It's the next morning, and I was practically awake the whole night. How could I have slept? I spent most of the night eyes wide open, tears streaming down my face every so often. I'm so upset. Upset at myself, upset at Lizzie, and just upset at the world. I'm in bed, still in the clothes that I wore last night, my emotions and feelings deeming me incapable from even changing.

I check my phone and it's almost 8am, and I decide to actually get up. I let out a sigh when I see no one has texted me or reached out. I was hoping that when I checked my messages, I would see Hailee messages me, but to my avail, there was nothing of the matter.

I feel completely lost on what to do right now. It's not like I can talk to Lizzie about this, since we are still on strange terms. But there is one person that I know will always be there for me no matter the circumstances.

By the time I eat breakfast and drive over to my childhood town, a city outside of Los Angeles called Hyde Park. It's only about a 25 minute drive. It's been raining all morning, so I get out of my car with an umbrella. But rain isn't the only type of water that's falling, as tears are streaming down my face while I wait for the door to open.

"Oh baby what are you doing out here? Get inside it's raining."

But rather than get inside, I set my umbrella on the porch and I wrap my arms around the safeness that is my mom.

"I messed up mom." I say between sobs. "I don't know what to do mom."

"Hey, hey it's okay come on let's get you inside." She says, ushering me indoors.

She makes me some coffee, which I greatly appreciate as I'm exhausted from last night. She places the cup on the table and sits beside me, her hand resting on my leg, giving me the comfort I longed for.

I explain to her everything that has happened, word by word. She doesn't interject, she just listens and nods, giving me her empathy. I've been keeping her up to date on everything with Hailee, and she knows my history with Lizzie as well.

"I- I just don't know what to do Momma, I don't want to mess this up." I say honestly.

"Sounds like you really like her don't you."

"Mhm."

"Then you fight for what you want. You've always done that Jay, this is no different."

I keep my head down, processing what she is telling me.

"Whenever you have an important game, you fight for that win. Every time you step on the court you fight for yourself, you fight for your team. Because you know in your heart that you want it so bad you'll do anything you can do get it." She tells me, and I know she's right.

"But I can't just show up unexpectedly she probably wants nothing to do with me right now."

"I think you should do exactly that." She says, and I look up at her confused.

"What?"

"You're gonna go there, knock on the door, and see if she's willing to listen to your side of the story. That's all you can do. If she doesn't want to hear it, then she's acting on impulse because she found out something she didn't know about. If she listens, it means she truly cares and wants to resolve things."

"You're right Momma." I reply while wiping my tears. My head was so clouded with everything going on that I needed to hear a different perspective. And what better way to get that then from my own mother.

"Enough about me Mom, how are you doing? How were the doctors visits?" I ask.

"They said everything looks okay for now, but I'm still going to be monitored. But I feel fine. I'll keep you posted sweet cakes." She says, and I can't help but worry about my Mom's health. She's smoked cigarettes for years, so it's no surprise that all of that is catching up with her. She's only 47, and I get concerned sometimes. It took a lot of convincing for me to get her to stop smoking, but she finally agreed a few years back.

"Yes please keep me posted Mom, if anything happens you call me okay?" I question, and she nods and smiles at me.

"Is it okay if I hang out here for a little while longer? I don't want to go back home."

"Of course baby, this is still your house you know."

---

My Mom and I spent most of the afternoon together, into the early evening. We watched a movie and just hung out like we used to before I moved out. It was honestly refreshing, and a nice distractions from the hell that was my mind this morning. But unfortunately, I can't stay forever. I have to leave at some point, I have something important I need to do.

"I'm gonna head out Mom, thanks for everything, especially the lunch." I tell her while giving her a big hug.

"Any time baby, now go speak your truth." She says while I step down the steps of the front porch. I give her one final wave before I run to the car, trying my hardest not to get wet from the rain.

The 20 minute drive to Hailee's was filled with countless emotions, the what if's running through my mind. I drove with no music, just utter silence. My hands are so clammy that the steering wheel was left stained with my palm prints. I slowly pull up to the front of her house, taking a few deep breaths.

Before I get down, I reach for an umbrella, and to my surprise, I left my umbrella at my Moms.

"Shoot." I say under my breath. The front of Hailee's house has no covering.

I accept defeat, knowing my clothes will be drenched, and I walk to the front of her house. I stand inches away from her door, the only thing separating us now. I raise my hand and go to take a knock, but I hesitate. I close my eyes and place a faint knock at the door. My hair is drenched, and my skin is riddled with goosebumps from the cold rain above.

I hear the lock twist to the left, and the door creaks open.

"Jayden?" She says, shocked to see me standing in front of her door.

"Hi." I say nervously.

"What are you doing here? It's pouring rain?" She asks.

"Um, I was just wondering if we could maybe talk."

She takes a moment to herself, her eyes falling to the ground, thinking about her next move.

"There's nothing to talk about Jayden." She says, and I can feel my heart sink.

"That's what you think Hailee, but I just want you to hear my side of the story." She hesitates again, and after a few seconds she opens the door enough to let me in.

"You know, this isn't how I imagined you stepping into my house for the first time." She says.

