sometimes when he's alone he remembers

back when he was a boy

the first time he heard them

and then he would fold in on himself and he would become what they wanted

and he liked it

sometimes he even thought he loved

but then he would see the look of disgust on his mother's face

the anger and the fear

when she found the cat

skin scraped clean

staked towards the sky

was it so wrong?

when it made him feel so alive?

he lived for those blood-drenched moments

just him

and another fragile heartbeat

life

in the palm of his hand

she was afraid to tell anyone and he learned to lie

let her see what she wants

let her think it's a phase

let her forget

mom

i'm sorry

but i can't be the son you wanted

i can't even be the son you need