Two weeks later in Lahore

It had been a weeks since she had not so gracefully left from the wedding. That embarrassing evening was still fresh in her memory and use to haunt her whenever she had an idle moment.

It was a practice Zoya had. When Zoya's heart was overloaded with emotions or trauma, she used to spend some time with her Nani in Lahore to get her mind off everything. Nani being a Godsend blessing, was always able to reassure Zoya. That night when the hell had broken lose, Zoya had come running back to her Nani in Lahore.

Ironic how she was telling Irtaza to stop running.

Sitting in her chair, Zoya carelessly flipped through the unread mails. Tons of them were from Alizey, Fazeela and even from Kainat, who hated typing and was more of an audio message person. There were calls and messages which she had ignored. Being a slightly emotional and immature person, she had even blocked her friends and Irtaza. She blocked him from her Instagram, WhatsApp and then sim. And then removed him from snapchat. Although she unblocked all of her friends later, but she didn't unblock him. Funny how she was expecting an apology from him after blocking him from everywhere.

Okay maybe I should umm unblock him from WhatsApp just incase he wants to apologize. She thought as she grabbed her phone.

Really?

How pathetic can you be Zoya?

But....

If he wanted to say sorry ,he could have emailed you?

Email? Yes, like Alizey and Kainat !

But he doesn't have my email.

He can ask Hashim for it.

Or he can use his international number.

But....

Sure , go ahead ! Think of excuses. Unblock him and then allow him to walk all over you. Why? Because he got a pretty face? And you cant get over it. Her alter ego was a bish , but Zoya was Zoya. And she had to unblock him from WhatsApp because, wapsi ka ekk rasta tu khula rakhna chahiye( There should be atleast one way back)

Zoya decided that she would forgive him if he asked for her forgiveness in a 2 weeks' time and if he didn't, she would forget about his existence and get on with life. (As if it was possible). The 2nd week was about to end, and she restlessly grabbed her phone, checked her Instagram and then WhatsApp. She could see that he was online.

Zoya had hated it when Gul-e-rana didn't forgive Adeel or when Hamza wasn't forgiven by Romi. She couldn't do the same. But for that the other party had to apologize which he hasn't.

Frustrated she opened her Instagram again. The moment it refreshed, and the screen loaded, Zoya stared hard at the screen. Alyna her batch mate had posted a picture, "First day at office." And it was no ordinary office. It was Google's headquarters, Berlin. And as she typed her "Congratulations" her eyes welled up with tears.

Congratulations?

That's what I am doing since forever.

Congratulating people on their successes...

Someone is getting married, someone is getting pregnant. Some one is getting their Doctorate.

While I sit on a couch a type 'Congratulations MashAllah'....

Am I just here to do that?

When is my time going to come?

AND how is that lucky?

Nani keeps praying for my naseeb but all I have is bad luck!

Feeling crushed, she marched towards Nani who was sitting on the prayer mat.

"Nani Ami, you always say I am blessed. But I am not! Nani Ami I am such a failure.

Allah meri duain kyun nai sunta NaniAmi? Main PHD karna chahti thee nai. Mere saray Batch main kahin na kahin nikal gae age parhnay aur main top karnay k bawajood , university main hoon. Dosron ki madad karna chahti the qabil ho k. Par Allah nay yeh bhi nai suna."

( Why do Allah ignores my prayers? I wanted to do PHD. All of my batchmates are in big firms, some are doing their masters. But me, despite being a topper of my batch, I am still here. Teaching at a university, living the ordinary life. I wanted to help people. But Allah didn't even listen to that.)

She hiccupped as she placed her head in her nani's lap. She was depressed and needed to get everything out of her system. Maybe Irtaza was right. She was a little thankless.

"NaniAmi sub log mujhe dekh k 'oohoo' kartay hain. Kitni takleef hoti hai pata hai. Meray say nikamay log agae nikal gae hain. Mujhe say kya galti ho gae Nani? Allah mujhe say mohabbat kyun nai karta kya ? Allah meri dua kyun nai sunta NaniAmi ?" She said as she cried like a baby while her Nani looked at her as she patted her cheeks.

(Everyone 'aahs' listening to my story. Do you know how painful it is. People who were behind me are now rich and successful. What did I do wrong? Why does Allah not love me? Why does he not listen?)

Zoya didn't know what she was saying. To some it was even blasphemous but Zoya at the moment didn't care. For she was hurt. Hurt so much. Disappointed at everything and most of all herself.

