"You lied to me." Lilly glared at me accusingly.

"I thought it would be better!" I exclaimed defensively.

"It wasn't," she whined, collapsing into the front seat of the car. "I'm so tired."

We'd just gotten out of Lilly's second karate lesson and she wasn't happy about how much energy it required.

"It wasn't that bad," I rolled my eyes at

her dramatics. "You'll get used to it and then it will start to become fun."

"I seriously doubt that." My girlfriend sounded deadly serious. She hadn't been herself for the past couple of days; her temper had been shorter than I'd ever seen it, so much so that she seemed to be permanently pissed off. I could barely stand it. Only now did I realise how spoiled I'd been, Lilly really was a great girlfriend.

If only I could work out what was wrong. She refused to talk to me, getting angry if I asked too many questions, and I had gotten nowhere. I just hoped she was okay. I didn't mean to annoy her but I needed to make sure she was alright.

I tapped my fingers against the steering-wheel restlessly as I drove. Lilly sat with her eyes closed and her legs stretched out as much as they could; being at the front of the car, this wasn't very far.

I looked across at her and my tapping became faster. I had to try and get her in a better mood, do something; or I'd feel like the worst girlfriend in the world.

"Someone caught on that we're together today," I started. Lilly's eyes opened and became fixed upon my face. "She was apparently watching us and when you went to the bathroom she came over and proceeded to question me about you. It was all very weird." I laughed softly, not because the story was particularly funny but to encourage Lilly to join me. She didn't.

"Well, what did you tell her?" Her eyes flashed and I had a sinking feeling that my attempt to cheer her up had only made her angry. I gripped the steering-wheel tightly and internally yelled at myself for being so stupid. Couldn't I do anything right(!)?

"Laura," Lilly's voice was soft and when I looked at her she didn't seem angry anymore. I couldn't be sure though, she had been like this before, then flipped back again in an instant. I didn't know what to do, or what to say. I never thought the day would come where I'd be apprehensive about telling Lilly; the girl who I could trust with everything; something.

Maybe I was overreacting, maybe she would barely react. Perhaps I was simply thinking far too much, as I used to. A few days ago I'd thought the flashback through Gemma only solidified the fact that I was over what had happened in that period of my life and that it wouldn’t bother me anymore.

Now I had a different view. When I had moved out (as soon as was financial possible) I used to spend days locked inside my tiny one-bedroom flat simply thinking. It had taken a long time but eventually I began to think I was getting better. I had stopped slipping into long periods of thought while in lectures or out with friends and when I thought about what had happened I didn’t cry. Since that long period of much thought I’d been well, not sinking into that dangerous pool for over five years.

Yet here I was. Thinking so much I could fill an entire chapter of a book. I had to stop this.

“Laura?” Lilly asked softly. “Are you okay?” We were sitting outside Lilly’s house, the car stopped. I’d pulled up and parked but hadn’t gotten out, staring fixedly at the wall of her house. There were no other cars parked outside, which was surprising but I had no time to dwell on that.

“I’m okay,” I said, pulling her towards me and gently kissing her.

“So what did you tell that girl?"

“What?” I was confused.

“The one who thought we were together today at karate.” My baby stared at me, steel in her eyes. She clearly wanted a certain reply yet I feared I’d give her the wrong one.

“I told her no.”

There was a deadly silence.

“Oh.”

“Hear me out, Lilly, it wouldn’t be professional,” Lilly was getting out of the car and I followed suit, “she would think you were getting special treatment because you and I are dating!”

“Am I?” She turned to face me, having begun to head down the street.

“I... You’re my girlfriend and...”

“Are you or aren’t you?” Lilly asked angrily.

“Of course,” I whispered, but she heard.

“I don’t want that! I don’t want to be treated better than everyone else just because we’re dating!”

“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” I was confused. “Am I not meant to treat you better - that’s what makes the difference between being my friend and being the girl I’m dating.”

“No! That’s the physical shit!” Lilly screamed. I paused, why had I even brought this up? Why were we fighting again?

