Katia

It's been over a week since Chris and I have been back together and it's been pure bliss. It feels good to be so happy again. It's like we're going through a honeymoon phase. We haven't been able to keep our hands off of each other. Getting through class has been extremely difficult. If she even looks at me too long I'm ready to jump her bones. By my request we've decided to take it slow on the sex front. We make out and she may slip a hand under my shirt but that's as far as we go. I just think maybe if we take sex out of the equation for a little it'll force us to communicate more frequently and efficiently. Plus I just don't want our relationship to revolve around sex. However, she's been very sweet and accommodating. I'll probably give in soon. Really soon. I miss her touch.

On a completely, almost disturbingly, different note, my father is in town. We haven't been in touch as much. I've been upset with him and he knows it. He said he missed me and wanted to see his daughter. So being who I am I invited Kandace to our lunch. Whether he likes it or not he has two daughters now. He doesn't know she's coming though. I didn't feel like arguing with him or hearing some lame speech. He needs to deal with this and Kandace deserves a dad that respects her. The world is cruel enough. The last place you need abuse is from your own family.

We're here before him. Of course he wanted to meet at the oldest smallest diner in the city. It has that down home feel where everything looks like something straight out of an old timey black and white sitcom. You can taste the racism and homophobia in the air.

Kandace is fidgety. She's checked her make up like twenty times since we've sat down and she keeps messing with her hair. It's weird to see her like this. She's always so domineering and, quiet frankly, full of herself.

"Hey you look fine. It's just dad." I say trying to relax her.

I can feel her leg bouncing the shared bench we're sitting on. "Yeah. Just dad."

"We don't have to call him dad. Let's call him Gregory to piss him off." I try to lighten the mood but it just seems to further agitate her.

"There he is." She says, her eyes glued to the familiar man walking towards us. His lips tighten when he reaches the table. He sits down without a word and clears his throat. We all just sit in silence until the waitress comes over. She's a plump short woman with light brown hair smushed under a yellow visor that I'm sure used to be white. She's chewing a piece of gum like it may be her last meal. She takes a notepad out and clicks the pen against her well endowed chest. A low animated whistle escapes her thin pink lips.

"Beautiful twin girls. Daddy's got his hands full, don't he?" She says lightheartedly.

Completely ignoring this woman's attempt at a joke my father opens his menu. "We're going to need more time." He gets the same thing every time we come here but he insists on studying the menu as if it's his first time.

"No problem, sugar. What about something to drink to get you you started?"

Tea for me, Kandace wants lemonade, water and coffee for the old man. We give her our drink orders and she leaves. Silence again.

"Okay so are we going to sit in silence the entire time?" I ask.

Dad smooths back his dark hair and scratches the back of his head the way he does when he's uncomfortable. He did that the first time I kissed Liv in front of him. He does it any time someone brings up mom. Whenever one of his buddies would ask about Kaden after my twin went to the detention center.

"I guess not." He says. He looks at Kandace and taps his fingers on the table. She averts her eyes to the table, the menu, anywhere but Dad's eyes. The waitress comes back and sits the drinks on the table. She realizes we're going to need more time and silently excuses herself.

"Taking care of yourself?" He asks Kandace.

"Yes." She says quietly. I hate seeing her like this. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"I've been seeing a lot of stuff on social media about people like you getting hurt and stuff." He clears his throat and shifts in his seat. "I uh... worry about you." He exhales and fidgets with his watch. Oh. He's.. being nice? He's worried about her.

Kandace smiles just a little. "I'm fine."

"Mm. Good." Dad nods and sips from his coffee. "And you." He looks at me.

"Yes?" I say neatly folding my hands on the table.

"I heard you've been doing great with therapy and everything. Christine says you're about as good as new."

Kandace makes a weird noise like that mystery solving dog. "He knows about Christine?"

"I know what about her?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Nothing. I've been fine. Eating and therapy. Everything is going great." My heart would be beating a hole into my chest if it hadn't stopped seconds ago.

Dad looks at at Kandace and sets his jaw. "What about Christine?"

I'm going to be sick.

Kandace chuckles nervously. "I think we're talking about two different people."

His eyes dart from her to me suspiciously but then he relaxes.

"Eating?" Kandace asks. "You go to therapy because you don't eat?" She seems thoroughly confused. I never had this talk with her because I didn't want to. I just wanted one person who didn't freak out every time I said I wasn't hungry.