"Fazeela ki shadi ho gae, Kainat ko bhi Azeem bhai mil gae. Alizey ko Hashim jesa mohabbat karnay wala sohar mil gaya. Mere sub dost apni Zindagi main kush hain. Main unsay hasad nai karti Nani. Allah unhain aur day aur kush rakhay. Par main kyun nai hoon kush? Mujhe kyun koi kohshi nai milti? Ap kehti hain mera dil saaf hai. Agr mera dil saaf hai tu sub tor kyun detay hain? Nani Allah meri duain kyun nai sunta!" She wailed for the last time as she throwed her head in her Nani's lap.

(Fazeela got married, Kainat found Azeem bhai and Alizey got blessed with a loving husband like Hashim. All of my friends are happy in their life. Except me. I am not jealous of them, may they be blessed more. But why am I like this? Miserable and pathetic. You say my heart is pure. If its pure , then why do people break it? )

"Mainay kisi ka dil nai dukhaya. Phir phir mera sub k samnay tamasha bana dia. Meray sath he ase kyun hota hai. Bhai army main chale gae aur main ? Loser ! Nikami . Jo, na ghar k kaam kar sakti hai na bhar k."

(I don't try to humiliate people intentionally, then why does it happen to me? Why? Bhai got into army. And me? I am a loser who can do nothing. )

"Zoya meri jaan bus karo. Kyun itna khoon jala rahi ho. Meri bachi . Shhh!! Ase nai rootay." (Zoya my heart, stop crying. )

Her Nani soothed her and kept soothing her until her breathing became normal. Content with the fact that Zoya was now okay and in perfect condition to make sense of her words, her Nani began.

"Zoya! Meray laal, Allah sub say Mohabat karta hai. Aur har kisi ko mukhtalaif tareekon say azmata hai. Kisi ko woh day k azmata hai, kisi say who naimat lay k azmata hai. Ase dil choota nai kartay. Agr duain raad he karni hoti us nay , tu woh humain manganin ki taufiq he kyun deta? Sabr karo mere bachi, Allah tumhain tumhari soch say barh kar nawazay ga. Jiska tumhain guman bhi nai ho ga. Allah bara meharban hai. Hum jis cheez ki khawaish kartay hain Allah humain us say barh k deta hai. Sabr karo meri bachi, tum dekhna Allah tumhain bohat nawazay ga."

(Zoya my child, Allah loves everyone. And he tests everyone differently. He tests some by giving and some by taking away. Don't lose your heart. If he wanted to dismiss our duas, why would he ask us to pray? Be patient, my child. Allah is going to bless you more than you could have ever expected and beyond your imagination. He is very benevolent. Be patience and you'll see Allah will bless you countlessly. )

"Par Nani(but Nani)..." She tried only to get a stern look.

"Ek lagaon ge agr ab roye.( You'll get a slap if you cry further.)" Her Nani said sternly as she noticed her eyes. Soothingly running her hand through her hair, Zoya's nani began telling her the story of Hazrat Musa like she used to do when Zoya was a child and couldn't sleep.

Nani narrated as she patted Zoya's head in a loving gesture.

Zoya was too engulfed in the narration, her eyes which had swollen due to crying were open wide as she looked at her Nani in anticipation.

Her nani concluded.

"Is qisay say humnay, pata hai kya seekha? Hum nay seekha k hum bilkul lailm hain. Hum jesay apna nuksan samjhatay hain who darasal nuksan nai hota. Agr us admi ki kashti main suraq na hota tu woh qashti, badsha cheen leta. Insan ko jo mushkil lagti hai, woh asaal main mushkil nai hoti balke uski behtri hoti hai. Sirf Allah behtar janata hai k humain kesay dena hai, kya dena hai, kitna dena hai aur kab dena hai. Is liye meri bachi, kabhi bhi kisi azmaish pay ghabratay nai hain. Balkay sabr say kaam letay hain. Aur haar haal main shukar ada kartay hain." Her Nani said as she concluded, wiping the remains of tears which were frozen on her face as she kissed her forehead.

(What do we learn from this? We learn that we know nothing. Sometimes what we consider our loss, isn't a loss. If that man's boat didn't have a hole in it, then the king would have taken it away. What we consider a difficulty, isn't a difficulty something. Allah knows better, how much, when and where he is supposed to give. That is why my girl, don't lose hope and be steadfast in testing times. And always be thankful. )

"Ainda agr mainay suna k Zoya k moon say kuch esa nikala hai, tu main bilkul nai sochon ge k bachi jawan ho gae hai. Yeh apni sooti utoon ge aur...."

(Now if I ever hear Zoya saying something like this, then I wouldn't think for a second and beat her with my stick)

"Hawww nani ami , mujhe marain ge app? NaniAmi jo mujhe Mama ki dant say bachati hain marain ge ?"

(You will beat me? The same Nani who protects me when Mama is scolding me?)

