The moments after Jordan's attack were a blur to Alex Santiago.

She remembered Paul was the one that moved her out from underneath Jordan's head, and Embry had replaced her there. She remembered Paul having to hold the girl so tight as she screamed, as she sobbed, as she panicked.

The way Victoria's teeth plunged into her brother's neck replayed over and over in Alex's head. The girl couldn't stop repeating the sequence of events, wondering if there was something she could have done differently. She should have let Paul walk them home.

But then when would the vampire have struck? In their home? Would she have hurt her parents, who had both been working?

Alex remembered Paul driving her over to the Cullen's, with Embry holding Jordan's large frame in the back seat. She didn't remember her sobs ever coming to a halt.

Carlisle had been waiting for the arrival of Jordan since Bella had called him. He, along with the rest of his family, had heard the screams of both Alex and Jordan, since then they had been anticipating a call. With Sam telling Bella, she easily called once he asked her too.

Alex didn't remember how she got inside the Cullen's house. She was simply in there, sitting on the couch. Alice had been there, rubbing gentle circles on her back. Jasper had been aiding the calmness of the brunette, sending calm energy towards her.

Alex remembered Carlisle saying there was a very weak pulse before he took Jordan into his office. Alice asked Alex if she wanted to go with them, but the brunette couldn't find the energy to move. She couldn't watch him die in there, the bite was already bad enough to witness. He had Embry and Paul in there with him.

Alex remembered Sam and Jacob arriving, with Jared in tow. They all made sure to stop by Alex, who could barely utter responses to them. They then moved into the room where Alex was sure her brother was dying.

The next thing that Alex remembered was Paul lowering himself onto the couch next to her. Not even his presence beside the girl could get her to speak, nor did she move. Alex simply sat and stared, tears slowly leaked out of her eyes in much less capacity than before.

Carlisle had come out of the room not long after. He had knelt in front of Alex on the couch, the old vampire had been the only person thus far that could get Alex to look at him. He sent the teenager a gentle smile, although it didn't reach his eyes.

"Is he dead?" Alex's voice came out hoarse, after not being used for a while and the sobs that tired out her entire body. Her throat was raw, her skin red, eyes sore.

Carlisle paused slightly as he watched the girl. Alex didn't move her chocolate eyes from his amber ones—being so close to a vampire was something she had never done, Alex figured she would be a lot more scared than this. But Carlisle was kind, she could tell from his eyes. He looked hesitant to speak though, and that didn't bode well for Jordan. "Somewhat. There was nothing I could do—the only hope you have, if you want that for him, is that he has Victoria's venom in his system. He will turn into a vampire in a couple of days, but if you don't want that for him then that's okay."

His literal life was in Alex's hands—who else was supposed to chose this? She couldn't ask her parents what they wanted, she couldn't ask Jordan.

Before her brain started to panic, Embry walked out of Carlisle's office. His cheeks glistened from the light overhanging on the ceiling. Alex slightly calmed at the sight of her best friend—someone that would one day love Jordan, like she did, if not more.

Embry and Jordan couldn't have a future if he was dead. But would it be a good future if he was a vampire?

Alex had stood up and moved towards Embry. The pair instantly pulled together in a hug, one that caused the brunette to tear up again. He was the only person that would feel the full extent of this decision like she did. Jordan's future mattered as much to him as it did to Alex.

"Is it selfish to want him alive? To want him as a vampire?" Alex's words rang through Embry's ear, although she was well aware that everyone could hear her in the room.

Was it selfish? Jordan would never be able to have a normal life again—he wouldn't be able to live at home, play football, or be human. It wasn't just a normal life thing, this meant that Jordan would live forever. Alex's head fumbled with what to do, what Jordan would actually want.

"No," Embry's voice came out in a whisper as Alex pulled away to face him. Their faces glowed with moisture. "He'd want to be here—with you, Lexi. With us. No matter how."

The brunette tried not to cry again at how selfless Embry was being. For someone who hated vampires, he was being incredibly welcoming to the fact Jordan would be one. Maybe he had to prioritise—the thought of losing his soulmate before they even had time together was worse than being fated with a vampire.

