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Ow! I felt a sharp pain inside my head. As if someone was pounding it with a hammer. My hands went up to hold it, while I tried to open my eyes. I couldn't process anything properly.

When I completely opened my eyes, I couldn't make out the images. Every thing seemed blurry. As soon as my vision cleared and my eyes adjusted to the environment, I saw Rebecca and automatically a smile made its way on my face.

A presence on the my other side reminded me of Josh, my brother. Although we weren't allowed to talk but he always came to me and we played almost every day. Turning my head, I looked at his way and gave him a smile, which he didn't return instead I saw his eyes shining. Shining with tears. It was clear that he was keeping himself from crying.

"Are you crazy Sophie?" He shouted, in his cracked voice, letting the tears in his eyes fall. I saw his lower lip quivering, controlling his sobs.

"Yeah, didn't you know?" I asked him, giggling, trying to cheer him up.

"This isn't funny Sophie! What if you died? What would've I done if you..." He started crying wildly, throwing a pillow at me.

Ummph!

"Shhh! Josh, everything is fine. Look, I'm perfectly fine. Rebecca, tell him!" I tried to calm him down, but he still wasn't looking at my way. "Come here Josh! Please, don't cry......" He grabbed me in a tight hug while letting out a series of uncontrollable sobs.

"H-have you imagined h-how difficult it would be to face the monsters alone? And you were leaving me with them?" He wiped his tears as he pulled away, never leaving his grip on my hands. He was scared, that I'll leave him but I will never. WILLINGLY.

"Yes darling. Your brother has been crying for two days because of you. Why did you do it?" Rebecca asked sitting down near my foot, concern lacing her words.

"I-I don't know! I just felt like doing it. I was just sitting in my room and I don't know what just came over me." Telling that was easy but I couldn't dare to make an eye contact with anyone of them. I felt ashamed.

One minute I was feeling utter sadness due to the fact that I was still alive and not free from the torture that this world is, while the other I felt guilty. Guilty-for being selfish and thinking about myself only. For not finding their love enough for me.

But the sadness overpowered the guilt. I really wanted this to end. I was tired and the reasons to live were zero. Yes, I loved Josh more than anyone but I knew that we will be separated once the monsters know. And as for Rebecca, she will leave me too. Someday or the other. This was the second time that my attempts of ending my life have failed badly.

Why can't I just die?

Disappointment– pure disappointment had clouded me. I felt like I had failed. Once again.

I felt someone wipe my cheeks that now were streams of tears. It was Rebecca. Listening to the snores, I glanced at the eight year old figure sleeping beside me.

"I don't want to live this life Rebecca. I want to die. Why couldn't I just die? Nobody needs me. I have no reason to live. "

"No sweetie, it's just what you think. Look, how much your brother loves you. He hadn't slept at all in past two days. He hasn't eaten anything at all. He would sit with you most of the time. He was so worried that he never stepped out of this room," Rebecca said.

I sighed looking at Josh, who still was holding my hand in his sleep.

"We care about you darling. I need you. Josh needs you. Promise me you won't do this again," she said, as she came closer and wrapped a comforting arm around me, stroking my hair.

"Rebecca, Mom and Dad will take him away from me. Sooner or later. And you, I don't think you'll stick with this shit anytime more," I said, clutching her shirt as I cried.

"Don't say like that Sophie. I will always be with you. But promise me you won't do anything stupid like this again. Okay?"

"Okay. Promise."

I tried to but I rarely succeeded in keeping my promises.

She wiped her tears. "Oh god, this is so emotional!" Rebecca said, an attempt to make me smile. "Try to sit up darling. I'll bring soup for you. You must be starving," she added.

I really am starving. But soup? Noooooo!

"Listen Rebecca, could you please bring three bowls of soup?" Her eyes widened at my demand.

"Three?" She confirmed holding out three fingers and I nodded as a reply. "Sure, why not? I'll be right back." With that she left the room.

"Jooaash! Jooooaaashhh! Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh-"I sang.

"What is it sis?" He asked lifting his head from the pillow, his eyes still closed.

"Waaaaiiike uuupp!"

"Noooo!"

"Come on you lazy bum! We are going to have food."

Rubbing his eyes he opened them and sighed. "Food! I am so hungry! Where is food?"

"Rebecca is bringing." I smiled devilishly. The door opened and she entered with a tray in her hands.

"Here you go Sophie," she said, keeping the tray on my side table, giving me a polite smile. She started to walk away.

"Wait Rebecca! Sit here." I patted on the empty part of the bed. I took the tray in my hands and placed one bowl of soup in front of her, one in front of Josh and the last one in front of me. They looked at me like I was an alien. "What? Start eating guys! Umm, it's so yummy!"

"Sophia, I'm dying from hunger here and you are asking me to have this?" He said filling the spoon with soup and pouring it back in the bowl dramatically.

"Please Josh just eat it....please Rebecca just drink it." That made me think. Do we eat soup or drink it? Mental note: search it on internet.

