After all these years, I'd finally found my way here. I always told myself I'd come when it was the right time, but life got in the way. You don't think it does, and then time flies by fast than you can blink.

I worked my way up to Captain, surprising everyone who thought I originally applied to be different from the rest of my family. I met a woman, Victoria, but I call her Tori. She was the social worker that was called after we pulled a little boy from a fire and the rest of his family didn't make it.

Tori calmed him down in minutes whereas the rest of us at the station had struggled for nearly an hour. It was the middle of the night and she was in her pajamas, but walked confidently past all of us to get to the boy.

It was a year and a half after Lacey passed and I didn't think I was ready. I was still carrying the letters with me every day. I didn't think I was ready, but I'd missed enough chances by refusing to act. So I asked her out in her pajamas with soot on my face.

Now we're married with two kids that I love more than I thought I could love anything in the world. I wasn't expecting to marry the first girl I dated after Lacey, but you don't choose when people come into your life.

Tori is everything I could have asked for. She got along great with everyone else which only made me like her more. It took a while for me to admit that I love her. She almost left me because it took too long. I've never been good at discussing how I'm feeling. She makes me want to be better for her though.

Hayes and Sephine had a little boy on the same day that Tessa and Grayson had their daughter. It makes birthday celebrations easy and I have a running bet with Cassidy that they're going to end up together when they're much much older.

Maddox ended up marrying Sephine's high school friend Liv just last month. Liv moved to New York two years ago and it shocked everyone when they got together. Cassidy ended up with Austin, a regular from the bar that asked her out maybe a dozen times before she said yes to get him off her back.

I laughed so hard when she told me that she actually liked him because Cass was so stubborn about not going out with him. I thought it was hilarious, but she didn't find it funny. My arm was bruised for a week after she punched me for laughing and then Beth punched me too because she agreed with Cassidy.

Ruth and Xavier got married but divorced a few years back. Ruth moved to New York and lives down the street from Tori and I.

Hayes is still head of the company but Sephine is now the head director of the American Ballet Company. She stepped back from dancing on stage five years ago due to arthritis in her shoulder from an accident she had over a decade ago.

Grayson and Tessa spend half the year in Italy and the other half in New York to be near Hayes and Sephine. Their daughter is ten and a natural born athlete. I didn't even know ten-year-olds could be that fast.

Now, ten years later, I've finally made it to Bristol to visit Lacey.

I think about her a lot still. I loved Lacey with every bit of me, but Tori is proof that you can have more than one great love. I think they would have been friends if they knew each other.

She didn't lie when she said Bristol was beautiful, but small. You can see the mountains from her plot in the cemetery.

"Hi Lace. It's been a long time and I'm sorry about that. I would have come sooner and more often, but I haven't been able to." I rest my hand on the worn headstone, before taking a seat on the grass next to her.

"I have kids now. I didn't think I'd ever have them. I would have considered it with you, but I don't know. They're great though. Danny is two and Luna is five. They're the funniest kids to be around. I love them so much. Their mom, Tori, is fantastic. She...gets me the same way you did."

I pick blades of grass individually as I talk about everything.

"I finished the bucket list a while ago. You were right; the Northern Lights are incredible. I loved seeing them. It was the last thing for me to check off the list."

I thought it'd be harder being here. I feel exactly at ease, exactly like I did when I was with Lacey. "I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I was lost and scared. It was a hard time for me, and you never left my side until you had to. Thank you for that. I miss you so much."

I can still picture the way her hair fell over her shoulders and the crinkle she had on her forehead when Lacey smiled. I remember her eyes and how full of life they were even though they held so many secrets.

What I can't remember is the exact sound of her laugh. I can't remember her voice the same way I used to. It's scary forgetting. I don't want to forget any of it.

"Tori is actually the reason I'm here. She thought it was time, but I fought against it because this time really feels like goodbye." I blink back tears that are threatening to form. "Lace I love you, but I need to let you go completely."

I pull her letters out of my pocket. The papers have creased and yellowed from how often I used to read them. There's an old coffee stain on it from when Vince spilled his coffee at the station years ago. After that, I stopped carrying them everywhere until Boo died right before Luna was born. Losing him felt like I was losing Lacey all over again because it was one of the last pieces I had of her. After a few more months, I put the letters in the drawer of my nightstand, only pulling them out on rare occasions.

I've read the words she left behind for me hundreds of times. I know them forwards and backwards.

There's a shell I brought from a beach we visited with the kids last summer in the Hamptons when we stayed with Sephine and Hayes for a week. "Luna found this and brought it to me. She was so proud of this shell and before I left to come here, she told me to give it to you. My kids know who you are. I talk about you to them and I tell them about how strong you were. They don't quite understand, but I can't expect them to. It's a little complicated for them."

I fold the papers and set them on the headstone with the stone on top, before standing up. "Goodbye Lacey."

Time heals all wounds.

*********

My hands are shaking as I read over the letter to make sure it says everything I need it to say. Dean's hit the point of exhaustion and is asleep in the bed a few feet away. I slipped out once I knew he was down for the count to write another letter.

My last one to him didn't do it justice. Too much has happened since I wrote that one.

Dean,

I need to make a revision to my last letter. I told you that you were the last thing I expected to have happen to me. But the truth is that you were the best thing that could have happened to me. Thank you for loving me. Love was something I didn't expect to experience. There was a lot I didn't expect to experience that you gave me.

I want you to experience love again. There's no expectation for you to finish the bucket list, but I want you to try. You have so much love to give and you'll find someone you feel that way about. You're it for me. And I'm so thankful that you came into my life. You were the thing I was missing and I had no idea until I found you.

6. Fall in love. I want you to find someone.

You're probably going to feel a lot of emotions for a while. Feel them because if you push them down, it will make everything worse. I'm sorry I'm going to leave you. I know I promised I wouldn't, but I am. If I could change things, I would. Don't worry though, time heals all wounds and this one will heal eventually.

You once asked me if I was afraid of much and I told you no. That was a lie. I used to be afraid of dying and the oblivion that comes after it, but the truth is that I'm not afraid anymore. I'm ready as hard as that might be to hear.

I've lived a more complete life than I thought I ever would.

Thank you for everything.

With all my love,

Lacey Edwards, your enigma

I fold the letter shut and place it in my drawer until I have the chance to give it to Grayson.

Dean stirs, running a hand over his face. "Lace?" He asks and I grab the stupid oxygen tank to roll it with me as I move to sit on the bed next to him.

"I'm here, don't worry."

His shoulders relax and I brush a curl out of his face.

I lay down next to him, feeling his arm curl around my torso. "I love you Lacey."

"I love you too."

I am not afraid.