People always say that you have to love yourself to love someone else, but I don't believe that. I loved Evan with my whole heart. He was the one that I had to protect from my parents, the one that I was responsible for. I loved him. I really did, but I still hated myself more than ever. So, no. You don't have to love yourself to love someone.

''Ember!'' Ava interrups me from writing again. I put my notebook down in my bag and look at her while trying to eat some of the gross food we get everyday in school.

''Isn't it insane that Bille fucking Eilish goes to our school now?'' she says as if she's a celebrity or something.

''Uhm... Why is it insane? It's not like she's famous or something", I mumble, pretty confused about the whole situation.

Ava and Liam look at each other, a bit confused as if I've just said an awkward joke and they don't know if they should fake laugh or not.

''What?'' I ask while stabbing a piece of chicken with my fork.

''You don't know who Billie Eilish is?'' Liam asks slowly and I shake my head while furrowing my brows.

''Oh my god? How can you not know her? She's like... Super famous!'' He outbursts and Ava nods.

''Well, that's dope, but why would she go to our school if she's that famous?'' I ask, totally uninterested.

''I was wondering the same thing, but Mr. Wilson said that she was going to be here this week. Don't know why. Maybe she just likes school?'' Liam shrugs.

''Can't relate," I mumble before continuing with eating.

A celebrity on our school. I don't really care, they are like very other person in this world, why does it matter if people know about them? I hate when people think that they are special, it's like... Your just one of 7 billion people in this world. You will live like 90 years or something and then you'll be dead and no one will ever care about you. Why would you be special? I can already see how all of the girls are surrounding Billie, asking her questions like ''How is it to be famous?'' or ''How does it feel to have so many people that loves you?''. I just find it fucking annoying. Other girls try to be her friend and they try to act like they don't know her at all, but anyone could see through their act.

Remember when I said that school's not a problem? Forget it. School fucking sucks. Especially now when we have a celebrity here for a week. Everyone wants to be her new friend and hang out with her. They really think that she will remember this class. Why would she? After this week she'll probably go on tour or hang out with other celebtrities. My thoughts get interrupted by Mr. Wilson's voice.

''Ms. Clayton, are you listening?'' He says, looking right into my eyes.

I feel how everyone's staring at me, some of them giggle as if this is hilarious. Some people are scared of Mr. Wilson and they think it's scary when he ask things like this. I'm chilling. He can't really hurt me. I sit in the back of the classroom, so more and more people turn around. Even Billie turns around with her eyebrows raised.

''No, actually, I'm not. I'm not that interested in how bumblebees make babies, or whatever you're talking about", I say, leaning back into my chair while smirking. I really hate Mr. Wilson so this isn't the first time that i've been saying things like this.

The people who stared at me are now staring at Mr. Wilson, waiting for his response. I swear this feels like a rap battle without a beat or something. He walks past all the tables to the one i sit by and look at me, his blue eyes piercing mine.

''If you disrespect me one more time like that, you're out. Got it?'' He says, grabbing my shoulder harshly.

Maybe it would be best if I just apologize, but now I'm annoyed, and nothing can stop me when that happens.

''No, I don't really get it. Can you explain again?'' I ask, looking up at him confidently but on the inside, I'm shaking.

''That's it, you're out. Don't come back here today!'' Mr. Wilson snaps, holding onto my shoulder and waiting for me to grab my books before leading my out from the classroom while I'm just grinning. I look back one time at the class. No one looks surprised, well it's not the first time that i've gotten kicked out but still. The last thing I see before I get pushed out is Billie looking at me, chuckling a bit before shaking her head. I honestly don't know if she meant to mock me, or if she meant it in a ''you're-so-cool-can-I-be-like-you''-way. Gotta think about that later.

''Mum, I'm home!'' I shout once I walk into the door.

''Hi", she sighs. You see? I try to be nice to her but i'm never enough.

I walk up to my room and close the door before throwing myself on the bed. I wonder what people think about me right now. Sometimes, I wish that I could open up to someone, maybe get some help, but that's way too risky. I've been opening up tp people before and it always ends up with me getting hurt and lonely, so i've just stopped doing it. Why can't anyone see that I need help? People are so stupid, I swear. They think that i'm cocky because I think it's funny or something. No one understands that I have a fucking reason. The half of my family is gone and i'm stuck with my mum who hates me. Before everything happened, I still felt like shit with my anxiety and depression. God hates me.

*snap from Ava*

I unlock my phone and read the snap.

Oh.