Dear Josh, (crossed out)

Dear Rebecca,

I love you. Tell Josh that I love him and I always will. Thanks for bearing me for all those years I've been an unwanted burden. An extra luggage that it's owners had left in between the road because they were tired of it. That no body wants.

But now it will all be okay for you. Because I'll be gone. I'll be gone forever. I want you to tell Josh that he once had a sister who loved him more than anyone.

I want you to inform my parents that I no longer am here to trouble them. Now they won't need to stay away from this unlucky shit. That they're free to visit their own home. That they don't have to find reasons to stay away from home. They don't have to be worried about my unluckiness passing to Josh.

Call Lia and Carter to my funeral. That will help calming my soul.

I'll miss your cooking Rebecca. I'll really miss you.

Goodbye!

With love,

Sophia Ann Anderson.

✍︎ ✑ ✍︎ ✑ ✍︎

As soon as I finished writing, I could feel things stirring inside me and all I wanted to do was lay down on my bed and sleep peacefully but I forgot that peace hates my guts. I had to get up when my house's phone rang.

At first I let it ring, hoping that Rebecca would pick it up but then I remembered the absence of Rebecca since I came home. Forcing my limbs to move, I stood up from floor just to fall down again. My vision wasn't clear and the constant ringing of the telephone wasn't helping either.

With the support of my bed I stood up and walked towards my door. I was careful not to pass over the broken glasses that were the victim of my aggression and stress release. As I made my way down, the ringing stopped. That only made me happy, because I was in no position to talk to anyone and neither was I able to.

But just as I started to stumble back upstairs, I heard the phone ringing again. It was weird because I didn't know who might have been calling here. "Hello," my groggy, unsure voice sounded. "Thank god you picked up." To say I was shocked to listen Carter on the other side was an understatement.

All his voice did was make my limbs weaker. Tears started to fill inside my eyes again and I took support of the table to keep myself standing. "We need to talk properly." I wanted to agree with him but I couldn't. I knew there was no point when all it'd do is hurt me more.

There was no piece of my heart left uncrushed. And I didn't want more torture to that particular muscle of my body. "Are you even listening? Sophia, are you okay?"

Sophia.....

An unwanted sob left my mouth. "Sparkle, we really need to talk. I can't settle with you being away from me." Carter's voice had an inch of bossiness in it. But mostly, it was pleading. "Can we meet somewhere?" He asked but didn't managed to get a reply from me.

'Just go away Sophia!' His words from earlier rang in my ears.

"Answer me Sophie! Just answer me. Say something."

"It's too late now." Another sob left my mouth. "What? What do you mean?! It isn't like I was at fault! Sophia-"

"Bye." I was quick to leave the receiver. His harsh tone was doing nothing for the betterment of my heart, instead it was crushing it even more than it already had.

Bye. Only I knew what meaning this word held this time. Only I knew this was my farewell to Carter. This was my goodbye to him. The guy I've started to love. The guy who played me. And I let him do that. I let his charms work on me. I let him repair the broken me. And I also let him break me once again. I let him crush my heart. He always had done things in the past to break my heart, to crack it, but this time it was crushed and there was nothing left to repair it again.

The phone started to ring again but I pulled it off from the socket and started to climb up. On my way up, I felt someone entering the house and scared, I accelerated my speed. Though it only affected my breathing and not my pace but I did reach up before anyone could see me. I went inside my room and locked myself in.

After making sure nobody knows I'm here, I went up to my wall and stared at the two pictures that hung there. One was me hugging Rebecca while the other one was me and Josh on a slide with bright smiles on our faces. I blinked at those pictures, my mind going back to the day Carter took a picture with me. Yesterday it was.

Sliding down the same wall, I sighed, the tears never sparing a chance to leave my eyes. Everything's gonna be fine! Just wait for the poison to work. I rested my head on the wall and let my eyes drop.

But again, some strange feeling caused me to squirm in my position. It wasn't weakness. It was the bile rising up. I felt like puking, though I hadn't had anything since the morning. And not even a minute later I coughed out a liquid. My mouth tasted like metal and when I gazed at the red liquid that just left my mouth my damp eyes started to pool again. As I stared at the scarlet monster that just went out of my mouth a smile made its way into my face. A content smile. A triumphant smile. It's all going to be okay in no time. No life, no heart, no crushing, no torture, no pain.

