It's been 2 months since Eric took her. No one has seen her or Eric since. God I hope she is okay. I'm starting to lose hope. She never been gone for this long. I want to get lost in her blue gray eyes. I want to give her one more kiss. Tell her I love her one more time. Everyone else seems to be moving on more than I. Zeke and Uriah say I'm depressed. The only one who understands is Christina. She lost Will. I spend most of my time zoning out in the apartment.

I still go look for her at least once a day.

She is my other half.

My best friend.

My wife.

I can't live without her.

I did this. There are so many what ifs. Where is she? I'm zoning at the picture of us on our wedding day. She's in her black and gray dress. Her ring is on her hand. What I would do to hold her hand again. To kiss her lips. There is a knock on my door. Christina let's herself in. "Four follow me." She says and I immediately jump up. Did they find Tris? Is she okay?

We walk towards the chasm and I see her being lifted out with a harness. Scars covering her body and a slit on her throat. I can't look. I crumple to the ground in agony. No. She's gone. Nooooooo. I moan and cry. Nobody in here has ever seen me cry. What have I done? This is all my fault. She gave her life to save me. That's a debt I will never be able to repay. I go running to erudite. I have to tell Caleb. Of course I don't want to. Someone does.

I walk in with tears dropping off my face, soaking my shirt. I find his office and walk in. "Did they find her?" He asks and jumps out of his seat. I nod. "Can I see her?" He asks with tears dripping down his face. I shake my head. "She's gone." I say and tears flow and flow. He collapses in agony like I did. "I'm sorry" I say. "She sacrificed herself for me. She was so selfless" I say and he nods. I run outside towards the train.

I stand by the door and look down over Chicago. I look at all the people. Life moves on. I don't want mine to. I start to walk off just like she tried to do when I hear a voice behind me. "Would Tris want you to do this? She sacrificed herself to save you. Don't make her it pointless" Christina. I shake my head. "It's too hard" I say. "I understand." She replies and puts her hands on my shoulders. "I was contemplating the same thing,but you have to ask yourself 'would they want you to do it?'" I shake my head. We approach the compound and I jump off. She soon follows behind me. I run straight to my room. Her funeral will be in two days. She's gone. My Tris is gone. I look at all of our photos together.

She always said that she wasn't selfless. She sacrificed herself for me. That's selfless. I hear a knock on the door. "Go away" I yell through my tears. The door opens anyways and Zeke comes in with something in his hands. He sits next to me in the couch. I rest my head in my hands and shake it. "I did this" I say. He shakes his head. "No you didn't. It was her choice." "It was her choice to save me or herself. If I had never put my gun down then he never would have gotten me in that position" I say. Zeke forces a burger and water into my lap. "No" I say. "You have to eat.your doing exactly what she did when she thought Caleb died." He says.

That gives me an idea. What if that body is a fake? I go running towards the crowd. I look at her body on the ground. Then a picture that Christina took of us after we got back. All of the scars match except a few newer looking ones. No. It can't be. I run outside and to the ferris wheel. I sit on the same platform we did. I love her. I can't believe I did this.

I want to die,but Christina made a point in the train. I don't want to make her death pointless. It's just too hard to live without her. She was the only one who cared. Now she's gone. The word gone echos through my mind. She would want me to find someone else. I know it. I just don't want someone else.

I want her.