To say the week has been long and awkward would be a grave understatement. The guys have been taking turns doing little things.

I noticed everyone stopped bullying me and the group of bitches they have as girlfriends have left me alone and I haven't seen them with them since Monday.

I have been tuning them out even when they try to look my way. One of them is always somewhere in the vicinity, which isn't hard because we share most classes together.

Me and Simba still hang out, but he makes sure to keep an appropriate distance.

I have been putting effort to wear anything other than my boyfriend jeans and hoodies all week and everyone noticed. I have been getting a lot of appreciative looks. Even though those looks has earned one of the boys a shove from Mason.

I couldn't even find it in me to feel bad for the guy. I remember him throwing something filthy to me when I did the passage of shame.

Today is the carnival day, and I am going with Simba. There is a girl from Glenwood he asked out and he is taking her on a date, and I am meeting Darrell. I am not as excited as I was last time I was set to meet with him.

Those little devils have really been working overtime. I have not stopped having the dreams and I always wake up after I cum.

If I was into religious things, I'd say I am being attacked by a sex demon because there's no way.

I sigh as I take off the fifth outfit. Nothing is jumping out to me yet. Today is really hot, so it will be warm when the sun goes down, and I want something that shows my body. I'm not trying to cover up.

It is also my way of saying sorry to Darrell for last week.

A knock comes in my door. I grab the towel from the chair, and I wrap myself with it.

"I have been waiting for your text for an hour."

I roll my eyes and I let him in. He eyes the clothes on my bed, and he shakes his head.

"I don't have an outfit, dude."

He takes black shorts and lifts a white crop top.

"Basic."

He lifts a yellow skirt, and the same white top.

"Too friendly."

He sighs with amusement. He heads to my drawer, and he surfs the clothes.

"What do you want to say tonight with your clothes?"

"I want to be a baddie. I want people to be like 'who the fuck is that, and why don't I know them?' But also, 'they seem too interesting, and they probably won't even notice me or want to be my friend.'"

My friend chuckles. "So hot but unreachable."

He comes back with shorts that have tassels. I haven't worn them. I bought them on one of my shopping trips, and I didn't think I could wear them here. I would have to dress for them.

I rummage through the bed for tops, and I pick up a tank top that shows a bit of side boob. I smile and head to the bathroom and I change. I tuck it in and it is perfect, form fitting but comfortable.

I look like a spicy mammie with the Spanish tassels. I step out and I find Simba already folding my clothes. He smiles when he sees me. I ask him to take pictures of me and I do all sorts of poses.

People would think the friendship between me and Simba must be weird or filled with weird energy, but it wasn't. I have had extensive experience with friendships with males. It comes natural to me.

We settle on black platform heels. I retouch my face a bit and I wear a blood red lip. I curled my braids, and they look fresh, and I tied them up 90s style. Me and Simba take our sunglasses even though its already afternoon.

When we are finished, we head out. He is wearing black jeans and a blue polo shirt with combat boots, and he looks cool.

We wait outside with the other carnival goers for a cab. Most people are going to the carnival, and we are all fighting for the same cabs.

After half an hour we leave. We share our ride with another girl. One of Simba's old friends who left the table when we tried to sit with them.

I see her shift uncomfortably next to me. I pretend to not notice at all.

"Um, Willow. I've been meaning to apologize to you for what we did."

"Okay." I reply simply because what can I say? It's happened.

"The thing was we were told the syndicate had beef with you and anyone seen fraternizing with you would get their attention and we were just not looking for any more of their torment?"

I turn to her, curiosity getting to me. To see if they've bullied others like me.

"They've bullied you before?"

"They've bullied everyone. They are the worst. So, when a new person was hated more than us regular nerds, we took our out." She chuckles with a shrug

I can't help but find her amusing.

"I'm glad my sacrifice has saved many." I lace it with sarcasm and amusement

"And can I ask you a question?" she looks at me for permission to continue and I raise my eyebrow.

"Why are they so obsessed with you?"

Well, she is ballsy I'll give you that. Well, to me that is. I doubt she'd be so inquiring if one of them was here. I wish they were. But her question is right on the nail. They didn't bully me because they hated me, it was something more.

"That's enough questions, Grace." Simba says from the other side of me and I just shrug and look forward. The rest of the ride goes on with a few superficial conversations about nothing.

The excitement is in the air when we arrive at the carnival. The place is light like day and there are all manner of rides and stalls. We buy tickets for the rides and then we head to the food stands.

We get corn dogs. We roam around and once Simba gets his lady friend, he leaves me, and they go on their date.

I roam around until I get to a karaoke stage. The Frenchie girl is singing some metal song and she is going in but only two people, her friends, are hyping her up.

"Hey Willow. I finally found you. I've been texting you. Wait are you ignoring me?"

"Oh no. Um, I think my friend took my phone." I look in my purse and it isn't there. Great. Now I will have no way of finding him.

He smiles at me with fondness. My eyes get drawn to the stage.

"You should go. You can't be worse than that girl."

"Um, I have never performed for people."

"Come on. Let's see what you got."

"And what are you gonna do for me if I do?" I pout

She grins. "I will win you a huge teddy bear and other things we can discuss later." He winks at me

My face falls a bit. That was forward. I clear my throat.

"Let me go then." I say as I move without waiting for an answer.

I ask for the mic on a very board deejay guy. I tell him the song I want. The song starts. Its 'work it out'. I start dancing. And I start singing. I shake my ass on stage, and I start getting some audience. I dance and sing with no abandon.

