To my sisters Imogen and Saskia, without whom

this would have been completed much sooner

Hampshire, England 1804

Cecilia:

I sat on the edge of my chair, my head lying on the large slab of dark wood that stretched the length of the room. My eyes fluttered closed, my eyelashes kissing my cheeks as I muffled a yawn in my palm, small lines beginning to unite on my head in a band of worry.

I glanced groggily up at the grandfather clock looming over me, the hands inching slowly around the face chiming out as the smaller of the two jerked towards the six. I let out another involuntary yawn and drew my fisted hands across my eyes in a feeble attempt to remove the traces of sleep I had not found.

I was accustomed by then to papa's evenings spent drowning himself in alcohol in the local tavern, and still I waited for him. It was almost as if I were a moth and he the flame, drawing me to him, wanting, no needing, to feel warmth. Sitting in the icy dining room, dust trimming the decrepit curtains, I scrambled to pull together an image of my father smiling, living.

As I pulled desperately on the threads of my memory begging for a time when we had all lived harmoniously I heard the door open. A creak at first then a thud as the solid frame hit the panelled wall, the noise reverberating around the still room.

My eyes snapped up to the large man in the doorway and I scrambled to my feet, papa was not one to tolerate poor manners."Papa!" I cried hopefully, my eyes only briefly acknowledging his unkempt appearance. I moved around the table towards him, my footsteps light on the stone floor.

"Jessica?" Familiar murky green pinned me down with such a look of longing as I had not seen before. "Jessica my love," He started as he stepped towards me.

"No papa, it's me, Cecilia, not mama." I said softly as I reached out a timid arm towards him. It was true that I had the same dark hair, large blue eyes and pale skin as my mother, but whilst she was called beautiful, I saw nothing of merit in my own countenance.

"Not, not Jessica?" His face crumpled and he looked almost vulnerable before his features hardened once more and his eyes flashed to mine. "But you must be Jessica, you look just like her." I shrunk back at the dangerous look in his eyes, almost challenging.

"Papa," I took a tentative step backwards, "Mama is... Jessica is..." I stopped short choking back the lump that was rising in my throat. "She's dead." I managed to whisper.

"Dead?" He repeated as if hearing the words for the first time. A single tear leaked out of his right eye and trickled down his red cheek. I nodded mutely as another tear formed on his lashes, hanging on desperately before relinquishing its fight and following the path of the previous one down his round face.

"You," his head slowly lifted, like a bull preparing for a fight. "You killed her." His lips had twisted into a sinister snarl of granite, curling at the end. "You killed her." He repeated again taking a step closer to me. I stood paralysed as his words washed over me, the guilt I had often felt returning to me.

"If it weren't for you, my Jessica would still be here." Again he took a step closer towards me.

"Papa I didn't mean to." I pleaded. "I didn't ask to be born." I added shakily as he moved still nearer to my place beside the table. He was so close now I could smell the foul stench of alcohol that emanated from his being as it clung to the air surrounding him.

"You killed my Jessica." He seethed, his voice was full of venom and his eyes swirled with loathing. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt bullets of spit hit my face with each word he spat.

With each word he hurled at me I felt the air being squeezed from my lungs. I felt my rib cage collapsing in, snapping into a hundred shards that stabbed at my lungs. Then the ribs turned into fingers, formed hands that pulled at my heart, clawed their way upwards and tightened around my oesophagus, wrestling the air, preventing it from entering my body.

Suddenly a thick arm reached out and a hammy hand gripped onto my waist. I squirmed under the tight grip as my father picked me up and flung me onto the table. I let out a cry of pain as my head connected with mahogany and black spots marred my vision.

"Did I hurt you sweetheart?" His callous voice rang painfully in my ears. I gritted my teeth as the pounding in my ears became louder and I felt his jagged fingernails dig into the soft flesh of my stomach.

I watched the chandelier above me through blurry vision as it shook, the small fragments of glass reflecting the early morning light that had penetrated through the threadbare curtains. The hand that had clamped me to the table lifted for a moment and I heard the heavy footfalls of my father as he moved towards the empty grate.

I twisted my head to the side to get a better view of what he was doing but a jolt of pain shot through me at the movement. I didn't have to wait long however to find out what my father had been looking for as I felt his strong hand return to my body and a hard instrument strike my back.

My body writhed on the table as I let out uncontrolled howls of agony, but my father's grip remained firm. I felt my body burn with every attack on my raw, broken skin, each hit sending a new scorching heat coursing through my body.

"Crying is for the weak," he sneered, his hands no longer on my aching body. He flipped me over on the table and I let out a hiss of pain as my back pressed against the wood before his palm connected with my face leaving a metallic taste in my mouth.

I heard the whisper of the stairs as my father retreated to his study, before there was silence once more.

I tried to pull my broken body from the table but my arms gave way beneath me, the black smudges in front of my vision spreading out until all I could see was darkness.

Hope you all liked the first instalment of my new book 'Chasing Cecilia' which will be the first of The Huntington Series! Please vote and comment to let me know what you think! Thank you - also any good historical fiction recommendations would be welcomed, they're my favourite books to read!

Much love

xxx