"Okay, so let me get this straight. You had an internship in Dubai that you just decided one day to quit and come back to New York with no plan?" I ask Dean shocked as he continues cutting the vegetables.

He gives me a slanted smile, "I wouldn't say I had no plan. I knew what I didn't want to do so I think that should count for something." He is slicing the veggies pretty quickly which makes me nervous he's going to cut his finger off.

"I guess that should count for something," I agree, noticing how relaxed Dean is right now.

"Besides, didn't you come to New York with no plan?"

I shrug, picking at the nail polish on my fingernails. "I had a bucket list which was my plan."

"So basically no plan," He jokes causing me to laugh and nod.

"Basically."

He stops chopping to look at me, "What else is on your bucket list?"

Thinking about the list that mostly involves having a boyfriend since we were boy crazy at the time we made it, I'm not quite sure I want to tell him. Ruth and I crossed off a few things on the list, but there were a few that I was pretty firm on leaving open ended.

"I've only known you for two weeks and you think I'm going to spill my bucket list to you?" I tease lightheartedly. I've been taken aback by how quickly Dean has been able to insert himself into my life.

Besides, it's not like I have too many other people to hang out with here. The other secretaries invited me to go out with them the other night where I was filled in on all the office drama.

Dean and I have hung our two more times after his impromptu visit the morning after dinner. He conveniently had a reason to stop by Grayson's office to drop something off from Hayes a few times this week on days where he isn't working. He asked to get lunch after and I can't say I mind it though. He's a really good friend once I get past the physical attraction I have towards him. I can definitely get past that.

He gasps dramatically, "How could you not tell me! How else do you think you're going to accomplish everything?"

I shrug, choosing my next words carefully. "I don't plan to accomplish everything."

"Then what is the point of creating a bucket list?" Dean asks with his jaw hanging.

I smile at him, "To force myself to live life to the fullest. They're possibilities and choices I can make, but not requirements."

"I'm amazed that you're only twenty-three. I think you might be more mature than I am." He shakes his head resuming his chopping.

"Because you're a guy Dean. That is the difference between us," I retort getting off the barstool I'd been sitting on. "Do you need help with anything?"

Dean looks up at me in shock, "You know how to cook?"

"Yes, it's something that everyone should know how to do?"

He immediately puts everything down and steps back. "Shit then you can make dinner."

"What?" I sputter because this was not what I expected. "I have no idea what you're even making!"

Dean laughs moving towards the fridge where he grabs a beer. "I cook almost every meal at the firehouse, and now I'm cooking a meal for you and Linc whenever he gets home. If you can cook then I'll take a break from feeding people."

He does have a point. I can see how it would get annoying after a while. I pull my hair back into a ponytail after we swap spots to where he resumes my seat at the bar while I add the chopped vegetables to a bowl as I start to slice the potatoes. "So how long have you lived here?" I ask because after all the apartment hunting I did before moving here, I'm kind of shocked by how much bigger it is compared to mine.

His eyebrows scrunch up as he pauses to think, "Cass and I moved in here more than a year ago. It was a few weeks before I got accepted to the fire academy. I'm not sure on the official time table, you'd have to ask her though."

"She seems really great. I can see why she's your best friend."

"Cass is pretty great. She's really changed her life around, but I miss her. Maddox is a bit of an attention hog." Dean says and I make a split second decision.

"And Paige? How is that going?"

I look up at him, pausing in my motions so I don't slice off a finger. That's the last thing I need. His face is tight and Dean won't meet my gaze. "It's over. For good I think."

I reach over the counter to squeeze his hand, "I'm sorry."

There's shock and confusion on his face when he looks at me because he doesn't understand. I have a feeling that he's beating himself up enough about it all so I'm certainly not going to give him any shit for it.

I pull away as he tries to read me with his beautiful eyes. That's something that he and his friends like to do. They're trusting but not at the same time. I don't like people trying to read me.

"Thanks Lace. It was wrong for so many more reasons than Maddox. It wasn't meant to be."

I position all the vegetables and sliced potatoes on the foil wrapped pan before pouring olive oil and seasoning over them. "Like I said last time Dean, you need to do what makes you happy. How long do I put these in the oven for?"

He chews his lip for a second, glancing at the clock. "I would do it for seven minutes and then check every minute after that at three-hundred and fifty degrees." Dean already preheated the oven so I don't have to wait for that to happen.

The blast of heat hits me when I open the oven as I momentarily forgot to keep my face back. After the timer is set, I sit next to Dean on the stool next to him, grabbing my water glass from before.

"How is the job going?" He asks subtly and I smile at the thought of it.

"It's actually going pretty great. Everyone there is super nice and I even went out with some people from the office the other night."

He smiles brightly, "Look at you making friends! I'm very proud."

I shake my head at him, "Dean you barely know me! I have plenty of friends back home."

"Okay, but you're branching out in your new home. This is a very big deal." Dean insists, brushing my comments off. "Was I your first friend?"

I nod, feeling my cheeks grow a little warm, "You've met my roommate. She's not exactly a ray of sunshine."

"Not to sound conceited or anything, but I felt like she was undressing me with her eyes." He shudders dramatically, taking another drink of his beer.

Laughter bubbles from my mouth because his suspicion was completely right. "Oh my god, Quinn totally was. I wish I could remember what she said after you left."

"How on earth did you end up with her?"

"Craigslist. In hindsight it probably wasn't the best idea."

Dean chuckles, "No, it probably wasn't. Do you want something else besides water to drink? Cass might have left a bottle of wine if beer isn't your thing."

I'd been expecting him to ask at some point; it always gets asked. "No, I'm okay with water. I'm not a fan of drinking." It's not that I'm not a fan, it's that I can't. He just doesn't need to know that.

