After tossing and turning the whole night, I wake up for a moment to check what time it is. 

7am.

"Ugh." I grunt, putting my phone back down trying to adjust my eyes to the bright light that was just in my face. 

These past few days, Jayden hasn't been staying over. She's been wanting to stay at her own house for a while, which I totally respect and understand of course, but I miss having her here. When she would come over and we would hang out all day and stay the night, it felt like having a sleepover with your best friend. But I can tell she just needed some time alone, and I of course had to honor that for her. 

I try to go back to sleep for a while, but ultimately I decide to get up. I grab my phone and go through it for real this time, and I notice a few texts from Jay.

Jayden: i cant sleep and i know it's 2:30 in the morning and you're probably sleeping so i don't even know why im texting you this but i just wanted to say im thinking of u and i hope you're sleeping okay. thank you for everything you have done for me as of lately i L word you

I re-read the message a few times, smiling at the fact that she still thinks of me even at the hours when half the world is asleep. I've been trying my best these days to be emotionally available for her, still trying to make life normal. Thankfully the end of the season will lift a huge weight from her shoulders, meaning we get more time together.

Hailee: it's too early for tears rn! you don't have to thank me at all. text me when you're up <3

I put my phone in the pocket of my sweatpants and I head downstairs to the kitchen, Teenie following me all the way down the steps. I grab her bowl, feeding her a little earlier than usual which she was probably happy about. Lately it feels as if every second of every hour I'm trying to think of ways to surprise Jay, or figure out something we can do together that won't be so exhausting for us both, like going out on a date-date. When I open the fridge, I find the strawberries and chocolate melts that we never used the night we got tipsy together. 

While I sit eating my breakfast sat on the stools by the kitchen island, my phone starts to ring. 

It's Lizzie.

"Hi Lizzie." I answer.

"Hey girl, how have you been?"

"I've been okay, thank you for asking. Everything has just been a little different than usual but I'm managing." I tell her honestly.

"That's great to hear." 

"How's Doctor Strange? I know you can't tell me much, but how's filming?" I ask curiously.

"It's been a real blast. That's part of why I was calling actually." 

"Oh? Talk to me then." 

"I um, wanted to run this by you first but the idea sprung up the other day."

"Let me hear it." I reply, not sure where this is going. 

"With everything going on, I thought it would be nice for you guys to get away for a little while. Jay and I talk as often as we can and we haven't really seen each other in a couple months.." She begins.

"Go on."

"How does a trip to London sound?" She throws out and I gasp. "I think it would be great for her travel to a different environment you know, an escape."

"That does sound really nice Lizzie, I can start looking at flights."

"Don't look at anything, it would be my birthday gift to her." 

Lizzie's comment reminds me that her birthday is creeping closer now in August. It's not that I forgot, I'm just still really on the fence about what to get her. It has to be perfect.

"Are you sure Lizzie? I can contribute." 

"Of course I'm sure. If this is something she wants of course. I just think it would be nice for her to spend her birthday with friends, and she loves London. 

At first I'm skeptical about the idea of her spending her birthday in a different country, as she would probably want to celebrate here with her friends. But now that it's the off season, a lot of her teammates go on vacation, some even playing in different leagues across the world. 

"I think so too." I reply, deciding how I feel. "I'll run it by her when I see her." 

Suddenly, excitement fills my body. I run to my office, looking up different things to do in London. We've both been before, but for business. This is different, and it would be our first trip as a couple. I start thinking of all the cute things we would do, but then I realize I have to ask her first. After searching the web for a few hours, getting side tracked on different websites, my phone buzzes on my desk. 

Jayden: i just woke up and i feel like a zombie

If times were different, I would make a joke about how if she's a zombie she should eat me but I don't want to push anything sexual, since being that sad can decrease the drive to do so, and I'm 100% okay with it. Relationships aren't all about sex. Sure it's nice, but the real heart of being with someone is actually being with them, intimacy is more of a bonus to me. 

