My fingers trace over the loopy handwriting, following the curve of each letter. I shake my head because I know the words by heart.

I stopped at Paige's before I came. It's the first time I've seen her in weeks and we just talked. Her clarity and friendship have been missed.

It's understood that there won't ever be an us again. I can't go backwards and be with Paige again. I don't trust her. I told her it's nothing to take personally.

You can't be with someone you don't trust.

But I made my amends like Lacey asked.

If she were here I think I'd tell her that I'd do anything for her. And I would. I am. I'm following her instructions, exactly like she wanted me to.

I hold the letters tightly in my hand as I look at the sun setting over the skyline. It's a beautiful sight, and it gives me clarity. I'm here often enough that the crew working the entrance downstairs know me by name.

I come whenever I can. Seeing everything up here helps me feel better about being blind before.

Lace... she was incredible.

If I hadn't heard her calling out in that fire, I'd probably still be confused as hell and trying to make things work with Paige. My life would be so different. If I'd taken the day off or if Jonah had told me to report somewhere else on the scene.

I had no idea that carrying the waitress with a sprained ankle out of that building would change everything so drastically.

Dean,

Where do I start? You are the last thing I expected to happen to me. I was content with where I was leaving things with my friends and family. I came to New York for an adventure, for something new. I wanted Ruth and my parents to experience life without me because I knew I wouldn't always be there.

I know I never admitted it, but I did come to the station to ask you out. I was so embarrassed and mortified to find out I was one of many that I just wanted to leave. Then you proposed being friends; I agreed because you seemed like a nice guy. You are a nice guy. I didn't have any friends here and I figured if we weren't going to go out, then I might as well make a friend out of the whole situation.

It's cruel of me to hide my condition. I'm so sorry. I had so many chances and opportunities. I thought about it the time you took me to the Empire State Building and so many times after that. The bucket list you were so hell bent on learning about was never for me. It was for Ruth. I did happen to cross a few things off myself that I didn't expect to like moving to the city. The things on the list were ideas we had together.

I didn't expect to get so close to you. I didn't expect to start falling asleep next to you, to start leaning on you, to fall for you. I should have with the way I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. All flames burn out eventually.

There was so much more for us to experience. But you'll do great things, I know it. I have a few requests for you in your own version of a bucket list.

1. Ride a freaking mechanical bull. Bonus points if you stay on longer than ten seconds.

2. Make things right. You know what I'm talking about. It'll be hard, but worth it.

3. Go see the Northern Lights. You'll love them. I've heard they're incredible.

4. Skydiving! We talked about this one so it's only right that you finish it.

5. Do something that makes you happy.

Forgive me,

Lacey Edwards (the enigma)

I shift the papers to bring the top one forward. The first one is the easier one to read. The second one is shorter, less neat and thought out. That's what makes it more special to me.

"I didn't know people still wrote love letters anymore," Someone muses next to me. I glance over to see a woman wearing a sweater and her hair pulled out of her face. For once, I don't see Lacey in a face. She's the exact opposite.

"It's not a love letter, it's an apology." I say, folding the letters to put them back in the pocket on the inside of my jacket.

"Pretty long apology, what'd she do?"

I look at her skeptically, half tempted to get up without another word. "She died."

Her face morphs into one of surprise, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Me too."

I turn back to look at the skyline. It's incredible tonight. It's always incredible, but tonight, the lights seem brighter and everything looks smaller than normal. There's no wind ruffling my hair and I relax, knowing the letters are close to my heart.

"Are you from here?" She asks, continuing the conversation and I'm just really not in the mood to talk. I don't have the heart to tell her to leave though.

"Yep."

Maybe she'll get the hint.

"I just moved here. Big city dreams. I thought I'd come here on my first night so I'd feel like less of a tourist. Getting all the big things out of the way."

Or not.

"Nice."

Her arm brushes against mine, "You're not very friendly. Are all New Yorkers like this?"

"Most, but not all."

"Did you forgive her?" She asks and I look at her confused. What is she talking about now? "The girl that wrote the letter. Did you forgive her?"

I pause to think. I've been so angry at her and then I feel guilty for being angry. She had nothing but good intentions. I understand. Hell I'd probably have done the same thing. I still love her so much and maybe it's stupid of me to. It's been three months.

Three months without her.

"Yeah. I've forgiven her."