"I do eat." I say.

"Yeah. Now." My dad says. "She landed herself in the hospital for the second time because she likes to skip meals."

"Why didn't you tell me that?" She asks me.

I shrug. "It didn't exactly make the highlight reel. I'm better now. It doesn't matter."

"You are better. That's why I'm telling Christine that I'll no longer need her services."

"Really??" I ask excitedly.

"Yes but I still want you to go to therapy."

"Cool. Yes. I can do that." I eagerly agree. "Just keep paying for my education and I'll do the rest."

Kandace chuckles.

The waitress comes back and we finally order our food. I get more food than usual trying to impress dad. I shouldn't have done that. There's no way I'll be able to get it and keep it all down.

"So uhh you go by Kandace now?" He asks stirring the ice water around in its glass.

"Yeah. Are you still going by Gregory?" Kandace quips.

"Still a smart ass." He bites back a smile. "I guess I'm glad both of you are here. I wanted to tell you something." He seems serious.

"You're not sick are you?" I ask.

"No. No. I met someone." He says.

Kandace and I look at each other.

"Like.. a woman?" I ask.

He nods. "Victoria. We're getting pretty serious."

"Aren't you still married??" I ask.

He gives me a tight lipped smile. "Technically but I haven't seen or heard from your mother in years. It hardly counts."

"Yeah but how serious could you possibly get with someone? It's not like you can marry her."

Kandace puts a hand on my knee. I'm sure this is her way to tell me to calm down but I can't.

"Katia." He says.

The waitress comes back and sits our food down in front of us.

"I'm paying someone to find your mother."

"You're.. what?" I ask.

"I'm tracking her down. The whole process would be a lot less complicated if she would cooperate." My dad begins to cut into his streak and eggs. "Mm this place never disappoints." He says while chewing.

"Any clue where she is?" Kandace asks.

"Yeah and when you find her can you let me know??" I ask.

He wipes his mouth and frowns. "Really? It doesn't seem like she wants to be found. You wanted to find Kaden you did. Leave it at that."

"Kandace." I correct him. "And I also wanted to find mom. I need to talk to her."

He winces. "Right. Kandace. Sorry." He says looking at her. She doesn't say anything she just goes back to the food on her plate. "Talk to her about what Katia?"

"Things. Life. Maybe I want to get to know her. Do you know how weird it feels to have a mother that's alive and have no idea who she is?" I ask.

"I guess you feel the same way." He says to Kandace.

"Not really but I see where Kat's coming from. She wants her mom. I think that's normal."

"Normal." He grunts. Again he smooths his hair. Scratches his head. "I'll tell you what I find but I don't want you getting your hopes up."

I wave my hands. "My hopes are ground level, dad. Don't worry." I say.

Kandace laughs.

He clears his throat. "You laugh the same." He says with a small thoughtful smile playing on his lips. "I don't know much about you. The last time we spoke wasn't really the best, you know?"

She takes a sip of her drink. "Oh I remember."

"Your hair is longer now. You look good. Healthy." He nods his head as if he's encouraging himself to keep going.

"Um.. thank you." Kandace seems confused. She's not sure what to say. Neither is dad.

"Kandace has a boyfriend." I blurt out.

Dad's cheeks burn red. Is that where I get my ability to be so easily embarrassed? It's cuter when he does it.

"Shut up." Kandace says kicking me under the table.

"W-what's his name?" Dad stammers.

"Clayton." Kandace says. "Well he prefers to be called Clay."

"Uh huh and he's like uh.." Dad pushes the food around on his plate before he leans closer to our side of the table "has he always been a guy?"

Kandace laughs. A sincere hearty laugh. "Yes, dad."

Dad chuckles and adjusts himself in the seat. He's really trying to break out of that ancient box he's been keeping himself in. I'm proud of him. The rest of our dinner continues peacefully. The conversation is really mostly between Kandace and Dad but I'm okay with that. I'm happy things are looking up for their relationship. Dad even tells us more about Victoria. He seems genuinely happy when he talks about her. Says he's been doing yoga with her and he drinks hot tea in the mornings and meditates. Which causes Kandace and I to laugh. My dad is not the yoga and meditate type. He's the beer and watch westerns type but it's good to see him smile. It looks good on him. When it's time to go Dad pulls Kandace to the side and whispers something to her. She glances at me then back at him and nods. I don't like that. We say our goodbyes and Kandace and I leave together.

