2nd

Finally afforded to write a LONG chapter after SO long!

"I'm infertile..I ca-can't be a father...Sayba, I can't give you babies."

Yazan mumbled, his words barely audible but she clearly received the message as he had her face in both his hands against his, their breathe hitting together.

Sayba wasn't much astounded. More than the information he gave, his sufferance and tears bothered her.

Right now she only knew that her husband needed to be subdued.

So she simply nodded over his words while he was staring at her with tears continously dripping down his eyes.

"We..can't be parents."

She lowly uttered the words, her gaze lowered down breaking the eye contact.

"I can't...you could."

Sayba looked up again, shaking her head at his words, her eyes getting moist to hear him sob like a child.

"It'a we, we can't. And Yazan..."

Coming closer, she undid the first two buttons of his shirt and slipped her hand in to rub his chest, trying to soothe his heartache, her other hand holding him by his nape.

"It doesn't matter, okay? Don't cry."

"It doesn't? I..I knew that before I asked you to marry me...I hid it for so lo..long."

Sayba frowned upon his words.

"Because our lives don't depend on this. This shouldn't concern our relationship and love, we won't let that happen right?"

"What if it happens?"

"It never will."

She leaned up to peck him on the forehead wiping his tears off.

"And you've no complaints towards me, Sayba? You won't regret that I snatched away your motherhood?"

"Yazan no...It's our fate and it's Allah who didn't bestowed parenthood upon us. I won't ever complain to Him and you..don't do that too, please?"

Yazan smiled while sniffling, his heart earning calmness from her confirmation.

"Promise me? Swear on Allah."

He demanded.

Startled, Sayba's eyes widened at this, her heart tightening in guilt and sorrow.

Did he doubt her love for him?

Where did she lack in loving him like he loved her?

"I am sorry that you're insecure about it for me...By Allah, we both might long for parenthood but our love will remain the same for infinity."

She said gulping the lumb that formed in her throat, the misery weakening her body that she dropped herself on him for strength.

Yazan's breathe evened soon, worry ceasing from his nerves having her assurance.

He gave themselves a minute to rest in comfortable silence before preparing himself for the next step.

"Sayba, love."

He cupped her face affectionately as she smiled to see him much relieved than before.

"For the rest of our life you're not gonna back off from your promise, okay?

There ARE chances that we get a baby but the percentage isn't enough to rely on, we'll go for treatment in a month and..."

"Yazan we don't..."

"And I'm sorry my love, I had to lie to prepare you for what I actually needed to inform you."

He didn't let her interrupt. His words were clear amd straightforward now.

Sayba passed him a look of confusion, waiting for him to further talk.

Exhaled out in exhaustion he kept his eyes off for few moments to gather the words in his mind, but nothing right hit him.

So he asked her to wait a minute and stood up rushing to his table. He searched for a file in the drawers and returned within 2 minutes.

"Zan let's go home. If it's related to what we just talked, we can discuss it later."

Yazan shook his head, seriousness too clear in his expression that she no more said anything, now impatient to know what he's up to tell her.

He opened the file and passed to her that she hesitantly grabbed and began reading the words the report spoke of.

Once, twice, thrice, that took her 5 minutes.

Then the papers dropped from her hands in horror, extremely numbed, as if her soul was snatched away.

"No no no...I wasn't waiting for this view in your face Sayba, hey!"

He hauled her to his chest, scared if her reaction goes the way he feared.

Before he could settle her in his arms Sayba jerked his hands away stepping backwards.

"IT'S ME. IT'S ME...YOU LIED."

She shouted at the top of her lungs, angry, disappointed and hurt.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't know how to let it outand..."

"I. Can't. Be. A. Mother. And. You. Have. Been. Hiding. This. From. Me."

Tears were unendingly flooding down her eyes but she still spoke in a loud shrieking voice.

"We can't be parents, Sayba, it's the same what we talked few minutes back. And it doesn't matter my love, you yoursel..."

"It's not you who's infertile..IT'S ME."

She was having difficulty in breathing now, her whole figure shivering.

"I'm sorry, calm down. Listen me out."

