What now?

I know I should have been paying attention as to why they were fighting over me or why the eff was Kevin, a guy I had literally never ever spoken a word to was currently fighting over me.

Instead all i was thinking is how my life was seriously starting to look like a CSI crime scene right now.

A total bloody mess.

I was literally in half a mind to walk out of the damn room waving goodbye to this town and preferably this country and go to some monastery in the Himalayas and meditate for the rest of my life.

Hmm that would be nice.

Probably go fall in love with a yeti or something, it would still be far less stressful than this.

"Fighting over me?" I ask,"What's that supposed to mean?"

Jeremy looks highly uncomfortable and I really can't blame him. He can barely look me in the eye considering that I'd pretty much blackmailed him.That and probably everytime I saw him I think he knew just how much I wanted to punch him in the face for cheating on my best friend.

"Don't you remember?" He looks genuinely puzzled though,"During Jared's party last October-"

He breaks off and swears under his breath,"Shit I have to be on the field. Tell Rebecca I love her."

He rushed away thankfully before I mutter,"Yeah it sure looked so when you were with Natalie."

It's going to be a freaking miracle if I get through this day without stabbing someone with a fork.

During Jared's party.

I didn't remember attending any party apart from Natalie's back when this whole big mess started prior to Jakes arrival and then two weeks back when I gate crashed a frat party with Michella.

I didn't remember much of that night except fuzzy details. I don't know how I even got home to be honest, at first I thought it might have been Michella but it was an absolutely ridiculous notion.

But then who else would have?

Last October. What party did I go to last-the pieces click like a jigsaw puzzle. I'd forgotten about it, it had happened so long ago and so much had happened ever since that I didn't even think of ever questioning it.

That night when I ate the brownies and woke up remembering next to nothing.

What I did remember waking up next to a very hot shirtless Jake though.

What can I say, priorities.

But then how on earth's name did that have to do with Kevin, a guy I knew absolutely nothing about and never talked to.

Cheering starts and I know that the game must be close to starting. I don't want to go and watch Jake act like an idiot but I don't really have a choice.

I wasn't going to abandon my best friend but I still needed answers. Good thing I knew exactly how to get them. All I needed was fries and Rebecca.

After all if Jeremy knew why wouldn't Rebecca?

There are exactly two ways to get Rebecca to start talking, fries or some rom com she's currently talking about.

Once you get her started it's like she's a walking talking google search engine on other peoples lives.

"Rebecca what do you know about Kevin?" I ask taking a sip of her hot chocolate and handing her the fries I had picked up on my way. I don't know why but she had opted for a seat at the right at the back today.

The stadium was pretty much full which just attested to what a big deal football really was. The cheerleaders were performing their routine, Melanie leading them. Natalie was nowhere in sight and it seemed like no one was missing the queen bee.

"Kevin Fields?" Rebecca asks and I shrug. I'd never really bothered to know his full name.

"He's in the wrestling team and the basketball team and he's into shit that nobody should be." I raise an eyebrow at that but she continues, her eyes never leaving the field,"He just joined football team this season because the coach thought he would make a good replacement due to his height and weight."

"He's a total asshole along with a few choicer four letter words that will definitely be carved into his grave." She finishes.

"Do you know why Jake hates him-"

"Oh it's not only Jake who hates him." Rebecca says munching on her fries and looking ahead,"If Jake had given him a chance, Alec would probably slam Kevin into an early grave, although if I'm being perfectly honest, Alec accidentally tripping and falling into the grave would be absolutely amazing too. But Kevin is a grade A asshole."

I nearly choke on my drink. Alec? Why is Alec in on this?

"I don't blame them for hating him." Rebecca continues to say as she munches on her fries,"If I had been there I would have done far worse though. The bastard would never be able to see the light of day after what he did to you-"

She breaks off biting her tongue hard and her eyes widening.

"Shit." She curses,"So you know the weather has been really good lately-"

"What do you mean, what he did to me?" I ask interrupting her very blatant try to change the topic,"I have never talked to Kevin in my entire life."

She winces slightly as if I've caught her red handed,"Well he's not talked to you either per say- but-"

"Rebecca." My voice must have said enough because she sighs.

"The day you moved in with Jake and Alec last October." She starts,"I don't know what happened exactly but you ended up going to a party with them."

I look at her absolutely dumbfounded. I didn't remember jackshit about this party. It was like someone had taken an eraser and rubbed of that night completely.Like nothing left whatsoever.

At least during the frat party I could recall hazy bits and pieces but for the life of me I can't remember anything she's saying.

I do remember eating the brownies and going slightly off tangent, screaming something about a horror movie followed by Jake and Alec kissing and making up.

God I must have really gone off my rocker.

But then again that night I hadn't just gotten drunk but I was pretty high too and considering that night in camp when I had driven a car through our cafeteria, I knew that what she was saying was probably true.

"You were apparently kinda off it." Rebecca says,"But you really wanted to go and you kept on bursting into tears when they said no-"

I physically wince. Shit. I thought bitch me was bad.

