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Kengkla POV

"Guys, let me introduce to you, this is my boyfriend Can. Tonight is our 1st day as a lover. Please support our relationship."

Earlier the two men disappeared and now appeared, holding hands and proclaiming their relationship in front of us. Usually, I never care or bother with peoples' relationships, but it's different this time. Tonight, even with just one look, I know the relationship between P'Ae, P'Pete, P'Type and P'Tharn. Then now P'Tin and PCan. They are P'Techno's best friends, his closest people. They were all open and without hesitation in introducing his male lover, but why did P'Techno not want to do it. Do I not deserve to be a part of his life? Doesn't deserve to be part of his group?

When they cheered and congratulated P'Tin and P'Can, I just fell silent. Pretending is not difficult things to do for me. I always do it in front of P'No. But I can't do it this time. It's too painful.

When P'No said he needed time to tell his friend, I really understood. Because it is not an easy thing to do. But after I saw 3 couples tonight, I can't understand P'No's reason at all. Until when I need to wait? Until he replies to my feelings? Right now, all I want is to take P'No out and confront him. But luckily I'm still sane, I don't want to destroy the atmosphere tonight.

I admit, I'm jealous of P'Natt. How she dare act like that on P'Tin. Without hesitation she expressed her feelings in front of everyone she didn't know, except P'Tin and P'Pete. And look at P'Tin who bravely breaks P'Natt's heart for P'Can ... I'm Speechless. One word for both of them ... GREAT.

P'No and his insensitivity makes me even more upset. It seems like he doesn't realize my mood changes. He is still busy joking and laughing with his friends. Only Nic realized it. I am very grateful because he offered to go home first so that P'No and I could talk. Once again I will break my promise to P'No. The promise to wait for him to tell about us to his best friend. I can't wait anymore. I'm tired of having to pretend to be a friend of Nic, his brother. I'm tired of not being able to show my feelings to him. I want the world to know that this man is mine. Only mine.

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Nic has been picked up by his lover. He said he had brought the key house because he was going home very late. In the car, P'No looks very happy. He relentlessly told me about everything that happened at P'Pete's home. Did he forget that I was there too ?? I just responded with a small smile and occasionally turned towards him.

After a long walk, it seems like P'No began to realize my mood changes.

"Nong Kla, what happened to you? Tonight you look more quite, not as usual. Did the food not taste good?". - Techno

"No Phi. The food was good," I replied shortly.

After a moment of silence, he asked again.

"Are you not feeling well?" He asked while putting the back of his hand on my forehead.

Enough. I can not hold it anymore. I immediately park my car, I don't know where and I don't care.

P'No was surprised and confused by the sudden action that I did. I pull the hand that touched my forehead and put it on my right cheek. Without saying a word, I looked at P'No's confused face. He looked back at me with questioning eyes. But he did not pull his hand and let it remain on my cheek.

God, this is only P'No's hand, but my heart is pounding like this. His hands are a little smaller and rougher than mine, but it feels really right for me. His hands are warm and his touch feels very soft. The hands from a very kind person, who always puts others first rather than himself. The hands that are always ready to help anyone who needs them. The hand that I always wants to hold forever.

"Nong Kla ... Why are you like this?" - Techno

Let me add, these hands also belong to someone who is very, very insensitive to the feeling of someone who adores him like crazy.

"Phi ... there's something I want to ask."

Now I hold his hand and look right into his eyes. P'No nodded, still not understanding about the storm in my heart.

"P'Ae is dating P'Pete. P'Type is with P'Tharn. And now P'Tin is with P'Can. Isn't that right, Phi?" - Kengkla

P'No nodded in response.

"Then why haven't you dared to say to your friends that we're also dating?" - Kengkla

P'No pulled his hand right after Kla finished his question. Again, Kla's heart got hurt.

"I understand, Phi. We're going home now." – Kengkla

Actually Kla really wanted to be angry and force P'No to be brave. But the small movement from P'No undermined his desire. There is no anger or resentment. Just tiredness. Tired of all the refusal from P'No. But Kla will not back down to get P'No. Kla will make P'No respond to his feelings, sooner or later. He just wants to take a break. Resting his feelings chasing P'No.

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"Then why haven't you dared to say to your friends if we're also dating?"

Out of reflex, I pulled my hand back. I don't know how to answer it. Even though I was forced to accepted this relationship, but our relationship was still lovers. I also felt that he really really loved me. Actually, the reason I don't want to tell my friends is not because I'm not ready. But because until this moment I still wasn't sure of my feelings for him. I never looked at him like my best friend's view of his lover. I still looked at him like I looked at Nic, Can or Good. I have never felt any heart beating or nervousness with him. Everything went the same as usual, like the days before that night.

The only difference is that we spend more time alone. Usually. we eat or watch football. After that night, let alone kissing, we almost never touched. This was the first time he held my hand again.

I saw the look of sadness and despair in Kla's eyes. To be honest, I want him to give up on me. I don't hate him, but I don't love him either. I don't like to pretend to love him, when in the end I will hurt Kla.

"I understand, Phi. We're going home now."

I just shut up and look straight ahead after Kla says it and started the engine. Many things raged in my head. What should I do now? After all, he is my 'lover'. I don't want to see him sad. But I did not dare to do anything, afraid that it would only make things worse.

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Arriving home, Kla opened the car door for me. I let him do it. At least, that's what I can do for him right now.

"Phi, don't forget to clean yourself before going to bed. Don't forget to lock the door. And sleep well. If possible, dream of me, Phi."

Kla forced a smile. However, he did not want to make P'No feel sad because he felt guilty. Kla wants P'No to see that he's fine.

"I went home first, Phi. Don't forget my messages. I love you, Phi. Good night," Kla said goodbye.

Kla returns to get into his car. Techno's eyes followed all of Kla's movements until he sat behind the wheel of his car.

Techno tapped the right window of Kla's car. Kla lowered the windshield.

"Yes Phi ?," Kla answered with a small smile. The forced smile which Techno knew.

"Do you want to go in first? I'm not sleepy yet and I don't like being alone at home, Kla."

Kla's face immediately changed. Sparkling.

"You invited me, Phi ?? Really ???." - Kengkla

"If you don't want to, its okay. I go in first !!!." - Techno

"I want to, Phi. I want it !!!" - Kengkla

Kengkla immediately went out and stood next to Techno. A smile was clearly drawn on his face. This time a sincere smile. Techno smiles seeing it. Apparently it was not difficult to make Kengkla happy, he thought.

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Published : 09.01.19 ; 10.37pm