My body was physically vibrating and I loved every moment of it. I felt like I've accomplished something magnificent but in reality I haven't done anything. I stared at myself in the morphed reflection of the ice bucket and grinned. I looked fucking good, as good as I felt in this very moment. Fuck it's been a while.

I couldn't take my eyes off myself and I wanted to verbally express my internal thoughts but my jaw was locked so hard I couldn't speak. I peeked up at Nash who had a wicked smile on his face.

"You ready to come home, Ex?" He grinned.

I ignored his face and started piling the blow on the table into another line. I was so focused on how straight I wanted it to be, I almost forgot its purpose. I leaned down and breathed in through my nostril another line.

Ironically, I missed Nash.

"Let's go see the boys," I wiped my nose and stood up. I wanted to go for a run, or break something, I haven't felt this way in so long. I was on top of the world.

I had to prepare myself. I couldn't lose myself.

The plane took us exactly where I thought it would. The house was the exact same as I remembered it to be. I'd think by now they'd have moved, but this house was a literal steal.

My high was slowly fading and I didn't want it to. I didn't want to think about anything, I didn't want to believe anything. Nash wavered his hands in a gesture that meant I should walk in first. I hesitated doing so until he lifted his shirt to remind me of the gun he was carrying.

I nodded and walked in slowly, feeling a wave of familiarity wash over me. Their security system had improved, but not much else.

It was weird walking in here and not having a dog close by. I found my way directly to where we'd usually hang out, in the living room. I still remembered where exactly to go, it was odd.

I shouldn't have suspected that there wasn't a surprise up their sleeves. There usually was. I walked into the scene of Darius holding Billy close to his chest with a calm expression on his face. Billy didn't even attempt to move which never truly surprised me.

Marcus was holding a squirming Sam while he attempted to blink back teary eyes. He was always a coward.

I remained calm, even in the way I spoke. I was once a leader and I had to start acting like it again. Internally, I was shocked to see the two betrayers standing in front of me, in a whole new City. "Boys," I commented towards Marcus and Darius.

Ironically, I couldn't help but notice their upgrade on furniture. What was once dirty, mismatched chairs, turned into fancy leather couches. I stared at them all, one by one slowly before my eyes drifted to the pound of coke sitting on the coffee table, sliced open and already dipped into.

"Where's Vince?" I asked finally.

Marcus stared at me as if I was the last piece of meat in the market. He didn't change much, he was still tall and slender. Even through his dark skin, you could see purple bags under his eyes. Of course even in the chaos, he still had one headphone propped in his ear. We were never the closest but we still got business done. I guess we got along for the most part, but there was something about him and I that never fit the puzzle. It didn't look like much had changed.

Marcus shifted his glare to Darius who only nodded back at him. Darius. That mother fucker. I shouldn't be surprised to see that he hasn't changed much and if he let me see him through the black hoodie while he's been stalking me, I would have figured that out months ago. He lifted his chin in my direction as a form of silent greeting. He was a man of little words as I was, but I always knew what he was thinking.

Nash grasped my shoulder and gave me a hard squeeze. "Hey boys, look who's home! He's lookin' good these days, isn't he?" Nash laughed and walked to his normal seat.

I trained my eyes into Billy's. I loved to scare him. "Where's Vince?" I asked again.

Nash put his feet up on the table next to the spilling out white powder. "Why, he has eyes on your pretty little girlfriend." Nash laughed with casualty.

I tensed up by the news and felt my muscles harden. I stepped forward to charge at Nash but he put his finger up. "It's best you don't."

I stopped in my tracks and looked at the rest of them in the room. Sam was ready to piss himself at any moment. I tried to warn him of the shit he was going to get himself into, but he turned out to be a snake and brought this on himself.

"Now that we- or at least most of us, are reacquainted. I would like to formally thank Billy and Sam for helping me track my brother down," Nash spoke with a higher pitch in his voice, an attempt to be gracefully soft. "It took longer than we all hoped, but alas gentlemen, welcome to the reunion."

Billy held a small smirk when his eyes left Nash's and found mine.

"Let's consider them... Collateral damage." Before I had a chance to fully comprehend his words, Billy and Sam were both shot at the same time in the skull.

I froze. It felt like time slowed down when I saw their bodies falter towards the ground. I stood in my place while watching the scene unfold in front of me. I looked at everyone's hands. Marcus and Darius shot them.

Nash watched my movements, probably trying to see if I held any form of fear but I kept myself together. I stood tall and walked over to the bodies. I kneeled down in front of Sam and looked at the hole in his head all while inhaling the smell of gunpowder. I could see Sams brain ooze.

Holy fuck, they're really dead...

First rule, always check for a pulse.

"So, Eli. How about we catch up," Nash grinned.

Nash stood up while the boys put their guns away.

"Let's," I said smoothly. Keep it together. "Fill me in on what I've been missing out on." Play their game. It's always a game.

"Here, Eli. Have some for yourself," Marcus motioned towards the table.

I glanced at them, then Nash. "You first."

Nash chuckled as the boys remained stiff. "Ah, hostility."

"Where the fuck is my girlfriend?" I asked. I just couldn't help myself.

"Safe, for now," Darius muttered.

"Untouched, Ex. You remember our deal," Nash interjected.

Vince must be watching her with Miles.

Marcus took a line of blow, then Darius, then Nash. The three of them stared at me. I glared at them and took a line for myself, craving and accepting my new high. My nose was going to bleed soon, I could feel it.

They started to close in on me and I looked around to each of them, tightening my muscles.

"You're going to need it," Darius commented while balling a fist.