Yazan tried to call her back to him but she slapped his hand away.

"Ju..just go away. From when did you know this?"

"Sayba you're going mad. It doesn't matter and the message is same that we can't possibly be parents and are you not forgetting your promise?"

Just to not get this reaction from her he had lied at first and it coming true enraged him as if her outburst was a sin.

"I can't..conceive Yazan I can't give you babies..."

"It doesn't matter Sayba!"

"IT DOES. It'll change everything."

She fell on a corner weeping like a lost child, her mind spreading innumerable nightmarish thoughts.

Yazan was quiet for a minute, staring at her in disbelief and dispirited.

"It didn't matter to you when I said I was the one who can't give you babies but now you're acting like you're responsible for what Allah has not granted you with.

You possibly wouldn't conceive even when I said I was infertile and still now that it's you, what's the problem then?

Were you faking yourself to me Sayba Amir? Or you love me a lot but don't love yourself enough?"

He spilled out his disappointment in the words in one go, his voice taut.

"Talk to me!"

She yet kept her gaze down, low whimpers escaping her lips.

"EYES ON ME."

This instantly made her look up.

As soon as their eyes met, his rage washed away, her pain taking a troll over his heart.

Yazan sighed running his fingers through his hair, feeling defeated and frustrated.

"It did..didn't hurt at aa..all when you said it was you..but wh-why does it hurt...now?"

Her nose reddened due to the flow of endless tears she was shedding, voice brittle and wheezy.

Yazan pulled her to his chest, his warmth soon engulfing the painful cold she felt.

"I don't even have..parents..don't.. don't I even deserve to be a parent?"

"No love, it's not like this."

"It..hurts.."

"We'll go through this baby, just remember your promise, hmm?"

"What if..we can't?"

"Sweetheart, remind yourself of your own words that you said to me when I questioned you that."

Sayba nodded in his embrace, her affliction controlled.

In between tears her lips automatically formed a smile, heart feeling eased and calm.

How wisely had her husband disclosed the detail.

In a way that she understood it really didn't matter who ever was the reason to this, they might not be parents but their love will remain the same forever and always.

She didn't know what made her so honored that Allah mercied her with a man like him.

Maybe because she held Sabr when her parents died, when she sold herself to monsters to protect her little sisters, when she was raped every single day and yet, was firm in her faith and believed Allah doesn't burden a soul more than it's capacity.

"You're too precious for me, wifey."

Yazan mumbled kissing her head.

And he was the best gift to her from her merciful Rab.

••••

Sayba was sitting next to her MIL in the corridor's waiting chair, from half an hour they've been waiting for the Doctor to come out after Sawda's check up.

Sayba was meeting her for first after the kitchen-mess-up encounter occurred yesterday. Not even a hello was exchanged between them yet now.

She was feeling suffocated in her presence, all the words that her MIL had taunted and humiliated her with echoing in her ears.

What feared her the most was her infertility, that what'd be her reaction when she would get to know that she can't bring this family a heir.

"I got to know about...about your infertility."

Sayba's head immediately snapped at her, taken back by the words she heard.

"I was sitting in Yazan's chamber when I went through the reports. Then Yazan told me you both had a talk about it just today."

Her voice was gentle and silvery unlike all the other times she spoke to Sayba.

She forcefully held her tears back but was so panicked that loud gasps were leaving her mouth, heartbeat at a rapid speed.

She stood up to leave when Yazan's Mom caught her wrist to stop her.

"Don't go."

Sayba looked back, a teardrop escaping her eye when she met her MIL's caring pair of eyes, a warm smile in her lips that had concern and sympathy in it for her.

"Plesse."

She insisted.

Nodding her head Sayba sat back in the chair with her gaze anywhere but her.

"I'm ashamed of how I treated you all the while. Forgive me?"

She came prepared with a long para to apologize to Sayba and sort out things between themselves but couldn't anymore voice them out due to the pain she felt in her chest ever since she heard about the talk of the day.

"Will you forgive me and give me a chance?"

A muffled sob escaped Sayba's lips as she instantly nodded her head mouthing yes.

