chapter thirty eight

"i don't want to be here anymore." lydia said blankly, staring at the wall. tatums head shot up quickly, leaving himself hardly any time to stop his anger before it spiraled.

"stop it lydia" tatum growled in response, continuing to finish putting his shirt on.

"i just miss my dad is all, tate." she sighed, laying herself down on the large bed they shared.

tatums anger was rising at this point, as he felt like lydia was betraying him. she had been so good for him the past few days, but she always seemed to find a way to get under tatums skin. getting under his skin was easy, and digging your way out was hard.

"you don't get it, do you lydia?" he barked, placing himself on top of her. "you don't get to choose who you miss, you only miss me." he stated angrily, placing his hands around her throat.

"i don't understand why you always do this," he continued with his grasp still tight. "why can't you just listen, is it really that hard?" he finished.

lydia was finding it hard to breathe, and she began kicking her legs in an attempt to get him off of her. she didn't understand that what she said that was wrong, was she really not allowed to miss her family? she didn't understand the situation, and she definitely didn't understand tatum. he got mad quite easily, and she felt like she was playing a game of ping-pong with his emotions. she didn't mean to of course, but that's how tatum was from what she could remember.

"stop fucking kicking me, lydia!" he exclaimed, only tightening his grip. tatum wasn't thinking, not about how much the girl was struggling to breathe, atleast. lydia couldn't muster out any words due to her increasing lack of oxegyn, so she instead began to relax. not by choice, but because her brain felt as if it was slowly turning off.

"you're so fucking stupid, will you ever learn?" he spat, which lydia could hardly make out before she became surrounded by darkness.

"little," tatum said, with anger still laced in throat and his grasp still tight around her neck.

"baby," he continued, taking his hands away from her throat. tatum was panicked now, as the girl lay in front of him motionless.

when his hands had been removed by his own force, he could now take the time to notice the harsh bruises that lay on the girl's neck. tatum stared for a moment before reacting, as if he needed to truly digest what he had done. you didn't change.

-

"little," the boy sweetly called, placing his forehead against the girls. tatum had not left his little since what he caused to her, with the acceptance of tucking her small body into bed with him. he felt guilt, and he felt like he failed her, yet again. he was taking his meds though, why did he have such an overwhelming anger outburst?

with the time that he had from lydias incident, he had been thinking for nearly three hours at that point. was he angry because she missed someone other than him? was he angry because the person that she missed happen to be a male? he didn't know. but what he did know at the time, was that he felt like killing his brother. if his brother had simply played the role that he was supposed to, this wouldn't have happened.

the boy was suddenly taken out of his thoughts when the girl next to him began to slowly flutter her eyes open, adjusting to the daylight that beamed through the window. and when her eyes landed on the boy beside her, she quickly began to scoot herself away from him in a panic.

"no, little, please" tatum softly spoke, gently grabbing ahold of her wrist with one of his hands.

"did you have a bad dream?" tatum asked, deciding that he was going to cover up his malicious acts. lydia stared at him for a moment before responding.

"i- i guess so, you hurt me very badly-" she responded before being cut off.

"no baby, let me show you." he insisted, quickly getting up from the bed as he walked around to lydias side.

he placed his hand out for lydia to grab, which she did. she was confused as to if she had imagined the entire thing, only because it felt so real. the boy took lydia into the bathroom and showed her the reflection that she held in the mirror. lydia gasped at the sight of herself, quickly grabbing ahold of her neck.

"you hurt yourself while you were sleeping, my love. i was so worried," he explained gently, softly rubbing her back as she took in her appearance.

"w- why? how could i have done this?" she worriedly muttered, still in shock.

"you were having a lucid dream, baby. they happen, and when they do, you hurt yourself. you get so caught up in the idea that someone is inflicting harm onto you that you end up inflicting the harm on yourself. usually it happens when you're in a deep sleep, and you can't control it. things feel so real, even when they aren't really there. i've had them." he continued to explain, lydias expression began easing up as she realized what she had done.

"w- were you there? d- did you see?" she softly spoke, now turning herself to face tatum as she looked up at him with her familiar doe eyes. tatums heart skipped a beat, as he always melted from her sight.

"no, baby. i was in the living room working, when i began to hear your cries i immediately jumped up to see what was hurting you. and once i saw what you were doing to yourself, it was already too late. you had already inflicted the pain." he spoke, rubbing the sides of her arms up and down as he admired her.

"i think it's because i wasn't with you, which is why you always need to sleep with me. if you and i are ever separated for any reason, you hurt yourself. you need to be with me at all times so i can keep you safe, little." he manipulated.

lydia quickly nodded her head, as she realized how much she hadn't changed since she had been with him. she did it with her mom too, so she understood that tatum was being genuine. she would always have nightmares when she wasn't around her family, which is why lydia didn't have many friends. she could never sleepover at someone's house as she would miss her family too much and begin to cry over it. however, she didn't understand how she managed to hurt herself. her hands were too small to match up with the marks left on her skin, and she had also never hurt herself before. she chose not to question it, though. tatum seemed genuine.

"w- what about our plans today?" she asked him as he directed them both out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom.

"you slept in too late, little. we always have tomorrow." he said with a comforting smile.

"no, please? i'm sorry tate, i didn't mean to sleep so long. p- please? i really wanted to go-" she was cut off.

"it's not your fault my love, but we will go tomorrow. it's too late now," he reassured her.

lydia delivered him a slow nod of her head in acceptance. she felt let down that the two of them were not going to be doing anything for the holiday, but she accepted that tatum wouldn't change his mind once it was set.

"i- i'm thirsty" she stated softly, walking towards the door as she wanted to grab a drink from the kitchen.

"little." tatum warned. "you always stay near me, remember? you can't get hurt if i'm there." he finished.

the girl nodded as she remembered their previous conversation, and faced back towards tatum. she appreciated that the boy wanted to look out for her, and she knew that he was right in his words. tatum smiled to himself, still staring at the girl in front of him. he had been shaping her for so many days now, and he felt as though she really was learning from listening to him. he felt like his job was being carried out successfully, and he felt like he could make lydia believe almost anything that he told her. the boy was happy.

"okay little, now let's go get something to drink, baby. thank you for listening to me, daddy loves when you do so." he stared with a smile, which became menacing towards the end of his sentence. lydia was confused by the nickname, but didn't question it nonetheless. she was focused on getting something to drink, and only god knows how focused she was on not hurting herself on the way to do so.

you've manipulated her, now make her feel safe.

the continuing voice spoke through tatums head.

-

u guys i'm kind of having a bad writing day & it's rlly hard to come up with ideas this morning for some reason, writers block ig. hopefully you guys get another update today, but if u don't just know that my brain is struggling to come up with ideas LOL. love u all