Hoseok didn't know what time it was. He didn't know long he had been in his room. He just couldn't bring himself to do anything. He did know that he was the only one home at the moment. The house was too quiet. Maybe he needed to get out. Maybe he needed to get his mind off of everything. Hoseok felt around his bed, searching for his phone. He had fallen asleep with it in his hand earlier and couldn't find it now. However, that was easy to fix."Hey, Google." His phone made that familiar ding.

Moving his hands toward the area of the ding, he found his phone within his blanket."What time is it?"

"The current time is 10:52 pm." that familiar Google voice answered.

Hoseok sighed. It was late, but he wasn't in the mood to sleep. He was bored and lonely. He needed company. While he just stayed here by himself, he couldn't stop thinking about Yoongi, wondering how he was doing and if he was hurting. Hoseok knew that he had been the provider of Yoongi's happiness. Now he was just the cause of his sadness.

What could Hoseok do? He needed a friend. He needed fun. He needed to dig himself out of this hole of sadness and hurt. This wasn't him. He was a ray of sunshine, right? Everyone's sunshine. He couldn't just let this ruin him. He had to shine. That was his role.

His burden.

"Hey, Google." Hoseok needed to reach out and speak to his best friend. He needed comfort and support from the one person who knew how much he struggled."Call Namjoon." The familiar ringing seemed to fill his ears, no other sound heard within the house.

It took several rings, but Namjoon finally answered the call."Hoseok, you okay?" Namjoon seemed to need to raise his voice a little, due to plenty of noise happening around him.

"Joon, are you busy? I need some company." Hoseok really hoped he wasn't interrupting anything.

"No, I'm not busy. I'll head back to the house and get you." Namjoon mumbled under his breath, something about needing to ditch someone.

Hoseok sighed and flopped backward to lay on his bed."If you're with someone, it's fine. We can hang later."

"No, no, don't worry about that." Namjoon didn't really sound all that bothered."I was making moves on a hot chick, but you're more important."

"Thanks, Namjoon." Hoseok knew he could trust Namjoon to listen to him. He knew Namjoon would always come to him whenever he needed him. Hoseok heard the call end and set his phone aside. He didn't know if he could easily say what he was feeling because he wasn't sure of how to put his feelings into words. His own feelings and thoughts confused him but made sense at the same time. It was strange and made him wish to be numb. Feeling nothing would be easier than this confusion.

---

"You sure you're cool with this, Hoseok?" Namjoon asked as they entered the bar."I know you haven't been to a bar since before the accident."

True, Hoseok was nervous about being in a place full of drunken people, but he thought this was what he needed."Yeah, I'm fine. This'll be okay."

"Alright. If you're sure." Namjoon led Hoseok over to an empty table and pulled out a chair for him. He guided Hoseok into the chair then lightly pat his head."I'll get us some beers. Wait here."

"No worries. I'm not going to wander off." Hoseok placed his elbows onto the table and rested his chin on his hands.

After giving Hoseok's head one more small pat, Namjoon walked away. He hoped their time here would go smoothly. After all, it had been over a year since the last time they came to a bar together. The whole time Hoseok had been dating Yoongi, they hadn't really gotten many chances to go out together, and Yoongi had been completely against the idea of Hoseok getting drunk with Namjoon.

---

A few beers was all it took for Hoseok to start feeling more relaxed and open. He started telling Namjoon stories about moments he had spent with Yoongi."Sometimes, we wouldn't even talk to each other." he told Namjoon."Yoongi-hyung would just turn on the TV and hold me. I liked that."

Namjoon had listened the every story, being less talkative while he was drinking. However, he still had some things to say occasionally."You miss that, don't you?"

"Yeah." Hoseok already missed Yoongi. It had been a week since the breakup, and he couldn't bring himself to contact Yoongi to see how he was doing. He couldn't talk to any of Yoongi's friends, afraid that they would be mad at him for hurting Yoongi.

"Were you happy with him?" Namjoon just wanted to know how Hoseok was feeling. He wanted to know what Hoseok needed and how he could help him.

Hoseok took a drink of his beer then wiped his mouth with his sleeve."Sometimes. Well, most of the time." He hung his head low as he thought about how he had felt with Yoongi."There were times when I felt...well...overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed? Did he pressure you into doing things?" That would definitely not be okay with Namjoon. The way he viewed that, only he was allowed to pressure Hoseok into doing anything because they were best friends, and he only pressured him playfully.

"No, of course not." Hoseok set down his beer and moved his hands onto his lap."Yoongi-hyung was always quite a gentleman. It was never his fault that I felt pressured. He probably had no idea that I felt that way."

Setting his own beer down as well, Namjoon placed an elbow on the table."So then, why did you feel pressured?"

"You've said it yourself, Namjoon. I'm everyone's sunshine." Hoseok let out a heavy sigh."I always feel pressured to be happy and bright. Even while struggling with my blindness, I have to be cheerful and hopeful. That's what everyone expects from me." He lifted a hand to rake his fingers through his hair."Yoongi-hyung was not a happy person when we first met. He needed someone who was cheerful. I could be that for him. I made him happy, but...I couldn't keep up the facade. I kept thinking that he wouldn't want me anymore if he ever saw how unhappy I can be sometimes. I felt pressured to always be cheerful. He became just another person who expected me to be a ray of sunshine."

"Do you think that's what prevented you from loving him?" Namjoon was definitely not an expert on relationships, but this made sense to him, even in his buzzed state."Do you think you could love him if he accepted your unhappy side?"

Hoseok shrugged his shoulders."I don't know. I've always been afraid to show that side to anyone other than you. Everyone is so used to seeing me as a cheerful person, full of hope. How would they react to seeing their sunshine turn into a rain cloud?"