I woke up at the sound of someone banging on my bedroom door.

What the fuck! Why can't anyone just leave me alone?

"Jul, wake up!" Gray's loud voice echoes behind the door. "Open this door or I'll knock this down."

"What do you want!"

"Good, you're awake. I thought for a second that you're dead." My dumbass brother chuckles.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"It's ten o'clock and you're still sleeping."

"I always wake up at eleven, you dumbass. It's my normal." My throat gets parched from shouting.

"What are you, a vampire? Get your lazy ass downstairs and eat your breakfast. You're too skinny already. We don't want anyone in our family to get sick, now that we're under lockdown."

He knows I spent my evenings watching the Vampire Diary Series. I'm in love with Damon Salvatore and dream of being bitten by him. I would love him to suck all my blood... he can have me, all of me. Oh, shit... I'm getting horny thinking of him again.

"Hey, did you hear me?" Another shout from Gray.

I clench my teeth and toss the comforter out of me forcefully.

"Okay! Okay! I'll go down in a minute."

I hate it when Gray's acting like a father figure. Now that he's back in the house, he assumes his responsibility of being an overprotective brother again.

He thinks that me and Brooke are imbeciles that don't know what to do with our lives. Well, maybe Brooke is, but not me. He keeps on reminding us to eat well, exercise daily and keep our minds healthy.

Gray assumes as the father figure when dad left us 17 years ago. He was 9; I was 6 and Brooke was 4. Mom had to work in a beauty salon in order to provide our basic needs.

While mom was at work, Gray took care of me and Brooke. He prepared our food, helped us take a bath, and made sure that we were safe. Often, we hid in the basement, so no one in the area would find out that there were kids left at home.

We were so quiet playing at home because, at an early age; we knew the consequences, and Grayson often reminded us. The police would take mom away if someone would report that she left her kids at home. We already lost dad, and we did not want to lose mom too.

"Dad left because I'm bad." Brooke always said when we were young.

Though she never mentions it again, I know that until now she thinks she causes dad and mom's break up. So unfortunate that she grew up witnessing our parents' arguments and fights, that leaves an emotional trauma to any kid.

"You're a good girl, Brooke. Remember that. It's not your fault, or any of us." Grayson comforted Brooke by giving her a hug. He always gave her a hug, and I envied that growing up.

Why can't my brother ever comfort me? I lost my dad, too. Is it because I'm tougher, never cry and often fight back? That doesn't mean that I don't need a hug either.

I just accept that he's not affectionate to me, and probably loves Brooke more because she's the youngest. She's also fragile, sensitive and close-minded. She needs reassurance all the time to uplift her spirit.

"Dad is an idiot. We don't need him." I kept on saying to Brooke when we were young. But being close-minded, once she believes something, it's hard to change her mind again.

After I washed my face, I changed into my workout outfit. I'm going to do some workout at home with Roxanne, using a share screen on messenger after brunch.

In the kitchen, Gray is behind the dining table, busy editing a video on his laptop. He's been doing that since he arrived home.

"Gray, can you continue my allowance?" I ask, trying it.

"What? I don't even have a regular job anymore." He exhales heavily. "You're already a registered nurse. Find a job to support yourself. Nurses are in demand right now."

"What the heck. I don't want to risk my life working in the hospital now that there's a covid. Many of my former classmates got infected."

"Sorry, I can't help you with that."

I realized I don't want to work as a nurse anymore. It's not my calling. Yeah, you're so right. I'm a selfish bitch who loves me more. I'm young and like to live my life to the fullest. I can earn money in other ways. I don't know how right now, but I'll figure it out soon.

"You're taking this YouTube thing seriously, huh?"

"I have to. I need to earn money. Besides, it's like doing the same thing. The only difference is, I'm doing it for myself now."

My eyebrows raise, then turn to the cupboard and get a mug.

He shouldn't have resigned from his job. It was a good job in New York, with a high salary. I would trade anything just to work in the big city. You know, wearing sexy black corporate clothes, with matching high heels, and a Chanel bag. I can imagine myself looking so gorgeous while I walk down the busy streets of New York.

Hmm... I hope that will happen.

If his reason is because he can't stand working with his ex-girlfriend, then that's not a smart move. I won't give a damn if I were in his shoes.