Her MIL smiled and abrubtly embraced her in a hug, her hands caressing her back affectionately.

"A baby isn't a must in a couple's life, Sayba."

Within the very same week they both bonded just as perfect as dreams speak of a mother-in-law's relationship with her daughter-in-law.

•••••

The celestial fireball in the sky coloring waxmelt yellow, dominantly seeped through the bay windows when she pulled away the curtains to the sides.

This instantly earned groans and screeches from the two boys lazily laying on the bed, yet not prepared to abandone their tranquil slumber.

Both have such bad habits of swirling that the 6 feet tall was laid on the sideways while the 3 feet 4 inches one's legs were where his head should have been.

Sayba made her way to the little one first, whose frown of annoyance just ceased as he shifted to his left, the sun no more teasing his eyes.

Zaamin, a little man of honor, integrity and immense compassion.

"Ooo my zamzam!"

Sayba beamed sitting up next to him, grabbing his tiny body to her arms before he could protest.

"Mommy nooo."

Zaamin whined, his voice brittle.

"Yes Mommy! It's waky waky time."

She nuzzled in his bare chest causing him drowsily laugh out feeling ticklish.

Leisurely, Zaamin unclosed his eyes and grinned cupping Sayba's face with his tiny palms, planting a tender kiss in her cheek.

"You look beautiful Mommy. Let me sleep?"

Zaamin batted his eye lashes before digging his little face in her chest, his legs firmly encircled around her waist.

He moaned, welcomed with cold- warmth in there, the comfort in the bed failing compared to what peace her hold provided him.

"No zamzam, get away from me."

"I said you look beautiful!"

"You don't flirt with Mommy, Zaamin."

Defeated, Zaamin forcefully bid bye to his peaceful slumber.

"Aren't you so obedient, my baby!"

Sayba brushed her nose against his, he immediately nodded at her words and looked behind.

"Dadda isn't. He's still sleeping."

He grunted shooting daggers at Yazan who was not even a bit disturbed by their talk, deadly asleep.

"You go brush your teeth, I'll drag him out in a min, okay?"

He agreed and jumped down her from grip like a dancing fish leading himself to the washroom.

Sayba sighed at the pretty little 4 years old amazing creature.

Next, her eyes landed on her husband, the man she married 10 years back, still remained the same hopeless romantic, sleep obsessed, dramatic and poetic, with his maturity level zero point something more than before.

Gathering her curls in a loose bun, Sayba crawled to him and grabbed his face to her lap, giving a kiss in his shoulder which made him smile first, then frown, knowing that she was about to ruin his peace in any time now.

"It's weekend, for the love of your sleepy husband, get away."

"Dadda come look at the bathtub! It's full of clouds, hurry up."

Zaamin yelled out cheering at the foam filled bathtub that Sayba set before she came to wake them up.

"Please go to him, let me sleep."

He pleaded with his eyes still tightly shut off.

Sayba pulled the comforter away before he could hide himself inside, his sleepiness fading in annoyance as a result.

"Name this weekend for me, please, get up now Yazan."

Yazan lazily opened his eyes, meeting a warm smile in her lips which he stole leaning up for a morning kiss.

"DADDA!"

"Aaaaa I'm just there."

Then the three had their bath together with all the joy they could ever be blessed with, the enormous joy that Zaamin brought when he was born.

After Sayba was done dressing herself, she caught Zaamin and made him stand on the bed to apply lotion to him.

"Mmm you smell yummy."

She kissed his button nose, getting one in her own in return.

"And you smell like love."

Zaamin knew how to treat a woman like a gentleman or flirt very decently. In such matters he was totally after both Yazan and Iffaz.

"And me? Apply me some love."

Yazan sat beside waiting for the same to be done to him.

Zaamin hawed at him, his hand flying to his mouth dramatically.

"You're not a baby like me."

"Say you're jealous. APPLY ME, Sayba."

Yazan evilly glared at Zaamin.

"Adult toddler."

Sayba rubbed her palms together and massaged the lotion into his shoulders and chest in small circular motion while both of them were staring at each other as if they were rivels.

