I've felt pain that I never imagined a person could feel at such a young age.

I thought that was the worst of it.

But this-

This has me questioning if I'll ever be okay again.

Yeah, I'm strong.

But even, I, don't think anyone can be that strong for this long.

I'm trying to get by.

But each day feels like my hands are being tied.

I've lost control of the girl I know.

I keep waiting for a sign that I'm gonna feel like a human being again.

But I can't get the fuck out of my head.

I don't know who the fuck I am.

So I just keep running,

because no one is gonna save me from myself.

I'm afraid of who I might be from one day to the next.

I can't get over this.

I lost sight of my life when I lost the will to fight.

This isn't me.

Life just keeps moving around me

And I'm stuck.

Desperately looking for reasons to not give up.

But I keep falling back to memories of a time that will never exist again.

Poisoning my thoughts.

It's like a cancer in my head.

Forcing me to relive the day that it all came to an end.

Who the fuck am I without you in my life?

I'm ashamed of how I fake this smile

And pretend that I'm alright,

While secretly I've been dying inside.

Everything is not fine.

No one is gonna fix me.

No one could understand.

This pain in my chest is unbearable and I don't expect it to ever end.

I probably did this to myself.

Pushing away the ones that loved me,

Because I really didn't think that they could help.

I don't even wanna face myself.

How can anyone love me without joining me in hell?

I'm a danger to those around me

And I'm not gonna change.

It kills me but I'd rather be alone

than sleeping next to someone who was never really home.

But seeing you with her the last time and remembering the pain that you both put me through for your own amusement,

Leaves me unable to breathe on my own again.

I can find the air but I can't use it.

I'd rather end it all now and say goodbye forever

Then watch her be the one that makes you happy again without effort.