After Lilly asked me to leave I bought a coffee at a nearby gas station and sat in my car, drinking it slowly.

I couldn't really understand what she was going through. When Stephanie had Alexander there were no problems, no complications. The birth was smooth and relatively quick so I'd never had any reason to worry about her more than was normal.

Watching Lilly break down like that and seeing how much she obviously cared for her sister and her baby made me feel a bit guilty.

I hadn't spoken to Stephanie in ages, even when she called I didn't say much.

The guilt was too much so I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.

"Hey, Steph?"

"Hiya, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering how you were and how Alexander's doing."

"We're all fine. So do you have time to talk now?"

"Yes. Sorry about last night, I know I said I'd phone you but Lilly's sister miscarried so I had to comfort her."

"Oh poor girl." Stephanie said. "I can't imagine what she's going through."

"Neither can I." I admitted, "which is why it was so hard to not loose my temper and start screaming at her."

"Please tell me you managed to hold your tongue."

"Of course I did, what do you take me for? Some kind of mental woman who can't control herself?"

"No offense but, kind of, yes."

"Whatever." I said, "I'm going now."

"I didn't offend you did I?" Stephanie asked sounding concerned.

"You did actually, but it's fine."

"I'm sorry." She didn't say anything for a while, then I could imagine the grin she sported. "It's true though."

"Goodbye." I said and hung up, not quite able to stop my lips from twitching upwards.

I put the car into reverse and drove home.

***

Sitting in front of the TV with a plate full of delicious Chinese food is the perfect way to end the evening.

I sighed contentedly and watched the contestants of Masterchef sweating it out over their hobs.

There was only one girl still in the running and I desperately wanted her to win because, not to to be sexist or anything, girls are the best!

I heard a knock at the door and went to get it. Caitlin was standing there with a hopeful smile on her face and I glared at her.

"What do you want?" I demanded.

"I just want to take you back. I know you're sorry and I'm ready to forgive you." My mouth fell open and for a minute I couldn't speak.

"Wha-what?" I stuttered, still not understanding what she'd just said.

"I've come to say it's okay and I'm not angry with you anymore." She said and tried to go past me into the house. I put my arm in the way and stopped her. "What's wrong?"

"You're taking me back?" I asked.

"Yeah, lucky for you." She smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I pushed her away from me and she looked at me with wide eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I don't quite understand why you think I wanted you to forgive me. I seem to recall that I was the one who broke off our relationship, not you." She frowned as though confused.

"But that was a mistake, you didn't mean it."

"When did I say that I didn't mean it?" I asked and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"I know you want me back, you're just playing hard to get. You know I'm the only one who can please you, I'm the only one who knows what to do. No one else will accept you. You're too much work!"

I couldn't speak because I knew she was right. No one would want someone as messed up as me.

She smirked and pressed herself against me, pushing her lips onto mine. At first I didn't respond then I kissed her back.

Suddenly I thought of Lilly and pushed her away.

"Stay away from me!" I yelled and slammed the door in her face.

"Don't turn away from what we have! You'll regret it!" Caitlin screamed through the door.

I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water, trying to stop my hands from shaking. I couldn't believe she'd just done that but more than that I couldn't believe I kissed her back. What would Lilly say? Should I even tell her? Were we even together?

"Laura!" Caitlin screamed and I heard the door being flung open. I stormed into the hallway and grabbed her arms shoving her out the door. "Laura, I love you and I know you still love me, I can tell! You kissed me back!" I didn't answer and this time when I closed the door I made sure it was locked.

Loud thumps sounded on the wood and her screams pierced through me.

I went into my bedroom and lay on the bed with a pillow over my ears. If I couldn't hear her she wasn't there.

Anger fizzed and bubbled in my stomach and I tried not to let it take over, that would only make everything worse.

After a while the noise faded and I slowly removed the pillow from my head. Was she gone? I sat up and made my way carefully through the house. I was walking through the living room when there was a loud smash and I could hear someone's feet slamming onto my kitchen floor.

I ran to check and found Caitlin there, surrounded by broken glass, a large rock lying at her feet.

"What the hell?" I screamed.

"I only did it because I love you. I want you to listen to me, to understand how much I care for you."

"And smashing my window proves this how?" I demanded, clenching my fists tightly, the nails digging into my palm, desperate not to react.

"That doesn't matter, I just need you to listen."

It was at that time that I lost it, blew a fuse, saw red. The haze took me over and when I finally returned to reality Caitlin was lying on the ground with blood leaking from her nose and she wasn't moving. I thought she was dead until I saw her chest rising and falling. I decided I had to get her to hospital, I couldn't just leave her like this.

I dragged her through the house and into my car, somehow managing to get the seat belt clipped around her.

As we neared the hospital she groaned a little and I just managed to stop myself from hitting her again.

Anger was still pulsing through my veins and the reality of what had just happened hadn't quite set in. I wanted to hit her again, and keep on hitting her until she spurted blood from every part of her body.

I shook those thoughts away as I parked the car and pulled her out of it.

She weighed the same as a bag of bricks and it's a miracle I managed to get her into the building at all.

When we walked in the woman sitting at the reception took one look at Caitlin and jumped out from behind her desk.

"What happened to her?" She asked as she hurried over to help me.

"She fell down the stairs." I lied and she didn't question it.

"We'll have to get a doctor to see her immediately." She said and we carried her into an examination room and laid her on the bed. "Wait here." The nurse told me and I sat in a chair in the corner hoping Caitlin wouldn't wake up.

Within a minute a doctor hurried in with a clipboard in one hand.

"I'm sorry miss but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." He said, "We'll need to do some scans."

I got up and hurried out the room, happy I now had an excuse to.