Hailee: good morning zombie!

Jayden: hello to you too

Hailee: what is zombie going to do today? 

Jayden: sulk in bed all day, it's hard work living half dead

Even though I know we are both joking, there is a tinge of seriousness behind her jokes. She probably does feel like a real zombie, like half her life was taken from her after everything. 

Hailee: how would zombie feel about spending time with a friend?

Jayden: if you're referring to yourself here, then yes. and you're more than my friend

Hailee: i'm your zombie girlfriend mwuahaha

I smile at our silly exchange, putting my phone back down on the counter. I get side tracked, somehow ending back up in my room. If I am going to see her today, I do need to get ready, so I opt for a quick morning shower hoping it will freshen me up. 

With the towel wrapped around my waist, I exit the bathroom, entering my walk in closet. I feel like every time I try to pick something out to wear, it always takes me hours. But today is easy, since we just plan on being cozy together today. I go to throw on a random t-shirt, but one of Jayden's hoodies catches my eye. It's one of her favorite ones, and I can't believe she let me keep it. It's black and it has a small white nike swoosh in the center by my sternum. I accompany the outfit with some comfy sweatpants and some white sneakers. 

I head back downstairs to my kitchen, remembering the idea I had from earlier. Removing the chocolate and the strawberries, I read the instructions on the back of the chocolate melt bags. It seems pretty simple, just heating up the chocolate and dipping the strawberries, so I do just that. 

Once the chocolate seems melted enough, I transfer the hot bowl to the counter where my strawberries are laid out in rows. I grab each one by the leaves, dipping them gently into the pool of brown and white, letting the excess drip off. Once all the strawberries are dipped, I feel as if they look too plain, so I drizzle some of the remaining chocolate on them to make them look more decorated. I pop the tray in the freezer for a few minutes while I clean up the mess that I made. 

When I am satisfied with the temperature of the strawberries, I place them in one of my tupperwares, so I can easily transport them in the car. I say my goodbyes to Martini, and I head into the car, beginning the drive to her home which I now know like the back of my hand. 

---

I'm stood inches away from her door, the same giddy feeling filling my body I always get when I'm waiting for her to open it. 

"Your zombie girlfriend is outside open up!" I try to shout through the cracks of the door. A few seconds later it opens, and my head moves up slightly to meet her gaze since she is taller than me. 

"Hi there." She says, a smile poking through her lips. I can't help but smile seeing her smile, since it's been a rare occurrence lately. 

"Hello love-bug." I reply as she pulls me into a hug. This hug is tighter than usual, like as if our arms connecting into an embrace is everything she needed in this moment.

"What's in the container?" She asks curiously, already noticing what I'm carrying. 

"You'll see, no peeking." I tell her, moving the container behind my back until I reach the fridge, quickly placing them inside. 

We make our way to the couch, sitting in the same position we always do. We begin to talk like usual, about the seemingly unimportant nuances of life, but in our conversations, we explore them to their fullest potential like we could talk for hours. While I'm laying against her in her arms, I decide to begin a more serious conversation. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Um, I'm okay I think." She replies, and I'm unsure of the validity of the response. 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, I wouldn't lie to you about how I'm feeling. You're actually the only person I really open up to and tell my true feelings to." She tells me honestly, and I am taken aback, not expecting that response.

"I know my love, just checking." 

"Well, I appreciate you checking. But yeah, it's been hard but I'm managing surprisingly. I always knew the day would come, and I always wondered how I would feel. I know it's still fresh but I think I feel okay because I know she's watching, I know she's still with me somehow.

"That's a beautiful way to put it." I tell her. 

"What's really beautiful is you." She compliments, now looking at me. We both smile at each other until our lips connect into a long and sweet kiss. 

"This might seem random, but I want your opinion on something." I bring up.

"I'm all ears." She responds, and I sit up to face her. 

"So your birthday is coming up..." I begin.

"That's correct." 

"How would you feel about getting away from here for that week?"