Her next schedule was to tidy the messy bed after she passed breads to both her busy boys, the little one engaged in playing with his kitten and the adult one working in his laptop.

"It's peanut butter!"

Munching the first bite from the bread, Zaamin complained in disappointment realising it was his Dadda's morning starter, not his.

"Sayba it's Nutella!"

Then it was Yazan, his expression such as if he had eaten something bitter.

"Allah Allah! just exchange it."

Zaamin went running to Yazan to take his righteous possession back.

"Champ you need to make friendship with peanut butter to grow up healthy."

"And you need to try Nutella to grow up charmed, Dadda!"

Zaamin huffed, looking up to roll his eyes at Yazan who did the same at his boy's antics.

"Mewmew come here, it's comfy here."

He called out to his kitten jumping in Yazan's lap.

Yazan chuckled, positioning him comfortably as he laid a kiss in his head.

"You know zamzam you're very aggressive! But I love you with aaaall my heart."

He tightly squeezed Zaamin receiving a gurgle of laughter.

"I know right! But more than you love Mommy too?"

Turning around, he stood in between Yazan's legs and held his face, raising his eyebrows asking for an honest answer.

"Yes! More than Mommy because you make Mommy the happiest."

"Ooww! I love you more than I love her too because it's also you who keeps her the happiest."

He dreamily smiled, proud of Yazan.

"Zamzam finish the bread right away and come downstairs."

Sayba's motherly order interfered which made Zaamin back off in obedience as he ate his bread in huge possible bites.

"Mommy....

....Mumma!"

He was going towards the kitchen for Sayba when Iffaz and Sawda entered through the main door seeking his attention.

"Zamzam!"

"Mumma Baba!"

His musical voice cheered up in exultation as he changed his way running to them.

He dropped himself on Sawda for a hug, then kissing her forehead when he backed off.

"I missed you Mumma!"

"I missed you baby."

"Missed me Champ?"

Iffaz pulled him to his arms.

"I did, I'm sure you didn't."

"Oo no I did! 1 week was a lot my boy."

After their little reunion, Iffaz ran to the 2nd floor searching for Yazan who was sitting in the settee of his bedroom, his back facing Iffaz.

Iffaz mischievously grinned stepping his foot in, walking to him making no noise at all.

Reaching, he bowed his head and kissed Yazan's nape scrupulously.

"Fazi I can smell your dirty cologne."

Yazan scolded, yet busy in typing on his laptop.

"Seriously?"

Iffaz grunted hitting his head.

He walked in front and was about to take his seat only to be kicked in his behind from Yazan, another grunt screaming out of his mouth.

"Is that how you welcome your best friend after a whole weak of distance?"

"Hmm? How else do I welcome then? With a kiss in the nec....you've caught fever?"

Yazan's mocking voice turned stressful as he looked up worried, Iffaz' bloodshot eyes and red nose hinting his sickness.

"A bit only, you don't need to freak out for that, Mom!"

Their bickering continued while the girls had their talk downstairs. Then as it was time for them to leave, Zaamin bid bye to Yazan first and chose to privately ask for permission from Sayba.

"Do you need anything from me baby?"

Sayba sat on her knees to cup his cheeks, her moist eyes gazing at his face with love and affection.

Zaamin shook his head forcing a smile, his little fingers caressed her cheeks before he leaned in to kiss them both.

"Do you want me to stay back? I'll ask Baba to come at night to take me home."

He almost spoke in a whisper, not brave enough to form a clear voice, his heart arching to see Sayba's eyes longing for him.

Sayba chuckled at his concern, her eyes no longer able to hold tears back.

"No zamzam..it's ok."

"Then don't cry Mommy. We'll meet tomorrow anyway."

"I will miss you Zaamin."

"I know, love! I'll leave Mewmew here for you, spend your time with him, hmm?"

The little boy amused her again with his sensitivity towards her.

"Hmm...and I've a surprise for you, come straight to me tomorrow after you reach hospital, okay?"

"I'll Mommy. I'll call you tonight. Allah Hafiz."