"No worries, I thought I would offer." He says smiling. This guy is always smiling. Unless we're talking about Paige that is.

The front door opens and Linc walks in with a few other guys. His face turns into one of shock when he sees me, "Lacey? What are you doing here?"

"Making dinner, what are you doing here?" I retort teasingly.

Dean snickers next to me as Linc grins. "Well I happen to live here. I'm just shocked to see you here because Dean doesn't bring girls home."

One of the other guys pats Dean on the shoulder, "You are just full of surprises. Trying to convince us you don't have a girl, but you have a keeper that can cook!"

I raise my hand hesitantly, "Actually, we're just friends." The timer goes off just after I say this and Dean reacts quicker than I do by moving to get the oven mitts.

The other guy that Linc brought with him peers at me closely, "Aren't you the girl that Barbie pulled out of that fire a few weeks ago?"

"Yes, that was me. Proud to announce that my ankle is all healed up as of a week ago."

"Glad to hear it," He offers me a hand. "I'm Chase and that dumb ass stealing a beer out the fridge is Vince. We work on the same shift as Barbie and Linc."

"Vince, grab me one too," Linc calls out from the couch where he's camped out now.

I smile politely at them as I resume my seat at the counter while Dean goes back to the stove. "Well it's nice to officially meet you."

Chase sits next to me as Dean works on whatever he is doing, "So I take it that you're the reason he's been in a better mood lately?"

"I have no idea what you mean," I say, guessing that his previous attitude had been related to Paige.

"I'm usually in a good mood until I see you," Dean tosses over his shoulder causing Chase to smirk.

"Yeah right, we all know you're sick of Linc. Whenever you're ready for a new roommate please call me first." Chase's smile is bright and I have to admit he is charming.

"I'm afraid Lacey has already been bumped up the list for whenever I get rid of Linc. Her living situation is bit more dire than yours buddy."

My jaw drops, "Excuse you but I happen to like where I live. Not to mention I couldn't afford whatever this place costs." I let some of my temper slip through which is usually reserved for arguments with Ruth. Speaking of Ruth, I need to call her soon. I hate going more than a few days without talking to her.

"Lace I was just joking, I have a feeling that Linc isn't going anywhere anytime soon."

I roll my eyes, "Probably not." Linc is someone I haven't quite had the chance to figure out yet. Cass hates him along with the rest of Dean's family, but I don't think he's too bad. "So Chase, I've been wondering this since I came to the firehouse." His eyebrows raise and he motions for me to continue. "Why do you guys call Dean Barbie?"

He laughs softly, "Well, Dean here has quite the habit of attracting women on calls. Besides just look at him. If you get rid of the curly hair, he's practically a Barbie doll. So it's basically a compliment."

The snort coming from Dean attracts my attention as he turns around to lean against the calendar. "Thank you for again calling me a Barbie doll. It just means so much to me." The sarcasm is clear in his voice and I take a drink of my water, finishing it as I try to avoid laughing.

"Exactly how many women come to the station looking for him?"

Dean gives me a wink, "You know that you're included in that number right."

"But we're just friends." I say slowly even though that is definitely not what I had in mind when I showed up. Tomato tomata.

"If that's the story you're sticking with," He teases and I roll my eyes.

"You're so full of yourself. You really are like a Barbie doll," I say, agreeing with Chase who is smiling at our banter.

Dean directs his attention to Chase, "I have a question for you."

"I probably have an answer."

He glances over at me with a smirk, "So if you had a friend that mentioned a bucket list, wouldn't you want to know what was on it so you could help your friend complete the list?"

Linc answers for Chase though, "You can just say you're talking about Lacey instead of tiptoeing around it. Yes, help her finish the bucket list."

"But I don't want to finish it," I insist because I don't. It's a whole can of worms that I don't enjoy talking about and I should never have told Dean there was a list to begin with.

Chase gives me a weird look, "Why make a list if you don't want to finish it?"

"Because she wants to have the possibilities and chances." Dean mimics me poorly causing laughter to spill from me.

"You make a terrible girl, why don't you call him Ken instead?" I say loud enough for the guys in the living room to hear over the football game they're watching.

"Barbie is more fun than Ken," Vince replies causing me to laugh again.

Dean rolls his eyes, but he doesn't look annoyed. "See Lacey, this is what I have to deal with on a daily basis."

"Go work for the family company then! You wouldn't last a day in a suit and you'd certainly make a much prettier penny," Linc scoffs with a twinge of resentment in his voice.

"Don't be a jerk Linc," Chase says frowning.

I can almost feel how much testosterone is in the room while Dean starts to place food on four plates. I stand up to help him, but I have no idea where anything is. Dean was more talkative when his friends weren't here and I kind of wish they hadn't come back yet. He's fun and easy to talk to, but now I feel like there's too many ears for us to have a conversation that means anything more than jokes.

"Where's your bathroom?" I ask hesitantly, noticing the time on my phone.

Dean points towards the hallway, "Back there, first door on the left."

"Thanks, I'll be right back." I grab my small bag careful not to rattle the contents and retreat as Linc and Vince start shouting about some call. I turn the water on so they can't hear the sounds of the pills I pour into my hands. I count them to double check I have everything because they're important.

It takes a second for me to swallow them, but it's easier every time. The number of pills went up at the last appointment I attended and I'd already forgotten what the purpose of the new ones were. I skipped my most recent appointment.

I splash some water on my face, taking a deep breath before I put the bottles back into my bag. Looking in the mirror, I try to tell myself that I'm doing the right thing. My hand drifts to rest where my scar is hidden by my shirt.

Everything will be fine.