"Have you seen my latest video?"

I scoff, "the one about your ideal girl?"

"Yeah. What do you think of it?"

I let out a short, nasty laugh. "Only a loser makes that kind of video. You shouldn't have done that. You're driving your subscribers away."

He stops working and focuses his attention on me.

"What do you mean?"

"Must be tall, smart, independent, loyal, honest, not loud or annoying... blah blah blah... and you said smart twice. You're just telling everyone that you have a very high standard in women."

"That's the truth. That's what I really want in a girl. I can't lie to my audience."

I smirk, "Are you kidding me? I remember your crushes, Vanessa Hudgens, Ariana Grande, Megan Fox... they're not 5'6" and over."

"Preferences change as you grow older. In women, wine and career. Look at you, you always wanted to be a nurse when you were a kid, and now that you finished your degree, you don't wanna work."

I roll my eyes and ignore him.

"You don't have any comeback there?" Gray raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to talk shit on him.

"Just leave me alone. If you don't want to give me an allowance, then fine. I'll work whenever I'm ready."

"Suit yourself. It's your life. But it sucks living without money." Gray clicks his tongue.

"Whatever. Where's Brooke?"

"In her room. She's upset over a comment in her latest video."

I heave a long sigh. "I told her not to read the comments, because there are plenty of miserable people in the world now that it's pandemic. They want other people to be miserable too."

"She has two million subscribers, and yet, she's still affected by the rude comments."

"Yeah, two million is a lot. I'm envious of her. She's earning the most money in our family, and yet not spending a penny. I wonder what she's up to."

"I have a feeling she's planning on moving out soon. She can't stand being with mom anymore, they clash all the time lately." Gray rubs his face. He looks exhausted.

"Yeah, I thought of that too."

"Eat your breakfast," he pushes the plate of bacon in front of me, "you're just drinking coffee."

"You're so impatient. Can't you just wait!"

He chuckles, then asks.

"By the way, I saw Roxanne at the supermarket the other day."

"Yeah, she told me you gave her a pack of toilet rolls. She's very thankful they need it so badly for her granny."

"I know." He clears his throat, then continues, "She looks different, I mean... grown up."

"Of course, you dumbass. We all grew up, we surpassed puberty."

"You never grew up, you're still 5 feet." He throws his head back and roars with laughter.

I hate that he always makes fun of my height.

"Excuse me, I'm 5'3 just like Roxanne. We may be short, but we're beautiful, open-minded and confident. We're not insecure like..."

He ignores my rant, then suddenly asks.

"Is she seeing someone right now?"

That stops me. His question gives me a weird feeling.

I give him a suspicious look. "Why are you asking?"

"Don't give me that funny look. It's not what you think."

"Are you interested in her?"

"You know what, I just ask you a random question and you're ten steps ahead." He looks defensive suddenly. "No. I'm not interested in her. Riggs mentioned that she's always at the new gym in the corner working out."

"So it's Riggs who's interested in her."

"I never said that." he looks really annoyed at me. "Forget it. It's just a thoughtless question. I just want to catch up on what's going on with the people in our neighborhood."

"Okay, fine! I'll answer your question. She's been single for two years already and taking a break from dating, to concentrate on finding a job. She really needs to earn money to help her family."

"I see." Gray nods, then continues working on his laptop.

___

My brother is a hardworking man. I see him working until midnight, every night. He also studies the concepts of YouTube and reaches out to the YouTube community. He's very determined to succeed, and I know that he's going to make it. Brooke also helps him get more subscribers and mentors him in creating good content. She also appears in his videos.

When he invited me to appear on his channel, I never hesitated. I want to be part of his success too.

"Pay me ten dollars per hour."

"Who are you? Zendaya? My budget is only three dollars per hour." Gray complains.

"Okay, I accept seven."

"Last chance, four."

"Is this an auction or something?" Brooke comments, at the side. "Can I join? How about five?"

"Cool. It's decided. Five." Gray says firmly.

He offered me five dollarsper day to appear in his videos. It's not much, but I need money right now tocontinue my membership in the gym, and I can pay my best friend's membership aswell. Just as the saying goes, 'Beggars can't be choosers.