"Oh um, sorry."

"Let me get you a towel." She announces while walking to the linen closet containing towels of all different sizes and colors. She hands me a gray towel, and I wrap it around myself. I'm stood frozen in place, awaiting her directions. She stands in front of me as I'm stood in front of the door.

"Go ahead." She says.

"What?"

"Tell me. Tell me your side of the story." Her arms now crossed over her chest. I observe her quickly, and I can tell that although she's acting upset, theres a glint of remorse in her face.

"Oh um, right. Sorry." I say, and an awkward silence fills the room around us.

"I came her tonight to tell you what's going on between Lizzie and I. Well, more like what was going on."

"Continue." She spits.

I explain to her the story of how we met in high school, our friendship throughout college, and I explain relationship as of recent.

"The other night, um, after you came over. Lizzie texted me, asking me to come over." I state, and her eyes divert away from me, mostly likely connecting the dots of what happened.

"So did you go?" She asks, still looking away.

"Wait, let me explain."

I look into her eyes for approval and she nods.

"I did go over, but it's not what you think. I was going over with the intention of talking to her. I wanted to go over to tell her that I didn't want to mess around anymore."

"So what happened."

"We hung out like usual until things started to escalate. And naturally, I would have gone along with it but I didn't." I tell her.

"Why not?"

"Let me get there."

"She started to make an advance on me, but I moved away, creating distance between us, trying to signal to her that I didn't want to engage in that with her."

"I mean you could have, nothing was stopping you. Why the sudden change?" She asks me, her eyes glossing over with tears.

The silence grows between us. Both of us waiting for the other to respond or do something. Hailee looks back up at me from the ground, stepping the smallest bit closer. My eyes shift between her eyes and lips, and I notice she does the same as well.

Slowly, I start to lean closer to her face, and I notice she doesn't move away, like she wants this to happen. We are now inches apart, and I can hear her breathing increase. I slowly start to raise my hand, placing it on her face. She looks at me one last time, before I close the gap, pressing our lips together. Our lips stay connected for a few seconds, before we both pull away.

I anxiously wait for her to say something, her mind racing with thoughts. She looks down for a moment, but then brings her eyes back up to mine. She leans forward and places a soft kiss on my lips, telling me everything I needed to know.

"Does that explain the sudden change?" I tell her, and she smiles at me. I lower my hand from her face, repositioning it on her hip.

"I'm sorry Jay, I shouldn't have run away like that. I always did want to hear your side, I just needed to have time to myself first." She tells me honestly.

"I understand, something happened that you didn't expect to happen. It's natural."

She wraps her arms around my neck, pressing herself into me.

"You have soft lips." She tells me, her head still attached to my chest.

"Oh um, thank you. You do too." I reply, only imagining how red my cheeks must be right now.

While we are both hugging, we hear a small yap from another room.

"Oh my gosh Martini got locked in my room. One second." She says, detaching from me and running up the stairs. When she comes back down, she has a small long haired little dog in her arms.

"This is Martini, as you already know." She brings the dog closer, and I pet her small head. I must say, she's pretty cute.

"Hi Martini." I say, grabbing her paw and pretending to shake it.

"Say hi to Jayden Teenie!" Hailee says in a baby voice. We both giggle, and then Hailee proceeds to putting her down. The small dog walks over to her bowl and takes a few bites of her dinner.

Hailee and I just stand there, not knowing what to do next.

"What are you up to tomorrow?" She asks.

"I have practice early in the morning every day the rest of this week. What are you doing this weekend?"

"Not much to be honest."

Nervous silence grows once again.

"Do you want to come over on Friday?" She asks.

"That's perfect actually, I leave to an away game Saturday. We play the Las Vegas Aces so it's a short road trip."

"Oh are you sure? We can reschedule then to a better day."

"No Hailee, I want to see you." I tell her, and a smile creeps up on her face.

"Okay then, Friday it is."

"You got it." I say, with my hands now in my pockest.

"When you come on Friday, just pretend like you didn't walk into my house. I want to start over and give you a proper tour of my home, just like you did with me." She says, and my heart melts in its place. Jokingly, I cover my eyes.

"No spoilers! I didn't see anything I promise!" I say with my eyes closed.

"You're such a goof I hope you know."

I keep my eyes closed, and I almost jump when I feel both her hands on my cheeks, followed by a short but sweet kiss.

"What was that for?" I ask.

"That one was for the road. No more until Friday!" She says and I frown sarcastically.

"You better keep your promise Steinfeld." I say with both hands on her waist.

"Oh I will. Now go, it's late and it's raining. I don't want you to get sick."

"You're right. I'll see you soon."

"Bye Jay, good night."

And with that, I walk back to my car, not even caring about the rain on my clothes, or the water that fell on to my seats.

All I care about right now is her.

2231 words

SPLIT the lark and you 'll find the music,

Bulb after bulb, in silver rolled,

Scantily dealt to the summer morning,

Saved for your ear when lutes be old.

Loose the flood, you shall find it patent,

Gush after gush, reserved for you;

Scarlet experiment! sceptic Thomas,

Now, do you doubt that your bird was true?

- Emily Dickinson