"Your mom is pretty pissed at me," Grayson says, sitting in the seat next to me.

I shrug, getting up, "I knew she would be. She's going to have to get over it. I'm sorry if you regret saying yes, I'm sure I could ask someone else to be my power of attorney."

"I didn't say I wasn't going to do it; I said your mom is very upset. I do need to know if you've changed your mind about anything though. It's different planning ahead than actually facing the moment."

I lift my arm up that's hooked up to an IV and I motion to the nasal cannula giving me oxygen because my heart is failing at a quicker rate than expected. "I don't want the surgery. I want to be able to leave this hospital and not be hooked up to a box that's going to pump my heart for me. I've had so many surgeries and I'm not going to do another. I don't want to be treated."

He nods, "Alright. I'll stand by whatever you want to do."

"Thank you so much, Gray. You have no idea what this all means to me."

Grayson rests his hand on mine, "I just want to make sure you get a voice. Don't worry about anything, I'll have it handled."

There's a knock on the door and I hold my breath hoping it's Dean. Probably not a great idea to hold my breath right now since I had a heart attack not even twelve hours ago.

And it is Dean. His curly mop of hair is the first thing I see and then the hesitant look on his face. Grayson clears his throat and pats my hand, "I'll be back later. I'm going to run home and shower," He says and I smile appreciatively at him.

"Thanks again. Take your time, I don't think I'm going anywhere." I try to joke and Grayson laughs lightly, shaking his head at me.

I don't hear what he says to Dean, but Dean nods and steps forward to resume the seat Grayson had been occupying. "Hey Lace."

"What's up?" I ask lamely and he gives me a sad smile. Right. Time for questions and answers.

"How long have you been sick?" He asks first, starting out with a bang.

I let out a shaky breath, that's how they all are now. "Since I was born. I've got H.L.H.S. which is typically fatal within days of birth. I used to know the statistics but now they don't matter. I've lived long past my expected expiration date. Hypoplastic left heart syndrome is rare but it happened to me."

Dean looks confused, "But you've seemed so healthy?"

"I've got an array of meds I'm on which is why I can't drink. That one night with you was the first and only time I've been drunk. I've gotten a little lazy with them lately because I know they're not doing much for me anymore. I don't like being seen as the sick girl and I never wanted you to look at me that way. I have trouble breathing sometimes, my pulse is irregular, and I get really tired. I'm always cold because I have poor circulation. Other than that, there's not much to see."

The next question he has is the hardest one to answer. I don't want to tell him. The bubble is being popped.

"How long?"

Dean deserves the truth. I look him in the eyes and I pop the bubble, "Before last night, I had until the end of May, maybe June. Gray told me this morning I've got two weeks if I'm lucky. I need a transplant, but I have a rare blood type and hearts don't come around all that often."

His eyes widen and I know that wasn't what he expected to hear. It wasn't what Dean wanted to hear. This isn't fair me to ask him to stay. Sam he couldn't handle it. I thought that not telling him was the right thing.

And then Dean gets up and I expect him to walk out the door, instead he smiles at me. "Scooch over."

A short sob escapes from me because I seriously underestimated Dean. I'm so glad I was wrong. He wraps his arms around me and holds me to his chest. Oh thank god.

"You scared a lot of people yesterday. You scared me Lace. I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me."

I move so quickly to try and tell him how wrong he is, except I end up elbowing him in the side and my nose cannula is yanked out of my nose. "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. I mean I'm sorry for elbowing you. You don't need to apologize to me Dean. I wanted to tell you but I didn't want everything to change yet. You're one of the first people in my life that's treated me normally. Not counting Chase but my last relationship was spent walking on pins and needles. That's how all my friendships have been."

We're laying awfully close to each other since its such a small bed. I can see the scruff covering his jaw, I can see the freckle below Dean's right eye. He takes every breath so easily and I can't help but feel jealous.

"Even Ruth?"

"Even Ruth. I love her to pieces but she worries. She's always prepared for the worst and sometimes I'd like to not be constantly reminded that I'm sick. I know it's crazy, but you make me feel alive. More alive than I've felt in a long time."

I should feel embarrassed admitting this, but I don't. It's the truth and I don't have time for anything but the truth. "I'm so sorry. I just wanted to be normal with you," I say with my voice breaking. "I know that it's cruel and selfish. I'm sorry. It's only going to get worse from here so I understand if you want to go, this isn't what you signed up for. I mean we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks. We're not too far in yet."

Dean adjusts the cannula to fit better on my nose from where I'd tugged it out moving and then he brushes a stray tear off my cheek. "If you want to be normal, then we can be normal."

There's no words to say after that so I lean forward and press my lips against his. I try not to pull out my IV like I pulled out my cannula. And then something pops into my mind and I jerk back quickly.

Now he's really confused. "Did I do something wrong? Is it your heart? Oh my god I should get the doctor-"

I start to laugh and shake my head, "No it's not my heart. Calm down. What about Boo meeting with the potential adopter?"

Relief floods his face and he starts to laugh with me. "Kissing me reminded you of the dog?"

"No, well, yes. Can you get me my phone, I need to call her and make sure she's still available to meet today." I say, thinking a mile a minute. Boo needs to find a home because I can't keep him.

"Lacey, breathe. I'll get ahold of her. You need to rest." He says and I look at him skeptically.

"You're not going to tell me to slow down all the time now that you know about my heart right? Because I really don't want you to do that. If you're constantly worrying then it won't be normal."

And then Dean shuts me up in a very effective way, by kissing me deeply. I'm taken aback by the suddenness, but I lean into him, feeling the scratch of his stubble rake over my skin as his lips move against mine.