*********

Marley's laughing in Sephine's lap. Hayes and Tessa are on the other side of the counter preparing the meal. It's nice having them cook instead of me. Grayson is sitting across from me and Maddox is on my other side. Cassidy is next to Sephine, avoiding Maddox like the plague.

The happiness and joy in the room is nice. It's normal. The chaos is welcome.

"Tess, do you want any wine?" Hayes asks, grabbing a bottle out of the fridge for the table to share.

"No, that's okay. Thanks for offering though."

Sephine stops the conversation she and Cass are having to look at Tessa skeptically. "Are you sick?"

"Seph!" Hayes says and she shoots me an apologetic look.

"Sorry Dean, I wasn't thinking."

I smile at her, "No, it's okay. I know what you meant. Seriously. I'm doing better." And I am. I'm doing better than I was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Each day gets a little easier. It's been three months.

Grayson smiles at me and Sephine continues questioning Tessa, "Well are you? Sick with a cold?"

Tessa has a blank look on her face, something she's eerily good at. Grayson chuckles in his seat, trying to cover it up with a cough. "Well you're not drinking either, do you have a cold too?"

"Nope this isn't about me. I have a valid reason for not drinking because I'm an addict." She retorts and Tessa rolls her eyes.

"And the other reason?"

Now I'm confused and I can tell that everyone else is too.

Sephine bounces Marley on her knee, "How do you do that?"

Tessa smiles at her, "Because I know you."

Hayes sets down the spatula in his hand, "What are you two talking about?"

Grayson can't hold in his laughter now, "You nitwit. They're both pregnant."

Maddox's jaw drops along with Hayes who has to grab the counter to steady himself. "Montgomery is this true?"

"I can't believe you didn't figure it out when I said I was stepping back this touring season. I'm still early enough along that I hadn't planned on telling anyone yet. I was actually going to tell you tonight, but Tessa can't keep her mouth shut. Now why the hell didn't you tell me that you guys were even trying?"

Cassidy has remained silent in her seat and a spike of worry shoots through me. Except when I look her her, she's smiling happily for them.

"Congratulations guys," Maddox says, smiling happily at them.

Everyone here is so happy and they're moving on with their lives. Maddox and Cassidy might not be together anymore, but they're moving forward. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place.

Sometimes I'll remember something and turn to see her next to me and then it's a harsh reminder when she's not there.

But this? This is great news. I only wish that Lacey were here to see how happy everyone is.

"If one of them is a boy can I lobby for the name Dean to be considered," I joke and Sephine gives me a polite smile.

"I love you, but no."

Cassidy bursts into giggles at her immediate answer and my jaw hangs, "See but you love me which is exactly why you should take more than five seconds to consider this possibility."

I glance at Tessa who immediately shakes her head, "Absolutely not."

"It's okay Dean, I'll do my best." Grayson says and I can't help but shake my head.

"Gray you don't wear the pants in your relationship. Especially if she's pregnant. Last time Sephine was pregnant, I was running all over the fucking place to find her exact food cravings."

"I wasn't that bad," Sephine tries to justify.

"I'm glad I don't live here anymore. This time it's all on you buddy," I look at Hayes who is smiling so widely, I know he doesn't care.

I remember the time where I told Lacey that I was envious of all of them. For finding someone to love as deeply as they do. Because I didn't think I would find something even remotely similar to it.

Until I did. I love Lacey just as much as I did the day we said goodbye.

I have spent a lot of the last three months being angry, sad, uncertain, but I've also been happy because of the people I have in my life.

Lacey taught me a lot. She taught me that you don't have to be afraid of loving others and letting them love you.

Grayson and Tessa are so happy together. You can tell just by looking at them. And Hayes and Sephine? It's like they're in a freaking fairytale after everything that's happened to them.

I haven't quite figured out what to think about Cassidy and Maddox. In the conversations I've had with Maddox, he does his best to avoid the topic of her. It's hard though because she does come up. He told me about how she went to the hospital and told him everything.

Cassidy and I don't talk about Maddox either. It's like the last time they broke up when Paige first got back. I had to go back and forth. Except this time I'm the one everyone is tiptoeing around, not Cassidy.

I don't think they're going to get back together, but I'm hoping they'll at least learn to be civil with each other.

It'd be nice if we can all get along better than we did before.

This is my family.

No matter what, we'll always be there for each other. That's what a family is.