"Like a vacation?" 

"A birthday-cation, sure." I reply. 

"I think that would be exactly what I need right now. Where to?" 

"Well, Lizzie and I talked this morning, and she had the idea of us going to London as her birthday gift to you."

"What!" She says excitedly, and I internally become excited that she seems to be on board. 

"Yeah! She said we can spend some time with her since you guys haven't seen each other in so long."

"I know, I do miss her." Jayden responds. 

"But it would be our first vacation as, you know, a couple so we would obviously have most of it to ourselves." 

"No complaints there." She says smiling.

"So you're on board?" I ask.

"One question though.." She raises. 

"Ask."

"Where would we stay?" 

"Um, we can find a nice little English apartment to rent for the week is what I was thinking. Why?"

"Oh okay good I thought Lizzie offered for us to stay with her."

"Yeah no that would be so weird." I tell her giggling.

"So weird." She replies, mimicking my sentence. 

"You know who else lives in London? Or well, near London?"

"Umm..." She thinks. "I don't know?"

"Florence!" I remind her. "I'm sure she would love to hang out too, you would love her."

"So 26th birthday in London?" She asks me as if she's asking to confirm that it's real.

"If that's what you'd want, it can happen."

"Of course, I'd love that, thank you." 

"What are you thanking me for? It was Lizzie's idea." 

"I know but, still, you were apart of this secret plan which isn't a secret anymore." She tells me and we laugh. 

"Now tell me what's in that container!" She shouts with her finger raised in the air, and I get up off the couch to grab it from the fridge. 

---

We spent most of the day together, just being lazy on the couch watching movies and Netflix shows. She loves the strawberries, as she always does, and thanked me a million times for them, as she always does. It felt nice for us to just be together, like how we were before everything seemed to just have a rain cloud over it. After a few hours, we get tired of the couch, and we decide to head to her office to sit on yet another couch. 

"Play me that song you showed me a few weeks ago." I bring up, and she gets a little shy. 

"Says the one with a whole EP coming soon and I haven't heard one bit of it." She shoots back in a joking tone, and I can't help but be the one to get shy. She's right, I have barely shared any of the new EP with her. 

"Ouch, you're out of luck, my contract won't allow me to." I tell her, making a really bad excuse.

"Screw your contract, it's just you and me." She replies, and I can't help but melt at that last phrase.

It's just you and me.

"If you insist, it's just-" I begin and she stops me.

"Hey I'm mostly kidding, if there's a reason you don't want to share it's okay. I'll never force you to do anything you don't want to." 

"I know, but it's about time I share this with you. This EP is about my past relationship." I admit, my head naturally looking away. This is the first time I ever bring up up Niall. 

"Only if you want to." She reassures me, and I take a deep breath in. "If you want start with the title, I haven't heard what it's called. 

"Half Written Story." I let out, and I can tell she's intrigued. "It kind of speaks for itself."

"It's a beautiful title." She tells me, and I blush. Her support means the world, and her compliments ease the anxiety of talking about this. That's part of the reason why I do music, it helps me express how I feel so I don't have to do it verbally. 

"I'll play you one song." I begin, walking over to the acoustic guitar in the corner by the book shelf and her crates of vinyls. "It's the song that kind of explains everything." 

I begin to strum the guitar a little bit to check if it's in tune, and it is, signaling to me that she's been playing it recently. I look up to her once last time before I start the song, and she flashes me a nod that she's ready. I look down at the guitar, placing my fingers on the right chords. I'm nervous as hell, but I know I have to do this. 

I don't hate you

No I couldn't if I wanted to

I just hate all the hurt that you put me through

And that I blame myself for letting you

Did you know I already knew?

Jayden listens closely to the lyrics, and I can tell she's already starting to decipher them. I almost mess up the song because of how nervous I am about what she's going to think. 

Couldn't even see you through the smoke

Lookin' back I probably should have known

But I just wanted to believe that you were out sleepin' alone

I look up from the guitar, and there is a small frown on her face after the last line, but I continue to the chorus. 

