Katia

Mistress has been so lovey-dovey lately. After her interview she took me to a really expensive restaurant. She has bought me "just because" flowers almost everyday this week. She can't keep her hands off of me. If I so much as look at her too long, she's ready to take my clothes off. She tells me she loves me hundreds of times a day. I'm not even exaggerating. I haven't had to lift a finger at home. If I want a glass of water she gets it. If I say I'm hungry, she has food ready before I'm even sure what I want. I swear I'm not complaining. I love it all. I love that she loves me so much. She takes such good care of me. However, part of me thinks something else is going on. I don't think she's hiding anything. More like... building up to something and I have no idea what that could be. Is it good news or bad news? I want to ask her but I don't want to seem paranoid or ungrateful. I don't want her to feel bad for showering me in love. Not like she doesn't show me she cares normally, it's just gotten excessive. I don't know.

I'm at my apartment now. Just standing at the door. I've never been so nervous to see Liv in my life. We haven't spoken since that day she drunkenly confessed that she loved me. Admittedly, she has texted me but I didn't reply. I wasn't quite ready to have this talk but I guess it can't be put off forever. A huge part of me was hoping she would forget and she would call me the next day, laughing it off. The other eensy-weensy part of me is happy she didn't and is hopeful this painful, yet necessary, conversation will lead us to something... good?

I sigh and open the door. It's so quiet. Is she even home? I walk further in the house and see that my bedroom door is open. She walks out holding two or three hoodies in her arms.

"What are you doing with my stuff?" I ask.

"These are mine and I want them back." She says grumpily.

"Okay. Wow. Fine. What's your problem?"

She tosses the hoodies on the back of the chair and folds her arms. "Hmm." She says sarcastically placing her hand on her chin. "Let me see. What could be wrong?"

"Olivia."

"Katia."

We stare at each other. She breaks first. Mostly because I don't know where to start.

"You know... when someone literally spills their heart out to someone else it's kind of rude to ignore and avoid them for days afterwards."

"I'm sorry." I say.

"No. I'm sorry. So fucking sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I know I was drunk or whatever but I knew what I was saying. I should have kept it inside so at least I could have told myself that you didn't know. That's why you never acknowledged it. That's why you let me cling on to hope but now that I know you know and you couldn't even so much as text me back?? You're just selfish." Olivia throws her hands up angrily.

"What the hell was I supposed to say to that, Liv?"

"I don't know but anything! Something. I am your best friend, Kat. I think I deserved more than the silent treatment."

I blink. I'm still stuck on the selfish part and a little embarrassed. It was one thing for me to say it about myself, but I feel exposed by her saying it aloud. "What do you mean I'm selfish?"

"You are! Instead of reaching out and talking to me or trying to console me or validate my feelings you just ran away. My feelings for you were okay when they were convenient and you benefited from them.. when..when I kept them to myself but the moment it got just a little uncomfortable for you, you ran away. I've never left you hanging like that and I never would. Never! But that's because I actually care about you."

"Don't ever say I don't care about you." Is she serious right now? "That's not even close to the truth and you know it." I say.

"Okay so tell me the truth then. Be honest with me just once. I mean because when I told you I was in love with you that would have been the perfect time."

This conversation is so ridiculous. I can't help but to laugh. "The perfect time for what?! Did you expect me to say it back? Did you want me to tell you that I'm still in love you? That'll I'll always be in love with you?"

"If it's true then yes!"

"I'm in love with Chris, Olivia."

"I'm not saying you're not but there's no way you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you."

"I don't! Okay? I never will. You have to get over it. You have to! We're over. We've been over."

She rolls her eyes and huffs. "Whatever, Kat. You know what? Just... stay away from me and I'll stay away from you. Go live your fairytale life with Chris and I'll do whatever I have to do to get over whatever it is I'm going through. Alone like I've been doing."

"Wh-" I pause and swallow the lump in my throat, "What does that mean? You don't want to talk to me?"

"I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to be anything with you." Liv grabs the hoodies and storms to her room.

"W-Well fine!" I shout and begin to storm out of our apartment but before I reach the door she grabs me. She pulls me into a kiss and I forget how to breathe. I push her away and place my hand over my mouth. We stare at each other. We're both in disbelief. Before either of us can say another word, I leave. Once I'm in the hallway I lean against the door and catch my breath.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

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