I have to pull back much sooner than I'd like because he's taking my breath away, and not in a good way. Dean's hand comes up to cup my cheek, running his thumb over my bottom lip slowly like he's trying to take everything in. "I can't promise I won't worry. This is all very new to me." He says slowly, "But I'm not going to stop kissing you. I'm not going anywhere either. I care about you and we're going to make every moment feel like a lifetime."

I smile at him because he's doing his best. That's all I can really ask of Dean. "How come it took until we're kissing to find out that you're a huge romantic. I would also like to question why you know all the right things to say now when you sucked at it so much before?"

"I didn't suck that much. I was your best friend; they're not allowed to say how much they enjoy kissing their best friend," He tries to defend before smiling. "I'm only like this for you Lacey Edwards. Only you."

My attention is diverted away from him to the door after there's a short knock and it opens. "I really hope you two have clothes on because this really isn't the time or the place to be making me a grandmother."

I groan at her choice of words and drop my head into Dean's chest as he laughs. "Everyone is fully clothed."

"Speak for yourself; your ass isn't hanging out of a hospital gown," I grumble as Dean gets out of the cot to stand in the corner. I feel the loss of warmth he provided immediately as my normal chill returns.

Mom steps into the room with the doctor behind her as I adjust my positioning in the bed, managing to not rip my IV out. I'd really like to know how I haven't done that because I keep pulling on it.

"Good morning Lacey," Dr. Odell greets and I give him a little wave. "I was just talking with your mom and she wanted to go over all the treatment options you have together."

I look my mom who is standing a few feet away from him. They already talked about all this and now she's going to try and tell me to change my mind. I wasn't lucid enough last night to make any decisions, but Grayson wouldn't let them do anything more than pain meds and tests which I was thankful for.

"Alright." It'll make her feel better if I hear them out. That doesn't mean I'm going to change my mind.

Dr. Odell smiles at Dean politely, "I don't think we've met. I'm Lacey's cardiothoracic surgeon. You are?"

Dean offers his hand out to shake Dr. Odell's, "Dean Benson, I'm her boyfriend."

I see the recognition in my doctor's face because he totally recognizes Dean's last name. I don't think there's a person in the city who wouldn't.

"Nice to meet you; Lacey, are you okay with having him in the room while we discuss this?"

I nod, waiting for him to tell me everything Grayson and I talked about earlier.

"I know that when we met a month and a half ago, we discussed how you're in the end-stage of heart failure. You opted to proceed without treatment but granted me permission to run more tests. Three weeks ago, I explained how much estimated time you had left without treatment. Your power of attorney granted us permission to run tests to see the extent of the damage from the heart attack and-"

I cut him off by coughing harshly into my elbow, the tickle in my throat extremely hard to ignore now. There's more of the splotches this time and my doctor hands me a tissue quickly. I ignore the concerned look on Dean and my mother's faces to hear what else the doctor has to say.

"We found out from the tests that there's a lot of extra fluid in your lungs that's being caused by the poor circulation in your heart. That's what the cannula is for to try and ease the burden on your lungs. The heart attack was a result of an eighty-five percent blockage in the pulmonary artery. Your heart is now functioning at eighteen percent instead of thirty percent because the heart attack occurred over a couple hours, there was extensive damage."

Well that is really not good. It explains the whole two to three weeks left. "You make it sound so horrible when you put it like that," I say, trying to lighten the mood in the room.

He gives me a slight smile in response which I'm grateful for. "You've been moved to the top of the transplant list and I highly advise having an LVAD put in to take the pressure off of your heart and lungs. It gives us time to wait until there is a heart available and it gives you more time. There's another operation I can do to reduce the blockage in your arteries and place a stent to prevent it from happening again until you can get a heart."

"I know the chances of me getting a heart, regardless of where I am on the list. I'm done. I don't want an LVAD put into my chest, nor do I want to do any other kind of operation."

Mom tries to say something but Dr. Odell talks over her, "Do you understand that if you refuse treatment, you will die in a matter of days instead of months if a heart doesn't become available."

"I understand perfectly."

"You don't know what you're saying," Mom says, getting her two cents in.

I take a shaky breath, "No, I do. Mom it's all been borrowed time anyway. A transplant gives me what five to ten more years and that's only if I don't reject it, right Dr. Odell?"

He nods slowly because I'm right. This doesn't fix everything. It's just more time waiting for the inevitable. "There's also another thing to discuss. Your POA gave me a copy of your living will last night that covers the issue of a DNR. You signed one stating you want no end of life care and I wanted to make sure those wishes are current."

"It's current. I don't want anything other than to be discharged so I can live out the time I have the way I want to."

Mom's face turns into one of pure shock. Dr. Odell and Grayson hadn't told her about the DNR yet. "You did not sign a DNR. Lacey Marie Edwards I know you did not sign an order stating that you don't want to be resuscitated."

I look at her unwaveringly, "I know I can't try and explain why I signed it so that you'll understand. But I do expect you to respect my wishes."

She looks as if I slapped her with my words. Then she leaves. Dr. Odell says some more treatment options but I refuse them all and he leaves shortly after. Dean is silent in the corner, not saying anything as this all happens.

There's a reason I did all of this weeks ago. I didn't want the people I love to make these decisions for me. I didn't want them to feel guilty for letting me go when it's time. I just hope she isn't angry with me for too long.

"Are you going to be mad at me too?" I ask Dean tiredly, coughing slightly as I reach for my water that's on the tray next to my bed.

I don't have the energy to fight with him too about this.

"No, but I am going to go get Ruth. I think she's the one you really want right now," Dean says, smiling faintly at me.

He needs time to process. I get that. It's a lot to spring on him in the span of twenty-four hours.

"Thank you."