I sink myself next to my friend. Every second feeling like an eternity.

"It's probably just the breakup. Most birth control is reliable." Simba says, he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than me.

I jump when the alarm rings. We had put the timer in. Simba gets up. He goes to get the tests in the bathroom. I swallow saliva and it gets stuck in my throat when I see his face.

Fuck.

I shake my head.

"No." I whisper

His face falls in sadness and concern. He comes closer and I want to wail. It can't be happening to me. I get off from the bed.

I take the tests.

Eight weeks. Eight fucking weeks. I think back. That week I went to see mom.

Fuck.

Mom.

Father.

What have I done?

How could I be so stupid? Who even makes these injections so I can sue them. What the fuck is this shit?

What am I going to do? I have med school next year. All the plans I had made for myself. My life flashes before my eyes. My life is over. I am going to be a baby mama. A fucking baby mama at 18.

I feel a warm hand on my cold one and I sigh as I look at my friend. My friend who isn't judging me.

"You can say it now." I say, trying to joke but it comes out broken

He gives me a questioning look.

"That you told me so." I cast my eyes down. I feel so fucking pitiful.

"Zahara, no. Don't do that. This isn't your fault."

I laugh a joyless laugh. I look at him with an incredulous look. Of fucking course it's my fault. I'm the one who had unprotected sex with not one, but 4 guys.

"You were just in love, you didn't know."

"That I'd get pregnant? You can say it Simba. It's not an alien baby."

Silence falls on my small dorm room. When I can't stand the quiet, I get up and I go stand in my window. I stare at the wall of the next dorm.

"So, what are you going to do?" his voice comes out tentative

I don't respond. Truth is I don't know. Do I even want to keep this child knowing I will never get rid of them if I carry their child? Is that something I want. Or should I just go to a doctor and unpregnant myself. That would certainly make everything easy. And no one will even know I was pregnant. I could continue with school. Go to med school next year. Maybe I'll finally meet that hot brunette with green eyes.

But I swallow as I hold my tummy. There is an actual human growing in there. A person who will have a head, feet and a whole personality. A whole human soul. Potential for greatness, or just a happy life. I brush my stomach like the child can feel me.

Oh, little one, you have no timing. Your fathers are assholes.

I smirk a little. I have started talking to a nonexistent child. Fuck I should probably go see a doctor. I'm not even sure what to do. Maybe hear my options. And if I'm keeping it, try to give it the best chance. I think back to the club. I was already pregnant when I was drinking and smoking. I get a little cold. My heart squeezes hard. What if I hurt them? What if they will be harmed by all the alcohol I drank. Fuck, I need a doctor. And I need to do better.

"Zahara..."

My friends voice pulls me out of the rabbit hole. I sigh. "There are so many things to figure out. Doctors, decisions..." I drift off and I latch on a spot on the wall. I feel his presence behind me.

"I'm here for you. Whatever you need."

I nod slowly.

"I don't mean to be rude, but I would like to sleep." I say after a few minutes pass in silence. There is silence for a beat before he says. "Sleep tight, okay. Text me if you need anything. I mean anything. I'll check you in the morning." He says and I nod but I don't look behind to him.

When he leaves, I move to the bed in clinical steps. I undress and I don't bother with the pajamas. I get in the covers, and I close my eyes, trying to empty my mind. It takes a few hours but sleep finally claims me. I fall in a dark, dreamless sleep.

I am woken by something vibrating and it sounds like its right in my ear. I groan and I wake up. I am greeted by my mother's caller ID. I contemplate not taking it, but I do.

"Bella." I try to sound...well not like my heart is breaking every minute. I swallow, hoping it goes through.

I hear a tired exhale of breath and my brows furrow. I sit up.

"Mom?"

I hear a small chuckle. "Zazzy, my beautiful baby girl." Her voice sounds more tired than usual.

"Mom, are you okay?" a stupid question but she needs to tell me she's fine

"Oh, stop your worrying, I just smoked and I'm a bit high." She buries it with a small chuckle

I relax a little. Silence befalls us and tears just fall on their own.

"How have you been, honey. I haven't heard from you in over a day. Where were you yesterday?"

I swallow, trying to swallow the answer.

"N-nowhere, mom. I'm fine."

Silence once more. Like she's trying to get me to fess it up. When I don't, she finally says, "Did you and the boys fight?"

I close my eyes trying to keep my tears inside and I tilt my head. But they spill on the sides, and they slide into my ears.

"Mom, we more than fought. We broke up." I sniffle and I take shaky breaths.

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry." I hear her own breath shaky on the other line. And all at once I feel like shit. Why would I burden her with my trivial matters when she needs to reserve all her energy to getting better? I'm so selfish.

"I'm sorry mom. I didn't mean to upset you. I just...I don't know who can understand."

"No, don't apologize." Her voice comes out stronger. "Talk to me."

