Alex (F)

I unlocked my door and welcomed Magnus inside, where he stood awkwardly in the doorway until I told him to sit on the couch. I flopped down next to him and without thinking about it, rested my head on his shoulder.

He was still so god damn warm.

"I'm sorry you have so much stress in your life Alex," Magnus whispered.

"That's sounds fucking fake but thanks," I muttered.

He laughed a bit "It really wasn't, but yeah, it sounded fake."

He smelled like honey and fire, like the summer breeze, like a million things really, or maybe it was just the alcohol.

"Why didn't you let me fall?" I asked.

I should have died, I needed to.

"Because you're a person who deserves to be happy."

I had never thought of myself in that way, no way in hell a stranger ever could.

I flopped onto my side, my head farthest from Magnus. He looked down at me sadly, but instead of it feeling like pity, it felt like he was actually feeling sad about me being sad.

"Do you have work in the morning?" I whispered.

"No, I'm off. You?"

"No."

I gently kicked off my shoes and sat up so I could take my coat off. I felt weird being ready to leave. One of my arms got stuck and I started flapping it, Magnus rested a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, I can help," he said, slowly sliding my coat off.

I murmured a thanks and laid back down. After a while Magnus slipped his shoes off and laid two of his coats down on the seat next to him.

"What's up with the layers?" I asked.

"Uh, I don't like getting cold."

"You're already warm and cuddly though," I snickered.

His face turned pink "I'm not cuddly."

"Don't lie Maggie, you're like a teddy bear," I said quietly, reaching out for him because I needed some type of feeling, something that wasn't just sad.

He softly grasped my hand, his were bigger than mine, less worn, but big and warm.

"Well I'm glad you think that, you seem calmer now," he whispered.

I shrugged "I still think you should have let me drop, but, right now I don't want to think about it."

"That's a lot of thinking," he said as I sat up.

I stared at his eyes, grey pools that seemed to take me apart though they didn't know me well. My eyes moved to his lips, they were soft looking, a sweet pink, and parted slightly. I wanted to know what they felt like.

I leaned forward and kissed Magnus slowly, it felt absolutely magical, something I hadn't ever felt. The down side was that he was shocked, pushing me away after a few moments.

"N-no, you're drunk, and we just met," he said.

"I'm not that drunk, and we didn't just meet, we met at the shelter. Now, I like you Maggie, do you like me?"

He looked away, his cheeks were very pink "I-I, I don't know, but I don't want to do this if you're going to forget all of it, especially when you might not really feel anything for me."

I sighed, slumping down onto his shoulder again.

"I'll stay here until tomorrow though, just to make sure you don't do anything," he muttered.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his waist. I needed something to hold on to, something that made me feel good, that something could be Magnus.

"Goodnight," Magnus whispered.

"Mmh, you too."

----

In the morning I woke up to the sound of sizzling bacon, sitting straight up and looking around. God, my head hurt. I laid back down after remembering what had happened the night before.

I had almost killed myself, and I kissed Magnus, one idea was logical, the other seemed crazy. I had only just met Magnus.

"Ughhhhh, Magnus I'm sorry about last night," I groaned.

"You were drunk, it's not your fault," he called over the sound of the food.

He made it sound like it was terrible.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Ten thirty."

I rolled over onto my stomach and groaned into the couch for a while, eventually Magnus came over and gently touched my back.

"You okay?" He asked "Oh, god that was a terrible question."

I stopped yelling and looked up "I'm alright, just mad with myself."

I should have jumped before I met him.

He smiled softly, oh gods that smile was sweet, like his lips.

"Breakfast is ready, why don't you come sit with me?" He asked.

I nodded and slowly slid off the couch and upwards. I met my own reflection, puffy eyes, smeared makeup, and the worst bed head. I was a mess, a freak.

I sat at my small table and placed my head on it. Magnus approached from behind and slid a warm plate into my hands, I looked up. Pancakes with a smiley face in whipped cream and chocolate chips, then bacon.

"How do you like your coffee?" He asked from directly next to my ear.

His voice sent shivers down my spine, god, he was a stranger, what the hell was I thinking?

"Um, I use a lot of creamer," I muttered.

"Alright."

He backed away and walked into the kitchen. He wasn't wearing any coat, just a loose green shirt that he had apparently been wearing under his sweater. He wasn't out of shape.

After a minute or two he came back with two mugs of coffee, one with a cat that I had made, the other was a green one that I had dropped and eventually put back together with gold.

He set the green one in front of me, it was just how I liked it, his was almost black coffee.

"You like black coffee?" I asked.

He shook his head "No, I just put sugar in it, milk makes me feel sick sometimes."

"Ah."

I took a bite of the pancake, it was hella good.

I ate them pretty quickly, he laughed a little when I finished them.

"You're cute when you eat," he muttered.

I almost choked "What's up with the flirting? I thought you said you didn't want to do this."

He shrugged "I only said when you wouldn't remember it."

Shit he was getting cocky.

"Alright then."

"Anyways, are you feeling any better than you did last night? Or is it worse?"

"I'm not throwing myself off of a bridge, so I'm better," I muttered.

"I'm glad you aren't throwing yourself off of a bridge."

God damn. I wasn't even glad about that.

"I feel less of that monachopsis feeling that I always got, but I mean, that might just be because of the headache."

"Hmm. Well, let's hope it's permanent," he sighed.

Out of nowhere he grabbed my hand, sending a shock of warmth.

"Your hands are so cold they were turning pink, is this okay?" He muttered.

I didn't deserve that.

"Yeah, I think."

"So, what do you do for a living?" Magnus asked.

"I run a pottery studio, teaching classes and making my own stuff, you?"

"I'm a therapist at the shelter we met at. But wow, a potter, that's cool," his eyes seemed to sparkle a little and at the corners of his mouth there were cute little dimples.

"Thanks, a therapist is cool too."

He shrugged "Some people say it makes me read into everything and try to solve everyone's problems."

"It's admirable."

We chatted a bit while we finished our coffees, he was actually really my type.

When I stood up and brought the dishes to the sink, when I heard a crash from the living room I ran as quickly as I could.

Magnus was standing up, holding his nose, his hand covered in blood.

"Shit shit shit, one sec," I panicked, hurrying to my bathroom and grabbing a brown towel, then to my freezer to get an ice pack.

I gave him the towel and he placed it under his nose, then I gently placed the ice on him and held it.

"Thanks Alex, I uh, tripped on the chair and hit the edge of the couch."

I sighed "You're clumsy aren't you?"

He nodded, I laughed slightly. My laughing made him smile. I made him, happy?

I helped him sit on the couch and went back to the bathroom to get a washcloth for wiping the blood from his hand. I sat next to him and helped him lower the towel that was soaking up the blood. I could already see a bruise forming slightly on the bridge of his nose. I wiped the blood away from under his nose, then took his hand and gently got the blood off.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

I put the towel back under his nose "No problem."

After a few moments Magnus turned to me "So, I don't want to pry too much, but have you ever thought of antidepressants or a therapist? I just thought it could help with your situation."

I shrugged "I have thought about t, but, I don't know where I would even start."

"Start by talking to me," he suggested "Like, try and explain what you're feeling at this very moment."

How was I feeling?