“Anyone can do that,” I said quietly, “is that all you want? Do you just want me for the ‘physical shit’?” What am I saying? I don’t really fear this... do I?

Lilly was crying and I felt awful. I wanted so badly to comfort her but I couldn’t make myself walk towards her. My legs wouldn’t obey me.

As the silence went on a loud ringing started in my ears; movie style. Except this was much, much worse. I couldn’t breathe and feared I was about to have a full out panic attack. When had Lilly become so important to me?

“I didn’t mean that,” Lilly sobbed thickly. Her words were muffled by the upset in her voice, a sob ripping through her words.

“I know,” I replied but it didn’t even sound convincing to my own ears.

“I’m sorry,” Lilly gasped. “I... I’m sorry.” She approached me and opened her arms, pausing to see if I’d move away then wrapping them tightly around me. She cried into my shoulder and squeezed me even tighter than she had held me to begin with.

“Would you like to go inside?” I whispered, gently brushing her hair out of her face. “Then we can talk about it?” Lilly replied with a muffled yes. “And you’ll tell me what’s wrong now?” Another yes. “You have to promise.”

“I promise.” Lilly lifted her head out of my shoulder and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “Can we also get a shower?” Her voice was quiet and adorably vulnerable. “I’m a little uncomfortable being this sweaty.”

“Of course, beautiful.” I took her hand in mine and we made our way into her huge home. “Are you feeling better now?” I asked as we walked down the hallway.

“I think I’ll feel better once we’ve talked.” Lilly admitted. “I’m sorry that I’ve been such a bitch recen-“

“You haven’t been a bitch,” I interrupted. Lilly fixed me with a look that told me not to lie. “Okay, maybe a tiny bit,” we both smiled.

“Well, I’m sorry for that and for being so difficult when you ask me what’s wrong.” Lilly and I both sat down on the sofa. The house was quiet, it seemed like no one was home. A rare miracle in the Daniels household. “You’re my girlfriend and I should have talked to you about this, I should talk to you about all my problems. You do with me.” I nodded. “This is difficult for me to talk about but that is no excuse. I shouldn’t have hidden what was wrong from you and I am sincerely sorry for doing so.”

“It’s alright. You should have told me, that much is true, but I can forgive you. Now, tell me what is wrong? Why have you been acting so unlike the Lilly I know?”

“Something major is going to happen soon – tomorrow in fact – and I’ve been worried about it for a while now. Only as the day itself approaches I started to act differently, consumed by the feelings this occasion brings.” My girlfriend paused and my mind worked quickly. I sorted through many ideas that came to the forefront of my mind, systematically discarding them all. “Tomorrow is my brothers birthday.”

For a second I was confused, for a second I wondered how that could cause the behaviour I have seen over the past few days. For a second I was a complete idiot. Then it hit me.

“Harry?” I asked and she responded with a nod. “Oh shit, babe, I’m sorry. I should’ve realised that was the reason behind all this. I should’ve known, I’m so sorry.”

“There is no way you could have known; it is absolutely not your fault in any way. The burden is mine and it was because I couldn’t pull myself out of my own misery to confide in you that things have been so difficult these past few days.”

“Babe, stop being so hard on yourself,” I move closer to her and kiss her forehead gently. “It’s perfectly understandable and while it may have been difficult for me it had to have been much worse for you.”

She smiled weakly and nodded at me.

“Okay.”

“How about we go for that shower now?” I nudged her and winked, trying to cheer her up. She looked up at me and sighed.

“Can’t we have a single conversation without you thinking about sex?” She looked pissed off again.

“Lilly.” I say sadly and she bit her lip.

“I’m sorry,” she picked at her fingernails and said, “maybe I should spend some time alone. That way I can’t be horrible to you anymore.”

I don't want to be awful to her but the way she was treating me was hurtful and understanding why she was acting like that didn’t help me feel better.

“I think that’s a good idea.” I said softly and she stood up slowly.

“I’m sorry about this. I promise I’ll be back to the old me before you know it.”

I simply sat still as she left the room.