I am smiling. The most genuine smile I've had in a long time.

The songs end too soon, and the crowd asks for another one. I rap Rules by DC. I get in my ratchet steeze and I am twerking.

The boys come in my view from behind the crowd. I see a smile on Leo's face. I don't think I've seen one since I came back.

When the song ends, I bow for the crowd and I get off stage amidst the request for another.

In all honesty I wanted to do it but seeing the guys there watching me brought too much of the past.

Darrell helps me off stage and he pulls me away from the crowd. We stand and he has a boyish grin on his face.

"Okay, so I didn't know you'd go that hard. I feel like I owe you more than that teddy bear now."

I grin back. "I haven't done that in a long time." I am disappointed that I can't lose the melancholy in my voice.

Darrell frowns. "What's up?"

I give him a small smile. "Nothing. Just memories I don't want to remember."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

I can't help my eyes wondering. I can't find any of them anywhere. It stabs my heart the knowledge that they may be with other girls.

I don't feel like being here with Darrell anymore. I am getting confused.

My body tenses suddenly and a moment later warm arms wrap around me, and I melt in his arms and exhale a breath I was holding.

Darrell just stands there like he's frozen.

Soft, but firm lips plant a kiss on my neck, and I can't help the shiver that runs through my whole body.

Darrell just stands there and looks between me and the person who just kissed his date.

"Hey baby." Mason's voice sends thrills all over my body as he speaks directly in my.ear. My stomach erupts in butterflies. I close my eyes temporarily, savoring the feeling. I allow myself to feel it for a second.

Home.

"You've got to be kidding me." I hear Darrell's now angry voice and I am too much of a coward to open my eyes.

Three more shadows come around me. I still don't open my eyes.

I know I will have to face the consequences of what I feel when I open them. So, I don't, and I nuzzle myself on him and he peppers the side of my face with kisses.

"Open your eyes, Zara." He says to my ear. I shake my head.

Someone takes my hands in theirs and comes closer. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I open my eyes. I find amused faces of my former best friends.

The reality of our desolate friendship hits me again when I see them grinning at me like they used to.

My face falls and I shrug Mason off. I see understanding in their faces.

" Do you want to leave?" Bas asks me.

He's the one who was holding my hands. I look up to him and I see the hope in his eyes, and I shake my head.

I know the conversation we need to have, and I haven't even sat with my own truths. They all nod and Bas pulls me to the direction of the rides. I look around for Darrell and he's no where. I feel horrible but I can't focus on him now.

I remember the carnivals we used to go to as kids. We always had the best time.

We get in the rides, and we are laughing mostly. I could never not grin when I am in a ride. I scream with my face wide with glee.

I notice all of them have been giving me intense looks all night. After the rides we ate.

"I could really use space brownies right now." Jose says with a grin

We all grin. All the times we stole our mothers space brownies.

"Remember when Zar got us that one as an apology for stealing our clothes at the lake."

I laugh. "Oh, that was the best. You guys running naked. And how Leo fell that other time and sprained his ankle because dragons were chasing him."

The chuckle shaking their heads.

"You know we always got into more trouble when you were around." Leo comments

"Because I was the cool friend."

"No way!" Bas protests

"I agree, she was the coolest." Jose agrees

I high five him.

Leo and Mason roll their eyes.

"Oh, come on. You can admit I was cool and actually I still am very cool."

They all chuckle at my statement.

"Yes, I am!" I say

"You hang out at the nerd table." Mason says

"And that is your fault. If you weren't being dicks, I'd be pretty popular."

"How popular were you in your last school?" Mason asks with a neutral expression

My face falls. "Not much. But to my defense, those kids were dicks too."

"You were bullied in Oak?" Mason's voice comes almost accusing

"I don't want to talk about that."

I see the frowns on their faces, and I know we are about to go left. I take Jose's hand and I start walking to the ice cream stand.

I am met with hateful looks from some of their girl pals. We stand on the line. I spot Simba on one of the tables with his gal pal and his eyes look my way and he looks next to me and he frowns.

I shrug at him, and he shakes his head. The line moves and we get to the front of the line.

I buy a big cookies and cream ice cream. I walk to Simba. The guys have found a table and they are talking. Jose follows me to Simba's table. I want to tell him to remain behind, but I know that's not gonna pan out well.

"Hey, friend." Simba calls out

I fold my lips, amused.

"Hey again Cindy."

"Hey Willow." She looks at my side and her eyes widen. I look between them. An ex? "Hey Jose."

I arch an eyebrow at Jose. "Bas's ex, not mine." He whispers to my ear, and I sigh.

"Hey Cindy." Jose greets back.

Understanding fills Simba's face and he frowns a bit. I reach for his hand, and I squeeze him, trying to soothe him and I feel Jose getting stiff behind me. I pull away from Simba. And I take my things from Simba.

"Don't wait up for her, we'll take her back." Jose tells Simba before we turn.

I see the questions in Simba's eyes before I turn. I sit back on the table with the guys, and they watch me eat ice cream.

Because that is weird, I pass the ice cream to Leo next to me. He takes one scoop and passes it. When we were young, that's how we used to share things.

They all have their eyes intent on me with the occasional looking around for nothing, or something, they are mafia so who knows.

I know I am delaying for nothing. This is happening and I know it as much as they do. It's inevitable.