"Pregnant?" I ask again because I think I didn't hear Leo right. All of us wait for him on bated breath. I don't know if we hoping he says he's joking, or we are hoping with all our life he isn't. Because that would mean we have another chance. Hope. She will be ours forever.

He sighs as everyone in the room waits for him to tell us he's joking. When he called us upstairs to our old room, we had thought something was wrong with Star and we left the fathers to sort out their issues. But I never expected it to be this. I mean, when she threw up, we just thought it's the collective everything that just happened, and it was a lot.

"I found the test when I went to get her things. She just confirmed when I was with her."

I blink at him.

"Fuck." Bas is the first one to react.

"Fuck is right." Mason runs his hands on his hair.

"How long?"

"Eight weeks."

She was pregnant all this time.

"Fuck." It's my turn now.

"Fuck." Mason echoes.

"What have we fucking done?" Bas's voice comes out small. But we all feel it. What kind of monsters are we to hurt our pregnant girlfriend? Never mind the fact that we took her drinking and smoking just the past weekend.

Fuck.

We are already fucking up even with the child.

Fuck.

The door opens and I see Mason's back as he exits. We all jump and follow him. We need to make sure he doesn't fuck this up for us any further. He doesn't knock, he pushes the door, and it isn't locked.

We follow a few tentative steps behind, and we find him in the middle of the room, looking lost...so lost. She is sitting on the bed with her knees to her chest and she looks so far from us, so far away. We hurdle in the middle of the room.

"Is it true, Zara?"

"It's true." She says simply and calmly, giving nothing more than what is asked.

"When were you going to tell us?" Mason's voice comes out accusing and we all turn to give him warning looks. He needs to watch himself. He won't fuck this up for us again. He was the one who was adamant we keep the truth from her. She would have been mad but maybe if we explained and came clean, we wouldn't be in this shit.

But we all gave him some choice words and we weren't speaking for a few days before Zaza's mom died.

"I don't know. I hadn't decided." She says. She houses no emotions on her face, at least none that she offers us.

"Were you thinking...?" he steps closer, and we grab him. Leo shoves him back and we grab both of them before they start a punching contest in front of our pregnant girl. None of this toxicity is good for her.

"You aren't fucking helping, man." Bas tells him

But Mason looks pissed. I don't know who he is even mad at. Is he mad she was considering her options? We fucked up and we deserve less than nothing from her, and we should approach this with caution. His face softens as pain shines.

"Shit, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I can't stand this. Can you please let us be here for you."

Bas lets him go.

"No." She says as she gazes at him, determined

"Star, no. Never." He says what we all thinking.

"Please leave." She says as she stretches her hands to take a book by her bedside

"Baby, we need to talk about the baby. You can't be alone. We can't let you; you know that." Bas comes with the sensible voice

"We will not leave this manor." Mason says

"That's fine with me."

And something about how she says it. Then I remember she had planned to leave to see her mother on Saturday. Could she be thinking of still going? To Switzerland.

"Zaza, are you going somewhere?" I ask

She just looks briefly at me before she looks down.

"You are leaving the country? Is that even safe for the baby?" Mason asks

"The baby will be fine. I'm just 2 months along, I'm not sick. I can travel." She turns the page

"We are coming with." I say.

Her sharp gaze lifts to me and she glares at me.

"Do you like when I'm stressed, Jose?"

That name seems wrong from her lips. My heart shrinks from the pain. I'm fucking Joseph, dammit.

"We won't bother you." Bas says.

"Don't you realize you are bothering me by being near me? That you are the ones who bring me pain and are my biggest stressors?"

Fuck.

Fuck.

All of us crystalize as we take in her words that hit like a sledgehammer. Her words land, they definitely find room. My heart feels like it hurts physically. We are hurting her. I blink a few times. Tears burn me.

For the first time I see everything we've put her through, really see it. And she is right. After we hurt her, we haven't even given her time to process and deal with it. We have just kept pushing us on her. I pull my stagnant brothers.