"What was that?" I ask.

"What was what?" She looks straight ahead as she drives.

"What did dad whisper to you?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing."

"Kandace." I whine.

"He just worries you'll get obsessed over this mom thing. He doesn't want that to cause you to spiral. I'm still pissed you didn't tell me about the eating thing." She says.

"I didn't want you to think I was a freak."

She chuckles. "Yeah. You're definitely the sister who should have been worried about that."

I glance at her. "I don't think you're a freak."

She gives me a small smile. "He asked me to look out for you. That's all."

I nod. "Okay."

"Katia?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for inviting me."

"Of course. You're my favorite sister."

"I'm your only sister, loser."

"Maybe dad and Victoria have a secret love child. You don't know." I say.

She smiles and turns the radio up. The rest of the car ride is silent. What does my dad mean by get obsessed? She's my mother. Not some stranger off the street. I don't see what the big deal is. The worse that could happen is she tells me she hates me and never wants to speak to me again but what are the odds of that happening? It won't. She'll be happy to me see me. I know she will.

__________________________________

Christine

I'm at home reorganizing my bookshelf when I hear the front door open and close. I don't hear any footsteps though. She better not scare me again. Lately that's been her new thing, hiding under tables and behind walls. She thinks it's hilarious. I've yet to find the humor in it. It feels so good having her back though I'll take a few scares here and there. I walk towards the door and see her leaning against the wall talking on the phone.

"That sounds really good."

Silence.

"Okay. Tomorrow is fine."

She giggles.

"Bye." She puts her phone in the key bowl and smiles at me. "Hi baby."

"Hi. Was that Liv?" I ask curiously.

"No. It was Elaine." She takes her shoes off and skips over to kiss me. Her lips taste sweet, literally.

"What did she want?"

"She made juice for me and wanted to drop it off." She answers.

"I have a juicer. I could have made juice for you." I say.

She gives me an look of uncertainty. "Is this your way of telling me you're jealous?"

"I'm not jealous." I say quickly.

"Okay. Just making sure but if you were you would tell me so we could try to fix it right?" She asks.

"Yes."

"Okay." She gives me another kiss. "I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Okay."

I wait until she's out of sight and I grab her phone. She should really consider putting a password on this thing, especially considering some of the pictures she has saved. They could be damning. I open her messages and my finger hovers over Elaine's name. What am I doing? We don't go through each other's phones. We're not that kind of couple. I'm not this person.

"Babe?" Katia calls out. I nearly drop her phone.

"Yes?"

"Come shower with me."

"Coming!" I put her phone back and join her in the bathroom. She tells me about her dinner with her dad and Kandace. She says it was awkward at first but things turned out really well. Better than expected. Our shower is just that since we are refraining from sex for the time being. I'll be honest and tell you I'm having a hard time with this. I like sex. A lot. However, I love Katia more. I just hope this comes to an end soon. We get into bed and she wants to be the big spoon tonight. Chills run down my spine when I think about the last time she asked to hold me.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"You're being weird." She laces her fingers with mine and cuddles closer. Her body is warm against mine which is a nice feeling.

"Weird?" I repeat.

"Yes. Weird, dork. Did something happen?"

I laugh at her calling me a dork. "No, baby."

"So what is it?" She asks gently.

"You and Elaine." I confess. "Maybe I am feeling.." I sigh. "kinda insecure about your friendship with her." I hope the more I force myself to have these conversations the easier it gets. Though as of right now I'd rather chew glass.

"I know that was probably hard for you to say. Thank you."

"You're welcome." It helps that I'm not facing her. "It's silly. You two are just friends right?" I ask.

"We are but your feelings aren't silly. I'm glad you said something. How can I make you more comfortable?"

Oh. I wasn't expecting her to ask that. I thought maybe this would lead to an argument or leave a sour taste in her mouth. "I'm... not sure."

"Okay. Well think about it and we can talk about it again."

"Okay."

"I love you." She says as she nuzzles the nape of my neck.

"I love you more. Goodnight babe."

"Goodnight Mistress."

I smile. There was a point where I thought I would never get to hear her say that again. I exhale and let myself drift to sleep in her arms.

________________________________________

Katia