"And so you went." She says.

"How do you know this?" I ask and she takes a careful bite of her fry before answering.

"Jeremy told me." Rebecca says,"He was at Jared's party. Which is the-"

"I get it." I say,"Can you get to part where I don't embarrass myself?"

And then I stop.

"Oh god." I ask fighting the urge I puke my guts out to even think,"Did I do something with-"

"Ugh,no." She says,"What happened was not your fault."

"What did happen?"

She looks at me unsurely and shifts from one foot from another,"Clara it doesn't matter-"

"Don't you think I have a right to know?" I ask her.

"Clara leave it." Rebecca says.

"No." I say,"When did you become like this? Hiding things-"

"If I'm not telling you, don't you think there is a reason?" She asks,"I'm not telling you because once I do it, you can't unknow it. He asked me to shut up about it-"

"Who? Jake?" I ask and she nods.

"He doesn't own me." I say,"And I'm not some toy in his hands that he can decide what people can or cannot tell me."

"Fine." She says,"You got drunk. Really really drunk. I really couldn't believe that you could go that off the wagon but considering the last two weeks -"

"Rebecca get to the point." I say. I have a feeling that I know where this is going and all I wanted to do was puke my guts right then and there.

"Clara."

"Rebecca."

She sighs,"They lost you and that no good asshole found you like that- and he kind of-"

She gulps,"It was like some real shit scene out of a book and He kissed you quite forcefully. You were too drunk to do anything back and he would have probably-"

She breaks off looking a little green and I keep on looking at her blankly.

She clears her throat,"Basically he would have if Jake didn't almost kill him."

Jake and his impeccable timing.

"And that's it." She continues giving me an unsure glance. But I was really trying my best not to puke my guts out.

Because I was so damn disgusted in myself.Was I really that stupid? That I'd gotten myself so drunk that I almost let myself- I was an embarrassment to the freaking human race.

I'm pretty sure if there was an alien invasion right now I would probably be one of those side characters who would instantly die in a flash of light with my skeleton illuminated.

Well I'd make sure they got Kevin first and kick him to hell and beyond before anything.

"Apart from Jake and Alec no one really knew about it." She continues,"And you woke up the next morning and remembered nothing. So they decided to not tell you."

"Alec told Jeremy a few weeks later, after Jake's fight with Kevin in school." She continues,"Alec told him that if you weren't like that, in that state there was a strong possibility that Jake would have ended up doing a lot more to Kevin, but when you didn't remember anything they thought it would be best to leave it alone so that you wouldn't ever have to remember."

"They being Jake?" I ask and she shrugs and asks,"How did you guess?"

"Alec would never keep something like that from me."

I swear to god the look Rebecca gave me at that moment was not something that happy go lucky Rebecca would ever be caught dead with. It wasn't meant for me that much was clear but before I could question it any further she forced it into a steely blank expression and looked ahead.

"Jake found you like that." She says her voice still one edge,"He saved you or whatever and brought you home not Alec. Jake, not Alec."

"Why do you hate Alec so much?" I ask,"It's not like he's done something to you-"

"Can we not talk about him?" She says,"Because honestly Clara we both know that god help it if Alec has done anything wrong, you're just going to blame everyone but him. And I get it, I get that he's been there for so long that for you that and that he maybe a nice guy in your eyes but-"

"Please tell me you're not in love with him too." I deadpan and she stops midway and starts laughing.

"The day I fall in love with him is when hell- nope not even then." She says,"Not everyone falls in love with the perfect golden boy whose fuck ups are non existent in everyone's eyes."

"But why do you-"

"Have you ever realised that it's because of that asshole my best friends haven't spoken to each other in three weeks?" She whisper yells,"What the eff happened to sisters before misters? I mean I don't see you being mad at Alec for sleeping with her but you haven't spoken one word to her ever since. And then there's Sam and her damn pride. I thought she was the worst I was going to have to handle when it came to the misgivings of Alec I don't give a fuck as to what his middle name is Evans but no then there is you."

"Let's face it Clara if it wasn't for him you'd actually have the damn option siting here with Samantha bitching about this game while I would be doing my best not to throw you two off the damn bleachers and I miss that okay? It's boring without coming up with creative ways to murder you both at times."

"But now I'm here trying to mediate between one best friend from making the stupidest decision in her life and I have to try to stop the other one from letting her stupid decisions screwing with hers and everyone's lives around her."

"So yes, I hate him." She says,"And I have every fucking right to and I'm sorry that I can't tolerate him for you or her, okay? Because I swear to god there is a very thin line stopping me from going and punching the shit out of his pretty face, kay? So let's just drop it."

I stare at her gape mouthed as she turns her eyes to field.

Then she turns back to me and says,"All of that and the fact that he's totally messing with my OTP, right now."

I raise an eyebrow trying to keep the smile off my face,"OTP?"

"One true pairing." She says,"Which happens to be Cake or Jara, or whatever the hell you want."