"Sophie I think you don't get it. You, are sick. Not me or Rebecca." Josh pointed out.

"Yeah, Josh is right Sophia," Rebecca said siding Josh.

"So, what? You people should support me. How can you consume delicious food when I'm eating this...this thing."

"Come on! Eat it with me. Hmm it smells so good."

* * * *

After making a coffee for myself I went to my room. Opening my laptop, I searched:

'How to survive high school bullying?'

1- ignore the bullies. (I can do that.)

2-be confident. (I can do this too)

3-tell someone. (Never)

4- write what's happening. ( I already am)

5- change school. ( I can't)

So, number 1 and 2 could be implemented.

Ignore them completely and be very confident. I thought this would work, it felt like I was the queen of the world after reading those stories people posted on internet about how these tricks helped them. I felt like I had it in me to change the way people used to treat me.

I could see a beacon of hope. I could clearly picture my future with me going to school and coming back with my clothes intact. Me returning home without any injuries. Me not trying to hide my bruises every morning. I pictured a future where I was invisible, where no one noticed me and everyone minded their own business.

But it remained a picture of future only.

* * * *

I was happy because I had completed the vacation home-task and I had written a long story–enough for the teachers to credit me good marks. This was a new start. And I wanted to enjoy my last year in high school as much as possible. If people let me.

I was walking to my English class after taking my books from my locker, when I heard some guys yelling my name. Not my actual name though.

"Listen here nerd. I need you to complete my English homework."

Ignore...

Ignore....

Ignore them....

With this thought in my mind, I didn't stop and kept walking towards my class but that wasn't as easy as it seemed. I felt somebody grab my braided hair and pull me with it.

"Ouch!" A cry left my mouth.

"Seems like you aren't scared of us anymore. I think we must give you some punishment for your little stunt earlier. What do you say guys?" The guy, who looked like the leader of their group joked. Atleast I thought it was a joke but soon one of the guy's fist made contact with my ribs causing a sharp pain throughout my body. And then another. And another.

"Oh G-hodd!" I fell down due to the force of their punches. Why does this always happens to me? Why? The blonde guy lifted his foot and kicked me on the side of my face but I quickly shielded it with my arms and let them taste the pain.

I waited for another kick but when it didn't come, I brought my knees to my chest and breathed a sigh. Slightly opening my eyes, I prayed that the guys are gone so that I can go to the class but all of them were there, towering above me.

Their faces were turned towards the door of the corridor, where the one and only Carter was standing, occupying their attention.

Carter Reece, the BadBoy of our school. So hot, so athletic, so attractive, so strong, so charming and so dreamy. NOT MY WORDS. I think he was so bad, so bad, so bad and so bad.

What I would say will be something like: He was a boy with no care in the world. A guy, with a metallic heart, melting point of which, scientists have not yet figured out. A guy, with a reputation of being inflated like a balloon and always ready to start. A guy, who breaks the hearts with his sharp words, so badly the marks never go. Not only the hearts but bones too. A guy, one glare of whose, will make others pee in their pants. He was a snake, which bites the people he passes through. He screamed trouble. He was as cold as Antarctica and at the same time as scary as hell. And, I hated him with everything I had. Every nucleus of every cell of mine loathed him.

"What the hell man?" His shout, bought me back to my senses and caused me to shiver.

"The nerd needed to be taught a lesson here. I think she has forgotten her punishments from earlier. Do you need me to remind you some more, baby?" The guy from earlier spoke.

I kept quiet.

"The bell is about to ring. Go to the class. I'll deal with her," Carter said in his bitter voice, looking at me with disgust.

No, no, no, no. Carter can't deal with me. I'll die today.

Shutting my eyes tightly I started to ask for forgiveness of my sins from God. But just then, I felt something thrown on my feet followed by the voice, "I need my work completed by lunch break."

It was quite for a moment and there was no sound at all. I thought Carter must have left but my eyes met with his attractive brown ones as soon as I opened them. It was wrong. Why was it always that bad people were awarded with good looks? I removed my gaze from his eyes, realizing that he was staring at my squirmed figure, up and down. I felt so exposed and weak in front of him.

Although I didn't let a single tear fall out of my eye but I couldn't stop myself from shaking. Shaking with fear. Without waiting a second I shut my eyes again, deciding to not open them until he leaves.

"Meet you after school for your lessons Sophia darling. Don't forget to complete Tyson's work." His tone was resentful.

I sighed to myself as soon as I heard his retreating footsteps echo.

I'll go home from the back gate of the school and I will try to not pass him at all today. When I won't show up, he'll leave. Yeah that sounds like a great plan.

Hope he hasn't left his friends standing at the backside of the school. With this thought in my mind I tried to sit up but the pain was so throbbing that it didn't let me. Taking support from the lockers I stood up. Ow! Ouch, ouch, ouch!

I need to go to the nurse. Again!

Fuck my life!

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