was that good of them?they should have told me"

"Just think about it for a minute Decs will ya?" Ant smiled "they've known about this practically since the beginning of the holiday.It couldn't have been easy for them to keep it to themselves all this time,I know you're angry,but can't you see that they were doing it for your benefit?"

"Dunno" Dec shrugged "I still should have been told"

"And then what?" Ant asked "how would you have felt?"

"Like I do now I guess,sad,upset" Dec replied "angry at myself for leaving her,for not being there when she died"

"And how would that have made you feel for the rest of the holiday" Ant asked gently.

Dec was starting to see Ants point and was beginning to understand just why his parents did what they had.

"Might have spoiled it I suppose" Dec replied.

"Exactly" Ant smiled "don't take your emotions out on your Mam and Dad Dec,they did this from a place of love,don't be angry with them eh"

"I guess" Dec whispered.

"Good" Ant stated,while passing Dec a can of fizzy drink from the bedside table "now let's raise a can of coke to Chuckles"

Dec couldn't help giggling at that as they both opened their drinks.

"To Chuckles" Ant smiled as he tapped Decs can with his own "may she rest in peace and be running around the giant hamster wheel in the sky till her hearts content"

"To Chuckles" Dec smiled,wiping a tear away "I'll miss you little lady"

"Yeah ya will Dec" Ant smiled "but you'll be ok"

"Yeah I will Ant" Dec replied "I feel alot better now"

"Good" Ant replied "better get to bed now then"

"How did you get to be so wise?" Dec smiled "you'd make a good shrink"

"Ha" Ant laughed "don't tell anyone,they'll all want a free session"

Dec joined in with the laughter "God,imagine if that lot at Byker could see us now,they'd definitely take the piss"

"Well,I'm not gonna tell 'em" Ant promised as they both finished off their drinks "come on,let's get to bed,hope those cokes won't keep us awake"

"No chance" Dec replied "I'm knackered"

The boys were soon laying in bed with the light out,staring at the ceiling,both deep in thought.

"Ant?" Came a tiny voice.

"Yeah Dec,what is it?"

"Thank you"

"It was no bother pal" Ant smiled and they both rolled over and went to sleep.

The next morning,everyone was up bright and early,even Dec hadn't needed much persuasion to get out of bed.

The flight back to Newcastle went smoothly and Ant actually thought his phobia had improved slightly Dec had been great at distracting him,he had more than made up for his shitty behaviour on the way over.

They were soon all being hugged by Martin in the arrivals hall of Newcastle airport.

Martin dropped Ant off at his Mams house first,Christine and Sarha both came running out of the house to welcome him home,showering him with hugs and kisses.

Christine thanked the Donnellys profusely,she had missed Ant so much,but was so delighted he had the lovely break he deserved.

"I'll see you back on set soon Ant" Dec smiled.The fifth series was due to start filming in a few weeks "better practice being blind"

"Yeah I think your scripts have arrived" Christine interrupted "haven't opened them of course"

"I've already got it down to a fine art,but I'll see you before that Dec,still got plenty of holiday left like" Ant shouted as he waved the Donnellys off "thanks Anne,Fonsey for everything"

"Ok great,didn't just want to presume,I'll call you tomorrow" Dec shouted back as he watched Ant step inside his front door.

A short while later,Anne,Fonsey and Dec were all being welcomed home by Cam.

"I'm sorry about Chuckles" she told Dec.

Dec nodded sadly "she was old"

"Yeah" Cam smiled sympathetically "shall I show you where I buried her?"

"Ok" Dec agreed and followed Cam out to the back garden.

"There" Cam pointed to a small area in the ground.

"What's that?" Dec asked as he noticed something on top of the dirt.

"A flower" Cam smiled.

Dec burst into fits of giggles "it's a plastic flower"

"Of course it is,what do you expect?" Cam asked "will survive all weathers"

"Dunno" Dec replied "come on,let's go back inside"

"I cleaned the cage out for you" she announced as they walked back towards the house.

"Thanks" Dec smiled.

He spent the rest of the day relaxing in his bedroom,unpacking and listening to music,glancing over to Chuckles empty cage every so often.Once evening came around,he decided to start reading through the new script.

As he went over line after line in his head,it seemed only too clear that the writers liked dumping surprises on the byker grove cast,they'd done it yet again.

"What the hell?" Dec said out loud.

"I can't sing!"