"Why-"

I was interrupted by a punch to the side of my face thrown by Marcus. I stumbled a step back and stood my ground. I tensed, preparing myself for a war. Darius went for a hit but I caught it on instinct and threw one back at him while ultimately sending him flying towards the ground. The smacking of his back hitting the floor pleased me.

I gritted my teeth and held my fists up. The boys attempted another attack at the same time but my reflexes saved me and I caught myself. I dodged one move and shoved one of the boys. Grabbing Darius, I went for a throw but the voice of Nash stopped me mid punch.

"Eli," He sang. "You have to prove yourself."

I shot a stare at him. He wanted me to surrender.

I wasn't going to let them send me into an initiation again, I've been through this before. I couldn't. But the mere look on Nash's face which held a simple smile, made me think twice. Aria - I had to do it for her. I had to submit myself to keep her and my other family safe.

I had to prove my loyalty. He lived for this moment because he knows that I could easily end them all including him. I've proved it before.

Power.

I dropped Darius's collar and let my hands fall to my side. I turned my head to the three of them, lastly glancing at Nash before I was hit so hard I didn't think it was a fist. The three of them continued, and I did nothing to prevent it. Each oft them relentlessly punched me, kicked me, and spat on me.

I let them destroy me and humiliate me into weakness. I had to be broken to show worth.

Hit upon hit, I felt like I was seeing stars and I couldn't tell what it was from - consciousness or dreams. One of them slammed my cheek on the coffee table and pushed my nose into the blow which I gracefully snorted. I needed all the help I could get. A part of me wanted to overdose and get it all over with.

They left me lying there in my own blood and the only vision that captured my attention was the PTSD of my father.

Somehow, I didn't mind the blood. I didn't care for the pain. I felt something other than the heartbreak of what I knew was to come. I would lay here, staring at the ceiling of a place I knew so well, and selfishly accept my new fate. I would let the blood spill out of my mouth and nose with no thought of blocking it from hitting the carpet. I would lay there lifeless as I felt. And accept my submission. This is what they wanted.

I turned my head over and let my eyes heavily wander to Billy's corpse. I slowly turned away from the image and stared at the ceiling, feeling my right eye start to close. The last face I saw before my eyes rolled back was Nash standing over me with a grin on his face while faintly saying, "Welcome home, brother."

*

I had a feeling I wasn't going to be staying in this house for much longer. Nash had other plans, I sensed it. I wasn't surprised that he told me that we were going back home. I told him I thought we were home but he only laughed. No, we were going back to my home.

Not all of us would be going, we were splitting up which seemed to be for the first time since I left. Nash, and I would be travelling alone while Vince was waiting for us. Nash had a plan boiling that I didn't want to ask about. There was business to do here that I wasn't trusted to be a part of just yet. I was okay with it - I knew that it was actually because they wanted to keep an eye on me while I returned and taunt my every move until I cracked.

I glanced at my face in the mirror while fixing up my jacket to smooth out my appearance. I looked fucked up. The bags under my eyes were one thing, but the cut up face and blackened eye was another. I wondered what people would think when they saw me. I covered the rest of myself for a reason. I even contemplated putting a wrap around my ribs but I'm not a pussy.

I've been gone for four days. Completely off the grid, without a phone, without any contact to the world outside of Nash's. Coming home was an anxious thought. I had chills all day but maybe it was because I didn't have a fix yet.

I was sober today. Travelling. I had time to think of a plan but ultimately came up with absolutely nothing. Fuck. Nash wouldn't have scared me if he didn't know of the details of my life while I disappeared. I would have easily fucked him all over again if the stakes weren't so high. I hated this. I had a bad feeling boil in the pit of my stomach and I didn't know what to do.

To come back into a life of stealing, drugs, gangs, deaths... Violence upon violence. I stared down at the tattoo on my hand of the skull and bullet. Part of this tattoo was for Nash and the side of my life that I tried to hide away from. It would always be there. And deep down, I'd always want to be a part of it in some way or another. Thanks, dad, for fucking me up beyond believe.

Nash was smart to have chosen a house just outside of the main town. Did he want me to make up the money I stole or just keep me around as a punishment because I was the best at getting things done? When he's done with me, he will kill me.

The first test was over. I survived the scene of Billy and Sam's fate without tipping over the edge. I survived getting the shit kicked out of me and still remaining loyal. But I was home now, and it meant that I had to start making some serious changes.

I settled in for a few days, trying to get used to living with Nash and Vince again. I didn't need my job at the shop anymore, I'd be much too busy to continue on. So, once again, I fucked over Shawn and left. He only shook his head at me. Disappointment, Shawn, I know. Is anyone surprised?

Besides that, I stayed in the shadows, in the house, out of sight for the most part. I was still gone for all people knew.

Nash wasn't my babysitter. He easily let me walk away and do my own thing because we both had an unspoken sense that if I were to pull something on him, I'd be the one sorry.

Don't cross me Eli. Vince likes things he can't have.

I lit my sixth cigarette while driving. I didn't have my truck with me, this time I was driving a blacked out Mercedes. I liked the change but I didn't like the destination.

I looked in the car rear mirror once more and touched the yellow and purple discoloration on my face. It wasn't as bad today, it wasn't as noticeable. I could probably get away with some excuse if I was asked.

I parked the car and got out. I straightened out my dark clothing, being careful not to touch my ribs. While walking up the walkway to the front door, I unhooked the spare house key from my ring and sighed. I wanted another cigarette. I knocked on the door of the house softly.

I heard the fumbling of the loose doorknob begin to rattle and felt an immense ache in my chest. She needed to get that fixed.

The door slowly opened and revealed the one person I've been craving.

"Eli?"

"Hey," I murmured softly. This was it. "Can I come in?"