Love me with your worst intentions

Didn't even stop to question

Every time you burn me down 

Don't know how, but for a moment it felt like heaven

Love me with your worst intentions

Painted us a happy ending

Every time you burn me down

Don't know how, but for a moment it felt like heaven

And it's so gut-wrenchin'

Falling in the wrong direction

I finish the last line, bringing my strumming to a close. 

"Um, yeah thats the chorus, it kind of repeats a few times from there." I tell her, trying to break the silence. 

"Hailee..." She says softly, but I can't see her face since my head is hung, tears glossing over my eyes, looking at the floor. I'm sat in one of the chairs in her office, looking down at the floor while she sits on the couch we always sit on. 

While still looking away, I jump a little when I feel her arms wrap around me into an embrace that speaks a million words. She's kneeling in front of me so that she's at eye-level with me. I feel her hands fall onto my face, moving my head up so that we are both looking at each other now. 

"I hope you know that whoever did this to you didn't deserve to be with someone as amazing and special as you are." She begins, and a single tear goes down my cheek. 

"I know." I reply in a whisper. 

"He cheated?" She asks, and I nod.

"Oh man. If I ever cross paths with this guy he's gonna hear it from me. You see this right here?" She asks me, pointing to her hand that's in a fist. 

"This right here is a knuckle sandwich, and he's gonna eat it if I ever see him." She jokes around, which works as it earns a laugh from me. 

"I would love to see that." I reply, now smiling. I always love how she knows when to make me laugh, especially when I need it most. 

"Jokes aside, the song is beautiful. I can't wait to hear the whole thing, and the other songs of course." She tells me, and I blush.

"Thank you my love." 

"No thank you for sharing that with me, I know it's not easy. But it's things like this that bring us closer together. And it's also things like this that only make me want to treat you like you deserve to be treated." She tells me, taking my hands in her hands, kissing the back of my hand lightly. 

"Stop you're going to make me cry more." I admit, now looking away with my hands over my face so she can't see. Instead, she pulls my hands away from my face, placing her own hands on my face, rubbing away my tears with her two thumbs. 

"No crying, we've both had enough of that. Come on let's play songs." She suggests, standing up to pick up her electric guitar, plugging it into the amp. 

For a while the two of us play our favorite songs, and I'm dancing like no one is watching in her office while she plays the electric guitar like a rockstar. After a few minutes, we are both out of breath, and we crash on the couch, both giggling like little kids. Once our breathing slows down, we both turn to look at each other, our eyes alternating between each others lips and eyes. 

I watch as her hand slowly lands on my cheek, pulling me in closer so that our faces are inches apart. Our lips connect into a slow, yet passionate kiss, our hands roaming across each others bodies. The contact ends though when she pulls away quickly. 

"Wanna go on the roof?" She asks, and I become confused.

"What?" 

"The roof." She says, pointing to the sky.

"I know where the roof is, but how do we get there?" I ask, not even sure what she's suggesting right now.

"Through that window." She says, pointing to it. "I do it all the time come on." She tells me while grabbing my wrists, and there's not much I can do to stop her. 

Jayden unlocks the window, pushing it up with strength. She steps out first, her body halfway between the carpet of her office and the roof. Her office is on the second story of the house, and the roof from the first floor overhands, giving us an easy access to the roof. Once she is fully outside she puts both her arms out, motioning for me to grab them for stability. I carefully step out the same way she did, and we both walk up the small incline to reach the top of the roof. 

Even though it's not completely flat, we are still both able to sit on it with our feet pressed against the roof so we don't slide down. We are sat right next to each other, my head on her shoulder and my arms around my knees. 

"Last time we were on a roof you asked me to be your girlfriend." I bring up, and she chuckles. 

"That's right, yeah." She replies, reminiscing that special night. 

We fall into silence, the two of us just staring at the stars together, trying to connect them like those connect the dot pages from our childhoods.