Bucky couldn't sleep. At. All. It wasn't because of nightmares or anything like that. He just felt sick to his stomach with embarrassment. That's what kept him up. He opened his eyes for the 50th time that night and looked over at the man sleeping beside him. Sam was deep in sleep looking peaceful as ever.

Bucky wiped his hands over his face and took a deep breath. His mind was racing as he thought of how childish he was. He's a 104 year old assassin for heavens sake! He shouldn't be crying and throwing plates on the ground. He shouldn't be throwing himself into Sam's arms and crying like a baby. He feels like he's made this relationship all about himself. He's selfish and rude and he doesn't deserve Sam. Sam has been so helpful and kind and all Bucky has done in return is cry into Sam's shoulder.

Now, none of that is true of course, but until recently, the only person that might've been able to convince him otherwise was Steve and he's gone.

Bucky threw his head back on the pillow and tried to get rid of the shaky feeling. Breathe in, breathe out; that's what Steve taught him.

He didn't even try to fall asleep anymore. He just stared blankly at the ceiling, waiting for the sunlight to peek through the curtains.

—————————————-

Bucky must have drifted off at some point in the night because Sam was currently shaking him awake. "Jamieeee wake up," he sung. Bucky rolled over to face him. He blinked away the little sleep he got before being dragged out of bed by Sam.

"Why are you waking me up?" Bucky grumbled, trying to get back into bed. The covers were just so warm.

Sam grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the bed again. "Because I want to take you to a cafe. I haven't been there in a while and they have the best breakfast sandwiches." Sam explained as he finished getting dressed.

Bucky gave in and got dressed as well. "Do we have to go so early?" Bucky said as he fixed his messy hair in the mirror.

"It's almost 11 am and they close at one." Sam said as he sat back on the bed waiting for Bucky.

"11 am?? Why'd you let me sleep in so long?"

"You wouldn't wake up so I assumed you were really tired. How long were you up?" Sam laid back on top of the covers with his hands behind his head.

"I don't know, maybe 5 am?" Bucky said from the bathroom. His voice was a bit muffled because he was brushing his teeth.

Bucky walked out of the bathroom to see Sam sitting up again with a look of disappointment that could match Steve's. "What?" Bucky asked heading to the dresser to grab a shirt.

"You could have woken me up. I wouldn't have minded."

"I didn't want to bother you." Bucky said as he looked through the shirts.

"Do you know why you couldn't sleep?"

"I was thinking." Bucky turned toward Sam after he put his shirt on.

"Can I ask what you were thinking about?" Sam questioned.

Bucky sighed, "I don't like how much I cry. It's childish and It's not fair to you. It-"

Sam cut him off, "Bucky it's okay to cry, I don't mind. I like that you feel safe around me."

"You don't understand Sam! It's embarrassing. I feel like a baby." Bucky started pacing.

Sam stood up and put his hands on Bucky's shoulders. "Crying does not make you a baby Bucky. It makes you human."

Bucky backed away from Sam. "But I'm not human Sam! I'm a fucking super soldier! Stop treating me like a child!" Bucky yelled a bit louder than he intended.

"You're being a real dick right now." Sam said crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm just trying to help."

Bucky took a breath before walking out of the room. "I don't want your help!"

Bucky didn't know where he was going or why he felt so angry but he had grabbed the car keys on his way out so he decided to go for a drive.

Sam brought his hands up to his face before laying face first on the bed. He didn't know what was happening. Why was Bucky so angry at him? For all Sam knew he hadn't done anything wrong.

He replayed the conversation in his head trying to figure out how he made Bucky so mad. Maybe he should have let Bucky talk, but even then, did he really deserve to be yelled at? The more he thought about it, the sadder it made him. He really liked him, but he's not going to let Bucky yell at him like that.

He decided to drop it for now and let Bucky figure it out on his own.

————————————-

About an hour or so later Sam heard a knock on the door. "Sam can we talk."

Truth is, Sam never actually dropped it and had been sulking since Bucky left. This caused him to be a little petty. "No, go away."

"Please?" Bucky said with the slightest crack in his voice.

Sam got up and opened the door. He was gonna let Bucky talk this time, but not before he said what he needed to say.

"Sam, I'm-"

"NO BUCKY! You need to realize that you're not the only damn person looking out for you! I try my hardest to make you comfortable and happy but I can't do that! Never yell at me when I'm the one taking care of you half the time! Who makes dinner every day? Me! Who checks up on you when you stop talking? Me! I do these things because I fucking love you Bucky!" He said as he banged his fist gently against Bucky's chest with tears streaming down his face. He sniffled and wiped his eyes, "I didn't mean to say that but it's fucking true! Stop being an asshole I fucking love you!" He let his fists rest against Bucky's chest before letting his head do the same.

Bucky stood there shocked for a second before hesitantly wrapping his arms around Sam. "I'm so sorry Sam."

Bucky brought them both to the floor and rubbed Sam's back like Sam had done for him many times. Sam continued to silently cry into Bucky's chest.

"When everything happened with the girl it caused me to panic. Now that I remember who she was I feel even more guilty. I've been free while she's been stuck with Hydra. She's so young and she deserves none of it." Bucky said quietly. He took a breath before continuing, "I feel guilty for pushing my sadness and anger on to you. For constantly crying into your arms and not giving you an explanation as to why. You deserve the explanations. You deserve the fucking world Sam. You do make me happy and you do make me comfortable. I love you." Bucky finished with a few silent tears on his face.

Sam sniffled and looked up at Bucky. "Now I'm the one crying into your arms." He tried to laugh but it came out as a sob.

"It's okay to cry." Bucky whispered with a smirk. From an outside perspective, it would seem that Bucky's statement was genuine, but Sam knew he was mocking him.

Sam actually laughed this time, "Fuck you Barnes." He said with a smile of his own.

Bucky leaned forward to rub their noses together, "Oh, I bet you want to Sam, but that'll have to wait."

"That's my line," Sam whispered, leaning in to kiss Bucky.

Bucky kissed back eagerly before Sam pulled away. "What time is it?"

Bucky checked his watch, "12:57"

"We'll have to get the sandwiches tomorrow," Sam said trying not to sound disappointed.

"About that..." Bucky said. He stood up and held a hand out to Sam. Sam took Bucky's hand and stood up. Bucky wiped the tears off of Sam's face before walking him out to the kitchen. "I went for a drive and decided to pick up the sandwiches because I knew we probably wouldn't make it there in time."

"How'd you know what place to go to?" Sam said while he sat at the barstools and started pulling out the sandwiches.

"Lucky guess." Bucky shrugged. He sat down next to Sam and grabbed one for himself.

Sam kissed his cheek causing Bucky to blush. "Thank you." Sam said before taking a bite.

Bucky just smiled at him.

Damn I love this man