"It hurts so bad, mom. It hurts and it sucks." More tears flow.

I refuse to tell her what they did.

"I'm sorry, my child." She pauses. "Love hurts sometimes." She pauses again. "I'm sorry I pushed you to get out there."

"Mom! This isn't your fault. Its mine for being a fool. It was never going to work out, mom. Its all messed up with the fathers. We can't-" I babble

"Shh, honey." She tries to talk me down and I listen to her. "Listen, Zahara." My heart skips a beat, she never calls me by my full name. "Do something for me, okay?"

"What?" I furrow my brows

"Don't bury your feelings or try to be strong. You need to face it. I'm not saying give them a chance, but you have to give the sorrow a chance then you need to move on and pick up yourself and do the things that bring you joy." She pauses. "Never deny yourself things that make you happy."

I wish she knew how much it hurts. And what was really going on.

"Mom, I'm pregnant."

Silence falls between us. So much I think maybe she hung up, I move my phone and see she's still there.

"Mom, are you okay?"

I hear a loud, shaky exhale of breath. Then I hear sniffling. She's crying. Is she disappointed?

"Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall pregnant; I know I'm stupid."

"Shut your mouth, Zahara Willow Clark." I can hear her tears from the other line.

"Mom, don't cry please."

"I'm...I'm just happy, my baby."

My brows furrow. "Mom, how high are you?"

She laughs through tears. "How far along are you?"

"Eight weeks."

"Oh my god, was it when you came here."

I sigh.

"Mom, don't think about that."

"I won't, but gross." I hear the small chuckle

"I am coming on Saturday. I need to talk to you face to face, mom. I don't even know what to do."

"Children are a blessing, honey. Just don't make any decisions out of your hurt."

We talk for a few more minutes and by the end of the call she wasn't as tired as she sounded at the beginning of the call. I prepare for school, and I walk with Simba. I need to eat this morning. We have an exam at 9am. I just hope it is something I can keep down.

We get to the dining hall and my eyes meet with Bas's and I think its the first time I'm directly looking at him since Sunday. He looks like I feel. Wrecked. My feet stop.

My eyes rake the table that has eyes intent on me. They all look like they haven't slept a wink in days. All at once I wish I could soothe their aches. They look so lost. My stupid heart clenches in my chest.

But then I remember, they used to look at me with those same eyes and they lied still to my face. All the things they told me. It was all lies.

I blink and I look away.

All they have ever given me was lies and false comforts. They lied. Me and Simba head to the line. We get our food, and we head to our table, and we join Mariah and Jazmine. They look at me nervously. I guess everyone knows. I sit down and look to my plate. I eat. I wish I could just throw it away, but I have a child to think about now. After the talk with my mother, maybe I can do this.

My phone chimes in my pocket and I pull it out. My mom wants me to send her my pictures. I sigh. I take a few and send them to her.

: You are the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you so much, mija.

: You are supposed to be asleep, lady. *rolling eye emoji* But, I guess I love you too.

She doesn't respond and I put it in my pocket. After breakfast we go to write the exam. It was hard concentrating with Leo sitting on the chair next to mine. He kept stealing glances my way and I wished I could stab him with the pen.

After we finish, I leave. Luckily, Leo finished first. I won't have to face him. Counting down days. Two more days before I'm out here for winter break.

I walk out and my anxiety flares inside me. Simba isn't here. I hadn't realized how much I had begun to be dependent on his presence and his protection. I walk out of the venue, and I stop dead in my tracks when I see them.

They are standing and they have their eyes on me. They are waiting for me. I take a steadying breath before I turn and walk the other way. I feel steps behind me, and they have me surrounded the next second. I stop and I clutch my bag to my chest, hoping for some protection.

"Love, please, let's talk." Jose speaks, his eyes pleading

"We've given you space, but please can we talk about this, Zar."

I don't answer.

"Hoshi, just let us explain." Leo's voice comes out steady

I shake my head. "There's nothing else to say. You did it, and you achieved everything you wanted." I give them a tight smile that doesn't even reach my nose. "I should congratulate you for whatever you will use the leverage for. My father will be on his knees." I nod

My words look like they hurt them. I roll my eyes.

"Zaza, it wasn't like that, okay. It started like that, but we have always loved you. You know that." Jose runs his hands on his already messy hair

I roll my eyes once more. "Listen I have to go." I move to go. "But, uh, this was fun. But let's not do it again. I meant what I said, its done."

Mason grabs my arm so tightly. I close my eyes trying not to wince.

"It will never be over, Zara. We will get you back." Then he lets my hand go.

I glare at him before I walk away.

Fuck them.

Fuck all of them.

My phone chimes in my pocket but I don't check it. I have to take a nap. I swear ever since I found out I'm pregnant I have started feeling the pregnancy symptoms more often. Or maybe I recognize why I'm feeling like this now that's the difference. I'll take the books to the library later.

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