While I was sitting outside on an uncomfortable blue chair I finally had the chance to calm down. As I did so it hit me how serious a situation I was in.

I'd hurt someone so badly that they had to taken to hospital. That was assault and I could be locked away for that. I didn't think I could cope in jail. I could probably stand up for myself but the mental strain would be enormous and my mind was already mucked up enough.

With panic rising inside me I dialed Lilly's number.

"Hello?" She asked, her voice heavy with sleep which I would have found cute at any other time.

"Lilly, I'm in the hospital, can you come?"

"What? Why are you in hospital?"

"Caitlin came to my house and smashed the window and I hit her and now she's in hospital and I'm going to be arrested and I'll go crazy and-"

"Breathe Laura, breathe." Lilly said. "What hospital are you in?"

"St Lewis."

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Come quickly." I said.

The phone went dead and I sat back trying not to panic.

Lilly's coming it's going to be fine, Lilly's coming, Lilly's coming. As long as I kept that thought in my head I'd be fine.

"Miss?" I looked up, it was the doctor. "She's going to be fine." He said and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank god." I gasped.

"She's awake and apart from a sprained wrist and a few bruises she should be fine." The doctor said and a smile broke across my face. "You can see her if you want."

"God no!" I said immediately and he sent me a funny look. "I mean I'd rather not just now."

"Well, if you're sure. We're going to keep her in overnight, just in case but she should be fine."

"Great." I said and the doctor pulled an odd face again before walking away.

I went through to the waiting room so Lilly could find me and sat on the edge of a seat beside an old man with a bandaged foot and a young woman cradling a wailing baby and looking stressed.

The room was big and gleaming white with chairs in rows along the middle of the room. At one end there was the entrance and opposite that a shop which sold chocolates and books and cards. There were no empty seats anywhere and most people looked tired and pained. The few children around where dressed in pyjamas and yawning widely, I wondered why everyone else was here and if any of them were the reason someone was lying in a hospital bed. I doubted it and the panic was back, filling me up and threatening to choke me.

I tried to breathe evenly and deeply but my heart still raced at a much faster than average rate and my brow beaded with sweat.

Everywhere I looked I felt eyes on me and suddenly everyone seemed to be watching me as though they knew what I'd done. I covered my eyes as I felt them heat up and moisten with the beginnings of tears.

"I didn't mean it." I whispered. "She wouldn't leave and I got angry. I didn't mean to hurt her."

"What?" The woman with the baby asked looking at me.

"Nothing." I said and quickly wiped my eyes.

"Are you sure?" She asked and I nodded. Her baby let out a particularly loud wail and proceeded to vomit over her effectively ending her questioning.

I stared at the floor, the tiles stained with countless muddy footsteps and the occasional drop of something red/brown which I hoped wasn't blood. I got lost in my thought, imagining what prison was like and how much I was going to suffer. In fact, I was so wrapped up in these thoughts that I didn't notice Lilly until she said my name.

"What?" I looked up quickly. "Oh Lilly!" I said when I saw her and stood up to pull her into a hug. "I'm so glad you're here." I whispered into her neck, drawing in the strawberry smell of her hair.

"You're welcome." She replied then pushed me away gently. "Now tell me what happened."

"Not here." I hissed glancing around to make sure no one was listening to us. "Come on."

I grabbed her hand, ignoring the tingle that caused in my stomach, and led her out the door. It took a while for me to find the car but we were soon inside it with the heater turned up and the inside light on.

I sat silently, looking out into the dark night, not sure how to start.

"Laura?" Lilly prompted.

"Sorry." I said and turned my gaze away from the stars and towards her. "I was thinking."

She smiled at me and nodded, her eyes willing me to continue.

"After you asked me to leave I went home and just after I'd eaten, so about eleven fifteen, Caitlin came to my door."

"Who's Caitlin?" She asked and I started. I'd forgotten I hadn't told her about my ex.

"She was my girlfriend, but I found out she was cheating on me so I ended it... and apparently she coudn't accept that."

"I'm sorry." Lilly said.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault and I didn't like her that much anyway."

"I'm still sorry." Lilly said and I smiled.

"Thank you." There was a short pause then I continued. "So I opened the door and there she was going on about how she'd forgiven me, and decided to take me back, and-" I cut myself off quickly. "There were other things but I won't bore you with the details. The main point is that I told her to go but she wouldn't so I locked the door on her and she decided the best thing to do was break in, so she smashed my kitchen window."

"Holy shit!" Lilly said looking shocked. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." I said. "She, on the other hand." I gestured towards the hospital.

"She's in there?" Lilly asked and I nodded. "God... I don't blame you, I would have done the same."

"I feel bad though, she only want-"

"She broke into your house Laura! She deserves everything she gets!"

"I know, but I can't help it."

There was a long silence.

"Did you phone the police?" Lilly eventually asked. I shook my head. "Are you going to?" Another shake of the head. "Why not?"

"They would only arrest me for assaulting her."

"No they wouldn't. It was self defense, or protection of property, or something." Lilly said.

"You don't even know what it is, I'm not going to tell them."

"What about if she comes back?" Lilly asked and I shrugged.

"I can deal with her."

"Are you sure?" Lilly asked, "She might be pretty annoyed with you."

"I'm sure." I said and she shrugged.

"Okay then. Are you okay now?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you."

"You're welcome." She grinned at me. "Can I get to my bed now?"

"Of course, sorry."

"I was only joking." She nudged my shoulder. "Lighten up."

"Sorry." I said again and she laughed.

"Okay I've really got to get back to my house now, I'm shattered." As if to prove the point she suddenly yawned widely.

"All right, I don't want your mother to kill me."

"Okay," Lilly laughed, "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

She left the car and I watched her disappear into the night.