Copyright © 2013 by Kate_Katnic.

All characters and events within this publication are fictitious and any resemblence to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any mechanical means without prior written consent from the author.

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Today was my eighteenth birthday. It's a day which almost every teenager anticipates for years. It should be full of happiness and the joyful antcipation of adulthood, but in my case it mostly brought unpleasant memories. For the children in my family, their eighteenth birthday is the day the search begins. Today was that day for me. It was, potentially, the beginning of the end. Of my end. Literally. This failed and I was dead.

I'd cried over it countless times and prayed for the day to never arrive. But come it had and, despite everything wrong with it, I couldn't help feeling slightly excited.

From this day onwards I could, supposedly, become happier than I had ever been before. At least, that's what I'd been told. My older siblings said that until it happened to them they couldn't imagine the feeling. They said it was wonderful and that I could have that too. I said I didn't believe them, but I did. Of course I did. I saw how happy they were with their partners, the way they looked at them. How could I not?

So, a little part of me was excited, knowing that could happen to me as well. No, that it would.

Would ... unless ... I ended up like Harry. Two years hadn't been long enough for him. Who was to say it would be long enough for me?

I pulled myself out of bed, trying to guide my errant thoughts from the path down which they were eager to travel. The path that, once I started along, led in no other direction and held no route back.

I failed.

I remembered his last phone call.It had come the night before his twentieth birthday, his last night, from a quiet street in Amsterdam. We had all crowded eagerly around the small table on which our home phone sat. We expected good news. We were so eager that my mother had been forced to yell at us so loudly her voice cracked.

Harry had sounded desperately afraid but was trying, unsuccessfully, to hide it under his usual jovial attitude. He'd said he wished he could be home with us and that he loved us all.

He'd been searching the streets of that city until his last breath.

He had had no chance.

His life partner could have easily slipped by him on the overcrowded sidewalks. It would have been impossible to enter everyone's mind on busy city streets. And having to translate along the way couldn't have sped anything up.

When he'd said goodbye he was crying and that had set us all off. It was unfair that he died when he was so close. So close he could've found her if given just another day.

That night, after the phone call, no one had slept. We simply couldn't. We'd stayed in the crystal room, watching his with tired eyes, willing it to change colour. Wishing with all our might it would turn green, although we knew that there wasn't enough time and that, even if he did find her, she wouldn't say she loved him before morning.

At three am his glowing yellow crystal, and the black one beside it, had flared red and then all colour had drained from them. Dead.

Mum had broken down and I'd hurriedly pulled Tara and Jarrod away, although they'd already seen. There was no sense in prolonging their exposure. I put Tara to bed and sang to her, telling her it would be alright. Although it never would. I think even she knew that.

Our family was never quite the same after that. Death changes everyone. I doubted any of us could handle another.I

still saw Harry in my dreams. I heard the desperate tone of his last words repeated over and over, impossible to escape from.

The memory ended and I was thrust back into the cold, emptiness of my bedroom.

The pain was like a knife, ripping me apart as I fell to the floor and began to sob.

I couldn't handle remembering him like this. I needed to snap out of it, it'd been too long. I needed to knuckle down and focus all my energy on the search. I thought of a pleasant time with my brother, the last one we'd had. Perhaps a fond memory would help me close this gaping wound for a little.

The rain poured, streaming off my dark hood. It trickled down my face and dripped from my chin towards the drenched earth, like tears. My hands were shoved deep inside my pockets yet they still shook, although not from the cold.

My thoughts were whirling and so consuming I didn't hear my feet squelching or feel the presence beside me.

What would happen to him? It had already been a year and a half and he didn't have much time left. What was he going to do? How could he find her? Why was he here when he should be searching? Why couldn't she just appear and end this torturous wait? Why was it so hard? Why him?

A warm hand slipped into my pocket and held my own. It was big enough to make me feel like a child again. Small, weak and in need of comfort. If I had been younger perhaps it would have provided the comfort I so desperately sought but, unfortunately, I was not a child and today it only made things worse. I knew I was thinking about this all too much and that I was kind of freaking out but hey, I was a fifteen year old girl who might lose her big brother. If that wasn't a good enough reason to freak out I don't know what was.

We turned a corner and the whole park lay before us; completely deserted and distorted by the rain. The trees colourful leaves looked like paint splodges, dabbed on by a small child. The path was a snake, dark and slimy, twisting away through the green grass.

I shivered violently as a drop of water ran down my front, and my brothers hand tightened around mine. I smiled up at him gratefully and his brown eyes met mine. They had lost their sparkle but just about managed to look happy. If only I could scare away the shadows lurking behind that smile and hunt out the pain that danced in the lines of his face. Then I could believe that he was happy. That these times weren't taking their toll on him. That he still had hope.