We need to leave her to her own thoughts, and we need to give her space. She is carrying our child and we need to start thinking about them too. When she's stressed, so will they. Mason resists but we all pull him away. All of us feel like death.

What the fuck are we going to do?

What will our fucking kid think about us?

All the shit we've done.

This is what rock bottom must feel like.

We head downstairs. We need to face the music; we need to tell Clark and the fathers. We sit them down and Bas tells them.

"You fuckers knocked up my daughter?" Zara's father steps close to us in dangerous steps and Leo and Bas's father hold him back.

"Let me go, assholes! You impregnated my daughter. Which one of you is it?"

We look at each other.

"You don't even know? Haven't you heard of fucking condoms! Didn't your fathers teach you anything?" his face houses disgust

"Calm down, Sean."

"The yelling asshole is right, what the fuck is wrong with you. We never said get her pregnant." Jose's father says.

"I still owe you one for getting my kid involved in this bullshit."

"You can't fault us for doing what we had to."

"But you brought my kid into it. And my wife!" Leo's father's face catches a fist.

We all jump in as more fists fly and we hold them back.

After a few minutes we leave them. We had to drag Mason out of there because he wanted to go back to her, but he has to understand shit is different now. She's pregnant and we can't stress her.

But even as my reasoning says that, its fucking hard. I want to be near her even if she will just curse my name. I want to take care of her and attend to all her needs. The need is so strong.

Which leads me to wonder, and hope, the child is mine. The child will have all of us as fathers, but I can admit to myself I want her to be carrying Cabrera blood.

But one thing can be sure, they will be loved no matter what. Him, or her, and their mother will be loved more than any other 2 people on this earth.

I know that is something me and my brothers can commit to. She may hate us now, but we will never give up on her and our child. We will do anything to make it right. We will work for as long as we need to to build the trust again.

I drive us to the city. We need to be away from all the drama.

We left our fathers after we told them the situation. They were sorting out their shit and they told the mothers to fly back home. I know what we all need. We have shit to talk about and we need to be in the same page where she is concerned. We can't fuck up like we always do.

I park at the bar just outside the city in a dingy gas station.

None of us say anything. We get to the bar. The bartender nods at us. We have been coming here since we were 15 and the bar has had the same bartender for 28 years, if the pictures on the wall are to be believed.

We take our usual booth; the corner but where we can see everything. We may be able to protect ourselves, but it doesn't change who we are. The waiter brings our beers. None of us says anything immediately. We are all dealing with a lot. First Zahara's father's confession then her pregnancy, on the same day as her mother's funeral. It's all been a lot.

"Are we letting her go alone?" Bas starts

"Fuck never." Leo answers

"So, we gonna stalk her in Switzerland?"

"She needs protection, you know that." I say

"But she doesn't want to see any of our faces. She's back to hating us." Bas leans on the seat, and he sighs

I take a swig at my beer. Fuck, this cheap shit tastes horrible.

"She won't see us." I say

Mason's eyes wonder the bar like he's not even in this conversation. Emotions make him anxious, and he always needs to move. I would offer him reassuring words if I wasn't still a little pissed at him because this whole thing could have gone down differently had he seen reason.

Star was going to be mad, but it would have meant something if we came clean. I squeeze the knife in my hand. I want to slice myself so I can at least bleed and release some of this toxicity I'm feeling.

I have never been a cutter; I have always kept a strong leash on those urges because I never wanted to have something that controlled me like that, but they overwhelm me now. I flip the knife. But I don't get the usual comfort. I don't feel anything settling.

"I need blood." Mason says his eyes fixed on a loud crowd playing pool and groping some girls, one looking uncomfortable.

None of us stop him when he rises in the booth and Leo follows him. Me and Bas follow soon after when the biggest one punches Mason in the face. I lick my lips as my hand steadies on the knife and adrenaline courses through my veins.

Blood.

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