I paced my bedroom.

This was a horrible idea. When Trevor asked me to come with him to his family's New Year's Eve party I impulsively said yes. I told him I'd be there for him so when he called wanting me to be there with him I couldn't say no.

But now I am seeing the error in my answer. I didn't belong there. This was Trevor's family. I felt like I was barging in. He needed to spend time with his family, I didn't need to insert myself where I didn't belong.

When my phone started ringing I immediately knew it was him.

Instead of answering I rushed down the stairs. I peaked out my front window to see that he was outside.

"Hey, I hope this is fine, I didn't really know what kind of outfit I should wear so I went for like a casual look that didn't look like I just rolled out of bed. I don't want to be overdressed or underdressed. I should have just asked you earlier so I didn't stress but here we are and I'm stressed." I rambled out once I hopped into the passenger seat of Trevor's car.

I didn't know what was going on with me but lately I've been nervously rambling whenever I was around Trevor. I think it was the fact that we were still so unsure of where our relationship was that I was extra nervous around him.

"Hello to you too." Trevor chuckled beside me.

"Sorry I think I'm just nervous." I forced a small smile onto my face.

This night was going to be good, we'd have fun and nothing was going to go wrong.

At least those were the words I repeated to myself to keep me from hyperventilating about the fact I was spending my first holiday with Trevor.

"You don't have anything to be nervous about, you met everyone at my uncles surprise party." He reminded me.

I nodded. He was right. I have no reason to freak out, everything was going to go great.

"It's going to be a good night." Trevor smiled at me and reached out to squeeze my hand.

I was just going to have to trust him on this and not let my nerves get the best of me.

—

"This is not their house." I said staring at the empty park in front of me.

"I know." Trevor laughed.

"Are we not going?" I questioned.

I was confused, Trevor took me to the park we went to on our first date. If it was any other park I would have thought he was definitely going to kill me but this one had lots of meaning for the two of us. I figured he had something he wanted to do with me, maybe another picnic.

I glanced behind me just in case and didn't see anything in the back seat so I crossed out the picnic idea.

"We are still going to my family's I just want to spend sometime together, just the two of us." He told me.

I nodded and followed his lead as he got out of the car.

He led me to a bench which was illuminated by the lights surrounding the park.

"I want to talk, I hate things being weird between us." He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.

I didn't want to force him into talking about anything. I knew how crazy things were at his house still. He was going through a hard time and I didn't want to put him through this talk until he was truly ready.

"Trevor we don't have to talk about it right now." I told him.

"No we have to. I can't spend anymore time confused on what is going on with us. Look I needed that break and damn I missed you when we weren't together but now it's like we are together but it's different because we haven't talked about anything. You said we could talk about it later so why can't now be that time?"

I knew he was right. I hated not being certain on our relationship but I was focusing on Trevor right now. He needed to grieve with his family and I'd be there for him the best I could. We didn't need to sort this out in the middle of all of that.

"You really want to do this now?" I questioned.

He nodded his head.

I didn't know what to say. I knew I needed to apologize a million times to ever get Trevor to forgive me but if that's what I had to do I'd do it.

"I'm sorry Trevor, I really am. I ran and that was a shitty thing of me to do and I regret doing that. I wish I could go back in time and change things but I can't. I'm so sorry." I told him.

"How am I supposed to feel Ella? You ran and damn it felt like someone had ripped my heart out. I don't know how I could ever handle you doing that later down the line when my feelings are stronger. I really like you and that's something I can only see getting stronger with every day. I don't want you to just give up the second things get hard."

Hearing his words broke me. I didn't want him to think I'd just fully give up on him. I had those same feelings, I really cared for him and I knew that it wouldn't take long before they grew into something more.

"When you beat Tyler up at the party I know I freaked out. I shouldn't have but it reminded me of things with my brother. He used to lash out at people for nothing, he'd just snap and he'd start yelling and he'd get so angry. Now he's on his meds and it's like I finally have my brother back, I see him more now than I ever did before. I didn't realize how much he had affected me but I talked to him and it made me realize that it was time to move on and not let my own demons effect what we have. I don't want to lose you Trevor and I definitely don't want you to think you have to be someone you are not just to make me happy. I like every side of you. If you want to defend the people you care about I'll be there by your side every time, I won't run away next time." I confessed.

Trevor just stared at me, it was a lot of information to take in. It took a second for him to react but before I could even comprehend what was happening his lips connected with mine.

It had been awhile since I had this feeling. I missed kissing him, I missed wrapping my arms around him and being this close to him.

I missed Trevor.

The kiss wasn't like anything we'd had before, there was so much emotion and it was fast and needy. If we weren't at a public park I couldn't guarantee things wouldn't have escalated. But I pulled away once I felt myself getting out of breath.

"No more breaks, just you and me, boyfriend and girlfriend." Trevor said with his forehead pressed against mine.

I gave him a small peak on the lips before nodded.

"No more breaks." I agreed.

I was in this for the long haul.

"I think we ought to get to the party now, we are slightly late." Trevor confessed.

"Trevor! I can't be late, that is going to make such a bad impression." I jumped off the bench and basically dragged him to the car.

"Calm down, I think you're going to pull my arm out of its socket." Trevor groaned.

"Sorry." I let go of his arm.

"I think you ought to make it up to me." He grinned and pinned me against his car.

"Trevor." I breathed as he started to plant kisses down my jaw.

"Trevor we cant be more late." I pushed him off.

"Why did we agree to going to this?" He asked me.

"We didn't do anything, that was all you." I reminded him.

"Damn." He frowned and went to get into the car.

I chuckled and slipped into the passenger side.

I didn't care who was going to be there, as long as I had Trevor by my side everything was going to be amazing.

I'd be able to start the new year off with a guy that meant the world to me.