We sat on a bench, the coldness of the metal leaching my warmth. It was soaked but we couldn't get any wetter. My body felt as though it would start swelling in protest to the amount of water bombarding it. No one else was crazy enough to be out. Which was just what Harry had wanted. We needed the space.

We sat wordlessly for a long time, watching the rain fall and enjoying each others company. It was calming and my troubles seemed shrink and become less important, as if they were being washed away by the falling water.

When I was completely calm I turned to him and asked, "will you find her?"

His face twisted in a way I had only seen once or twice before. He quickly tried to hide it, not wanting me to see it and begin worrying. He knew what I was like.

"I don't know." He admitted. Then, after a long pregnant pause, he blurted, "even if I do, will there be enough time? No one falls in love that quickly."

"You never know." I desperately clung to the last hope I had. He picked up on the tone of my voice and knew I was scared. He looked guilty for a moment, as though he shouldn't have expressed his fears. He was always protecting me and I wish I'd realised back then how important he was to me. If I could go back I would tell him how much I loved him and that he should never feel like he had to hide things from me. I could have handled it.

"I am pretty sexy!" He winked, suddenly himself again.

I laughed and leaned over to hug him,"I love you."

"Love you too, Lilly."

I could only hope that I had more luck than him.

Drying my eyes, I stood up.

I wished Harry were here to see this day. His face kept filling my vision. I could see his smooth brown hair, the few strands that stuck up in the back, always annoying him. I saw his eyes, full of kindness and humour, sparkling like stars.I could picture him telling me to pull myself together and to face the music. I would have to eventually.

Today would begin with practising my new 'power', then I would go to school for the last time. Today I had to search every mind as I'd been instructed. Since Harry's death, my dad had become very strict. We weren't allowed to leave anyone out, no matter what. Man, woman, boy, girl; we were to search them all. He couldn't handle a repeat of Harry. None of us could.

When I finally left the safety of my room and entered the living room, I saw presents piled on a chair in a corner. It seemed like some sick, twisted joke; who would celebrate on a day like this?

Everyone was waiting for me - they were sitting on the remaining chairs, the floor after that. Even Tom and Sarah had made it. A lump grew in my throat and tears sprang into my eyes. Everyone was here for me, to help me get through the first awful day.

"Happy birthday, baby." Mum said, causing a chorus of Happy Birthdays. I could only smile; if I opened my mouth I would surely begin to sob.

I took the first gift from the pile and nearly dropped it, surprised at it's weight. Judging by the gasps that ensued, I guessed this must be pretty important. I looked to my mum and saw her glance down at my grim faced father. I could already guess what it was.

I placed the parcel carefully on the floor and pulled the paper from it. Inside was a crystal, identical to the one Harry's partner had had. Inky black and cold to the touch. My own had been like this just the day before but now glowed yellow. That meant it was activated and ready for the search to begin. When I got close to my 'soul mate' it would turn white, then green when I found him. Finally, it would purple when he told me he loved me and I replied likewise. Then we would both be safe and ready to start our life together.

There was just one tiny problem. I wasn't entirely sure I would find anyone. I'd never really been attracted to a guy and I really doubted that was about to change. And I mean really doubted it. If you get what I mean.

"Open this one next." My youngest sister, Tara, had approached without me realising and now held out a small, neatly wrapped parcel. A large gift tag hung off it, ridiculously big compared to the parcel itself, with: "DEAR, LILLY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! LOTS OF LOVE, YOUR BEST SISTER TARA" written in all capitals.

I couldn't contain a smile. Tara always cheered me up, even without meaning to.

When I opened the present, a heart pendant fell to the ground. I picked it up and examined it. The heart was made of crystal, one half yellow, the other black. It was parts cut from my future partner's crystal and my own glued together.

"It's beautiful," I breathed, "thank you."

Tara fastened the clasp behind my neck, hugged me tightly from behind, then going back to her spot on the floor.

Looking down, I felt a small smile spread across my face.

Harry would have loved this. He would've teased me rotten about no one wanting me and then he'd have been the one helping me with everything. No one else could fill his role, no matter how hard they tried. God, I missed him.

Once I'd opened the rest of my gifts and consumed an unhealthy breakfast of cake, I began my training.

We sat in the garden, on old sun-loungers, who's bright colours had slowly faded over the years. Weeds broke through the cracks on the paving beneath my feet and the grass was overgrown. It was obvious how little we used this place.

My brothers and sisters sat in chairs at various distances from me. My father sat beside me and spoke into my left ear. He told me I was to clear my mind of everything; except the person I wanted to communicate with. Then I had to imagine that there was a tendril, a thread, connecting me to the person I was trying to contact.

Tom was in the closest chair because he'd had the most practise at this and could help me along, if I needed it. Behind him was Anne, his twin. A little further off, about twenty metres away, sat Jarrod, my seventeen year old brother and, at the very end of the garden, was Tara. At twelve she was the youngest of the Daniels and the hardest to reach. She had to be at least thirty-five metres away.