"Ab harakatian ase karo get tu yehi karna paray ga. Jao shabash moo dhoo k ao , aur khana khao." Nani said dismissing her.

(If you will not behave then, I would be forced to. Now go wash your face and eat something.)

The Qissa her Nani had told her had cleared the fog away. Now that everything was clear she could finally make sense of it. She was no loser. Loser were those who were bad people, who earned Jahanum in this world. She wasn't a loser , for never did she try to intentionally harm people or took delight in their suffering. Irtaza could rot in hell.

Nani had lifted away the boulder which she herself had placed on herself (Irtaza included) without even knowing it. Zoya decided to pray, she had to repent for all the words that had left her mouth.

Greater, better things wait for me. Nani is right! I am not a loser. She kept repeating the mantra. Mainly because the realization had brought her immense delight. It was like someone had released her from a dark dungeon where she was kept without any logic. Now that she was out , the feeling of freedom and the sunlight were so breath taking that she wanted to bask in the glory. She wanted the time to stop. Never had she felt this content. Shukar Alhumdulilah she whispered as she began thinking about all the blessing, she had. So, what if she didn't get to do her PHD? So what, if she didn't get the job she really wanted at NETSOL! She had her parents and she had Nani , who loved her. She indeed was blessed.

From that day onwards Zoya decided to always look downwards at the people who suffered instead of looking at the people who were above her. And be thankful for all that she had. Instead of wasting her life away because it didn't turn out like she had expected it to be.

Hazrat Ali (A.S) quote, which Kaiant had shared on Instagram story flashed through her mind.

"I came to know Allah, the Glorified, through the breaking of determinations, change of intentions and losing of courage." ( Ref: Nahjul Balagha saying no# 250) .

(Urdu: Main ne Allah ko pehchana iraadon ke toot jaanay, niyyaton ke badal janay aur himmaton ke past ho janay se." – Hazrat Ali (A.S.)Ref: Nahj-ul-Balaghah, saying # 250)

Sometimes you know the words of wisdom. You read them but you don't get them. Your heart doesn't understand them or comprehend the meaning or the teachings. It was the case with her. She knew the quote. But until now , the words hadn't made sense to her. With the bulb, that Nani had enlightened everything was clear as water now. She understood how the change of intentions, losing of courage and the breaking of determinations were all Allah's doing. Losing courage when chasing bad things, breaking of determination when aiming for the not so right goals. It all made sense.

Imagine you are driving to your office, but instead of the usual way you decide to take the long bumpy road which isn't smooth. Half way through that road, you get so worked up and frustrated with all the bumps and hurdles, you decide to call it a quit and return home. On the way back home, you witness the massive accident that happened on the same road. And you think, it could have been me. You thank your lucky stars and think 'all the hustle and waste of time for this.' But then one of your colleagues call you and tell you 'It was good that you didn't come.'

It all pointed towards the Supreme Power that controlled everything.

She had run from the Barat like a scared cat. Well now that she thought about it , she knew even Billu wouldn't do something like this. Even he would have resisted by hissing at her offender. Her mother and father hadn't even questioned her for taking the leave from the university. They had disapproved of it , she had seen it in their eyes as they waved her goodbye, on the bus stand. She was thankful for that support. For them letting her figure her shit on her own.

Zoya smiled as she reminisced her journey to Lahore. Sitting in her passenger seat she had cried. Not giving a slight thought to what the fellow lady sitting beside her thought.( The old lady assumed that someone close to Zoya had died and in emergency she was travelling at night.) She had consoled Zoya, telling her that it was Allah's plan.

"Janay wale ko kon rok Sakata hai" ( Who can stop the departing...) The lady had said. And Zoya might have said "Irtaza..." as she cried. The lady had given her a look but then she decided that Zoya wasn't in her right mind. That her loss was so huge. And Zoya didn't even try to correct the old lady who had been sympathizing. I sure do deserve the sympathy. She had thought as she had cried some more.

Zoya smiled remembering her sheer act of stupidity.

There always had been so many thoughts. She never had gotten the peaceful sleep since that barat night. All she did was cry as she stared at the darkness outside her window. But now it was morning. A new morning to her life. She indeed was blessed because Allah guided those who he pleased. And she had to be blessed to be the one who received Hidayah(guidance). Zoya smiled as she closed her eyes. It was okay. Everything was good, Alhamdulillah. Her parents were alive and breathing, and her brother who was constantly in her thoughts and prayers. It was difficult, being a sister of solider. Every Eid that she had spent without him, every family function with him not being there, hurt her. Like a pinch in her. But she was thankful that he was alive and breathing. Twice he had escaped the near death experiences. If not for herself, she had to be thankful to Allah for saving her brother! She was blessed and for the first time, she believed it !