"You've actually kept ship names for us?" I ask and she shrugs.

"I'm bored,I don't want to study and I have no life so sue me." She says,"I like Jara better."

"Why not Cake?" I ask,"You love cake."

"Well everytime I see both of you guys all I want to do is slam your heads to a wall and say quite a choicey number of things mostly saying just freaking get married already." She says,"And since I actually happen to like the food cake, I rather not smash it against the wall just because that's what I want to do with the two of you. So Jara it is."

"But then if we use the cake metaphor then we can add Alec as the cherry on top." She says,"Nobody really wants it, nobody really likes eating it because it's far too sweet and yet it's stuck on top of the cake every single time on every single freaking slice like it's been glued on, refusing to let us enjoy EATING CAKE WITHOUT INTERFERENCE!"

She said the last part out so loudly that a few heads turned and she flushed red and shrunk back.

I on the other hand was grinning widely at her trying to control my laughter.

I don't how Id managed to come from oh I almost got raped in a party and don't remember shit about it to oh god I'm laughing at my friend who is currently ranting about my love life to me.

Lol screw Alec and Jake, Rebecca is the love of my life.

"Okay I might have gone just a tad bit overboard." She says,"And I'm sorry but I just don't like Alec,okay?"

I pause,"I'm not actually mad at Samantha for sleeping with Alec you know? I don't care about that, I mean it was all those years back after my sister and Natalie and all his long list of ex's I've stopped caring. But I said things I shouldn't have because-"

"She was being a bitch?" Rebecca offers,"I know. She said so."

"I was probably the bigger one though." I say,"And I want to take back everything I say but I don't know how to apologise.

"Here's a way. Say the words I'm sorry." She deadpans.

I roll my eyes just as the crowd starts cheering like crazy. Although the game had started a while back everything Rebecca had just told me had been enough to distract me.

But now I'm trying my best not to flinch. I shrink back in my seat enough so that the people standing in front of me blocking my view.

I really didn't want to see what was happening even though the roar of the crowd and the fact that nearly everyone was on their feet told me enough.

They must be winning right?

That had to be it if everyone was so into the game? I barely knew anything about football because to me the entire idea of this sport that is treated like the ultimate religion sound absolutely ridiculous when it all it consisted of was tackling each other to the ground.

Maybe there was a lot more to football, but for me that was really all that mattered.

Rebecca on the other hand beside me was already on her feet standing on her tip-toes yelling. She loved football, absolutely loved it, no questions asked.

Whenever we asked her about it, she would give the excuse that it's just because of the really hot guys involved but both Samantha and I had known her love for it ran deeper than that.

Looking at Rebecca I could only tell you the person I had known for the past two years but Samantha and I knew that there was a lot about herself that Rebecca never bothered to tell us, especially about her life before she moved here.

But that was our friendship, and all of us were aware that there were some boundaries that we didn't cross. We don't talk about my parents, Rebecca's past or Samantha's choices when it came to her career options.

And that's when I realised just what Rebecca was trying to say. I did miss the three of us together, Rebecca's newest obsessions, Samantha's blunt honesty and my usual whining.

We were always the weirdest friends having almost next to nothing common and yet somehow it worked with the three of us, we balanced each other out.

And I had practically broken us apart for a bunch of boys. I could barely look Rebecca in the eye without thinking about the fact that I could destroy her happy ignorance with one wrong slip of my tongue and how I had already destroyed my friendship with Samantha not because of Alec, but the fact that I couldn't take one stupid insult.

Rebecca was right, all it took was some courage to say the words I'm sorry.

And it pissed the hell out of me that I didn't have that courage.

"You know, I thought you'd be a mess after hearing about the entire Kevin thing." She says,"But you seem strangely okay with it. Like it doesn't matter at all."

"It does matter but to be perfectly honest it doesn't really seem like it could have actually happened to me." I say,"Because I honest to god remember absolutely squat of that night. In fact right now all I feel guilty that they're-"

Rebecca slaps me.

She quite literally slaps me midway through my sentence.

It wasn't a very hard slap at that but I still bring my hand up to my cheek and rub it,"What was that for?"

"Sorry I just had to check if you were for real." She says,"Because honest to god my ass actually gets jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth sometimes-"

She pauses realising what she just said,"Okay that was gross but it was pretty awesome im totally using- Sorry getting back to the point. Clara honestly I know you've got this whole self hate thing going on right now but are you really going to put this on yourself too? Yes you got drunk, yes you were behaving stupid but it doesn't mean that everything every time goes wrong or something bad happens it's your fault."

"It's ridiculous as to how you somehow manage to make that asshole being a total- I can't even say it out loud- somehow your fault. It's a freaking talent."

"I'm really running out of pep talks to give." She concludes,"So do me a favour and get your shit together?

"I'm trying." I offer,"It's tough finding the thin line between getting my shit together and fucking everything up even more royally. But I'm trying."

"Good." She says satisfied,"That's all I can ask."