I continued to play with the fabric of my shirt, my eyes trained on my study table. The flowers Carter gave me were still resting there inside the vase. I smiled at it. No matter how bad of a person Carter might be he had made me feel an emotion. I got a chance to discover love. And before dying, he gave me some memories-that I know I'll never forget.

And I'll only thank Carter for giving me these beautiful memories to keep. Slowly my vision started to go faded even without the tears in my eyes. All I wished to do was lay down and rest, so I did. I laid down and sighed tracing patterns on my carpet.

But soon my fingers refused to move. A sudden knock on the door startled me. The knocking stopped, but then what started was banging. It was followed by Carter's loud voice, "open the door Sophia!" This made my eyes shoot open. I wanted to go and open the locked door but I couldn't.

My limbs didn't work. It felt as if all the energy was drained out of my body. I forced my body to move but nothing moved. Even the breathing hurt. Keeping my eyes open was painful too. My ears heard the bursting of the door and a body barging inside.

"No. Fucking. Way!" He yelled as he came and sat down beside me, his hands moving to take hold of the poison bottle that laid beside me. "Fuck!" He shouted shaking me wildly. "Sparkle! What have you done?!" His voice felt cracked.

Carter's hand went around me and I was lifted off the ground and into his arms. "Oh God! What have you done?" He cried, his hold going tighter on my body. I felt him move and things around me moved. Though my vision wasn't clear but I knew that he was carrying me downstairs.

I try to focus my eyes on his face attempting to have a look his features. I smiled at him trying to calm him down. We reached downstairs and he pushed open the house's door. No! Where is he taking me?!

With all the energy I could muster, I tugged at his t-shirt. But he ignored me and kept walking ahead. Not being able to keep my eyes open I closed them. His hands placed me somewhere and I was sure by the smell it was his car.

I tugged his sleeve again and he came closer to me. "W-where?"

"Hospital." He said and went to sit on his car seat. For a moment it felt as if he cared but as soon as my mind reminded me of his words, my imaginary bubble was popped. Go away Sophia! I knew I wouldn't survive and I wanted to tell Carter how I feel about him. Of how special I feel to have felt a lucky emotion as love. "God Sparkle! What have you done?! You think killing yourself is the easiest way?! And to think it's all because of me is drowning me into a sea of guilt."

"You are too important for me to let go! You can't go! I'm sorry, I apologize! Just stay with me! The hospital is just here. Don't you even dare shut your eyes! You fucking ate poison! Why? Why Sparkle?" He kept shouting at me and all his car did was accelerating.

I smiled as I listened to him. "Come on! We're here!" And in no second I was swiped off the seat in bridal style again. I sniffed as much of his scent as I could. "Open your eyes! Fucking open them! And how can you even smile?!" He yelled at me. This was Carter. My angry man.

"C-Carter."

"I-I love you. I-I love you s-so much. I really r-really l-love you."

A smile made its way on my face as all the events we had together rushed through my memories.

Even I was surprised as my hand rose to touch his cheek. I knew I was never going to see him again. And before I leave this hell, I wanted a happy memory in my head. I wanted to have my eyes on Carter when I ended. I wanted to take all the handful of happy memories I had to my grave. And Carter was a huge part of those handful of memories.

"I l-love y-you," I let it out of my chest, relief flooding throughout my body. A tear left my eye and just as It did, I knew I wasn't living for long. My chest started to constrict as I felt my insides wiggling. Breathing became impossible.

"What?" He whispered, his breath fanning my face. I didn't need to know what he felt. All I needed was to let him know I love him. And also to thank him for all he did for me. For the times he showed care, for those times when he made me feel special. "I love you." I repeated in a shaky breath this time, without stuttering.

The look on Carter's face worried me. The way he held me and tried to examine my face, I understood what he was thinking. "I know y-you wanted t-to......," speaking what I wanted to was difficult because of the limited energy I had left. With a smile I started, "I-I des-deserve to d-die like this. You don't w-worry-" but then I felt blood rising inside me.

The blood was out through a painful cough and before I could thank Carter for giving me such a precious gift as love, everything went black before me.

*****

❤