Alex turned now to Carlisle, who stood where he had previously knelt. She knew her words would change Jordan's life, and those around her. It would be different, every single aspect of it. The wolves were going to fight about it, one of their kind would have imprinted on their mortal enemy. The Cullen's would have to help her brother, who was directly connected to the wolves.

But in that moment, with that decision on her shoulders, Alex could only think of Jordan. About how he would do whatever it took to at least be there in his family's life, even if it was to less of an extent. Jordan was full of life, he always told everyone to live their lives to the fullest. And Alex needed to give him that opportunity, even if it was now limited.

"I need him alive—even if it's as a vampire."

---

"I should have walked you home."

Alex shook her head at Paul's words. The girl had her focus on the waves that were crashing onto the shore. She sat on a sturdy piece of driftwood next to her boyfriend, her small frame pressed into his side for warmth. "Even if you did, she would have attacked us another day. It was message—we would have received it one way or another."

"I'm so sorry, Lex." Paul's finger drew circles on the top of Alex's shoulder. He placed a soft kiss where his finger was.

Alex smiled slightly, although it didn't meet her eyes. Her smiles hadn't been for the past day. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm going to kill her," Paul uttered without any remorse, and Alex knew the boy wasn't just saying that. If he didn't, somebody else would. Alex didn't care who did it, she just needed Victoria gone. Forever.

Jordan should be waking up in the next few days according to Carlisle. Alex wouldn't be able to see the boy for a while, not until he starts to get a better hold of his thirst—she had already written the boy a letter that Edward said he would give to Jordan, explaining why she chose what she did. The one thing she didn't want was for her twin to hold it against her.

Jordan would be staying with the Cullen's for the time being. Carlisle was going to teach him all he could, and keep Alex updated. For people that Paul seemed to hate, they were being awfully kind to Alex and her brother. They didn't need to help him, they owed Jordan nothing.

Alex already had to tell her parents that Jordan went back to Ohio. It was a lie that stung Alex to tell, especially with how upset her mother got about Jordan not saying goodbye. They would have to figure out a more long-term lie for when Alex's parents would want their son to visit. But they would take those obstacles as they came, Carlisle said. It would all work out in the end, somehow.

"Maybe Jordan will want to," Alex suggested and shuddered at the thought of her kind-hearted, loving brother killing someone. This was his new life though, his new reality. One that Alex had picked for him.

"I wouldn't blame him," Paul said before he turned more towards Alex. This caused the small girl to do the same, ignoring the La Push beach in front of them. "I'm sorry for bringing you into this."

Alex sighed before she pressed a delicate kiss on Paul's lips. "Like I told you, I chose this. Besides, if I didn't then I wouldn't have you."

Alex knew that Paul could relate to the selfishness she had felt while willing Jordan to be a vampire—she did it because she needed him alive. Paul told Alex about being a wolf because he needed her in his life. They were similar in their choices.

But Alex figured that maybe that's what you do with the people you love—sometimes you have to be a bit selfish, to make decisions that aren't always smart just so you can be with them.

Love was selfish, and if it meant being with the people she loved, protecting them and allowing them to live—then Alex was as selfish as they come.

"He'll get through this, so will you. We'll be okay," Paul spoke the words he truly believed to Alex. The brunette knew he wasn't just trying to please her, the twinkle of hope in his dark eyes told her so.

"And we'll do it together," Alex stated, her hand intertwined with Paul's. The boy rose them to his lips and placed a kiss on each of her knuckles.

Together, hopefully they could get through anything.

---

bye i'm about to get super emotional rn.

this is officially the end of youth!!! thanks for sticking with my sporadic updates, i hope that alex and paul's story has been worth it. thank you for all the reads, comments and votes, you guys are honestly the best.

quick note: yes, it sucks that jordan will be a vampire but honestly i have planned this since the very first appearance of jordan in the first chapter. like paul said, he will be fine and it will only make him stronger. i love my son so much and wouldn't hurt him if it didn't turn out well in the end.

the sequel to this book is up now on my profile titled adolesence, it will follow jordan and embry's romance and jordan's transition into being a vampire yay.

once again, thank you guys!!! i love you!!! see you in the next book weeeee.