"Alright, Lilly, are you ready?" Dad asked. I nodded, trying to tune him out. My hands were shaking and my heart pounded unsteadily.

I drew in a few deep breaths and closed my eyes, focusing on Tom. I opened them again and imagined a small thread connecting me to him. I watched it form then, once it had connected to him, thought, "uh, hi?"

"Hey, little sis. You did it!" My oldest brothers deep voice reverberated around my head. It was like I'd heard it without my ears knowing.

"Yeah," I slowly relaxed.

"Good work!" Tom laughed inside my head. I could still hear it echoing after I'd retreated.

Getting into Anne's head was a little harder. She'd been told to refuse to listen when I spoke to her, to help me understand what thoughts I could hear, or something like it. I got impatient before hearing the rest and screamed at her, making her jump and mutter, "Jesus."

I laughed, earning a cold glare from her. Knowing how mean she could get, I stifled it hastily, and withdrew from her head.

Next was Jarrod. He was over ten meters further from me than Anne and hadn't yet reached eighteen and so could not use telepathy. In a few months he would be the one sitting here and I would be in his seat. For now, though, it was me and I really had to focus.Breathing deeply, I thought only of Jarrod and the rapidly forming link between us. With each attempt I made it got a little easier and I was soon surrounded by his thoughts.

"Jarrod?" I thought.

"Hm... oh, hey, Lilly."

Feeling proud of myself, I moved onto Tara's mind. She was a lot further away so my attention slipped a few times but I soon reached her and easily slipped inside.

"Hiya," I whispered.

"Hey." There was a little pause then she thought, "can she hear everything I'm thinking? Can she hear me right now?"

This was the first training session Tara had been allowed to take part in, so everything was new to her. I remembered when I'd first been allowed, on the twins birthday. I'd been terrified.

"Yes, I can hear you," I said, gently. I didn't want to frighten her.

"Oh!" Even from thirty or forty metres away I could see her blush. What on earth had my little sister been thinking about?

I didn't get the chance to investigate further as my father nudged me and broke my concentration.

"Are you listening to me?" He asked. I nodded. "How did you do?"

"It went good."

"Did you reach everyone?" I nodded again. "Great!" He enthusiastically rubbed my back, "you're ready to go then."

I stood and hugged my mum before I left. I didn't bother to grab my school bag; it was the last day so I didn't need it.

My brother accompanied me to the bus stop but when we got there he went off to talk to his friends. I rolled my eyes when I heard what they were discussing. How to launch a rocket into space. Seriously, who actually thinks about that? Besides freaking NASA.

I was glad the bus came quickly and practically raced on, squashing myself between my two best friends.

"Happy birthday, Lilly!" Tanya squealed handing me a bright orange gift bag.

"Thank you," I pulled her into a huge hug.

"Here ya go," Sheridan handed me a heavy purple parcel which I took with difficulty.

"Thanks," I couldn't hug her properly but she didn't seem to mind.

A few silent minutes passed before Sheridan said, "well, open them!"

I shifted the gift bag onto the floor to create more hand room, "right."

Sheridan's present was a huge palette of make up. I fixed her with evil eyes. She was always trying to get me to wear it but I hated the stuff. I hoped Tanya's was a little more my style.

She hadn't wrapped it, so I knew straight away what it was; a flask of my favourite perfume.

"God, Tanya." I groaned, "I know how expensive this is. You shouldn't have bought me it." I went to hand it back but she stopped me.

"Hey, it isn't everyday a girl turns eighteen." I hugged her again and mumbled a thanks into her shoulder.

"How come I didn't get a hug?" Sheridan demanded with a pout. I smiled at her expression and hit her across her shoulder. My friends were such idiots and I loved it.

First period was English. A movie was playing but no one was paying attention to it; giving me the perfect cover.

Starting at the right of the room, I worked my way to the left, entering every mind along the way, but nothing popped. I glanced down at my necklace. One half was still black and the other still yellow. It may have just been my wistful imagination but I thought my side of the heart turned white, just for a second, before fading back to yellow. But it couldn't have, I'd already checked everyone in the room.

During the break, I went into the food hall; because there was a lot of people there and if I was to have any chance of checking everyone I needed this opportunity. Tanya complained because we had a free period after and she wanted to go into town but Sheridan had elbowed her and hissed, "it's her birthday."

In the end it was pointless and only made Tanya and Sheridan think I was creeping on some poor boy. I didn't correct them - it was better they thought that than found out the truth.

By the time 5th period rolled around I was seriously disheartened. I wasn't even close. This was completely pointless. At least there was only one more class to attend; physics.

A tiny flutter ran through my stomach but I pushed it away. Now was so not the time for that.